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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

TheMoonWakedWolf 11-19-2012 10:37 PM

Last night, I cut myself.
I didn't have anything sharp enough to make a cut by one slice, so I has to run a relatively sharp wire over the same spot multiple times until it got really red and began to sting hard.
And today I was depressed.
I didn't feel like myself.
I felt like the world was beginning to weigh a lot heavier, the workloads larger, everything worse.
But then, after school with my friends, I was the happiest I'd been all day.
And when I was debating whether or not to cut again tonight, I came to a realization.
And I said to myself, (excuse the French):
F*ck that shit.
I'm only as happy as I want to me, and damn it, being depressed sucks. I hate it. Absolutely hate it.
So although part of me wants to dig out the wire in my closet and hurt myself again, I won't, because I think I deserve to be happy just as much as everyone else does.

Okay.
I just delved into a world of depression for a day and pulled myself right back out.
HOPE Y'ALL ARE FREAKING PROUD OF ME. xD *lolz*

L.S.Trendom 11-19-2012 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf (Post 365135)
Last night, I cut myself.
I didn't have anything sharp enough to make a cut by one slice, so I has to run a relatively sharp wire over the same spot multiple times until it got really red and began to sting hard.
And today I was depressed.
I didn't feel like myself.
I felt like the world was beginning to weigh a lot heavier, the workloads larger, everything worse.
But then, after school with my friends, I was the happiest I'd been all day.
And when I was debating whether or not to cut again tonight, I came to a realization.
And I said to myself, (excuse the French):
F*ck that shit.
I'm only as happy as I want to me, and damn it, being depressed sucks. I hate it. Absolutely hate it.
So although part of me wants to dig out the wire in my closet and hurt myself again, I won't, because I think I deserve to be happy just as much as everyone else does.

Okay.
I just delved into a world of depression for a day and pulled myself right back out.
HOPE Y'ALL ARE FREAKING PROUD OF ME. xD *lolz*

Dx
*Super mega glomp hug*
I'm really glad you're happy now. Don't cut again, please… Dx
I AM PROUD OF YOU. REALLY.

nngo 11-19-2012 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 365138)
Dx
*Super mega glomp hug*
I'm really glad you're happy now. Don't cut again, please… Dx
I AM PROUD OF YOU. REALLY.

And I as well! Happiness is a choice, and it's really if you choose to be happy or sit around moping all day. And you chose the former when you could've chosen the latter. You have done better than I have, young grasshoppere, and continue to tread on this path. :D

TheMoonWakedWolf 11-19-2012 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 365138)
Dx
*Super mega glomp hug*
I'm really glad you're happy now. Don't cut again, please… Dx
I AM PROUD OF YOU. REALLY.

I doubt I will. At least, for a while. I used to think that I needed a "right" to be sad, so I think this was my attempt to give myself an excuse. But I sort of found out tonight that everyone has a right to be both sad AND happy, and I dunno, I just feel glad I discovered that all on my own. Like..everything that's kept me down over this past year--the "no-right-to-cry" thing, my weight ('cause yes, I'm fat, and I don't really give a sh*t :I)--it feels like all I needed was to figure it out on my own. You don't normally hear this stuff from others, and when you do, (or at least when I do), it doesn't help. It had to be with me and me alone.

Wow. Okay. That actually helped me clear some stuff up in my head. Awesome. ^_^

TheMoonWakedWolf 11-19-2012 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nngo (Post 365142)
And I as well! Happiness is a choice, and it's really if you choose to be happy or sit around moping all day. And you chose the former when you could've chosen the latter. You have done better than I have, young grasshoppere, and continue to tread on this path. :D

XX, (and LST), thanks. :3 I'm just like...bah. I'm so happy. X3

And hey, XX, like you said, happiness is a choice. It may not be easy, but count your blessings and do the best for yourself. Let yourself hurt, but don't hurt yourself, if that makes any sense. XD

lvhamsters 11-19-2012 11:35 PM

I'm embarrassed for being such a mental wreck. I just let everything get to me. All of the insults people have used on me kept adding up in the back of my brain and they're popping up all of the sudden today. All of my insecurites; the reasons I hate myself. They all stacked up today of all days, and I guess it didn't help that I was looking at depressing pictures and quotes on tumblr. I reblogged almost all of the ones that applied to me, and that was a lot of them.
Along with all of that I feel really selfish. I try to help other people who are having emotional difficulties; I really do, but I seem to post more than I help. It makes me feel horrible. And by saying this I feel horrible, because I really don't want any pity and I shouldn't get it. I deserve all of this.
Along with that, I learned it's not safe to leave me home alone when I'm depressed. . . . Sorry everyone.
Sorry.

TheMoonWakedWolf 11-19-2012 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 365148)
I'm embarrassed for being such a mental wreck. I just let everything get to me. All of the insults people have used on me kept adding up in the back of my brain and they're popping up all of the sudden today. All of my insecurites; the reasons I hate myself. They all stacked up today of all days, and I guess it didn't help that I was looking at depressing pictures and quotes on tumblr. I reblogged almost all of the ones that applied to me, and that was a lot of them.
Along with all of that I feel really selfish. I try to help other people who are having emotional difficulties; I really do, but I seem to post more than I help. It makes me feel horrible. And by saying this I feel horrible, because I really don't want any pity and I shouldn't get it. I deserve all of this.
Along with that, I learned it's not safe to leave me home alone when I'm depressed. . . . Sorry everyone.
Sorry.

Nope.
Nope nope nope.
That line "I deserve all of this".
You deserve a right to feel sad, but you don't deserve pain. You deserve to feel depressed and you deserve to tell someone and for someone to help you; you deserve to let it out and you deserve to cry and you deserve to scream and you deserve all this because you deserve to be happy, too. You deserve help. You deserve love. Everyone does. Don't think you're any less than anyone else. Don't you dare. You are just as important as anyone else, despite what some may say. They have problems, too, but they don't know how to get rid of them properly.
You deserve to be happy, Calla, so don't be sorry for trying to get something you deserve.

lvhamsters 11-19-2012 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf (Post 365151)
Nope.
Nope nope nope.
That line "I deserve all of this".
You deserve a right to feel sad, but you don't deserve pain. You deserve to feel depressed and you deserve to tell someone and for someone to help you; you deserve to let it out and you deserve to cry and you deserve to scream and you deserve all this because you deserve to be happy, too. You deserve help. You deserve love. Everyone does. Don't think you're any less than anyone else. Don't you dare. You are just as important as anyone else, despite what some may say. They have problems, too, but they don't know how to get rid of them properly.
You deserve to be happy, Calla, so don't be sorry for trying to get something you deserve.

Maybe . . . . but I don't know who to tell. I would die if I told my family and my friends think I'm all happy with sparkles and bright colors when really, I'm a dark pit inside. Only my best friend knows this, and frankly, I don't think she cares. Besides, I couldn't vent to her since most of my vents are . . . . well, about her.
Thank you, though ;~;

TheMoonWakedWolf 11-20-2012 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 365154)
Maybe . . . . but I don't know who to tell. I would die if I told my family and my friends think I'm all happy with sparkles and bright colors when really, I'm a dark pit inside. Only my best friend knows this, and frankly, I don't think she cares. Besides, I couldn't vent to her since most of my vents are . . . . well, about her.
Thank you, though ;~;

Tell a friend, even if they think you're all sparkles and rainbows and unicorns. Maybe it's time to let that dark pit show so she/he and help pull you out of it.
You're gonna be alright, hun. Just know that there is always someone that loves you. Even if you don't want them involved, they love you and care about you and will always be there for you. And you deserve them. :3

LaurenM 11-20-2012 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf (Post 365135)
Last night, I cut myself.
I didn't have anything sharp enough to make a cut by one slice, so I has to run a relatively sharp wire over the same spot multiple times until it got really red and began to sting hard.
And today I was depressed.
I didn't feel like myself.
I felt like the world was beginning to weigh a lot heavier, the workloads larger, everything worse.
But then, after school with my friends, I was the happiest I'd been all day.
And when I was debating whether or not to cut again tonight, I came to a realization.
And I said to myself, (excuse the French):
F*ck that shit.
I'm only as happy as I want to me, and damn it, being depressed sucks. I hate it. Absolutely hate it.
So although part of me wants to dig out the wire in my closet and hurt myself again, I won't, because I think I deserve to be happy just as much as everyone else does.

Okay.
I just delved into a world of depression for a day and pulled myself right back out.
HOPE Y'ALL ARE FREAKING PROUD OF ME. xD *lolz*

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf (Post 365144)
I doubt I will. At least, for a while. I used to think that I needed a "right" to be sad, so I think this was my attempt to give myself an excuse. But I sort of found out tonight that everyone has a right to be both sad AND happy, and I dunno, I just feel glad I discovered that all on my own. Like..everything that's kept me down over this past year--the "no-right-to-cry" thing, my weight ('cause yes, I'm fat, and I don't really give a sh*t :I)--it feels like all I needed was to figure it out on my own. You don't normally hear this stuff from others, and when you do, (or at least when I do), it doesn't help. It had to be with me and me alone.

Wow. Okay. That actually helped me clear some stuff up in my head. Awesome. ^_^

I IZ proud of you! ^_^
I used to cut because I'm angry and etching (most preferably with a knife) marks on something helps me release anger. Now I stab or punch walls.
The other reason that I used to cut was that I was really insecure and shaky, but listening to songs that give an aura of 'I don't give a shit' helps, especially if I sing along.
You and I, my friend, shall never cut again. /nods


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