The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

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- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

seriously!! i'm fucking okay!! when will people stop trying to convince me i'm not!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alaska (Post 592626)

to all the people that dont really want to live/are in their bedroom a lot/ dont go outside much, would just like to mention that in my experience trying to continue life as much as normal is helpful. this is more dissociation advice really but what's been going better for me in the last few months is my sadness and quietness and what really helped lessening them was exercise (dont laugh) and trying to engage as much as possible.
@jesse, i know you probably know this but isolating yourself and staying in your room most of the time is not a good habit. maybe you could try going on walks once or a few times a week? just to get you into engaging and it will actually make you feel a little better. jumping straight into exercise is difficult and i get the whole 'wow this is fucking effort my body cant cope' thing but ive gone from being a bedroom hermit (although i do go to public school which is helpful) to actually using a cross trainer weekly. started with walks, then swimming, and built it up.
@especially stormy/meera? (i know you didnt want help/sympathy/etc. so ignore if you dont want it) & madie if it's useful, my best advice for suicidal thoughts/self harm is honestly acceptance and in a sense distraction. back in the day i used to draw on my thighs and it was a nice alternative. of course avoid open wounds if you have any. again, walks are pretty nice and not too exhausting. try naming things you see when you go and you'll kind of start noticing pretty things in your environment. i dont want to sound like i am saying this is what you do and invalidate your pain because i have no doubt in the fact that you try very hard and have a difficult life but it is easy to slip into a sense of giving up and focusing on how awful stuff is. i too have gone through loss and mental health shit and just all around misery but the naming things around you for example is a good way to step down to a very basic sense of your existence. you may not be able to feel not shitty and distract yourself straight away but just try to really appreciate things you have and are surrounded by. i may come across as bullshitty and annoying but it was a process for me to be able to find a neutral place so yanno

Thanks. You know, I actually think it might help, the naming thing. It seems like it might help.

I'm actually kinda having a mental break down because this is my first birthday without my mom. I started crying because I was listening to a song that reminded me of her. That got me thinking about how this will be my first Christmas without her. Then only a few days after, it's her birthday.

I kinda of want to go to the graveyard where she's buried. I just don't know how to tell my dad. I just want to get dropped of and stay and cry there for a while. I want to be alone and I don't want any hugs or pity glances or pats on the back.

I haven't been there since the funeral.

I don't even know if she has a headstone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 592671)

Would bussing or walking be an option? Or maybe you could catch a taxi?
Then that way you could just tell your dad that you were going out for a little bit and be really vague about it, or you could say you were headed to the mall or something?
idk how strict your family is about going out on your own..

Gods they're so strict. I can walk or bike, it's a twenty minute car ride. My dad is always hyper aware of strangers and would kill me if I took a cab. I can't leave the house unless I tell him exactly where I'm going, how I'm going, who I'm going with, and the exact minute I'll be back.

Thanks, though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 592686)

is there any store/restaurant/place that's not uncommon to go to near the cemetery? maybe you could bike there or be dropped off there. say it's just to get like out of the house or something.

maybe don't bike if it's as cold where you are as it is here (26F but like it FEELS really really cold). but is what i said an option?

sorry, i can't really relate about the whole strict-parents-thing. mine are pretty lax, as long as i have my phone/train-card/debit on me. good luck (:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 592671)

first off, happy birthday, even though it might not have been. god, i know it's hard. i can't imagine what you must be going through.

if you can't leave by yourself, i would suggest talking to your dad. i know you don't want to, and that's okay, but it might be the only way. or your therapist? maybe get them on your side, and they can sway your dad. convince him it might be good for you to just cry. that's all we can do sometimes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 592686)

i'm not advocating for lying, but i also have strict parents and well. i have to put those storytelling abilities to some use

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 592671)

I get you with the strict parent thing, mine are the same when I'm home. It's ok to lie if he won't let you go otherwise. But your dad should agree to drop you off there and wait outside for a bit. You can tell him that you want some time alone with your mom's grave, and he should listen. If not, tell him you're going on a walk to an nearby store or something, or get a friend to walk you, a friend that will give you some privacy there.

Thanks swallow, but but the problem is that when we moved, we moved 20-30 minutes away. And where my mom is buried is in a rural countryish area with literally nothing near it for a few miles.