The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

maxi 07-17-2013 12:04 PM

if life was made it wasnt meant for me
being me is harder than anyone else because you know that you will just keep on failing
im going to try harder
but all i do is harm
I want to stop but i cant its to lustful
My decisions are terrible
i just cant be here anymore

LizzieS 07-17-2013 12:24 PM

You should all take up fencing. It's very therapeutic to stab people and have someone compliment you on it.

maxi 07-17-2013 12:47 PM

I can't plei cant even do thisase somebody I want to die in fire...

Sandy 07-17-2013 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruza (Post 481248)
This is why you should shelter yourself from the outside world and never talk to anyone ever again. Just kidding!

I didn't notice the white text for the longest time and I was totally in agreement with you. ._.
(*gets pasta, curls into a ball and rolls under a rock*) (*covers rock with snow*)
excellent. just me and my pasta.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 481242)
Dark, cloudy days are the happiest days of my life. No, seriously. *has probably taken a hundred pictures of clouds over the last couple weeks*

Really? x_x I remember I used to love cloudy days but it's been grey and dreary here for almost the entire summer break so far (we've had like three nice days) and it's killing me. =_= Ughh... It rains like every day.

rebecca 07-17-2013 05:12 PM

My parents are taking me to a charity that supports people with autistic spectrum disorders. It is going to mess up my Wednesday routine no end.

- that isn't an ironic statement by the way.

TheAshWolf 07-17-2013 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481308)
if life was made it wasnt meant for me
being me is harder than anyone else because you know that you will just keep on failing
im going to try harder
but all i do is harm
I want to stop but i cant its to lustful
My decisions are terrible
i just cant be here anymore


Max...please try to calm down. What happened? D: Oh, gosh...please, PLEASE don't hurt yourself...*glomps* Mind if I ask what it was that triggered you to harm? You can stop if you really try. I know you can. I know you're strong enough to quit. Failing? Maxi, we all fail at things sometimes. Heck, I'm right in the middle of failing in a bunch of different areas. And it hurts every time you fall, I know. But you've gotta pick yourself back up and keep trying. <:^) You're strong enough to do that. You CAN and WILL succeed at a lot of things in life. What do you mean by "can't be here anymore"? "Here" as in KP? "Here" as in your life in general? *glomps again* Regardless of which one it is, just please try to keep in mind that there are people both on and off KP that love you. People who care about you and think you're a great person. People who care, people who want to help. I care. I want to help...


Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481322)
I can't plei cant even do thisase somebody I want to die in fire...

No you don't. You DON'T want to die. *hugs* Please, Max, don't say that. You have PLENTY to live for. And do you know how many of your friends and family--on KP and off--would be devastated if you were to die? How many tears they would shed? You're not perfect, Max--but, then again, NO ONE is. We ALL make mistakes. But that doesn't mean you don't have worth. You're worth a lot to many, MANY people. <:^J

TheAshWolf 07-17-2013 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 481376)
I didn't notice the white text for the longest time and I was totally in agreement with you. ._.
(*gets pasta, curls into a ball and rolls under a rock*) (*covers rock with snow*)
excellent. just me and my pasta.



Really? x_x I remember I used to love cloudy days but it's been grey and dreary here for almost the entire summer break so far (we've had like three nice days) and it's killing me. =_= Ughh... It rains like every day.

pastaaaaaaa....*is secretly devastated that I can no longer have very much pasta at all because GLUTEN...*

O_____O TAKE ME TO CANADA...please...*claws at your shirt in desperation* DX I'm drying up...I'm burning up...day after day, 105 F, 107 F, 110 F, often in the 90s at NIGHT...all day long it's sunny and clear, sunny and clear, sunny and clear, ALWAYS SUNNY AND CLEAR...and then the clouds will randomly come...looming salvation, sweet relief in the sky...but then they either skirt around the valley and move on, the thunder almost laughing at us as it goes, or they just shrivel up and dissipate right before my eyes... ;_; *sits down in the middle of the lawn sprinklers pathetically* I want rain...

HeatherB 07-17-2013 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruza (Post 481252)
Something that always makes me feel better about a rather bad situation is playing an instrument. Have you got an instrument to play on when you're sad?

nope.
Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 481265)
*hugs* they aren't better than you. you are fucking fab.

no you haven't met these people they're really fucking amazing and beautiful and i love them so much but it just feels like they don't love me
and really who needs boyfriend/girlfriend troubles when you've got friend troubles there isn't much difference at all wow

lvhamsters 07-17-2013 09:37 PM

Stupid life. Just when I think it's starting to get bigger it takes on this huge gigantic drop. My problems have increased. By huge predicaments. My biggest one? I freaking owe my mom $600 dollars. Apparently when you use the internet on your phone it costs $1.99 per minute. WTF. How the hell am I supposed to get that money?! I can't get a job! I'm too young. And not only that, but I'm not going to be able to afford to go skating anymore. Skating is my everything. It's the only place I go once a week where I can let out all of my anger with speed and hitting people with brooms and I can just be alone and away from my freaking family. And since it's summer? The only place I can hang out with my friends at. Especially since my phone has been taken away and I can't contact my friends very easily e.o And another of my gigantic problems? My mom and dad both want to move. They don't understand what that would be like for me. To move away from all of my friends. My best friend I've had for 12 years now. It may not seem like a problem to them, and really, what does? They don't care, and believe me, I'm not biased when I say this. They really don't. They think moving will help with my attitude and the fact that my dad's never home. well let me tell them something. My dad is never home, and he will never be. No matter where we go, he's only going to be home at most one or two days a week. Can't get away from it. My mom says she can't take care of us alone. She should have thought of that before she married. Cold of me right? No, just the truth. Why accept a job like that when you know you're going to have kids and you're never going to see them. I don't even consider him my dad. Just some dude that visits once a week. Other than that, there's dozens of tiny problems. I just kind of want to explode from everything. In a way, I already did. Everything is getting to me. Even my brother's regular nasty comments. I'm filled with self hatred. Especially when I see my best friend. She came over a while ago and she is super freaking skinny. Not even kidding. She's a twig. And I'm jealous. So I promised myself I will get that skinny, if not skinnier c: I'm doing pretty good so far, too. Lost five pounds so far c: But really, I disgust myself. I am now going to vent at my hate on myself. Please, please, please ignore this. I just need to write it out somewhere. I would write it in my journal but I lost it. Okay. I hate myself. I'm fat and ugly and the worst part is my personality. I can't freaking talk to anyone. That's why I don't have many friends. I can talk online but once it's in person? The conversation goes plop. I'm too shy. Everyone else is outgoing and happy and fun and stuff and then there's my all quiet and sitting in my corner. They were right about me too. I am 'depressed' and I am 'emo'. I guess what they were saying about me influenced my actions too. Before they began saying that, I wasn't at all. But after they started? Things went downhill. I got called more names. I was labeled as 'weird' and 'freak'. But can't avoid that can I? I mean, it's true. I am weird. I embrace my weirdness. Wish other people could, too. But the only thing I did to get called those names was I was constantly writing and I occasionally wore a dark t-shirt. What's wrong with that..... really? People are weird e.o Ugh.
Mmk c: I'm done here.... somewhat :P I'm sorry if you read through all of that O.O I am really really sorry. And I'm sorry that I vented so much. Needed to release this e.o I've been releasing it in bad ways recently and I need that to stop. K. Well.... o.o
~scuttles off awkwardly~ I really hate to vent on here DX So many other people who have more serious problems :c But you guys are the only one's who help me. I can't tell my friends any of this..... thanks guys <3
~sprints away~

Jesse 07-17-2013 10:17 PM

http://make-everything-ok.com/

L.S.Trendom 07-17-2013 11:21 PM

ahaha wow i have a lot of pent up angst toward school and living in the middle of nowhere http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/picture...53&albumid=245

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 481508)
Stupid life. Just when I think it's starting to get bigger it takes on this huge gigantic drop. My problems have increased. By huge predicaments. My biggest one? I freaking owe my mom $600 dollars. Apparently when you use the internet on your phone it costs $1.99 per minute. WTF. How the hell am I supposed to get that money?! I can't get a job! I'm too young. And not only that, but I'm not going to be able to afford to go skating anymore. Skating is my everything. It's the only place I go once a week where I can let out all of my anger with speed and hitting people with brooms and I can just be alone and away from my freaking family. And since it's summer? The only place I can hang out with my friends at. Especially since my phone has been taken away and I can't contact my friends very easily e.o And another of my gigantic problems? My mom and dad both want to move. They don't understand what that would be like for me. To move away from all of my friends. My best friend I've had for 12 years now. It may not seem like a problem to them, and really, what does? They don't care, and believe me, I'm not biased when I say this. They really don't. They think moving will help with my attitude and the fact that my dad's never home. well let me tell them something. My dad is never home, and he will never be. No matter where we go, he's only going to be home at most one or two days a week. Can't get away from it. My mom says she can't take care of us alone. She should have thought of that before she married. Cold of me right? No, just the truth. Why accept a job like that when you know you're going to have kids and you're never going to see them. I don't even consider him my dad. Just some dude that visits once a week. Other than that, there's dozens of tiny problems. I just kind of want to explode from everything. In a way, I already did. Everything is getting to me. Even my brother's regular nasty comments. I'm filled with self hatred. Especially when I see my best friend. She came over a while ago and she is super freaking skinny. Not even kidding. She's a twig. And I'm jealous. So I promised myself I will get that skinny, if not skinnier c: I'm doing pretty good so far, too. Lost five pounds so far c: But really, I disgust myself. I am now going to vent at my hate on myself. Please, please, please ignore this. I just need to write it out somewhere. I would write it in my journal but I lost it. Okay. I hate myself. I'm fat and ugly and the worst part is my personality. I can't freaking talk to anyone. That's why I don't have many friends. I can talk online but once it's in person? The conversation goes plop. I'm too shy. Everyone else is outgoing and happy and fun and stuff and then there's my all quiet and sitting in my corner. They were right about me too. I am 'depressed' and I am 'emo'. I guess what they were saying about me influenced my actions too. Before they began saying that, I wasn't at all. But after they started? Things went downhill. I got called more names. I was labeled as 'weird' and 'freak'. But can't avoid that can I? I mean, it's true. I am weird. I embrace my weirdness. Wish other people could, too. But the only thing I did to get called those names was I was constantly writing and I occasionally wore a dark t-shirt. What's wrong with that..... really? People are weird e.o Ugh.
Mmk c: I'm done here.... somewhat :P I'm sorry if you read through all of that O.O I am really really sorry. And I'm sorry that I vented so much. Needed to release this e.o I've been releasing it in bad ways recently and I need that to stop. K. Well.... o.o
~scuttles off awkwardly~ I really hate to vent on here DX So many other people who have more serious problems :c But you guys are the only one's who help me. I can't tell my friends any of this..... thanks guys <3
~sprints away~

*hugs* ugh the money thing really sucks :/ i guess just try to save up whatever money you can, and try to negotiate the price lower 'cause you didn't know about it?
*massive huggles* there's still facebook and stuff to talk to your friends, at least… :/ i'm sorry your parents don't realise what an awesome daughter they have.
SO WHAT IF SHE'S SKINNIER THAN YOU. if you want to lose weight, that's okay, but PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU DO IT HEALTHILY. don't starve yourself. eat enough, just eat healthy food instead of unhealthy food, and exercise. depending on body types and stuff, you might not be able to get as skinny as her, idk, and you might not be able to get as skinny as her in a healthy way. but that doesn't matter.
okay so i've only seen a few pics of you and that video you posted of you singing. first of all, it's okay to be fat, you can be fat and really pretty. i don't think you look fat. and yoU CERTAINLY AREN'T UGLY, YOU LOOK FAB. like i think my first two thoughts when i first saw a pic of you was wow you looked different than i thought and whoa you look fab.
NO YOUR PERSONALITY IS AWESOME SHHHHH. *huggles* being shy isn't part of your personality, it's not a reason to hate yourself. I used to be really shy, and i used to have a lot of trouble talking to people. and it's okay if you are. it might suck sometimes, but you shouldn't hate yourself for it. hating yourself for being shy will just make it worse.
you can't be really effing awesome if you're normal (:
no need to apologise it's completely okay. *huggles*


Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 481504)
no you haven't met these people they're really fucking amazing and beautiful and i love them so much but it just feels like they don't love me

and guessss who else is really fucking amazing and pretty and fab? you. *huggles* just because you feel like they don't love you doesn't mean they don't.

LaurenM 07-18-2013 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 481508)
Stupid life. Just when I think it's starting to get bigger it takes on this huge gigantic drop. My problems have increased. By huge predicaments. My biggest one? I freaking owe my mom $600 dollars. Apparently when you use the internet on your phone it costs $1.99 per minute. WTF. How the hell am I supposed to get that money?! I can't get a job! I'm too young. And not only that, but I'm not going to be able to afford to go skating anymore. Skating is my everything. It's the only place I go once a week where I can let out all of my anger with speed and hitting people with brooms and I can just be alone and away from my freaking family. And since it's summer? The only place I can hang out with my friends at. Especially since my phone has been taken away and I can't contact my friends very easily e.o And another of my gigantic problems? My mom and dad both want to move. They don't understand what that would be like for me. To move away from all of my friends. My best friend I've had for 12 years now. It may not seem like a problem to them, and really, what does? They don't care, and believe me, I'm not biased when I say this. They really don't. They think moving will help with my attitude and the fact that my dad's never home. well let me tell them something. My dad is never home, and he will never be. No matter where we go, he's only going to be home at most one or two days a week. Can't get away from it. My mom says she can't take care of us alone. She should have thought of that before she married. Cold of me right? No, just the truth. Why accept a job like that when you know you're going to have kids and you're never going to see them. I don't even consider him my dad. Just some dude that visits once a week. Other than that, there's dozens of tiny problems. I just kind of want to explode from everything. In a way, I already did. Everything is getting to me. Even my brother's regular nasty comments. I'm filled with self hatred. Especially when I see my best friend. She came over a while ago and she is super freaking skinny. Not even kidding. She's a twig. And I'm jealous. So I promised myself I will get that skinny, if not skinnier c: I'm doing pretty good so far, too. Lost five pounds so far c: But really, I disgust myself. I am now going to vent at my hate on myself. Please, please, please ignore this. I just need to write it out somewhere. I would write it in my journal but I lost it. Okay. I hate myself. I'm fat and ugly and the worst part is my personality. I can't freaking talk to anyone. That's why I don't have many friends. I can talk online but once it's in person? The conversation goes plop. I'm too shy. Everyone else is outgoing and happy and fun and stuff and then there's my all quiet and sitting in my corner. They were right about me too. I am 'depressed' and I am 'emo'. I guess what they were saying about me influenced my actions too. Before they began saying that, I wasn't at all. But after they started? Things went downhill. I got called more names. I was labeled as 'weird' and 'freak'. But can't avoid that can I? I mean, it's true. I am weird. I embrace my weirdness. Wish other people could, too. But the only thing I did to get called those names was I was constantly writing and I occasionally wore a dark t-shirt. What's wrong with that..... really? People are weird e.o Ugh.
Mmk c: I'm done here.... somewhat :P I'm sorry if you read through all of that O.O I am really really sorry. And I'm sorry that I vented so much. Needed to release this e.o I've been releasing it in bad ways recently and I need that to stop. K. Well.... o.o
~scuttles off awkwardly~ I really hate to vent on here DX So many other people who have more serious problems :c But you guys are the only one's who help me. I can't tell my friends any of this..... thanks guys <3
~sprints away~

You mean 3G? Since I'm pretty sure if you just use wifi, it's okay. And that can't ruin your summer. Like Isaac said, you can contact other people in different ways.
And you're not freaking ugly. You're beautiful, not just in the sense of everyone is beautiful, but pleasant to look at C: You're not fat either.

lvhamsters 07-18-2013 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 481530)
ahaha wow i have a lot of pent up angst toward school and living in the middle of nowhere http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/picture...53&albumid=245



*hugs* ugh the money thing really sucks :/ i guess just try to save up whatever money you can, and try to negotiate the price lower 'cause you didn't know about it?
*massive huggles* there's still facebook and stuff to talk to your friends, at least… :/ i'm sorry your parents don't realise what an awesome daughter they have.
SO WHAT IF SHE'S SKINNIER THAN YOU. if you want to lose weight, that's okay, but PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU DO IT HEALTHILY. don't starve yourself. eat enough, just eat healthy food instead of unhealthy food, and exercise. depending on body types and stuff, you might not be able to get as skinny as her, idk, and you might not be able to get as skinny as her in a healthy way. but that doesn't matter.
okay so i've only seen a few pics of you and that video you posted of you singing. first of all, it's okay to be fat, you can be fat and really pretty. i don't think you look fat. and yoU CERTAINLY AREN'T UGLY, YOU LOOK FAB. like i think my first two thoughts when i first saw a pic of you was wow you looked different than i thought and whoa you look fab.
NO YOUR PERSONALITY IS AWESOME SHHHHH. *huggles* being shy isn't part of your personality, it's not a reason to hate yourself. I used to be really shy, and i used to have a lot of trouble talking to people. and it's okay if you are. it might suck sometimes, but you shouldn't hate yourself for it. hating yourself for being shy will just make it worse.
you can't be really effing awesome if you're normal (:
no need to apologise it's completely okay. *huggles*



and guessss who else is really fucking amazing and pretty and fab? you. *huggles* just because you feel like they don't love you doesn't mean they don't.

You make me cry happy tears c': Danke....
Haha.... my negotiation sucks. I guess I'll try to find a way .-. Mabbe I can pay her back when I'm an adult. And have a job. Bleh.
.-. I guess but.... I don't know how to stop it .-. I feel sick when I eat and I don't want that. I know I need to eat a fair amount but I can't. I'll just stick to a salad and vitamin a day.... that way it's healthy and I'll reach my goal c: Once I set a goal I get ocd and I have to reach it.... in some cases.... and this is one of them....
Thanks....
But I can't seem to stop being shy >.< I just can't keep a conversation going and people think I'm weird and antisocial because of it. therefore they just stop talking to me :\ It makes me easy to forget. Everyone just kinda leaves after a while. I'm trying to change it but it's difficult DX
True.... normal is boring XD
Mmk. c:
~glomps~ Danke LST

L.S.Trendom 07-18-2013 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 481547)
You make me cry happy tears c': Danke....
Haha.... my negotiation sucks. I guess I'll try to find a way .-. Mabbe I can pay her back when I'm an adult. And have a job. Bleh.
.-. I guess but.... I don't know how to stop it .-. I feel sick when I eat and I don't want that. I know I need to eat a fair amount but I can't. I'll just stick to a salad and vitamin a day.... that way it's healthy and I'll reach my goal c: Once I set a goal I get ocd and I have to reach it.... in some cases.... and this is one of them....
Thanks....
But I can't seem to stop being shy >.< I just can't keep a conversation going and people think I'm weird and antisocial because of it. therefore they just stop talking to me :\ It makes me easy to forget. Everyone just kinda leaves after a while. I'm trying to change it but it's difficult DX
True.... normal is boring XD
Mmk. c:
~glomps~ Danke LST

yay happy tears c:
ick, i hope so :c and if you want a job now, i think you can get like a permit thingie that lets you have a job when you're fifteen?
*huggles* could you convince your parents to take you to the doctor because of that? or you could talk to a school nurse, when school starts again… and spreading your eating out would help? like eat like you usually do, but also try to eat a bit like right after you wake up and a few hours after you have your usual meal and stuff? that's not at all a good goal. *hugs* i don't want you to even try to reach it…
ugh i know how that feels :/ is it easier to keep a conversation going if, like, you've known them for a while and talked to them a lot over facebook or whatever? and it might help to sorta pretend you're talking to, like, your best friend or someone who's easy for you to talk to c: we won't leave you. *hugs*

Sandy 07-18-2013 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 481404)
pastaaaaaaa....*is secretly devastated that I can no longer have very much pasta at all because GLUTEN...*

O_____O TAKE ME TO CANADA...please...*claws at your shirt in desperation* DX I'm drying up...I'm burning up...day after day, 105 F, 107 F, 110 F, often in the 90s at NIGHT...all day long it's sunny and clear, sunny and clear, sunny and clear, ALWAYS SUNNY AND CLEAR...and then the clouds will randomly come...looming salvation, sweet relief in the sky...but then they either skirt around the valley and move on, the thunder almost laughing at us as it goes, or they just shrivel up and dissipate right before my eyes... ;_; *sits down in the middle of the lawn sprinklers pathetically* I want rain...

I finally worked up the nerve to open your email response to my EVT thing and... ohhgosh. ;_; Thank you SO much Ash. Just... you're so precious, okay? asdf. I'm almost done replying to the other one and I'll reply to that one tomorrow too, since I don't have to volunteer tomorrow and it won't be 1:00 AM. Argh. Just... asdfghjj. Ajkshkjakjl. *flies to Arizona* *hugs you* *flies back to Canada* Duuude we need to have a gmail chat. ;__; Remember that video you sent me? The music video for Gotye with all the symbolism and we analyzed it together? :D I found like two more videos and they made me think of that and arrgh. I just. I MISS YOU, FOOL!!

Here it's only gone up to like 40 F lately... but ohmigod, that's still WAY too hot for me. The weather here has had two extremes, where it goes from super beautiful and nice but SUPER hot, to rainy, dreary, grey and foggy =_=. But when it gets hot, my body (which, like all Canadians, is entirely made of very tightly-packed snow) begins to melt. I could only imagine myself if I were in Arizona, oh my gosh...
I would step out of the plane and just burst into a cloud of water vapour right there on the spot. Oh my gosh. NOPE.
But whoa hold up, you have a gluten allergy/intolerance? D:

maxi 07-18-2013 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 481399)

Max...please try to calm down. What happened? D: Oh, gosh...please, PLEASE don't hurt yourself...*glomps* Mind if I ask what it was that triggered you to harm? You can stop if you really try. I know you can. I know you're strong enough to quit. Failing? Maxi, we all fail at things sometimes. Heck, I'm right in the middle of failing in a bunch of different areas. And it hurts every time you fall, I know. But you've gotta pick yourself back up and keep trying. <:^) You're strong enough to do that. You CAN and WILL succeed at a lot of things in life. What do you mean by "can't be here anymore"? "Here" as in KP? "Here" as in your life in general? *glomps again* Regardless of which one it is, just please try to keep in mind that there are people both on and off KP that love you. People who care about you and think you're a great person. People who care, people who want to help. I care. I want to help...




No you don't. You DON'T want to die. *hugs* Please, Max, don't say that. You have PLENTY to live for. And do you know how many of your friends and family--on KP and off--would be devastated if you were to die? How many tears they would shed? You're not perfect, Max--but, then again, NO ONE is. We ALL make mistakes. But that doesn't mean you don't have worth. You're worth a lot to many, MANY people. <:^J

I don't want to be a part of my own depression. I want to get away from it- it's hard but I try to get to some place else. I don't tell my friends what's going on- they won't accept me for who I am. I'm scared of myself.

TheAshWolf 07-18-2013 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481607)
I don't want to be a part of my own depression. I want to get away from it- it's hard but I try to get to some place else. I don't tell my friends what's going on- they won't accept me for who I am. I'm scared of myself.

I think I know what you mean...sometimes, when I get depressed, I feel like I'm going in circles because I realize I'm actually the CAUSE of part of my depression. It's terrible any way you look at it, though. I'm so sorry, Max. :c I really hope you can find a safe place to escape it. Why do you think they won't accept you? 0_0 You have to trust someone with your emotions, Max...it's all too easy to bottle them all up and make yourself sick that way. Please don't be scared of yourself. <:^J What is there to be afraid of? You're kind, funny, and brilliant. We all have our dark days, especially those who actually get depressed, but that doesn't change who we are beneath all that. You know that you can always come to me if you want to vent, right? I won't judge.

maxi 07-18-2013 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 481610)
I think I know what you mean...sometimes, when I get depressed, I feel like I'm going in circles because I realize I'm actually the CAUSE of part of my depression. It's terrible any way you look at it, though. I'm so sorry, Max. :c I really hope you can find a safe place to escape it. Why do you think they won't accept you? 0_0 You have to trust someone with your emotions, Max...it's all too easy to bottle them all up and make yourself sick that way. Please don't be scared of yourself. <:^J What is there to be afraid of? You're kind, funny, and brilliant. We all have our dark days, especially those who actually get depressed, but that doesn't change who we are beneath all that. You know that you can always come to me if you want to vent, right? I won't judge.

These are my Dark Days, I think, and they are just beginning—it's just the start of another life that I know I won't want. I know that I can vent to you. But it's the things I vent about. I honestly understand and won't argue with you about your disagreements and agreements on who I am—sexuality wise and also beliefs wise. Though I know I can be brilliant (well, sometimes only I can't be it too much or else I will forget that I am lying to be myself. I'm not all that good a person.), funny and kind at times but then (I have to be honest with you) I can be a real jerk and I can be mean to everyone and say nasty things and mean those things. What is there to be afraid—everything. Almost everything, actually. Some parts of me make me laugh and cry and smile and feel strong about myself but then there are parts I want to cut out and it's hard going through it and I know that it will be hard living because of this depression and I swear it's going to drive me insane soon, I'm going to be insane.

maxi 07-18-2013 06:08 AM

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can
Touch me
Why do I feel
This party's over?

Thank you, P!nk. Exactly how I feel about myself.

maxi 07-18-2013 06:10 AM

can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please (: can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please (: (: (: (: can i be happy please can i be happy please (: (: can i be happy please (:

TheAshWolf 07-18-2013 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481616)
These are my Dark Days, I think, and they are just beginning—it's just the start of another life that I know I won't want. I know that I can vent to you. But it's the things I vent about. I honestly understand and won't argue with you about your disagreements and agreements on who I am—sexuality wise and also beliefs wise. Though I know I can be brilliant (well, sometimes only I can't be it too much or else I will forget that I am lying to be myself. I'm not all that good a person.), funny and kind at times but then (I have to be honest with you) I can be a real jerk and I can be mean to everyone and say nasty things and mean those things. What is there to be afraid—everything. Almost everything, actually. Some parts of me make me laugh and cry and smile and feel strong about myself but then there are parts I want to cut out and it's hard going through it and I know that it will be hard living because of this depression and I swear it's going to drive me insane soon, I'm going to be insane.

You're not going to go insane, Maxi. *glomps* Everyone is on the brink of an emotional/mental turning point at one time or another. And it's terrifying, I know. You don't think that you can get past it, and you're not sure if you'll like yourself after things change. All I can really say is that you need to at least TRY not to worry about this. Just try. *resists urge to start singing that P!ink song* If it makes you feel any better, I went through something similar last year. The stress I was under really took a toll on me. I scared myself so bad. The stress changed me, and I hated it. But I overcame it and things are okay, now. I'm still patching myself back together, and the work is far from over, but I'm pleased with how I've turned out so far. I'm sure the same can happen with you. If you change somehow and you don't like who you've become, you can always change yourself again. And praying about it would help, if you're comfortable with that. Please just try not to worry, and focus on the part of you that makes you laugh and smile. I hope this all gets better for you soon, Max...

TheAshWolf 07-18-2013 06:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481620)
can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please (: can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please (: (: (: (: can i be happy please can i be happy please (: (: can i be happy please (:

Yes you can!!! ^_^ Listen to some upbeat music, maybe?

maxi 07-18-2013 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 481622)
You're not going to go insane, Maxi. *glomps* Everyone is on the brink of an emotional/mental turning point at one time or another. And it's terrifying, I know. You don't think that you can get past it, and you're not sure if you'll like yourself after things change. All I can really say is that you need to at least TRY not to worry about this. Just try. *resists urge to start singing that P!ink song* If it makes you feel any better, I went through something similar last year. The stress I was under really took a toll on me. I scared myself so bad. The stress changed me, and I hated it. But I overcame it and things are okay, now. I'm still patching myself back together, and the work is far from over, but I'm pleased with how I've turned out so far. I'm sure the same can happen with you. If you change somehow and you don't like who you've become, you can always change yourself again. And praying about it would help, if you're comfortable with that. Please just try not to worry, and focus on the part of you that makes you laugh and smile. I hope this all gets better for you soon, Max...

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 481623)
Yes you can!!! ^_^ Listen to some upbeat music, maybe?

You know what? Listening to music and drinking juice is how cheering myself up works. Doing that will give me that pride I need to know that I am worth it. Why can't I cheer up, now? I'm a fine person to do it so I'm going to try and cheer myself up, hopefully. Try to fix things up, try to be happy again, try to not be depressed, try to love myself, try to stop hurting, try to be that person who I was once who I am now going to be. Thanks to all of you I think that I am going to focus on the part that I love so freaking much about me: I never give up. So why don't I try to at least have a go at this for once? Why don't I help myself? I'm going to do it. I'm going to drink juice and listen to music.

TheAshWolf 07-18-2013 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481625)
You know what? Listening to music and drinking juice is how cheering myself up works. Doing that will give me that pride I need to know that I am worth it. Why can't I cheer up, now? I'm a fine person to do it so I'm going to try and cheer myself up, hopefully. Try to fix things up, try to be happy again, try to not be depressed, try to love myself, try to stop hurting, try to be that person who I was once who I am now going to be. Thanks to all of you I think that I am going to focus on the part that I love so freaking much about me: I never give up. So why don't I try to at least have a go at this for once? Why don't I help myself? I'm going to do it. I'm going to drink juice and listen to music.

I know you can do it, Max! :D I'm so glad you've made this goal!!! Have fun, okay? ^_^

maxi 07-18-2013 06:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 481626)
I know you can do it, Max! :D I'm so glad you've made this goal!!! Have fun, okay? ^_^

Okay! But I'm staying here, too. (:

TheAshWolf 07-18-2013 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481627)
Okay! But I'm staying here, too. (:

I actually need to go to sleep, now. :I But I'll be back on later. ^_^ Have fun, okay? Talk to you later, Maxi!!!

Stephiey 07-18-2013 10:14 AM

Raaaawr mom issues. -_- It's always mom issues. Always.

I don't understand why she just overreacts over the tiniest things. I was cleaning out my hairbrush today and used a sheet of paper to hold all the hair and the next thing I know, she's screaming at me that if I ever do it again, she'll never buy me new clothes. -_- And I feel like every time I'm happy, she'll just destroy my good mood. Like, she got mad at me for drawing yesterday. EXCUSE ME WOMAN BUT AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE HOBBIES????

And then every time my sister does something bad, she never gets angry at her. Like seriously. Never. If I tell her it, she says that it's because I don't set a good enough example for her. UGH UGH UGH. GOSH DARN IT.

She's said so many mean things to me. Every time I hear her call my name, I literally start feeling sick because I know that she's going to get mad at me for something. Every time she raises her hand while yelling at me, I flinch away because I'm afraid she's going to hit me. Does this count as child abuse?

And the sad thing is that I have literally never said a mean thing to her.

I'm not even exaggerating.

Never screamed "I hate you!" or "you're a terrible mother" and I barely talk back even. I've just learned that it gets over faster if you shut up and look down. Of course, she gets mad at me for not arguing with her. like, whatdaheck.

I just can't wait to get out of this house. I always tell my parents that I want to go to a faraway college so I can get away from super duper hot Texas, but it's really because I want to get away from THEM.

They know how much I love writing, yet they put it down every. single. day. My dad will say, "Yeah, I think you should focus on your other hobbies because you've actually shown your talent in those." I'M SORRY? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT MY WRITING STINKS OR SOMETHING??? OH... YEAH, JUST IGNORE ALL THOSE UIL WRITING MEDALS AND POETRY COMPETITIONS I WON. And my mom has never paid attention to my writing until I recently finished my first manuscript, and that was only because she wants me to publish it so I can go to Harvard or something. The other day, she said, "Why do you write? It's not like you'll ever be good and it's not like anyone will ever care."

/rantover

AlgebraAddict 07-18-2013 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephiey (Post 481634)
Raaaawr mom issues. -_- It's always mom issues. Always.

I don't understand why she just overreacts over the tiniest things. I was cleaning out my hairbrush today and used a sheet of paper to hold all the hair and the next thing I know, she's screaming at me that if I ever do it again, she'll never buy me new clothes. -_- And I feel like every time I'm happy, she'll just destroy my good mood. Like, she got mad at me for drawing yesterday. EXCUSE ME WOMAN BUT AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE HOBBIES????

And then every time my sister does something bad, she never gets angry at her. Like seriously. Never. If I tell her it, she says that it's because I don't set a good enough example for her. UGH UGH UGH. GOSH DARN IT.

She's said so many mean things to me. Every time I hear her call my name, I literally start feeling sick because I know that she's going to get mad at me for something. Every time she raises her hand while yelling at me, I flinch away because I'm afraid she's going to hit me. Does this count as child abuse?

And the sad thing is that I have literally never said a mean thing to her.

I'm not even exaggerating.

Never screamed "I hate you!" or "you're a terrible mother" and I barely talk back even. I've just learned that it gets over faster if you shut up and look down. Of course, she gets mad at me for not arguing with her. like, whatdaheck.

I just can't wait to get out of this house. I always tell my parents that I want to go to a faraway college so I can get away from super duper hot Texas, but it's really because I want to get away from THEM.

They know how much I love writing, yet they put it down every. single. day. My dad will say, "Yeah, I think you should focus on your other hobbies because you've actually shown your talent in those." I'M SORRY? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT MY WRITING STINKS OR SOMETHING??? OH... YEAH, JUST IGNORE ALL THOSE UIL WRITING MEDALS AND POETRY COMPETITIONS I WON. And my mom has never paid attention to my writing until I recently finished my first manuscript, and that was only because she wants me to publish it so I can go to Harvard or something. The other day, she said, "Why do you write? It's not like you'll ever be good and it's not like anyone will ever care."

/rantover



Oh my god, Steph, I'm so sorry. *hugs* You don't stink at writing, Steph. You're really great and improving, and if your mom judges the writing of a teenage girl on the way a forty-year-old bestseller writes, she has no understanding of potential. I know this probably won't help, but I care. I really do. Your mom sounds like she's been awful to you, but you'll get through it.

Keep writing and drawing. You're an epic artist, I just found my character sketch and it's really breathtaking. ._.

LizzieS 07-18-2013 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephiey (Post 481634)
Raaaawr mom issues. -_- It's always mom issues. Always.

I don't understand why she just overreacts over the tiniest things. I was cleaning out my hairbrush today and used a sheet of paper to hold all the hair and the next thing I know, she's screaming at me that if I ever do it again, she'll never buy me new clothes. -_- And I feel like every time I'm happy, she'll just destroy my good mood. Like, she got mad at me for drawing yesterday. EXCUSE ME WOMAN BUT AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE HOBBIES????

And then every time my sister does something bad, she never gets angry at her. Like seriously. Never. If I tell her it, she says that it's because I don't set a good enough example for her. UGH UGH UGH. GOSH DARN IT.

She's said so many mean things to me. Every time I hear her call my name, I literally start feeling sick because I know that she's going to get mad at me for something. Every time she raises her hand while yelling at me, I flinch away because I'm afraid she's going to hit me. Does this count as child abuse?

And the sad thing is that I have literally never said a mean thing to her.

I'm not even exaggerating.

Never screamed "I hate you!" or "you're a terrible mother" and I barely talk back even. I've just learned that it gets over faster if you shut up and look down. Of course, she gets mad at me for not arguing with her. like, whatdaheck.

I just can't wait to get out of this house. I always tell my parents that I want to go to a faraway college so I can get away from super duper hot Texas, but it's really because I want to get away from THEM.

They know how much I love writing, yet they put it down every. single. day. My dad will say, "Yeah, I think you should focus on your other hobbies because you've actually shown your talent in those." I'M SORRY? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT MY WRITING STINKS OR SOMETHING??? OH... YEAH, JUST IGNORE ALL THOSE UIL WRITING MEDALS AND POETRY COMPETITIONS I WON. And my mom has never paid attention to my writing until I recently finished my first manuscript, and that was only because she wants me to publish it so I can go to Harvard or something. The other day, she said, "Why do you write? It's not like you'll ever be good and it's not like anyone will ever care."

/rantover

That's terrible. But don't let them get to you, Steph. Your parents seem to have a different perspective of your future than you do, but don't let them take control. Do what you want to do, and if they have a problem with it, tell them that this is what you want to do and they don't have a right to tell you you can't.

L.S.Trendom 07-18-2013 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephiey (Post 481634)
Raaaawr mom issues. -_- It's always mom issues. Always.

I don't understand why she just overreacts over the tiniest things. I was cleaning out my hairbrush today and used a sheet of paper to hold all the hair and the next thing I know, she's screaming at me that if I ever do it again, she'll never buy me new clothes. -_- And I feel like every time I'm happy, she'll just destroy my good mood. Like, she got mad at me for drawing yesterday. EXCUSE ME WOMAN BUT AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE HOBBIES????

And then every time my sister does something bad, she never gets angry at her. Like seriously. Never. If I tell her it, she says that it's because I don't set a good enough example for her. UGH UGH UGH. GOSH DARN IT.

She's said so many mean things to me. Every time I hear her call my name, I literally start feeling sick because I know that she's going to get mad at me for something. Every time she raises her hand while yelling at me, I flinch away because I'm afraid she's going to hit me. Does this count as child abuse?

And the sad thing is that I have literally never said a mean thing to her.

I'm not even exaggerating.

Never screamed "I hate you!" or "you're a terrible mother" and I barely talk back even. I've just learned that it gets over faster if you shut up and look down. Of course, she gets mad at me for not arguing with her. like, whatdaheck.

I just can't wait to get out of this house. I always tell my parents that I want to go to a faraway college so I can get away from super duper hot Texas, but it's really because I want to get away from THEM.

They know how much I love writing, yet they put it down every. single. day. My dad will say, "Yeah, I think you should focus on your other hobbies because you've actually shown your talent in those." I'M SORRY? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT MY WRITING STINKS OR SOMETHING??? OH... YEAH, JUST IGNORE ALL THOSE UIL WRITING MEDALS AND POETRY COMPETITIONS I WON. And my mom has never paid attention to my writing until I recently finished my first manuscript, and that was only because she wants me to publish it so I can go to Harvard or something. The other day, she said, "Why do you write? It's not like you'll ever be good and it's not like anyone will ever care."

/rantover

Ugh, i'm sorry :c *hugs* Don't listen to her, okay? if someone's an asshole to you, then their opinion is stupid c: listen to your friends and the people who are nice to you, instead. I haven't read any of your writing, so I can't say anything about it :/ I'm sure it's pretty good though ^.^
*huggles*

Stephiey 07-18-2013 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 481643)
Oh my god, Steph, I'm so sorry. *hugs* You don't stink at writing, Steph. You're really great and improving, and if your mom judges the writing of a teenage girl on the way a forty-year-old bestseller writes, she has no understanding of potential. I know this probably won't help, but I care. I really do. Your mom sounds like she's been awful to you, but you'll get through it.

Keep writing and drawing. You're an epic artist, I just found my character sketch and it's really breathtaking. ._.

Awwwww thank you so much. :) That really means a lot to me. And you... you are such an incredible writer too. :D I read a little of your The Legend of Dreamland and I could have never ever ever written that well at that age. :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieS (Post 481645)
That's terrible. But don't let them get to you, Steph. Your parents seem to have a different perspective of your future than you do, but don't let them take control. Do what you want to do, and if they have a problem with it, tell them that this is what you want to do and they don't have a right to tell you you can't.

Mhmmm... *strikes superhero pose* I SHALL BE STRONG AND CONTROL MY OWN LIFE.

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 481650)
Ugh, i'm sorry :c *hugs* Don't listen to her, okay? if someone's an asshole to you, then their opinion is stupid c: listen to your friends and the people who are nice to you, instead. I haven't read any of your writing, so I can't say anything about it :/ I'm sure it's pretty good though ^.^
*huggles*

*huggles back* Thanksies LST :) You're awesome.






*HUGS EVERYONE* ALL OF YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLY AMAZING YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH BETTER THAT MADE MY DAY THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

Jesse 07-18-2013 06:22 PM

Hi, so I had to go to to this doctor because my mom thinks I'm underweight and and I have a malnutritional diet, and the doctor said I might have some deformed bulge in my stomach. So then I went to this medical center, and they told me to put on this gown thing (the gown made me feel really exposed because the only thing that was keeping it from unravelling from my waist was a knot at my midsection), and then I got an x-ray and now I'm at home waiting to see if my stomach is messed up. ^.^ *pokes at chest with stick*

Jesse 07-18-2013 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse (Post 481661)
Hi, so I had to go to to this doctor because my mom thinks I'm underweight and and I have a malnutritional diet, and the doctor said I might have some deformed bulge in my stomach. So then I went to this medical center, and they told me to put on this gown thing (the gown made me feel really exposed because the only thing that was keeping it from unravelling from my waist was a knot at my midsection), and then I got an x-ray and now I'm at home waiting to see if my stomach is messed up. ^.^ *pokes at chest with stick*

Oh my god. Guys. The rumours are true. To quote from my doctor: my stomach is 'puffy'.

I feel so relieved to know this knowledge.

AlgebraAddict 07-18-2013 09:23 PM

Thank god you now know about the puffiness of your belly.


I think a doctor thought my sister had a puffy stomach at birth and it turned out she just had a weird belly button. IT'S LIKE HALF IN HALF OUT

Jesse 07-18-2013 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 481679)
Thank god you now know about the puffiness of your belly.


I think a doctor thought my sister had a puffy stomach at birth and it turned out she just had a weird belly button. IT'S LIKE HALF IN HALF OUT

OH AND THE PATH THAT LEADS TO MY INTESTINES IS ALL CLOGGED UP :'3

'Yes you are diagnosed with... belly puff.'

HeatherB 07-18-2013 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481620)
can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please (: can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please can i be happy please (: (: (: (: can i be happy please can i be happy please (: (: can i be happy please (:

you deserve to be
Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 481625)
You know what? Listening to music and drinking juice is how cheering myself up works. Doing that will give me that pride I need to know that I am worth it. Why can't I cheer up, now? I'm a fine person to do it so I'm going to try and cheer myself up, hopefully. Try to fix things up, try to be happy again, try to not be depressed, try to love myself, try to stop hurting, try to be that person who I was once who I am now going to be. Thanks to all of you I think that I am going to focus on the part that I love so freaking much about me: I never give up. So why don't I try to at least have a go at this for once? Why don't I help myself? I'm going to do it. I'm going to drink juice and listen to music.

*hugs the sh*t out of you* that's an awesome decision. i likey.

AlgebraAddict 07-18-2013 10:46 PM

YOU GUYS I FREAKING HATE THOSE GODDAMN EPISODE SUMMARiES THAT GIVE AWAY THE ENTIRE GODDAMN THING UGH UGH UGH I HATE YOU STUPID SUMMARIES.

Jesse 07-18-2013 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 481692)
YOU GUYS I FREAKING HATE THOSE GODDAMN EPISODE SUMMARiES THAT GIVE AWAY THE ENTIRE GODDAMN THING UGH UGH UGH I HATE YOU STUPID SUMMARIES.

Did you mean Wikipedia because YES I KNOW

AlgebraAddict 07-18-2013 11:06 PM

No I Don't I Actually Like Wikipedia I Mean Tv-series.net I Mean That Is Effing Stupid

Ruza 07-19-2013 01:11 AM

All I'm thinking about is college. It's the only thing I think about, all day. I do this thing where I keep taking out my records (grades/GPA) from last school year and combing through everything even though I already know what's on the papers guess my OCD is acting up. I swear, I've lost half of my hair and what's left is going grey. All day, just sitting at the computer looking at colleges and determining whether or not they would take me based on their admission requirements. I don't even know what I want to be.


Nervous, nervous.


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