all of my friends seem annoyed with me and i don't know why??

yo i know the feeling, it's happened to me too-- if it's rly bothering you, you should ask them... i know it helped me feel better about it, even if i did ask why they were acting like that after a good few months xP hope everything turns out ok! :)

yeah i get that sometimes and ?? but like venika said if it's really bothering you then I would ask them
(*hugshugshugshugs*) i hope things work out

I had an operation last November (pectus-excavatum-beeotches-look-it-up) and there was this metal bar thingy inside my chest (i was titaaaaniiiiummmm) but my life just hates me so I had to get it out after six months and it was supposed to be in for a year and they were like, "oh yeah, you ribs could just decide to cave in again" and now im really scared its going to happen...

Thanks a lot.
When you buy something you say will be mine in a month, should I have some say in it?

Alice, it'll be okay, darling. <-------
ARG it's Phan's fault x(
...........................:o

so for the last month and a half I've been running a mile every day to exercise and lose weight
it's brought on some new anxieties and depressive symptoms and shit, but it's also gotten rid of a lot of the old ones
i like the way I am now a lot better than the way I was before
i've lost nearly 15 lbs., am eating a lot healthier, and am feeling more energized
i've kind of become minorly obsessed with weight, but that's ok
it's been getting better
it will get better
i realize exercising alone won't solve all my problems and that my depression spans a lot deeper than just sleeping problems, unlike my mom tells me, but it's been helping me
i'm not as happy as i want to be, but someday, i will be
i'm on my way there
even though i feel like crying, i know I will be happy someday.
i have to be. i'm working so hard for it. i have to be happy someday.

Ugh. Life sucks some times.

it's so great that you've made it this far, you can keep going!!! c:



the antidepressants are actually helping me a lot!!! i haven't been taking them for long but i feel a lot better and calmer about a lot of the things i was irrationally anxious and sad about before. i feel like i can handle stressful situations a lot better so i can get to the point where i won't need to take them anymore. im still scared that i'll crash and burn all over again, but idk im hoping that doesn't happen.

thanks guys
ugh i just don't know what i did

hey um probably nothing because you're so freaking fab ?
but on the off chance that you did do something and you honestly have no idea what it is it isn't something to beat yourself up about bc if it annoys your friends then they should tell you what it is so you can work it out with them and stuff. or you can just go to them and ask maybe in a nice indirect way if it makes you more comfortable and be like "yo everything's cool with us right"
and then if they say no you can work it out and if they say yes you can press it a little further to make sure and in the end things will hopefully all work out
just get a good nights sleep and stuff and maybe tomorrow things will have worked themselves out mmkay? (*hugs super tight*)
talk to me and tell me what's up if you need to okay you know I'm happy to listen

i need to get it together and stop crying dear god i'm ashamed of myself right now

hey you what's wrong (*hugshugshugs*) :c it's okay to cry sometimes and to not be okay and stuff. I'm going to end you rn mmkay and Luke if you need to talk about anything or if you just want me to talk or anything really whatever you need I'll do my best

you're going to...end me?
i'm sorry but that typo actually made me giggle
(*hugs*) thank you so much i don't deserve a friend like you

omfg remind me to never type on my phone ever that typo. .. cx

so i gave blood again today and idk i'm viewing it as sorta like cutting
like this is me trying to make up for all the shitty things i've done and the piece of shit i am/have been

and i usually don't cry easily but like i started crying at the thought of losing sam and i'm still kinda just fighting the urge to curl up on the floor and cry

You are definitely not a piece of shit. You are an amazing human being with so much potential and an entire lifetime ahead of you to do whatever you want. Mistakes may have been made but if you aren't forgiven, then the person who didn't forgive you is so foolish. Just please look up and try to see the bright side of things :c You've made it so far and that's something to be very proud of so just keep it up and continue staying strong c:
And hey, it's totally okay to cry so if you feel the need to, you should. You've gotta let emotions out eventually. And don't worry too much about losing Sam, even though that sounds impossible to do. You two sound really close and i don't know much about you guys, but you sound so compatible. But if you are that worried, cherish every second you have with her :) just please keep staying strong! You can text me anytime you need to.

Well crap.

So I asked my crush to homecoming. And he didn't have a date, but he was like "sorry I'm just going with some friends."

:(

I honestly think I'd be more fine if I didn't have like 4 people waiting to hear what he says. Dinner tonight with my parents is going to be awkward.

I feel like no one understands me. I just wish for another world, where people will love and care for me.

I fucking hate life right now. I told everyone I could handle my anger in school but uggggh I can't fucking calm down for shit and I just...

I just want it to be over. I hate school. I'm just now coming in for eighth grade when this grade has been together since sixth grade and now I'm all alone. Even the other new kids are making friends faster than me! On top of all that, my gender dysphoria has gotten REALLY bad and I just hate myself right now. I would tell my mom about everything but she doesn't get the whole "being trans" thing.

I want to die but I don't want to commit suicide...

my hair looks good, i kicked a sexist frickface's ass in a class debate (people started applauding i think i'm the new class hero), and also writer's club started up.
today has been a good day.

I feel like crap.

That was my one chance. My one shot and now it's gone, and I don't know how I can stand not ever seeing you and just letting you go and oh my God I just can't right now...

what's the strongest word for anger you can think of
okay now think of a stronger one
and that's about 1/10 of how pissed i am right now

i mean it's just not fair. i don't deserve this kind of treatment as a player OR as a human being. look, if i met the challenge and showed you what you wanted to see, which you said i did, then LET ME FUCKING PLAY ON JV. I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT "TEAM COHESION" I LITERALLY JUST WANT TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED TO DO

spoilers for a movie + an emotional ramble
 

SO I just watched Saving Mr. Banks. ^_^ (*throws confetti*) I cried. Twice.

Is...is it strange that...that the whole thing reminded me of myself?? I mean, P. L. Travers was just her pen name. And part of that pen name was chosen for sentimental reasons, and came from the memory of one of her parents. That's...that's...exactly how I chose MY pen name. And I'm 110% sure I'd act like her if someone was trying to turn one of my stories into a movie. Nitpicking, protesting, lots of sass and sarcasm. And, naturally, there's her father, who she was super close to but died when she was little. That happened to me, too. SO much of her life reminds me of mine, I could go on for hours. Even down to the intricate little structures she made out of leaves and twigs. I was always the only kid I knew that did that all the time. And how drinking tea from a paper cup is sacrilege. (*just used the SAME EXACT WORD yesterday when my dad suggested I make coffee by heating the water in the microwave*) But the biggest thing is...I've always worked out the problems in my life through my writing, either directly or through metaphors, consciously or unconsciously. And no one who reads my stories knows my background well enough to spot the rather large bits of reality and personal history in all my stories. (Especially WOT.) Same thing for P. L. Travers.

It's just...wow. I did NOT expect to identify with this movie so much. O___O

So today sucked. And it's only going to get worse.

(*hugs*) email if you want to talk dearie i'm so sorry

fuck .

OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO MAD :mad:

This may sound stupid but it's true!

So in gym yesterday we were going to start the soccer unit but it was raining so we did the pacer test.
BUT I COULDN'T BECAUSE I PULLED MY HIP FLEXOR AND I JUST COULDN'T

but... not to brag or anything, but I'm the best girl runner in my school. Last year I got 112, but I'm so much faster this year. AND NOW I DIDN'T GET TO DO IT!!

So when all the boys brag about their times I'm just sitting there like, I got higher than that LAST YEAR.

But no one will know because I HAD TO SIT OUT.

No joke, I was about to cry. And we don't do another one until next quarter!

I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT QUARTER TO GET IN THE 100 CLUB! NEXT QUARTER! EVERYONE'S GOING TO THINK I'M A WIMP BECAUSE I'M NOT ON THE LIST!

Guys... I was getting 100 in sixth grade, for goodness sake! :mad:

And if I have to sit out at soccer practice for ONE MORE DAY I WILL FREAK

Okay, first of all, I'm not one to judge, but why the hell are you sad you didn't get to do the pacer test? It's like the worst day of the year for me at least.
And hahahaha i got 14

The fact that I feel so little terrifies me.

I feel nothing but this constant, pulsing anger that arises for no reason.

My empathy is flawed and weak.

I feel like a broken human being.

Aren't I supposed to feel something, anything?

I like to create stories in real life just so I can synthesize some mediocre form of emotion that will never compare to the real thing.

I almost want to put myself in situations that will break my heart.

Because pain is better than nothing, right?

it's better to be feared than loved, they say.
absolutely right.
except when your parents are afraid of you.

ME AND MOST OF THE GIRLS & SOME GUYS GOT TO LIKE 5??? EXCEPT ITS THE BEEP TEST HERE SO IDK IF ITS THE SAME. LIKE 2 PPL MADE IT TO 10 AND THAT WAS THEIR END Laugh

oKAY I just have one more day of constant, mind-numbing, soul-crushing anxiety where I can't eat or sleep or pay attention in class I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH

It might not be the same thing then. Because 14 where I am sucked really bad. Did you do it in laps or running from one side of the gym to the other?

We just did the beep test in gym... I don't think it's the same thing as the pacer test. The maximum you can get in the beep test we did was nineteen, and the eighteen year-old hot athletic guy got to ten, and stopped because everyone else did.

bUT I'M IN GRADE ELEVEN GYM (ACTUALLY GRADES TEN TO FIFTH YEAR) AND I'M IN GRADE NINE AND THERE ARE LIEK EIGHT GIRLS AND TWENTY GUYS
sorry I'm still struggling with this class. i mean idek what to do around older people usually I'm really good but all the guys are intimidating so ?
but in the beep test I got fourth place muahaha c:< and that was the first time I did it.

it was like 10 metres to a set of cones on the other side idk