the end of today sucked. first i had a basketball game and the refs were horrible and there was a stupid mix-up and my friend got fouled out even though she only had 2 fouls (you need 5) and it was just ughh and then i was crying in the car because i was just so frustrated with the refs and the other team, who were evil. they were smiling and talking when we had a t.o. because another friend was on the ground crying 'cause one of them like elbowed her in the neck and they were laughing when my friend got fouled out for no reasons and some people on my team are SO ANNOYING. i was gonna get ice cream with my mom. buT

i forgot my phone. we drive back, get it, start going towards ice cream and

the car is messed up. we can't accelerate, it's like pulling us back, we can't fix it, it's making a horrible sound. we drive to our shop and go grocery shopping and take a taxi home. no ice cream.

my sister didn't walk the dog. she was home for 3. freaking. hours. my dog had been home for 6 hours without a walk. my mom got pissed about it and she ended up walking the dog. my sister fights with me.

i justify "one episode" of gilmore girls because i've had the shittiest afternoon ever. it's 11 now, and guess how much hw I'VE done? 0.

may i happy vent? or would that be disrespectful?
long story short ive got life down now

I'm so so glad that you're okay. Stay strong honey, you are by no means Acting like a baby.

I'll stay alive for you

Just stay alive for me

hahaha I hate myself and every one at my school

at least ten people have asked me how I got the scars on my hands

what do I tell them?

never the same thing

sometimes a shrug and ignore them

sometimes I make up so stupid excuse

I cant tell them the truth

"Oh, those? Yeah, I cut myself"

It's so fucking stupid

I'm so glad! : D i'll keep praying for her and that she keeps fighting. are you doing okay?

that seems too easy c'x legolas and gimli?

of course not. if life is treating you well, you deserve to tell others and celebrate it. i'm glad you're alive, meera. i really am.
thank you. you stay strong too, yeah? you mean the world to me. i love you so gosh diddly darn much. we'll both be okay.

i don't want this to come off as disrespectful but it might. sorry.

so, i'm just a naturally very clumsy person. almost all the skin on my body is covered in random scars i don't know how i got. and people like to make assumptions that i'm hurting myself, when in fact, their "positivity" is the only thing that could make me suicidal now. i don't want people telling me they're glad i'm alive or how much my life matters or any of that. i just don't want it. it makes me feel weird. i hate this faux positivity and mindfulness shit, and i'd rather have something that works and something that'll make me more productive. thankfully, i've got my school friend group for that, as well as some extremely supportive online friends who aren't on this website. they have a very specific brand of positivity that's the only thing that can ever make me feel better, so don't even bother with me lmao. but sometimes when people see the paper-cuts and bruises all along my arms and legs it's the only reaction they have, when in reality i'm a fucking klutz who probably just tripped over something or whatever. and i don't know how to tell them to not do this without coming off as weird. so i just thank them and move on but it makes me feel worse, it really fucking does.

oh, okay. sorry about that. i'll leave you alone if that's what you want.

it's fine, i'd just rather not have any more attempts at positivity or cheering me up when i vent here. i mean, no offense, and i love you guys and everything, but your kind of positivity isn't the very specific one that works for me. sometimes i need a void to scream into and this thread functions as that void.

that's perfectly fine. as long as you've found something that works for you. i won't bother you anymore.

*screams forever*