?
What happened?

Like you read a book and she reads the same one?

That is freaky.

it's really f*cking scary though
because this morning
he was asking me again
and he said
'are you sure that the only reason you're not eating is because you're not hungry?'
and i was so close again
just to breaking
snapping
saying
'no
no i'm not sure
because i'm afraid
and i want to die
and i'm more f*cked up than you or mom knows
or will allow me to be
and i want a therapist
and i want to go to people who will understand
and who will help
and who are professionals
so they'll know
exactly what to do
and i want to cry all the time
and i don't recognize my reflection
do you know who i am?
dad, i've lived with you for 13 years--
you must know--
i don't know anymore--
do i care?--
who am i?'
but then my brain gets offtrack into a les mis song and i shrug and don't respond.
i must look like a klingon at my very best.
i've been feeling the blackness more and more lately
and it's just starting to look better and better
in comparison
to my actual living life
but then today
we had meeting partners
and i was reminded
that i have to at least wait till high school to kill myself
so that
the teachers don't have to explain to my meeting partner
who is like five or six or so
that the reason heather is no longer is at school
is because she's not anywhere anymore
but underground rotting dead
It's definitely John. Trust me...

so i'm eating.
*throws glitter pathetically*

Hey I'll trade with you. Don't be all "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IT'S LIKE TRUST ME YOU DON'T WANT THIS". I was twenty pounds underweight in 6th grade ok? It's much better than the alternative. I'd kill someone to be skinny again.

7301th post on this thread! :D YAY!

I have so much to say but absolutely no clue how to form words.

/huggles
Screw his 'perfect', then. You just do what is right for you. You have the strength and the intelligence to do that for yourself. He cannot force you to be unhappy, no one can. You can find ways to make yourself happy again. We're here for you. We'll help you any way we can.

Don't be ashamed of who you are, or how you are, because of your family. There is no justifiable reason for him to yell at your aunt, just like there would be no reason for your family to yell at you. If you do get depressed when you're older, then your family should be fully supporting you and helping you through it. If they treat you like that, then they don't deserve to even be near someone as wonderful as you.
"Just because you're blood, it doesn't make you family. You have to earn that." ~Supernatural
Forgive the cliché, but: "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." ~Bernard Baruch/Dr Seuss/choose what you will.

Please stay strong, Lily. You are better than all of this pain. You are amazing, and I really hate that you're going through this. I have no idea if I can even help, but I am here for you. We are all here for you, and we care about you and we care about what happens to you.

That's great. In the very least, it's a step in the right direction. You can do this, Heather.

it's funny cause i know

but im not eating much anymore because i feel sick and nervous

all the time

it's getting old

i dont even care about being skinny or fat or any shit

i just want to be normal which will never happen

Ugh...I'm really starting to get stressed... >_< *rips out hair* We had this whole big science project to do with like five big assignments, and I have one left to do. The evil lab report. The experiment has to do something with weather and I have no freaking clue what to do it on. I really wanna do it on something easy...something I won't even have to actually do...I just wanna look it up online and write a couple paragraphs about it..is that too much to ask for?


And also, I'm trying soooo hard not to care what people think about me...but it's really hard because I'm one of those people who like to be liked by everyone. I'm starting not to care but I swear if she starts talking s*** to the highschoolers about me, I'm not afraid to fight her.


Okay...rant over. if you have any WEATHER related experiments, please let me know ASAP because it's kinda due friday.... *shamefully fades into the background*

i hate it
i'm not hungry
i swear i'm not
that's just how it is
i think i'll go try to throw up now
they asked me if i was eating normally at school and everything
but i don't know if i want them to find out or just stay hidden
"little bundle of contradictions"
never has there been a more appropriate term for the adolescent girl

Um...make your own lightning with baloons and static and stuff? Hot air and cold air for thunder demostration?

Haha yeah...I'll look at that. Lol I had like half the report typed out and then realized the experiment had nothing to do with weather. Smh. ._.

Ohkay. Um. Can I help you any other way?

Please don't try to throw it up. It will seem disgusting and too much and uncomfortable, but if you keep it down, then it will get better. Once you get past a certain point, the hunger will just lessen. But that doesn't mean that your body doesn't need the sustenance.

Nope!(: Thank ya!

I really really want to throw it up but I can't make myself throw up.
If I could...

don't
if you become bulimic
i will kill myself
you know why
it's deeper than just being disgusted
i am seriously terrified
by even the mention
it's sad
if you go through with this
i swear
please
god please
heather
i love you
you have
to
keep
it
down
.

i'm trying to throw it up
but my body won't let me
i don't know whether it's right or wrong
to do that
but lately i haven't been liking my body very much
so i think
it's wrong
i think
i'll try
to throw up
some more

being bulimic doesn't give you a nice body
it's disgusting
and besides
do you want to be a nasty skeleton
i swear
you are already skinny as it is
and if you
go through with this
it's not your fault
if im afraid of you
(im sorry
but
just
emetophobia
is
my
only
real
fear
and
it's
so
much
more
than
just
being
disgusted
)

i don't care whether it does or not
my body is sh*t anyways
and doomed
and i don't care
about my health anymore
about my body anymore
about my mentality anymore
about me anymore
i don't care at all
there's no point
i am not skinny
i'm already afraid of me
why shouldn't you be?
no one should care about me
it would make
dying
easier
.

I hope that this won't be the best time of my life. So far, hell yeah, it is, but I don't want it to go downhill from here.

I shouldn't be afraid of you because I love you and you're not allowed to die because I will never stop.
You shouldn't put those fingers down your throat because I swear to god if you do I will..........
i don't know
i realize that at this point you're not really listening to what anyone says
in fact
you seem to be more motivated to do so whenever someone tries to talk you out
just please know
even if you don't care much either way
you're killing me inside

i used to love me, too. but i've been dead for a long time.
that is true
yes
that is very true
i doubt that
you can live without me.

who cares if you aren't skinny?
you are you, and you are beautiful

EDIT:

I think that feeling the way you do is just part of teenage hood. It is part of growing up.
You should learn to accept your body the way it is.

*QUOTES SCIENCE TEACHER*
It can also be part of your genes.
*END QUOTE*

So, yeah.
That's what Iz Thinkz

What.
Um.
I don't think.
All right then...

.............
I don't think I said that right.
Now I shall try again.


Once upon a time....
there was a girl, named Noomuu.
She felt as if she were bulging with fat.
You know what she did?
She went to the gym.
She did crunches.
She did pull ups.
When she was done, she felt slightly better than before.
Yet, she still neglected her dinner.
At school, she went to the bathroom.
Also known as throwing up her food.
Some AMAZING girl names BearWithAStrawberry walked in on her.
It was purely accidental.
They talked for a while.
Here's what the epic Strawberry-Digesting-Bear/Girl said.
"Would you rather be slightly chubby, and very much healthy?"
Noomuu replies, "I don't know."
"Or would you rather be skinny and half dead?"
Noomuu replies, "Skinny"
BearWithAStrawberry says, "You need to learn how to accept your body. Here's my advice:
Every day, walk in front of the mirror and say, "I am perfect."
If you absolutely REFUSE to eat, force something down. Preferabbly fruit. Grapes, strawberries, canteloupe et cetera. They are healthy enough and don't make you feel fat. Call it your "Skinny Food"
Drink lots and lots of water. I heard it makes you feel fuller. And it's good for you skin.
When you want to do your *finger magic* stick a piece of gum into your mouth instead."
Noomuu says, "Okay."
She followed BearWithAStrawberry's advice.
She got healthier.
And managed to be just the right weight!!!!!!!!
:D

YAY!!

sure. ok. it's that easy.

:confused:I'm sorry.
I have never gone through this, and I'm just trying to help in any way I can possibly manage.
Try telling a parent?

it's fine.
i know.
never.

BWAS: Look at her previous vents. Her parents don't really understand or care to understand.

Oh!
Whydidn'tI?Iprobablysoundedsofrickindumb.omgomg.*s pazzesout*

It's fine! It was just a mistake. No biggie.

*le gracefully dances away*

Happily:D

.................................................

Can I imagine, I waz laughing over the phone an hour ago.