thanks <33

i don't know

Aww dear *hugs* *hands cookie*
I know exactly how you feel, I do. And I'm not naïve enough to think that anything I can say can make any of this better for you, but I just want you to know that you're an amazing person and anyone would be lucky to be friends with you. Keep your chin up <3 Maybe there'll be a new person in your classes and you'll become best friends, or maybe there's someone out there feeling exactly like you at the moment. Just know that life is a balance and you can't have the good without the bad and vice versa but in the end, eventually everything will even out <3

i can verbalize my thoughts and feelings alone in my room but I can't write them down
and when i start thinking about that and it in general i can't say it or even think it anymore it's just a swirling mass in my head
are these even my feelings
i'm so confused
what's going on

why can't i write
why can't i be acknowledged
why can't i go anywhere
why can't i have dreams
why can't i know where i'm going, too
why can't i know anything
why can't i have a concrete feeling
why can't i think
why can't i
why can't i
why can't i

why can't i cry anymore
doesn't crying make it feel better
forget never shedding tears for another person
forget it's wrong to openly cry honest tears

don't some say that if a person can't cry, they are weak
am i really that weak?

Thank you so much for taking your time to say that c: sorry I can't seem to come up with a better reply than this :c

hey SM, I have no idea what you're going through, but I want you to know that it's ok to be broken. It's ok to have no idea what to do. it's ok that you can't cry, it's ok that you may feel empty, it's ok that you're terrified. you know why? because things will change. there will come a moment someday where you will be so filled with life, so filled with love, so filled with happiness, that you realize all that hollow space inside you has been flooded with fragments of the things that make life worth living. I'm not saying it's good to feel void—I'm saying that, in the future, you won't feel void. You'll won't feel that depression, taking away from everything that fills the rest of you. the weight of the emptiness won't be on your shoulders, and you'll be able to recognize all that you've always been worth. someday, it will all work out, and you will have hopes and dreams and cry tears of joy for the hole inside yourself you filled.

although I know it feels like it will never end, it WILL. trust me. Although hope may be the hardest thing to come by these days, it is the only thing you need to cling to. it will save you. even when you feel like you have nothing, you can still find hope. You can find it in the friend you haven't talked with all summer. You can find it in the TV show you haven't finished, the video game you haven't beat. you can find it in the color you haven't dyed your hair. you can find it in the food you haven't tried. you can find it in the fancy shoes you haven't worn, the hiking trail you haven't trekked, the upcoming album you haven't heard. you can find it in anything. Sometimes, you HAVE to find it in anything, if it's nowhere else to be found. please, you have to find something to hope for. stay up late to fingerpaint. wake up early to watch the sunrise. try coffee. spit it out. try tea. fall in love. go for a run. feel the sweat soak through everything you touch. shower until the water turns cold. put your iPod on shuffle. wrap yourself in every comforter you own. fall asleep to Beethoven, wake up to MCR. do anything to fill your chest with life, even if only for a moment.

it's ok to feel lost. someday, you will find yourself again.

ugh these emotional highs and lows are coming back
i feel happier when i don't take my meds but i was a lot worse than before i was prescribed them
oh my god i hate this feeling and its coming back for the first time in a few weeks shit

Why can't I be happy for five minutes without someone coming in and ruining it :/

I cried today
Not as much as I wanted to
But it felt good and bad and
It was relieving

to me, crying is utter complete weakness.
i've started this thing where i'm not allowed to cry more than once every two weeks
it's failing
i'm weak

My dad noticed I'm acting sad and asked why so I told him I don't know. He said it's because it's probably depression and to stop acting selfishly.
First of all, depression isnt something so easily changed. It's not something on the surface you can tug off. It's underneath the surface in the chemicals and it's not a choice. I didn't choose to be unhappy but I am.
Second of all, if he's trying to make me feel better that was a hopeless attempt.
Thirdly? He has no idea what's been going on.
I'm just so angry at him right now.

I had to bite back a ton of sarcastic retorts today.

How can anyone just be so cruel? She's just awful. I wanted to say something to her... I had so many great comebacks just waiting to be said, but I decided to stay out of trouble. I just had to keep being the quiet, cowardly girl I am.

And now I hate myself for it.

And how can he be friends with her? How can he stand her? I thought he was so nice. I thought he was one of those people to look up to. But he just sat there and laughed while she said the most awful things. He treated her like the little princess she's used to being. Gosh, how did I ever have a crush on this jerk?

I'm in the same situation.
Except it's "How did I ever think that lots of people had crushes on this jerk, and fake one of my own?"

Haha. I guess "crush" is the wrong word. It was more of just wanting to be his friend.

Sucks, though, doesn't it.

Yes.
Especially when everyone at school goes along with it and still thinks you like him, and keeps trying to set you up, so you need to think of rejection lines which you forget on the spot and resort to saying things like "go away" which don't make an impression.
Boys suck. >.<

I'm going to take a break from kp.
The goodbye thread has more specific things but I feel depressed just on kp.
I'll live on WB tho so you can still talk to me

yeah so i had a shitty day in general. i woke up late, had a hellish math exam, got held late in the class before lunch because people wouldn't shut up, then an incredibly frustrating "debate", i totally choked during choir placements and messed up, then i stayed after school to set up a table for the writer's club and only managed to pass out like ten flyers total.
also i've had killer cramps and headaches all fucking day and that sucks.

what's the point.

Love is the point, so keep going. B)

So I had a great day, yet I still feel like crap.

I'm so proud of my self portrait art piece, and my art teacher even pulled me aside after class to tell me I was doing a really good job with it and she really liked it. We played a game in Math (sort of like wheel of fortune) and I guessed the hardest puzzle right (the teacher said it was the fastest anyone had ever guessed it) plus my team won and got 5 extra credit points. And there was a pep rally and it's Friday.

So why do I still feel like crap?

I know. I honestly can't describe to anyone how I feel right now because I barely even know how to describe the feeling to myself. It's like I'm silently screaming inside but the sound refuses to come out. It's like my heart is slowly ripping in half, like everything's falling apart and I have no power to put it all back together with my bloody hands.

God, why does it hurt so much? I'm trying to tell myself that just because he hasn't texted me back since yesterday doesn't mean he hates me, but I can't help going through all of the dumb and pointless 'what ifs' in my mind. I've tried to tell myself he's busy. But he's always texted me, every day, and now, suddenly after three weeks there's nothing. And besides, he was on Facebook for 20 straight minutes last night from his phone, which means he probably got my text...

I just feel like now he's starting to get accepted into the more popular circles (even though he's more of a loner like me) and I'm going to be thrown away and forgotten about. A lot of people like him, and if I don't do anything else soon, I'm going to have to be ripped in half even more to see him with another girl. And I can't text him too many times in a row without no reply because no one wants to be that annoying person....

And one last thing. It figuratively kills me inside every day to see you. Walking to school. In the hallways. Passing by the math room. At the pep rally. To watch you and know that you have no idea that I'm the girl from Facebook. And every time we have brief eye contact, I have to look away and pretend like you're just another stranger and it's so hard </3

I just feel awful and have no clue what to do.

please don't do this you're worth so much to this world

doesn't feel like it

i know it doesn't and i know that my words probably feel so empty and i'm so sorry for that but you really mean a lot

sorry. thanks.

Shit. I'm probably too late already. I'm never good enough. I can never compete with the popular kids. And I hate that.

But I'll hate myself more if I give up...

I know I hardly come on KP or WB anymore, and this obviously doesn't compare with a lot of your guy's problems, but...

I've been so busy, I actually missed the anniversary of starting my soul story. o___o I didn't even notice until today. The anniversary was over a week ago. I just woke up today and thought, Wait...August is over. I missed it. (*lies on the ground, dazed*) hOW DID I MISS IT?!

(*intense guilt*) (*burns my schedule so I have more time to write*)

Happy
 

Listening to Fixer Upper, playing online games, and eating bruschetta with tomato, onion, avocado and spinach.

Saturday afternoon?

Hell yeah.

I'm glad you're enjoying your Saturday!! ^w^
(Also woah man, I never can get used to the idea that our time zones are so wonky compared to each other...it's almost 3 AM, here. o_o)

I just spent the past three hours writing, for the first time in I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG. ;w; I'm so happy, oh my goodness, I FEEL SO GREAT WHEN I WRITE I NEED TO MAKE TIME TO DO THIS MORE OFTEN! I will totally regret staying up late, but, it was worth it. OTL I want to post more soon, oh my word. I just have no idea when I'll be able to. I'm trying REALLY hard, now, though. Extra hard. Harder than I've tried in a while.

Thanks, Ash! ^_^
Oh my goodness, I know, right? Time zones obviously are weirdos in the head.
THREE HOURS WRITING? Oh my gosh. I would usually spend around 30 minutes nowadays because of... *growls* school, but anyways! Well done for writing a lot! Yeah, I'm really excited for you to post something 'cause you always used to get a chapter a week or something like that posted. :D

Do you got anything fun planned for the weekend? ^w^ I'll probably do the usual. Eat a ton of food, watch a lot of Netflix, aaaaand listen to 5SOS songs for a couple hours straight.

I KNOWWW! ;w; Thank youuuu. (*tears of joy*) I did three hours, I'm so happy. I sacrificed almost my entire night's sleep for it, but, it was TOTALLY worth it! :cool: SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK. (*....says the girl who will gladly sleep for literally 12 hours if she gets the chance*) School is terrible for finding time to write, though, I totally know how you feel. ._. How's school being going for you, lately? Y'know, other than being annoying and tiresome. >_>

And yeah, aaaaaagggghhhh, I STILL want to go back to a chapter a week, but I dunno how to do that??? (*looks at schedule*) (*sobs*) WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO oh yeah that's right I run the entire household THAT'S WHY. ._. (*sigh*) Maybe someday, I'll go back to a chapter a week...just gotta re-arrange some stuff and make the time.

Everyone's just screaming and annoying me into worse depression while I haven't smiled willingly in a week.
I want to smile.
I have a pencil in my hand, and all I can't think of it is a potential stress-reliever.

all I want to do after eight hours of exhausting hard work mostly under the hot sun is take a shower, fall over, and go to sleep for a week
I most definitely do not want to sit down and study for tests or think about being unprepared for a competition next week or be stressed by school
and yet here I am

(*hugs super tight*) hey you'll make it through and do great