time is going scarily fast and it's not okay

my life rn
i agree like,, why should sat matter?? why can't we just learn what we're interested in and the sole concepts that will actually be important in later life???

no offense but if that were to happen i would get f's in everything
and you'd be surprised how often you'll end up using certain things
like,, just saying

well then it could be an optional route. if you're fine with the current school system then you can go with that, if there was a choice for people who felt differently too and the choice could result in equal opportunity for the future then i just feel that'd be great, if not idealistic

agreed. i legitimately hate school, it's the cause of most of my stress and it doesn't even matter. im finishing ninth grade right now, exams are next week, and i just... it doesnt matter for shit but there's so much pressure? a lot of you guys are in senior high school though right? im going into senior next year so. tips. honestly

(Depending on what senior high is in america/where you guys are. here it's 10 and up)

yeah yikes school is so ?? i dunno but i really don't like it. my new school is really focused on exams, like we learn things just because they're going to come up in tests, but that's not what it should be about, i think. and rushing through content so we can finish everything in a chapter is pointless. we aren't learning anything, and we're not applying it to anything in real life. why should we learn something if it's just remembering facts? smh i cant wait to transfer schools next yr ://

ah im in 11th now and there is so much work this yr, id just say don't take on too much because i had to switch out of a pre-ap math course because i didn't predict how i would do there right
and also, like get any confusions about the subject clarified before it's too late
and ddOnt PROCRASTINATE, it worked for me last year just fine but there's too much to do now, and it's super hard when im not in any state to be able to answer anything coherent but better something mediocre than nothing at all
also idk if you have something like the SATs but i have nothing to say except i wish they didn't exist, but i guess for all standardized testing the only thing i need to work on is time management so yeah
good luck omg!!

yeah that's pretty much how this year is in terms of learning..it's not a good way to prepare us for the future. like i feel like the only reason we get hw is not so we can understand the concept better but bc the teachers have too much syllabus to cover so they try to have the lessons go by quicker through extra work and it is a HORRIBLE TEACHING METHOD BECAUSE WE LEARN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT WAY x-x
i hope your next school is better! :/

this is the forever struggle of my school career.

also when teachers spend tons of time on a subject that is very elementary and then they just ignore/skip the subjects no one knows about.

sup I posted a poem you guys should check it out (I wrote a poem about the same boy a while back it's the gtg ttyl one) but yeah

I would love you forever if you go check out my new poem on the main site. :) Hope all of you guys are hanging in there. *hugs and kisses*

Calculus why do you hate me so much?

lS NO ONE GOING TO ADDRESS THE FACT THAT ADELE HAS A NEW SINGLE OUT AND IT'S THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER

My mother's always working and so is my dad, and while I love them both very much and I know they love me, i just wish they were involved in my life more often. My mom's never been to any of my school events, my dad's only been to a few, (I give him more pardon cause he's traveling 24/7 and it's not like he can get on an airplane to fly back just for something so small) and I don't feel like I connect with my mom. She's just there. We rarely talk because she's always working. And I realized that I don't have a best friend, I don't have that kind of person in my life and I'm wondering if it's because I drove everyone away or because I'm just not "best friend" material. I'm just there, like a lamp. I know something has to change but I don't know what it is, I don't know how I can become good enough for anyone.

hey hey you are definitely good enough, you hear me? the fact that your parents are busy have nothing to do with not being good enough. im sure you're the most important person in their world, but they just can't show it because like you said they're working. my dad works from home and my mom is a housewife but i still never spend time with them because im always in my room- but i still love them. i love them and your parents love you unconditionally, so don't feel not good enough because you'll always be good enough (:
and for what's it's worth, i don't have a best friend either. maybe it's because i don't know how to have best friends, or rather forgot how. but they'll come someday, and you'll make great friends too. just remember that, and my contact tab is always open if you want to talk ^-^

thank you. :) <3 you're amazing, seriously.

aw youre welcome, i hope i helped c:

god i wish i had friends

i know the feel
*hug* u have me
i wish we could see eachother irl whenever we wanted ;-;

why does anyone bother with a fuckup like me

*hugs* Meer, you're not a fuckup. You are amazing and fierce and fiery and incredibly intelligent. You are not a fuckup. I promise you. Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days. Don't beat yourself up if you make a mistake.

even when i'm happy it's not like my full happiness and i almost feel like i'm faking it sometimes. my life is good i have so many good things in it i should be happy but i'm not.

i feel this so much. it's like i don't know what the real happiness is like and half the time when im happy im wondering how long the feeling will last before it disappears
BUT. overthinking emotions won't do anyone much good because it'll just stress them out. try not to think too deep abt whether your happiness is real or fake and just try to enjoy it when it happens, i think that's the best course of action for any of us (altho it's kind of hard to not think about it i know)

Yeah, that's true about overthinking. I'm trying more to just enjoy but it's hard when it just feels like something's missing.

I'm just mediocre. Sometimes I think there's something great in me but really I'm just a cheap copy of everything else. I try too hard, I try too little, I make no impression. I am grey.
My family even forgets about me sometimes like, oh yeah we have a fourth kid oops forgot about her. And people just come up to me and act like we aren't in the same class and I pretend I didn't know we were in the same class either but I did know. They just forgot. It's not a big deal I sorry for complaining I'm going to go do a mediocre job on my homework now.

lmao I'm like 99% worthless 1% "idk I get good grades and can play bass ok"

I have to adult in 16 days and I'm not mentally prepared. Or physically.

so like i actually feel pretty these days??
maybe it's because of the lipgloss i started wearing and somehow it increased my confidence in my appearance or something till now it's just most of the time i look into the mirror and am like "daaaamn that smile could knock people dead in a good way"
i apologize if this comes off as bragging but no im just so relieved that i made it from wanting smaller eyes and straighter hair and lighter skin and a different name to not caring at all about my looks but still nonchalantly refuting compliments because i secretly didn't believe a word to actually feeling good about myself at least physically
i know there's still a long way to go for me but i can't help but feel that this is an amazing first step and im just. so relieved.

Amaaaaaziiiiing!!!

And yes, your smile could knock people dead in a great way (I've stalked your YouTube channel, I know!)

(don't stop thinking those things they are absolutely true)

aww thank you you're so nice <3

@sravani wow that's actually super fab and I'm super happy for you ^u^



also I made a poem yay

http://www.kidpub.com/story/i-often-...you-1857156043

thank youu <3
ill check that out sometime 8)

I know nobody will listen anyway so I might as well spill my guts somewhat.
 

Well. I'm pretty worthless. Useless. Not as much as others though. Ha. I'm not even a good person at all, lol. "To hell with being a good man. To hell with it." (That line didn't come from an iwaoi one shot shut up) I just. Really don't like anyone and have this wrong feeling interacting with people, even though today was a pretty good people day. And I feel like I need the guy I call my best friend more than he needs me, but I'm not gonna burden him with my shitty worthless not-even-issues because he doesn't need me to unload on him but I'm kinda afraid he's gonna leave me like everyone else did and that all the others I sometimes call my friends depending on my mood will get tired of me again and just. Stop. Sure, I'm a romantic, and I want someone to devote themselves to me and want them to romanticize me for once so I don't have to do it myself but ha. I'm just delusional and narcissistic. Plus, I wouldn't be able to give anything to them because I'm selfish and egotistical so why would anyone care. Plus, I'd expect them to be a perfect person and decide based on petty things whether they're good enough or not. I've come to the conclusion that I have to make it on my own because to hell with waiting for someone. And to hell with searching for them too, spending time on others is wasting time you could have spent fulfilling yourself. What do I want? Success, power, feelings of satisfaction and worth, the usual. I haven't changed. It's better than last year, but I'm not. If the guy I used to say was my kouhai until he became first chair and stole it from me so I hated him, even though everyone else positively loved the kid, if he comes back, it'll be the same. I haven't changed or improved. I'll hate him again, because I won't be able to succeed. I'm pathetic because I can't even work hard at all, all I do is run my mouth and spin my wheels. Sure, I do 2+ hours of homework a night and 5+ a weekend and I'm maxing all my classes right now, but I can't get to a better orchestra or make all region or play well or fake well or lie well or manipulate people well or fucking try because yeah, if you're going to hit it of course you should hit it until it breaks but I can't even do the whole effort thing or not cry or get anxious or write or interact or be competent or have good qualities. So. Anyways, there's no point in the first place, but to hell with giving up, too, because what good would that do? Why be even more boring and typical and all-the-same by fucking giving up or not trying in the first place? See, I say things like that, but then I'm useless. I'm also the most self-absorbed piece of shit ever that's 90% delusional 10% attention seeking bitch but lol. I don't have any motivation or inspiration or dedication, I'm really fucking mean, I don't really care about other people very much, I'm not very competent but I'm still a hell of a lot better than the pathetic sort of basic loser who often doesn't understand the actually interesting, acidic (lol) bitch who's obviously the best, the type that usually gets in the goddamn way. They're even more pathetic than I am and sure if they died the economy and the system and other people will be affected but I want to see them pay and I want to see them suffer. But not die. And how much of this is even truth, or how desperate am I to say something interesting and get attention? Things are better on the outside but on the inside I only draw further inside this hole that grows. Why? There's no purpose, I'm just going through the motions of everything when I'm only full of negative emotion (and I fucking hate emotions) and emptiness. I'm nothing special, not talented, not a genius, not a prodigy, not good enough to amount to anything, and if I think that way I definitely won't be able to but what other way is there that isn't even more delusional than I already know I am? I like to think in absolutes, and I like to dream of absolutes. I like to think in terms of victory but what's the point. There's no such thing as a positive absolute or a victory if you'll never be satisfied-- but I'll never get to the point of worrying about the problems once you've gotten that far because I'll never amount to anything in the first place and God, this is pathetic. Absolutely fucking pathetic. I've pondered all the possible routes I can see or think of and I see no way out of this hole that grows.

alright. first things first.

you aren't a selfish bitch or worthless or useless or any of that shit. I know you don't believe me, but you can't base your entire life philosophy off of assumptions like that. also I seriously doubt you're not talented, but even if you aren't, that doesn't take away from how awesome you are. You don't need to be talented or a genius or a prodigy to be the most fuckin rad girl/guy/person you can be. Again, don't base everything you believe in off of "I'm talented and good at what I do" or "I'm a useless piece of shit" that's actually a super bad idea and it's not healthy and you need to try the best you can do not do that. I recently got stuck in second place in the school talent show and I'm a little down about that, but one of my best friends won first so that's okay. Point is, I don't automatically assume I'm untalented and worthless (god I sound self-righteous please don't take this the wrong way) because hey I'm not a terrible singer. And you're probably freaking awesome at what you do, even if you don't get first chair or all state or whatever tf you want to do with it.

also there's the thing about the friends okay I don't even pretend to understand your situation and what's going through your head right now, but you're your own person. If your friends are real, they're going to be there for you, and if they're not, fuck them.

lastly, I don't know how far you've gone thinking about this, but suicide isn't the answer. It's just not. It's not the "only way out" and even if it seems to be, you need to straight up stop looking for ways out and start living life to the fullest right where you are. I'm not going to tell you it gets better because I'm sure you've heard that enough, but sometimes even if the situation is shitty, you can keep going and love yourself. Hey, you happen to be a totally radically awesome individual, and if that's all you've got, have fun with it. Get some cute shoes (just a hint: it's bootie weather) or some new clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Try something new with your hair. Watch musicals. Laugh. Sing. Go out alone to the movies and eat all the popcorn yourself. Drink capri suns.

You've got this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8S3wdbkgE4

also this is the talent show I went to and believe it or not this epic work of art got second place darn it XD

im never on here anymore and no one ever really cared about me on this website but i love you all and you all mean SO MUCH to me so i hope everything turns out alright for you guys (which i know it will) <33

HEY I CARE
i hope you're doing great too <3

First, I was literally just thinking about how it sucks that you're never around here anymore. Second, WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH AND I HOPE YOURE DOING FANTASTIC <3333

yo megan!! im not really on anymore either but im glad i saw this bc i care and i rly hope ur doing well !!!

hey i know the feel, im rly tired these days too in more ways than one. hormones are crap and it would be excellent if everything figured itself out. however since that rarely happens, looking for alternatives like outlets for ur feelings and stuff may help. about the class stuff tho, if you feel overwhelmed then u should definitely tell ur teacher about it because that's the best way to solve the problem c: if you ever need someone to talk to, my contact tab is open. all the issues you brought up are really frustrating i totally understand /hug/