@elliot:
this has been me my whole life x.x it sucks so much but for the constantly-moving thing, you could try some kind of fidget toy i guess? i know you can get like putty or rings that are specifically made for fidgeting with... (tho stuff like rubber bands or blue tack works too) or if it's too obtrusive in class, you could try doodling on scrap pieces of paper...it works for me bc it's a natural instinct and it helps me focus too c:

i get what you mean abt the reading thing, it's the reason why i haven't been able to finish a book in months... if you have to read digitally, try beeline reader, it's a browser extension that basically makes things easier to read (it makes the text color a gradient) so your eyes view the words more naturally i guess?

but yeahh, try talking to your teachers, hopefully they'll be willing to let you have breaks or longer times for tests or stuff like that, or like if some teachers are really strict about doodling/fidgeting/etc, and if that helps concentration, you could talk to someone higher up to give you permission to do that stuff

so apparently a lot of people forget about my existence nowadays??? oh well. whatever. idc.

idk im gonna talk to the psychiatrist abt it. but idk if my teachers will let me, some of them already dislike me because of how bad i am at focusing and staying still. :// we only have 50 min classes so it would be very disruptive to others for everyone to take a break. also whats a bubbler! also like in classes where my teachers let students move around, im usually that kid who moves around so much and goes all over the class and disrupts others because i need to keep moving. thank you !!

i hope u feel better that sounds awful im sorry :( ive had dreams that are so awful i cant shake em off too. *hugs*

in class i always jiggle my feet or sometimes ill swing my feet if i get really fidgety and i'm always capping and uncapping highlighters. some of my friends get really annoyed whenever i fidget so i try not to, but even when i do fidget anyway it doesnt get rid of the feeling. idk

i might be able to talk to some teachers but with others i genuinely don't think they'll care

??? are you okay? ://

@eli: mmm same im always That Guy. a bubbler is a water fountain!! :D
yeah u should def talk to them abt it bc it could be linked to ur mental health too, though it likely isnt, and theyll help u with teachers better than i can!! (im too chicken to ask for allowances ))

i hate myself so much and all of my friends do too im just annoying and stupid and i cant concentrate im letting everyone down and its really all my fault that im this fucked up why cant i just be better im trying so hard not to cry im in the theatre bathroom fuck i hate myself

hey Hey Hey HEY hEy HEY nonononononon
its not yr fault that you are struggling!!! its just something horrible that you are going through, its not your fault at all ://

i do not know what to say but!! you have helped and bettered so many peoples lives in your fifteen years and everyone lets someone down sometimes, everyone makes mistakes (cue hannnah montana) but you can build yourself up and i know for a fact that you are going to be okay eli!! you will rise!!

\('-')/
 

My nemesis is getting the better of me

why is the friendzone a bad thing like can someone explain i seriously don't get it and i think i made someone kinda angry over this whole issue
yes, there are times i hate being aromantic. there are a lot of times i hate it. in fact i hate it more than i like it. but this should be put on the gsrm thread or something. i'll shut up now

unhappy things i guess
 

mom still thinks it's a physical problem with me and seriously need to talk to someone else about this. but like, who do I talk to? That really nice lady from the church we practically abandoned? My dance teacher who has like 10 grandkids of her own and 50 more students? My dad who lives 3 hours away and tends to bother me with every conversation we have? my almost adult sister who can't be without me in an unfamiliar hallway but she can drive me places? My other judgemental relatives? My relatives that live half a country away? What do I do, ride my bike to the doctor's office and just say, hey i'm a minor but I want help with my mental health?

I'm getting super worried and I don't know what to do. My mom asked me what I want to do about doctors (because she seriously thinks is some health problem her family passed down to me and I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY BODY I CARE ABOUT MY HEAD AND MY FEELINGS AND MY MEMORY AND MY ABILITY TO PAY ATTENTION AND MY CONTROL OVER MY EMOTIONS. I DON'T CARE HOW BAD MY BODY IS. I PICK AT MY SCABS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. I MESS UP MY BODY ALL THE TIME. WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT FEELING FAT NOW WHEN MY EVERYDAY LESSONS ARE LIKE "WELL, IT WOULD BE AWKWARD TO BE FOUND DEAD IN THE WOODS" OR "YEAH, SO A METAL NAIL FILE IS NOT SHARP ENOUGH TO CUT A WRIST" BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH. AND I CAN'T MAKE IT STOP)

sorry for the rant you guys, but this is driving me crazy and I'm getting really close to hurting myself one of these days. please help me

my dad thinks i zone out and waste my life when i have a perfect gpa and music credits and club memberships and extracurriculars and everything.
and my grandmother loves force feeding me.
i hope its not wrong to hate them.

also for me it's grades over mental health forever.

So my cat has diabetes.

ok but consider: im losing my friends because i cannot hold a regular conversation with them because i speak so much and i move around so much and because i can never do my work and my friends all think im stupid and im letting my favorite teacher down too and its awful and theyre all just so annoyed with me i wish that i could be as good to them as they are to me. like what the fuck? im literally useless and i bother everyone. for example, i always do annoying habits when i have to move or im anxious and all my friends hate me for it like my friends ask me to stop but i cant!! i dont mean to be the Asshole Who Never Stops Clicking Their Pen Or Tapping Their Foot Or Fingers but its just if i do i feel like im going to cry i almost cried in english because i knew how much everyone at that table hated me but i couldnt move because then i definitely would have cried and that would have just annoyed my english teacher more!! i owe my english teacher so much i wouldnt be here without him but i cant write a simple fucking essay that he asks for i hate myself so much and im sure he does too and all of my friends !!! i want to not be here i know im just a burden!!!!!!!!!! this place would be so much better off without me tbh i cant contribute anything i dont have anything to offer

mmm elliot i really dont. know how to help even though i so badly do because i know exactly how you are feeling ;

you might not wanna hear this but it really does sound like you have mixed adhd like me?? cause thats what i feel 100. so. if it makes you feel any better: its not you doing this, its your mind making you. if you are anything like me, its not voluntary.. anyway... im so so so so sorry you are feeling this way, that .we are better off without you bc guess what?? we love you soooooo much THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS MUCH and more and its so so hard to see but you belong on earth the trash that it is and you are bettering it by just being alive. im sorry i cant help you, elliot :(

my friend is an asshole and i'm really worried about him

*huggles* no no nope you are amazing okay and I love you so much I know exactly how you feel but honestly you are wrong, you are really, really wrong, because you are incapable of letting anyone down. Being fucked up is never your fault, and chances are it's just the way you are and there's nothing wrong with that.

If you have a chance, listen to Now by Fireflight. I know you probably are not into christian bands, but it's not a preachy jesusy song it's more of a hey you are awesome keep trying song.

*hugs* you can do it ok like I don't even know you and I consider you a friend i have no idea why anyone would not want to be friends with you and honestly all your friends probably love you and if they don't they're not your friends.



*hugs* yup those people are the worst

I was actually wrong the imaginary senpais are there yay motivational imaginary senpais they are literally the only reason I am ok right now

i may have just lost my best friend nice :))))

what happened?? are you okay?


when someones being manipulative and then saying rough day like that doesnt excuse you frim being rude to me!! im so!! ugh im sad and angry and honestly you arent the only one who nad a rough day i just couldnt respond to my phone it takes so much Energy

we've just been fighting a lot over the past few days and today she told me she doesnt care abt me and to not talk to her again and idk we are/were rlly rlly close but she's been v :-/// recently

and dude i hate when ppl justify being rude by saying that they've had a bad day or are in a bad mood like that doesn't mean you have to be awful?? and then make it seem like they're the victim b/c they've had a bad day?? i'm rlly sorry they're being like that ah :-((

oh man thats so horrible! no one deserves to hear that :(:( lets just see how it plays out, if she doesnt want to be your friend then she never was a good friend in the first place!!

yeah its like?? that doesnt mean you can be manipulative honestly... ahh... its ok im just uncomfortable because they asked me out and then i couldnt/didnt want to go out because i just didnt have the energy to even get out of bed so i told her that my mum said i couldnt go and then she got mad and i... why do i do this to myself romance makes me feel sick why do i say yes to people fuck

hey thank you!! yeah im going to wait and see how it turns out :^/

ah that's her fault for getting mad!! honestly u were totally justified in saying u couldn't go if u were tired and she needs to understand that sometimes things get in the way of plans. im sorry she reacted like that ah )):

cami: oh man i know how that feels :// my old best friend and i arent best friends anymore but it was the strongest friendship i ever had. not saying your guyses friendship will end, but if it does heres my my tip: be angry. be sad. be grateful. forgive. let go.
im not quite at forgiving or letting go yet but honestly i am so grateful that i even had that connection for two years. like i learned so many things from her and i am so thankful for that. even after ending the friendship, i still learned a lot from it, like how to let go and not rely on her and how to recreate myself. i mean yeah it hurt like hell when it ended and i almost ended up attempting suicide but from there on out, things got better. so i mean, it sucks sucks sucks to lose a best friend, and i REALLY hope you don't have to and i hope that things work out and you guys end up repairing your friendship and it becomes stronger in the end. but if it doesnt, things will end up okay too.

and jas (can i call u that?) that sucks :( its not an excuse and hopefully they know that and it wont happen again.

ah elliot thank u so much this was just what i needed to hear <33 i really really hope that it doesn't end because yeah it's honestly the closest friendship i've ever had, but if it does i think i'll be okay.

ur words are amazing and wow.. anyway yea i hope that you guys can repair your friendship cami :'( and even if u can't itll be okay+

yaa ofc u can call me tht i have way too many nicknames atm :O yeaah hopefully not but its not a big deal lol.

ugh my parents don't get personal boundaries and they keep pushing me even tho they can tell i'm stressed/tired and the trembling/shaking stopped for a few days but thx to them it's started again x.x

also my dad wanted me to tell him my tumblr url and he said he'd install monitoring software on my laptop if i didn't and i got rly scared so i made a photography/travel blog just in case he asks again ://

if i don't make it into all-state convention my life will be ruined i'm not even good at piano help me

just stop referring to me as that prude, innocent girl
telling me you used to cut and then telling me to ignore it bc of my "personality" doesnt make me pity you
my heart's gone cold already
im not that happy girl anymore
because of you i scratched myself, too afraid to use blades
because of you, ive been more self conscious about what i wear and my body
you ruined my life

ifailedmyevaluation

when ur teach is like you need to start paying attention and listening and doing ur hw and ur like. im gonna kill myself so why does it matter... fuck off.... i hate school

(if u dont want me 2 quote thts fine)
bro. what the fuck bro. i know this exact feeling so i really wish you werent feeling it rn. my entire seventh grade consisted of "ill be dead soon enough so why does it matter." it was awful. hell, most of my current school year consists of that. so i mean if u wanna kno ur not alone, u got me. i hope u start feeling better and i know how hard it can be to pay attention. i'm not saying either of those things lightly, i genuinely hope you dont kill yourself because i need you here. i would be devastated if something happened and so would so many other people. also i can't concentrate for shit and you know that so yeah ur not alone man. im sorry this is happening to u u dont deserve it at all!!!

mmmm thnk u ;; id b devastatatedif anything happened to u too :'( honestly its just little things like people being patronising that set me off and im like lol oh well im gonna be FUCKING DEAD.. hienstly

ugh im tired and sad and empty and i'm so mad at myself for being a disappointment and everything is pointless nothing feels right and i'm so scared and i don't even know why

lol literally what is this i'm just so angry at myself bec i want to be happy i should be happy everyone wants me to be happy but i can't it doesn't work i'm so angry at me and the universe and everything but mostly im just sad for no reason whatsoever and just idek

also i keep shakign whenever i get nervous/very upset/idk and what's up with that lmao

i no longer have any ambition. it's left me and i'm afraid it won't come back. i can't write anymore and all i want to do is read and watch supernatural and i honestly don't care anymore about my future or anything else and i can't even muster the energy to do my homework and why should i i will never use algebra in my life i will never care about the literacy rates of cameroon frick why is this so difficult i just want it all to end or slow down for a little while just slow down so i can figure this out. i don't want to grow up i don't want to stay where i am i'm afraid i'm so goshdang afraid and i don't know if i care that much anymore because even while i'm writing this i know i don't feel afraid i don't feel anything but tired.

omg i know how that is and lemme tell you something
it's just a phase. it comes and goes. i used to want to be depressed all the time and sometimes still do although when it actually happens its horrible and all i want is for it to leave but at the same time i dont ?? idk its very confusing
but hey. dont feel bad for not being depressed. dont think that its normal to be depressed. its not. if youre not depressed then feel good about it bc theres no other time to :))))))) i know its hard when you already have a mentality that wont go away but give it time. it will eventually fade
just focus on what you think is important in life and dont care about whether people think youre a hormonal teenager bc honestly thats not exactly a good label xD you have an awesome future planned and you will get there and everything will fall into place in the end
it may sound cliche, but it happens. it will. just hang on and try to wait that icky phase out <33333333333 /eternal glomp/

idek it's just that i want to be able to relate to these vents and stuff but i simply can't because everything fits in so well now and i feel bad that i can't help people other than say things like "idk do your homework" or something similar and i feel guilty for having a normal life and being a normal person and i honestly don't even know why i am on the emotional venting thread when emotions and venting are my two least favorite things in the world (other than broken arpeggios of course, i had to mention that) so i will fall in a random void ok bye

/reaches floofyfingers up out of void and pokes your face/

dude its rly awesome you are doing well at school and are reasonably happy!!! i would do anything to be getting a 4.0 honestly you are doing such a good job and i used to get that too until it. happened. but yeah.

apologies for the terrible "advice" TT-TT
 

hey, no, this is totally okay. i felt like this a few years back and i finally figured out why I wanted to have a feeling of depression or something like that. it was so if I was sad, there would be a quick fix. so i wouldn't have to wonder why i cried myself to sleep or lost my temper sometimes. of course, now it's just hormones, but hey, if you feel like you're doing alright, go ahead and keep being you

for me, knowing that someone out there is happy and content with their life and not having super huge struggles is a good thing. not to say you don't have struggles and not to say your worries are any less than someone else's. but keeping up a 4.0 gpa is super impressive and if that's a big stressor in your life, then it stresses you out a lot simple as that! You don't have to have depression or death in the family or a friend with cancer to have serious feelings, but if you're good with where you're at, you're actually making people like me feel a little better about the world around us and our future.

idk if this makes sense, but it's totally okay to feel this way and it's totally okay to have troubles/triumphs that seem different than others'