WOOP WOOP MANIA FOR THE WIN


except not haha

people
ugh

life









curse the word limit

Wow. My parents have known that I'm gay for like a month now. That's cool. :D

(*high fives*)

My parents have known I'm "not straight" for about two weeks. :D /highfives/

is it weird that i think about death and dying and not going to exist so why should i bother with getting good grades every day even though i probably won't even end up killing myself because ik that i'm probably going to end up okay when i'm 18 and instead of learning pointless things i will be travelling everywhere and adventuring the shit out of the world but i still think about dying 484739473037303 times every day like that's 1% of my issues but idk if it's something i should worry about of not

okay happy vent time
so
I GOT INTO CONVENTION AND ALSO HONORS RECITAL AND THE PIECE I WAS SELECTED WITH WAS APPARENTLY REALLY HARD AND ONLY A FEW PEOPLE ACTUALLY TRIED OUT WITH IT AND THEY ALL FAILED THEIR EXAMS BUT I PASSED WITH HIGH HONORS AND I ACTUALLY PLAYED EXPRESSIVELY ACCORDING TO MY EVAL SHEET WHICH IS A BIG STRETCH FOR ME BECAUSE I NEVER DO ANYTHING EXPRESSIVELY AND HONORS RECITAL IS ON MARCH FIRST AND I FREAKING CAN'T WAIT AND MY MOM AND I ARE GONNA CHOOSE A DRESS AND EVERYTHING AND SHE SAID THAT AS A REWARD I CAN GET ONE AS SHORT AS I WANT TO INSTEAD OF SOME WEIRD FLOOR LENGTH THING LIKE LAST YEAR AND ASFD;LASDKFJ;LASDKFJ ;ASLDKJXCM, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE

also is it weird that i feel like apologizing for being normal/happy

this is literally me oh my god.. i hope you fell better soon <3

@meera hey that's awesome bro!!! well done im so so proud!!!!

my thoughts are really loud tonight

shit this website is so sad everyone just take a break and do ur hw and listen to clementi sonatinas on repeat and eat fries and do anything to cheer yourselves up
i will write something positive when i finish doing some work
and then i might disappear for awhile unless people convince me otherwise and you guys just keep your chins up and stop hating yourselves. i can't handle this emotionally and now is a really bad time for reasons.

eh yeah this website is really depressing which is why I'm not on so much anymore

hi hi hi its p obvious ur probs talkimg abt me Lol but. it s ok to take a break, a break forever even. but ..... no one is forcing u to be here. like the stop hating yourselves bit i cant handle this emotionally bit i totally get that u cant handle it but!! if thats so then no one forcing u to be here and read peoples vents? u dont need to like. stick to forum game or smth idk.

im trying to do my hw amd failing and then not doing it because i cant and then i come on kp and !!! i am taking a break when im on k p !!! aa

kjndcskzc

like for me i know im really jealous of ur work ethic and gpa and all that, im such a horrible distracted fuckwit at school and home and im so so jealous of u!!!! i wish i got good grades o man!!! im so proud of u ur so amaz i n g and good at musical and academia and etc etctectetc.

keep ur head up meera, have a break, and keep doing ur thing

I just feel like everything is falling apart because I used to be such a perfect little girl who loved school and church and stuff and right now I can't be that girl I'm not that girl I've changed so much in less than a year and after my anorexic crap I am such a different person and I can't tell if its good or bad but I just can't think anymore I just want to read and listen to music tbh and I have no reason for school or anything And my whole future is screwed up because I had a plan but now that plan's gone and I don't know what to do.
/nd yesterday my friend was like "if ur 100 lbs at our height ur anorexic" and I'm like haha I was 99 lbs for a while hahahah nd ppl keep mentioning anorexia nd saying how they could never do that nd then they look at me like I shud answer and I just smile an nod bc idk what to say "yeh, I could do it" I mean how do I react to that/

@meera: hey man I feel you when I was going through some crap I kindof stayed off of the poems for a little bit bc they were all rlly depressing and I stayed away from the evt and it helped. And I know it's hard to see all these people on kp being sad bc you know how amazing they are but along with what pluzzle said you can't force people to be happy. I get what you meant tho man. If you do decide to leave we'll miss you!

http://www.kidpub.com/story/little-s...hoa-2153153500
c:

when ur friend who does NOT have depression or anxiety or and who is as about as perfect as u can be posts all this shit romantisising depression and drug/alcohol abuse and hating yourself and tagging it "truth" and you're just like
:-)

ugh that really bothers me too

I haven't been on this site in two months and holy crap I miss you guys.

aRIN HI

I thought I was the only one who experienced this...

this is fantastical ❤️❤️❤️❤️

i don't typically come on here but god my day was just. exhausting. emotionally, physically - i'm so so tired and i want to crawl in bed and sleep for maybe a month and i just feel really shitty today

some positivity!!!

im so motivated today and idk if its just the adhd med or just that today is a good day but i hope it continues!! today just feels like a good day. i dont know im in a good mood and i love how i look and more importantly, i really like who i am and im so glad i chose recovery. im so glad i am alive right now. please keep going guys and seek help if you need it. it is so scary but it is so so worth it !

holy shit u keep it up friend!! this is awesome!!

this made me smile
 

i'm so happy for u elliot! i actually kind of needed this today, so I'm gonna try to be a little safer and happier *throws sparkles*

I hope your good day continues (forever!) and know u can always e-mail me if you get upset

im glad it helped u!! (: also i saw ur email but im only logged into that email on mobile bc i forgot my password so i cant get in on computer. sob. ill reset it soon and reply soon ok!! but yes i will reply!!

i hope u r having a good day jas !!

yaaaaay good days


altho tomorrow testing for private elite high school and anxiety and death and shtuff

Only now am I truly realizing how alone I am. All because I'm too afraid to show people who I really am. Frick, I don't even know who I am. Here I was thinking that I had finally found some real friends and I don't know anymore I'm just so done with everything I need to lie down and sleep for the rest of eternity I'm done I'm done.
Frick why are there no stars I don't know I know the stars aren't important I just don't like talking about my real feelings so I need the stars to talk anout and I need to talk about how much I hate where I live and how much I hate all this other petty crap just because I don't want to address my real issues which is that I'm alone and I hate who I've become and I don't want to be this this can't be me it just can't I'm supposed to be a heroine like all those goshdang books friggin tell me to be right I'm supposed to be happier and wittier and nicer and skinnier and more beautiful and I'm supposed to make people happy and be radiant but I'm not I'm not and I never will be I'm not going to be who I thought I was supposed to be and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do and frick this is long I'm sorry I'm sorry I'll stop now.

apologies for the terrible "advice" TT-TT
 

hey, this is totally okay. it's okay to feel sad every now and then, but sometimes it turns into more than sadness, doesn't it?

i know the "real issues" and the big problems are hard to address, and avoiding them is the easiest and hardest thing in the world to do. i don't have much to say about that because i'm still working through things like that myself. but one bit of advice: be open to change. even if you can't fix those things, be open to at least trying whatever changes have been forced upon you because of a situation.

And be you. I know the world will say "oh, yeah, be yourself (but only if you're the ideal human being who is a size -2 but totally healthy and who only thinks of pleasing men and looking hot and also being super smart and clever and just overall perfection)" but screw that. because you can love the little things about you. Hey, maybe I'm not the smartest person in the world and maybe i do get my dumb moments every now and then, but that doesn't mean I should hate myself for it and that doesn't mean i don't have the potential. Or maybe it does mean that i should stop focusing on being smart and that this is just another stepping stone towards my true personality. because, honestly, you don't just get bad days because that's what happens.

I think we get bad days and terrible situations and hard problems because they will help us grow and become who we were meant to be. life isn't hating us, it's trying to guide us. and sometimes that guidance becomes really forceful and it will hurt. but just keep pointing yourself towards that goal of a better, future you. and keep in mind that YOU SHOULD KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS PERSON. i know it sounds weird, but in order to get to your goal, you can't have a goal. you have to work towards whatever traits and personality you think you want to be, but the possibilities of who you will be and what life events will shape your characteristics are literally endless. so there's almost no way to say "yeah, i'm gonna be that person" because, really, you're gonna be You and that You is someone mysterious and amazing and you're just going to have to get to know them as slowly as the rest of us do.

I know this probably doesn't help or make sense. Sorry. ;_; but just keep pushing on towards that invisible goal because someday you'll get there and you'll be that amazing person you were truly meant to be. just keep moving forward (and screw life for forcing such terrible things onto you because life is so hard and there are so many things that everyone has had to deal with. so kudos to humans for going through with this tragedy called life, and screw the world for helping influence the issues we face in life)

its 5:30pm, im tired, i hate myself (suicide, alcohol, meds tw) dont quote :)
 

it wouldnt let me delete my bullshit letter so have this

i just want to never feel an emotion again

emotions are fun though like falling in love and stuff

although maybe that was kind of a bad example

i need to tell someone but i cant sometimes venting isnt enough sometimes i need more im insatiable ill never ever get what im looking for idk idk idk idk what im saying anymore i just need to but i have no one i dont know i just dont know why am i even doing this what is my purpose even maybe tomorrow will distract me maybe maybe idkkkk
ok bye this was a waste ofspace

i dont want to trigger anything ever ill just shut up and keep these pent up feelings of idk what to myself what am i even feeling i dont know why am i doing this why do i keep doing this

i AM AROMANTIC
andcoldandbroken

why the hell am i on this thread anyways

nonononono i do not feel emotions why do i try to help people with theirs

think about this:
everything you have ever felt is literally a communication between two neurons in your brain. your emotions are all electrical signals.
just think about that for a moment.
isn't it fascinating?