The Writer's Block

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-   Free advice (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/forumdisplay.php?f=8)
-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Confuzzled 08-22-2013 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490593)
knowing the people who bully me it'll get worse if i tell someone.
i can't stand up for myself or stand strong because im just a weak piece of crapsdf.dkjsgbfnmdxxgn,.,n cx

Stop. Right now. You are not worthless! Don't ever think of yourself as that! And knowing the people that bully you? Do you mean you actually know them? One time my best friend started bullying me, and I did nothing until I realized it was just going to get worse if I didn't say anything.

Tell someone. Please, tell someone. It hurts to see you like this.

You are loved. You are worth it. Don't ever put yourself down.

Owen-L 08-22-2013 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 490596)
Stop. Right now. You are not worthless! Don't ever think of yourself as that! And knowing the people that bully you? Do you mean you actually know them? One time my best friend started bullying me, and I did nothing until I realized it was just going to get worse if I didn't say anything.

Tell someone. Please, tell someone. It hurts to see you like this.

You are loved. You are worth it. Don't ever put yourself down.

aha, i am.. yeah, i do.

i can't i just canttt it'll only get worse!

no im not.

Confuzzled 08-22-2013 07:17 PM

Okay. I'm going to go along with your antics.

How is it going to get worse?

Owen-L 08-22-2013 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 490601)
Okay. I'm going to go along with your antics.

How is it going to get worse?

because if i tell someone they'll get angry and just bully me more.

Puckbrina159 08-22-2013 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490599)
aha, i am.. yeah, i do.

i can't i just canttt it'll only get worse!

no im not.

Listen. No matter what you say, or how much you deny it, every person on this earth has worth. You need to tell someone. Confuzzled is right. It hurts to see you like this. And if it does get worse after you tell someone, tell them it got worse.
As for someone to tell, if you don't have a parent you trust, why not tell a teacher, a different family member, or a guidance counselor. Just think of someone you trust.
Owen, we all, here on WB, love you. :)

maxi 08-22-2013 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 489889)
I think I broke WOT by editing it too much or something.

I just can't write any of it at the moment.

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md31qo7HSw1qk1h9a.gif

TTTTTTOOOOBBBBBBBUUUUSSSSSCCCCCCUUUUUSSSSSSS.
i

Confuzzled 08-22-2013 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490602)
because if i tell someone they'll get angry and just bully me more.

No, not if you tell an adult it won't. Owen, have you tried? You have to try! If they bully you more, don't let them hurt you. Just laugh at them, laugh at their stupidity. Laugh it away and just say "I'm done with you. You really think you can hurt me?" Even if you aren't, act brave. They'll lay off, I promise.

You gotta try.

And when you say bully, what do you mean?

Owen-L 08-22-2013 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 490608)
No, not if you tell an adult it won't. Owen, have you tried? You have to try! If they bully you more, don't let them hurt you. Just laugh at them, laugh at their stupidity. Laugh it away and just say "I'm done with you. You really think you can hurt me?" Even if you aren't, act brave. They'll lay off, I promise.

You gotta try.

And when you say bully, what do you mean?

i told an adult once before and nothing changed.

insults, punching me sometimes, making me feel like crap...

Confuzzled 08-22-2013 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490612)
i told an adult once before and nothing changed.

insults, punching me sometimes, making me feel like crap...


Who did you tell? Do you trust them? Did they actually sit there and do nothing?

Owen, if they're punching you that's physical abuse. Seriously, you have to tell someone.

Owen-L 08-22-2013 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 490616)
Who did you tell? Do you trust them? Did they actually sit there and do nothing?

Owen, if they're punching you that's physical abuse. Seriously, you have to tell someone.

i told my dad even though i didnt want to, but he knew something was wrong and he forced me to tell him. he then told the teachers at my school who just gave them a detention told them to not say anything to me.

Confuzzled 08-22-2013 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490624)
i told my dad even though i didnt want to, but he knew something was wrong and he forced me to tell him. he then told the teachers at my school who just gave them a detention told them to not say anything to me.

Your dad forced you? Owen, I'm so sorry. Gosh, that's got to be hard to live with. Do you trust someone? Like fully trust? Tell them. Tell your friends, they'll find a way to help. Do you have a school counselor?

Owen-L 08-22-2013 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 490625)
Your dad forced you? Owen, I'm so sorry. Gosh, that's got to be hard to live with. Do you trust someone? Like fully trust? Tell them. Tell your friends, they'll find a way to help. Do you have a school counselor?

the only "friend" i have knows about all of this but they dont really help...
i dont think so.

AlgebraAddict 08-22-2013 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490612)
i told an adult once before and nothing changed.

insults, punching me sometimes, making me feel like crap...



Just give them the middle finger whenever you can and find a teacher you can trust. If not, stick with the first thing.

Confuzzled 08-22-2013 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490627)
the only "friend" i have knows about all of this but they dont really help...
i dont think so.

I guess all there is left is for you to stand up for yourself.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to say.

Owen-L 08-22-2013 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 490630)
I guess all there is left is for you to stand up for yourself.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to say.

but i cant though.

it's okay.

Nightwalker 08-22-2013 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490599)
aha, i am.. yeah, i do.

i can't i just canttt it'll only get worse!

no im not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 490601)
Okay. I'm going to go along with your antics.

How is it going to get worse?

I understand what he means.
I was never badly bullied, but from even what little experience I have of it, it feels like you could be worse off telling someone. I mean, you start to think about how people probably won't be able to help, and that the bullies will know you ratted out, things will get even heavier, etc.

But Owen you should know that that is not the case. That is never the case. If you tell someone, anyone, and you express just how bad you feel about it, actions will be taken. No one can sit around and let you feel like this. If you tell the right people, people you think will care, they will help you. Move schools, get the bullies to be severely punished, I don't know, bit it will certainly make some kind of difference.

Nightwalker 08-22-2013 09:18 PM

Hope I helped, even just a little bit...

Puckbrina159 08-22-2013 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen-L (Post 490639)
but i cant though.

it's okay.

Owen, I'm just going to come out and say it. Standing up to someone feels amazing. I had wanted so badly to tell this one girl off for so long, and when i finally did, it was one of the best moments in my life. I felt so happy and powerful. You can feel that too.
We all love you Owen. :)

Sandy 08-22-2013 11:54 PM

hi wow hello hi hey
This is like the third time I've come here and typed out a massive rant and then deleted it

lvhamsters 08-22-2013 11:57 PM

My parents threw away the scale .-. This leads me to think my mom really did read my journal. They have been questioning about my eating habits lately. And telling me anorexia isn't the answer. Ugh. .-. this has been a bad day -.-

L.S.Trendom 08-23-2013 12:01 AM

*hugs sandy*
Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 490679)
My parents threw away the scale .-. This leads me to think my mom really did read my journal. They have been questioning about my eating habits lately. And telling me anorexia isn't the answer. Ugh. .-. this has been a bad day -.-

*hugs you too* I'm glad they threw out the scale. it's shit that they maybe read your journal, though… *gives you happie*

lvhamsters 08-23-2013 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 490680)
*hugs sandy*


*hugs you too* I'm glad they threw out the scale. it's shit that they maybe read your journal, though… *gives you happie*

They shouldn't have though :c It's a waste. Plus it's not gonna really change much. But yeah. I'm still not sure if they did, but.... I really hope not. *accepts happy and showers you with more happies*

Sandy 08-23-2013 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 490680)
*hugs sandy*

(*hugs you back*)

Sandy 08-23-2013 12:31 AM

Why do I feel like this about my best friend? I have this random overwhelming urge to delete her from my life. I don't know why. I've always felt very disconnected from every person I've ever been friends with--this time it's only different because we're "best friends" apparently but like wow. Please. Why the nitpicking. Why did I need to know every single childhood trauma you had in the first week we met? Why? Why do you always have to belittle me and squash me down to feel good about yourself? Why do you have to correct whatever I say, and then mock me if you're the one who's wrong? Why are you so short-tempered and close-minded? Why am I friends with you? You don't care about me and I don't care about you.

edit: *checks texts, holds head in hands* ghhhghghh why must you be such an asshole to me... why...

Puckbrina159 08-23-2013 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 490685)
Why do I feel like this about my best friend? I have this random overwhelming urge to delete her from my life. I don't know why. I've always felt very disconnected from every person I've ever been friends with--this time it's only different because we're "best friends" apparently but like wow. Please. Why the nitpicking. Why did I need to know every single childhood trauma you had in the first week we met? Why? Why do you always have to belittle me and squash me down to feel good about yourself? Why do you have to correct whatever I say, and then mock me if you're the one who's wrong? Why are you so short-tempered and close-minded? Why am I friends with you? You don't care about me and I don't care about you.

edit: *checks texts, holds head in hands* ghhhghghh why must you be such an asshole to me... why...

I know exactly how you feel. But I really don't have any advice, because when I was in this situation I screwed up big. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
*huggles*

Sandy 08-23-2013 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 490685)
Why do I feel like this about my best friend? I have this random overwhelming urge to delete her from my life. I don't know why. I've always felt very disconnected from every person I've ever been friends with--this time it's only different because we're "best friends" apparently but like wow. Please. Why the nitpicking. Why did I need to know every single childhood trauma you had in the first week we met? Why? Why do you always have to belittle me and squash me down to feel good about yourself? Why do you have to correct whatever I say, and then mock me if you're the one who's wrong? Why are you so short-tempered and close-minded? Why am I friends with you? You don't care about me and I don't care about you.

edit: *checks texts, holds head in hands* ghhhghghh why must you be such an asshole to me... why...

If everything is SOOOOO BAD, why don't you try it? If the acting is SOOOO BAD, I'd like to see you act. I have, and you're terrible. If every single thing you see is SOOO BAD compared to you, then ????????????? ????? You've picked out things I like or things I do and shamed me for them, declaring that you're better, falsely. Um, no. Sit back down. Cut people some slack. Relax and stop acting like you're high-and-mighty perfection, because, ta-daaa *blows confetti in your face* YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT'S OKAY!!!!!!! PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE NOT BEING PERFECT IS A TERRIBLE THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Puckbrina159 (Post 490686)
I know exactly how you feel. But I really don't have any advice, because when I was in this situation I screwed up big. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
*huggles*

Thanks, man. :/ I'm just distancing myself from them right now. =___= I'm also scared that I'll regret messing things up and stuff. Ugh.. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go well in your situation. :C I hope you're okay now...?

Puckbrina159 08-23-2013 01:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 490687)
If everything is SOOOOO BAD, why don't you try it? If the acting is SOOOO BAD, I'd like to see you act. I have, and you're terrible. If every single thing you see is SOOO BAD compared to you, then ????????????? ????? You've picked out things I like or things I do and shamed me for them, declaring that you're better, falsely. Um, no. Sit back down. Cut people some slack. Relax and stop acting like you're high-and-mighty perfection, because, ta-daaa *blows confetti in your face* YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT'S OKAY!!!!!!! PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE NOT BEING PERFECT IS A TERRIBLE THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Thanks, man. :/ I'm just distancing myself from them right now. =___= I'm also scared that I'll regret messing things up and stuff. Ugh.. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go well in your situation. :C I hope you're okay now...?


Oh yeah, I'm fine now. I wasn't trying to make this about me, this is about you. :)
Distancing yourself is good. Maybe you could talk things out?

lvhamsters 08-23-2013 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 490685)
Why do I feel like this about my best friend? I have this random overwhelming urge to delete her from my life. I don't know why. I've always felt very disconnected from every person I've ever been friends with--this time it's only different because we're "best friends" apparently but like wow. Please. Why the nitpicking. Why did I need to know every single childhood trauma you had in the first week we met? Why? Why do you always have to belittle me and squash me down to feel good about yourself? Why do you have to correct whatever I say, and then mock me if you're the one who's wrong? Why are you so short-tempered and close-minded? Why am I friends with you? You don't care about me and I don't care about you.

edit: *checks texts, holds head in hands* ghhhghghh why must you be such an asshole to me... why...

My best friend was exactly like that :o Well, a few differences, like in what she did, but still, same situation. You just have to wait :3 After time they may change, and if they don't..... well, deleting them from your life may help. Or talking to them about it, but that's a hard thing to do....

Lily09 08-23-2013 02:55 AM

ugh ok
deleted

Lily09 08-23-2013 02:58 AM

also mannn my brother was rewatching season one of dw and i miss nine okay like allllll the feels i miss nine and ten and rose and martha and donna and mickey and jack harkness I MISS EVERYONE

GabiDi 08-23-2013 07:30 AM

Serious triggers, graphic talk of suicide
 
Lately I've been experimenting with how far I can push myself. It's kind of a game of physical chicken. The thing is, the more I think about it the more I realize how simple it would be for me to simply stab a knife into my chest, or someone else's, or to jump out of a moving car or shave my head or steal that necklace at I want. And as soon as I come to this realization at the must mundane of times (chopping carrots, driving into town, shopping) it's like...like at mandatory scene in Disney movies. Like when Captain Hook chased Peter Pan put across a cliff, swishing his sword, and he STAYS *SUSPENDED in the air, functioning normally, until he realizes his situation. And THEN, all of a sudden everything changes, as soon as he gets that little piece of information, he can't stay suspended anymore. Gravity comes back from lunch break, he flails uselessly and FALLS.*
I guess what I'm getting at is that I keep pushing myself off of that cliff. I feel that I have perfect control of my body, but then I realize all these strange, morbid, horrible things, and I lose it. Did you know that it would take the same amount of force to bite straight through your own finger than it does to bite into a carrot? If you wanted to, you could bite off your own finger. Just take a minute to imagine that. Imagine how it would feel on your teeth, and your skin and muscle. You could probably hear it. You would definitely taste it, taste your own blood.
But the thing is, you don't do that. Because as soon as you even gently close your teeth around your finger, warning bells go off in your head. Your finger hurts a little. It just feels WRONG. your body and mind are simultaneously warning you not to hurt yourself.*
But don't you ever imagine what would happen if those urges weren't there? If you just...lost control of your muscles. You think it, you do it. It's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, to be honest. When I'm in the car, when I think in detail about what would happen were I to open the door, jump out... I don't want the thought, but suddenly it's all that I can think about. I make it into a little game with myself. Would I have time to unbuckle my seatbelt, ready myself, unlock the door before my family noticed? Would the wind force slam the car door shut before I could even jump out? I'd have to be fast or else my dad would stop driving. But maybe by then I would have hit the asphalt, too damaged to move. That car behind and to the left of us is going fast. They probably wouldn't stop in time. They'd run me over and that would be the end of it.
I can't prevent these thoughts. And what's worse is that once I've had them, it's as though my body is trying to enact it, with or without my permission. I unbuckle my seatbelt. I reach for the lock and a terrified of how easy it is, that there is no magical force field that would ward me away from these things, the things that just don't happen because you can't do it, you have no reason to.
I keep suddenly realizing that there is no solid ground, no force field, under my feet, that I am in midair with only a nervous system and those urges of common sense to protect me. And I grow increasingly afraid that these will fade.
It's a dull and irrational fear and it only appears once in a while. But when it does, I want to lock myself up, keep away from danger, only to be defeated by the omnipotent threat that being an independant person on charge of a meat suit brings. I can do anything that I want,whether I want it or not.

Nightwalker 08-23-2013 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 490678)
hi wow hello hi hey
This is like the third time I've come here and typed out a massive rant and then deleted it

Let your rant flow free like the running rivers, Sandy. SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOR ALL TO HEAR! xD

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 490679)
My parents threw away the scale .-. This leads me to think my mom really did read my journal. They have been questioning about my eating habits lately. And telling me anorexia isn't the answer. Ugh. .-. this has been a bad day -.-

Maybe throwing away the scales could be for the better? It couldn't hurt. Yeah the journal thing sucks. Would you ever think of confronting them about it, to see if they really did read any of it?

Puckbrina159 08-23-2013 01:32 PM

My brother left for his Sophmore year at college this morning and I didn't even cry. :)

GabiDi 08-23-2013 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nightwalker (Post 490789)
I really don't think I'd be a huge help here.
But I can definitely agree with you. I've had a lot of those thoughts before. I've tried playing physical chicken to a point. It's strangely exciting pushing yourself like that. You want to go further. You don't really care about the consequences. You're just excited about going on and on.
I can't help much, I don't really know how to stop those kind of thoughts, considering I haven't myself.
I just felt like pointing out that I understand what you're going through.

Thanks, man. I've been afraid of telling anyone else because, yeah, I'd get sent to the guidance counselor in a heartbeat.

TheAshWolf 08-23-2013 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 490685)
Why do I feel like this about my best friend? I have this random overwhelming urge to delete her from my life. I don't know why. I've always felt very disconnected from every person I've ever been friends with--this time it's only different because we're "best friends" apparently but like wow. Please. Why the nitpicking. Why did I need to know every single childhood trauma you had in the first week we met? Why? Why do you always have to belittle me and squash me down to feel good about yourself? Why do you have to correct whatever I say, and then mock me if you're the one who's wrong? Why are you so short-tempered and close-minded? Why am I friends with you? You don't care about me and I don't care about you.

edit: *checks texts, holds head in hands* ghhhghghh why must you be such an asshole to me... why...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 490687)
If everything is SOOOOO BAD, why don't you try it? If the acting is SOOOO BAD, I'd like to see you act. I have, and you're terrible. If every single thing you see is SOOO BAD compared to you, then ????????????? ????? You've picked out things I like or things I do and shamed me for them, declaring that you're better, falsely. Um, no. Sit back down. Cut people some slack. Relax and stop acting like you're high-and-mighty perfection, because, ta-daaa *blows confetti in your face* YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT'S OKAY!!!!!!! PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE NOT BEING PERFECT IS A TERRIBLE THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Thanks, man. :/ I'm just distancing myself from them right now. =___= I'm also scared that I'll regret messing things up and stuff. Ugh.. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go well in your situation. :C I hope you're okay now...?

*didn't see this until just now* O_O

Oh my gosh, Cass, I'm so sorry... D: I have no idea what's wrong with your friend. You don't deserve to go through ANY of that with her. *hugs* I hope she stops this soon and you can go back to being best friends.

Confuzzled 08-23-2013 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 490928)
I feel bad because I haven't quoted anyone else's posts =_=

I'm in a circle and I have no idea how to end it. On one hand, I want to kill myself, but on the other, I have an immense fear of death. To the extent that I only go to school and other places when I absolutely have to. I'm scared of what dying is like, that final moment. I'd rather die in my sleep than any other way.

._. Sorry, this isn't as important as you guys' problems >_>

Don't say that it's not important, everything is important in a different way. :)

Well, if your scared of dying, don't attempt it, that's for sure. xD Just try to push any suicidal thoughts out of your mind: imagine a brick wall scooting it all away.

L.S.Trendom 08-23-2013 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nightwalker (Post 490943)
Dear God, dear oh my goooood.
I effed up so bad. I made a huge mistake.
Oh dear flipping errf.
I don't know if this will have an consequences but dear effing God I hope it doesn't.

*huggles* do you want to talk about it?

LaurenM 08-23-2013 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 490629)
Just give them the middle finger whenever you can and find a teacher you can trust. If not, stick with the first thing.

Stand up to them, Owen.
Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 490679)
My parents threw away the scale .-. This leads me to think my mom really did read my journal. They have been questioning about my eating habits lately. And telling me anorexia isn't the answer. Ugh. .-. this has been a bad day -.-

It isn't though. I'm sorry about the journal.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 490685)
Why do I feel like this about my best friend? I have this random overwhelming urge to delete her from my life. I don't know why. I've always felt very disconnected from every person I've ever been friends with--this time it's only different because we're "best friends" apparently but like wow. Please. Why the nitpicking. Why did I need to know every single childhood trauma you had in the first week we met? Why? Why do you always have to belittle me and squash me down to feel good about yourself? Why do you have to correct whatever I say, and then mock me if you're the one who's wrong? Why are you so short-tempered and close-minded? Why am I friends with you? You don't care about me and I don't care about you.

edit: *checks texts, holds head in hands* ghhhghghh why must you be such an asshole to me... why...

Haha, that's me and my friend.
Well, she's not being an asshole but I just hate her sometimes.
She's boring.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 490700)
ugh ok
deleted

What happened?

Quote:

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 490761)
Lately I've been experimenting with how far I can push myself. It's kind of a game of physical chicken. The thing is, the more I think about it the more I realize how simple it would be for me to simply stab a knife into my chest, or someone else's, or to jump out of a moving car or shave my head or steal that necklace at I want. And as soon as I come to this realization at the must mundane of times (chopping carrots, driving into town, shopping) it's like...like at mandatory scene in Disney movies. Like when Captain Hook chased Peter Pan put across a cliff, swishing his sword, and he STAYS *SUSPENDED in the air, functioning normally, until he realizes his situation. And THEN, all of a sudden everything changes, as soon as he gets that little piece of information, he can't stay suspended anymore. Gravity comes back from lunch break, he flails uselessly and FALLS.*
I guess what I'm getting at is that I keep pushing myself off of that cliff. I feel that I have perfect control of my body, but then I realize all these strange, morbid, horrible things, and I lose it. Did you know that it would take the same amount of force to bite straight through your own finger than it does to bite into a carrot? If you wanted to, you could bite off your own finger. Just take a minute to imagine that. Imagine how it would feel on your teeth, and your skin and muscle. You could probably hear it. You would definitely taste it, taste your own blood.
But the thing is, you don't do that. Because as soon as you even gently close your teeth around your finger, warning bells go off in your head. Your finger hurts a little. It just feels WRONG. your body and mind are simultaneously warning you not to hurt yourself.*
But don't you ever imagine what would happen if those urges weren't there? If you just...lost control of your muscles. You think it, you do it. It's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, to be honest. When I'm in the car, when I think in detail about what would happen were I to open the door, jump out... I don't want the thought, but suddenly it's all that I can think about. I make it into a little game with myself. Would I have time to unbuckle my seatbelt, ready myself, unlock the door before my family noticed? Would the wind force slam the car door shut before I could even jump out? I'd have to be fast or else my dad would stop driving. But maybe by then I would have hit the asphalt, too damaged to move. That car behind and to the left of us is going fast. They probably wouldn't stop in time. They'd run me over and that would be the end of it.
I can't prevent these thoughts. And what's worse is that once I've had them, it's as though my body is trying to enact it, with or without my permission. I unbuckle my seatbelt. I reach for the lock and a terrified of how easy it is, that there is no magical force field that would ward me away from these things, the things that just don't happen because you can't do it, you have no reason to.
I keep suddenly realizing that there is no solid ground, no force field, under my feet, that I am in midair with only a nervous system and those urges of common sense to protect me. And I grow increasingly afraid that these will fade.
It's a dull and irrational fear and it only appears once in a while. But when it does, I want to lock myself up, keep away from danger, only to be defeated by the omnipotent threat that being an independant person on charge of a meat suit brings. I can do anything that I want,whether I want it or not.

About that finger thing.
No wonder Elphaba managed to bite off someone's finger.
Sorry.
I think it's a case with me, but perhaps less severe. It's mainly with heights. I can stand at the edge of a cliff for ages if I had no disturbance. I tried in Grand Canyon and my mum half broke down. I got into trouble, obviously and now I can't be 1.5 m from the cliffside when my parents are here. It's the fucking HEIGHTS that attract me.
e_e
Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 490928)
I feel bad because I haven't quoted anyone else's posts =_=

I'm in a circle and I have no idea how to end it. On one hand, I want to kill myself, but on the other, I have an immense fear of death. To the extent that I only go to school and other places when I absolutely have to. I'm scared of what dying is like, that final moment. I'd rather die in my sleep than any other way.

._. Sorry, this isn't as important as you guys' problems >_>

It IS important. You shouldn't have to think about death right now. It will come eventually, don't go thinking about it if you're scared of it.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nightwalker (Post 490943)
Dear God, dear oh my goooood.
I effed up so bad. I made a huge mistake.
Oh dear flipping errf.
I don't know if this will have an consequences but dear effing God I hope it doesn't.

D:

cloudwriter 08-23-2013 11:08 PM

I've had a lot of bad experiences with friends, and simply people in general. I've lost three best friends. The third time was the charm...you don't get how much I cried the year she switched schools, how badly I wanted to move.

Things slowly got better. Or at least, so I thought. I mean, I stopped crying and I have a group of friends.

But the problem is that I'm simply not as close to any of my friends that go to my school as I was to my best friend who moved. I mean, yeah, they're my friends and I hang out with them at school. But I have no desire to invite them over/hang out with them much otherwise. That's me time.

My mom's started to notice. She keeps telling me to invite friends over, but she doesn't seem to understand that I'm happier simply on my own. She thinks all of my friends are going to ditch me throughout my four years of high school, and I'm going to be left out of social activities. I've tried to tell her that I'm not as close to any of them as my best friend who moved, and she tells me to make new friends. And then she'll say something like "well, ____ seems like a nice girl. Why don't you make friends with her?"

She doesn't understand that everyone in my school is in a clique. And most of the girls she tries to tell me to hang out with are nice enough, but they hang out with the snooty popular girls whom I dislike. She doesn't get that you can't just butt into a clique and steal a member. It doesn't happen. And to tell you the truth...I'm pretty sure there's no one at my school who I'll ever be that close to. I mean, yeah I'm close to my group of friends but not as close to them as I was to my other best friend.

My mom doesn't seem to understand how much her comments about me being ditched by my friends (it hasn't happened, but she thinks it will) hurts me. She doesn't understand that I'm just not a social person.

...and I've tried to keep in touch with my best friend who moved. I really have. For a while, I thought things would work out. I really did. But eventually, she stopped trying to make plans with me, even though I'd suggested it. For example, I suggested it one weekend and she kept saying she was too busy, but not long afterwards I saw her sister post on Facebook or something how all her siblings were gone, including my best friend to a sleepover.

We're both fading quickly. I'm almost starting to think that my best friend who moved doesn't want to be friends with me anymore.

It makes me want to cry every time I realize that we're not best-friends/sisters anymore.

I don't even have a best friend anymore.
Last night I tried to accept this.
I took all of my friend's pictures out of my room. I put them away. I told myself "we were never friends."
Maybe if I say that enough, I can trick myself into thinking it's true.
Because I almost think friendships that fade are less painful than ones that are burned.

L.S.Trendom 08-23-2013 11:33 PM

fuuck everything


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