The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Zelda 08-02-2017 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 596494)
so I have either scars or stretch marks or something on my back (a few horizontal red lines that are sort of indents) and my mom woke me up this morning by touching my back (she knows I don't like to be touched) and asking me what they were and getting super accusatory and rude about it when I said they were probably lines from the sheets. and I honestly had no idea they were even there until this morning and I have no idea where they came from and she told me she'd "look more at them later" and jesus fucking Christ my mom needs to stop being so fucking paranoid. I know I'm going to get in trouble for this but I literally did nothing??? there is no way I could have cut there??? I can barely reach that area of my back but I know I'm going to be punished for this and I want to scream. also today is my dads birthday and my mom ruined my entire day within seconds of me waking up.

Oh no honey, that sucks ;n; i hope the rest of your day went better.
Your mom will chill eventually, plus getting back to school will get you away from that environment and summers almost over!

oh btw how are the meds going if you don't mind me asking? Everything good? (You can email me if you don't want to talk about it here, or just ignore me if I'm prying lol )

Swallowtail 08-02-2017 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zelda (Post 596571)
Oh no honey, that sucks ;n; i hope the rest of your day went better.
Your mom will chill eventually, plus getting back to school will get you away from that environment and summers almost over!

oh btw how are the meds going if you don't mind me asking? Everything good? (You can email me if you don't want to talk about it here, or just ignore me if I'm prying lol )

ive been refusing to take them so yeah that's been weird. my parents are mad about that though so idk. and I still have over a month of summer left (school starts again September 8th I think)
but also now I'm seeing a therapist and that's awful and I have to keep going because I really want to try and study abroad and I was going to start that this summer but my mom told me I wasn't pretty enough to get in to the program and that even if I did get in I wouldn't be allowed to go because I'm not mentally stable enough. so while theres nothing I can do about not being pretty enough if I want a chance at being allowed to try next summer (which will be a lot harder because i'll be older) I will have to meet her bullshit "mentally stable" guidelines which so far seem to be that I have to be on meds for a while, that I can't ever be sad, anxious, or "lazy", that I don't have any scars which is bullshit because I never told her about mine and she never confronted me about them besides from yelling over completely unrelated things, and that I have to be going to therapy for over a year. and I don't know if its even possible for me to continue therapy once I go back to school

08-02-2017 03:55 PM

when you wake up and your throat feels so weird so you go back to sleep thinking it'd go away and you wake up with a deeper voice. help. I sound like Ty from Grossology now. (doesn't need advice for this I just wanted to let it out :C)

08-02-2017 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syafai (Post 596642)
when you wake up and your throat feels so weird so you go back to sleep thinking it'd go away and you wake up with a deeper voice. help. I sound like Ty from Grossology now. (doesn't need advice for this I just wanted to let it out :C)


O SNap IM A seniOR MEMBER NOw :oOooo

08-04-2017 08:47 PM

My best internet friend started annoying me so much now.

After a fight with her friends that came out of no where because I thought they were acting drunk, she kept on trying to apologize and why does she need to, idk.


The last time we spoke was today and rn. She started trying to apologize when I was in the middle of a roleplay. When I told her to go away she said "make me".

I said the only thing I can do is block her for a while because I'm not in the mood. And she said "If you block me I'll unfriend you." I didn't respond. Since I wasn't in the mood and she already knew that she decided to make me even more angry and unfriend me. Idk why?? She's just being retarded for a minute because she wants to keep idiots on her friends list and never have someone just like her on there? I shouldn't call her my bff anymore smh her new friends have made her an idiot just like them.

Werty 08-05-2017 12:11 PM

Waiting and possibly frustration
 
this is only because Luna is on but not posting on my nes... *hintity hint hint hint*

Steampunk 08-05-2017 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syafai (Post 596864)
My best internet friend started annoying me so much now.

After a fight with her friends that came out of no where because I thought they were acting drunk, she kept on trying to apologize and why does she need to, idk.


The last time we spoke was today and rn. She started trying to apologize when I was in the middle of a roleplay. When I told her to go away she said "make me".

I said the only thing I can do is block her for a while because I'm not in the mood. And she said "If you block me I'll unfriend you." I didn't respond. Since I wasn't in the mood and she already knew that she decided to make me even more angry and unfriend me. Idk why?? She's just being retarded for a minute because she wants to keep idiots on her friends list and never have someone just like her on there? I shouldn't call her my bff anymore smh her new friends have made her an idiot just like them.

Hey friend! I don't mean to be that person, but I'd really appreciate it if you refrained from using the word 'retard'. Thank you!

On account of your frustrations... have you told her that she doesn't need to apologize? She might have thought you were still mad and was only trying to make up for it. Admittedly, her timing could've been better but sometimes inconvenient things happen. A calmer way to have dealt with the situation may have been to tell her that you're busy at the moment and that you can talk later rather than just 'go away'.
Anyways, if you really value the friendship, try talking it out. It may not work out, unfortunately these things sometimes happen. But it's worth a shot, isn't it? Strong friendships are built off of mutual understanding, and it'll never get better if you don't talk it out and explain how you feel.
Welp, that's my thoughts on the matter. I hope I helped some/wasn't being too terribly annoying. Have a nice day!

SilverMoon 08-07-2017 12:52 AM

my hands are shaking for no reason and also I have the random urge to self harm lol. Can't concentrate on the fanfic I'm reading but don't want to slep

08-07-2017 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steampunk (Post 596876)
Hey friend! I don't mean to be that person, but I'd really appreciate it if you refrained from using the word 'retard'. Thank you!

On account of your frustrations... have you told her that she doesn't need to apologize? She might have thought you were still mad and was only trying to make up for it. Admittedly, her timing could've been better but sometimes inconvenient things happen. A calmer way to have dealt with the situation may have been to tell her that you're busy at the moment and that you can talk later rather than just 'go away'.
Anyways, if you really value the friendship, try talking it out. It may not work out, unfortunately these things sometimes happen. But it's worth a shot, isn't it? Strong friendships are built off of mutual understanding, and it'll never get better if you don't talk it out and explain how you feel.
Welp, that's my thoughts on the matter. I hope I helped some/wasn't being too terribly annoying. Have a nice day!

Thanks X3

We soon became bffs again after this X).

08-07-2017 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 596981)
my hands are shaking for no reason and also I have the random urge to self harm lol. Can't concentrate on the fanfic I'm reading but don't want to slep


Ena ena ena you're fab you're awesome why do you wanna self harm??

Werty 08-07-2017 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syafai (Post 596989)
Thanks X3

We soon became bffs again after this X).

You did!!! I saw your KP home post and I thought omg. So glad you made up.

Swallowtail 08-07-2017 02:21 PM

well yup my mom woke me up by yelling about the scars???stretch marks??? on my back. 1) I have no fucking idea where these are from.
2) even if they were scars this is not something you yell at your child for
I hate everything and I want to go back to school right now

Swallowtail 08-07-2017 05:13 PM

don't you just love???? when therapy was actually ok???? and then your dad decides to make you sit in the car for 40 minutes while he talks about how hard it is for him to have a child who doesn't fucking like to be touched???? and then he talks about how you should never have to hide anything but should be ok with being deeply uncomfortable and unhappy for the sake of your parents feelings???? and the big thing is I'm perfectly fine with being touched at least half of the time! like yeah I don't like it but its ok and then when I don't want to be touched and they yell and get angry and want to drug me up so that I do then I'm the one who has to convince them that I love them
also my therapist told me that maybe I should cut off all contact with my parents when I turn eighteen so therapy is not going the way they thought it would.

Swallowtail 08-13-2017 01:04 PM

its my birthday and I'm spending the day with my extended family (I love some of them but together its bad) my brother, and his racist and homophobic friends. also if I don't find a friend to have a sleepover with tomorrow night ill have to spend the day in our tiny apartment w/ my brother and even more of his racist, sexist, and homophobic friends.

SilverMoon 08-13-2017 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 597691)
its my birthday and I'm spending the day with my extended family (I love some of them but together its bad) my brother, and his racist and homophobic friends. also if I don't find a friend to have a sleepover with tomorrow night ill have to spend the day in our tiny apartment w/ my brother and even more of his racist, sexist, and homophobic friends.

too bad you live far away from me or I would literally nvite u to my house

I'm not gonna tell you it's not gonna suck because I don't know that but it'll be over soon

lol I'm bad at comfort

SilverMoon 08-13-2017 05:14 PM

i sometimes don't know what happened irl vs in dreams lmao

(also fucuk homeworkk I hate myself)

Swallowtail 08-14-2017 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 597692)
too bad you live far away from me or I would literally nvite u to my house

I'm not gonna tell you it's not gonna suck because I don't know that but it'll be over soon

lol I'm bad at comfort

thanks so much haha I wish I lived closer
but good thing is I can go to a friend's house tomorrow night so that's a relief
but I still have to spend the day w/ brother and his friends

Zelda 08-14-2017 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 596981)
my hands are shaking for no reason and also I have the random urge to self harm lol. Can't concentrate on the fanfic I'm reading but don't want to slep

Enaaaaaaa ;_;

Zelda 08-14-2017 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 597148)
don't you just love???? when therapy was actually ok???? and then your dad decides to make you sit in the car for 40 minutes while he talks about how hard it is for him to have a child who doesn't fucking like to be touched???? and then he talks about how you should never have to hide anything but should be ok with being deeply uncomfortable and unhappy for the sake of your parents feelings???? and the big thing is I'm perfectly fine with being touched at least half of the time! like yeah I don't like it but its ok and then when I don't want to be touched and they yell and get angry and want to drug me up so that I do then I'm the one who has to convince them that I love them
also my therapist told me that maybe I should cut off all contact with my parents when I turn eighteen so therapy is not going the way they thought it would.

hi this is your daily reminder that it is completely okay to not want to be touched and your parents are jerks (if you don't mind me saying so) if they expect you to commit wordlessly to being deeply uncomfortable for their sakes.

also HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! (late?) I hope your bday doesn't suck super bad, but in case it does is there anything I could do to make it suck less?

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zelda (Post 597751)
Enaaaaaaa ;_;

that was like a billion days ago re get with the times lmao

Zelda 08-14-2017 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 597753)
that was like a billion days ago re get with the times lmao

I am an elderly lady i do not know how to 'get with the times'.
Are you feeling mcfucking better? Would you like some fluffy kittens?

^^^ where did you get mcfucking from btw? I'm curious. (Ironic use i am not stealing it)

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zelda (Post 597754)
I am an elderly lady i do not know how to 'get with the times'.
Are you feeling mcfucking better? Would you like some fluffy kittens?

^^^ where did you get mcfucking from btw? I'm curious. (Ironic use i am not stealing it)

no no please steal it

probably tumblr?? although i like to imagine it as the embodiment of my son and favorite bakugou katsuki TBH

uh lol idk what better is, what are emotions, however fluffy kittens are always welcome

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 560950)
why the fuck am I writing this. i hate you.

You piss me off. Maybe because you throw me off. I can't get a read on you very well, though recently I've gotten a better one. sort of. I guess. One source identified you as an ESFJ. Accuracy unconfirmed, of course, but I'm an INTP. That might factor into it. There are a lot of differences, but some important similarities. (Besides, the differences are things I kind of admire about you. You're awesome. Also kind of an asshole. Sort of? Well, I can't really talk, I'm definitely an asshole.) I won't say I understand, but I can definitely relate to that jealousy. (And yeah, it's mostly jealousy, not envy. I have as much of the former as the latter, so.) but you confuse me.

Oh well. At least you're awesome.

Whatever.




why the fuck did I write this.


this post pisses my off so much fuck off @13yo me ur an INTJ and he's probably most likely an ENTJ and he's literally you and your fave and you hate them folks you used to root for (because he's better and more relatable of course)

"you confuse me" JOKES ON YOU BITCH SIX MONTHS LATER AND YOULL LITERALLY BE HIM EXCEPT WITH NO FRIENDS LMAO

what am I doing? distracting myself from literally everything else

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silvermoon (Post 562535)
i Hit A Wall Like Three Years Ago. And I Think Possibly, Maybe, Finally I'm Starting To See Cracks?

Jokes On You Bitch Get Ready For A Wild Ride

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 562579)
on another note

"once you look up to someone, you can't overtake them"

1. oops
2. feels
3. problems

yeah so stop looking up to people and kill your fucking heroes already lmao bitch

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 565165)
fUCcking prodigious kouhais and fucking impudent ass sons of bitches (which are not said prodigious kouhais) who insinuate that said fucking prodigious kouhai can beat me NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN. I won't fucking allow it I've been failing enough lately and my issues are getting worse and worse and fuck this I'm so fucking tired of losing im so tired of being this way and im just so fucking tired of everything okay I know im fucking weak and shit and NO I don't need anyone to be all like "you're not weak" dON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME fucking school people god damnit first of all if im so strong why do I keep fucking failing why do some people consider me strong yet why do others never recognize me when I do succeed. idc about your fucking normal-ass standards ok nobody fucking tell me that I'm not allowed to get upset and rant and say I failed so bad just because my failure was better than your success. fucking people, I don't actually give a damn about you. I just want to succeed and no im not fucking belittling you god damnit I just dONT FUCKING CARE OK like you deal with your fucking shit I deal with mine is it really so fucking wrong to care about myself more than anyone else like fuck that. "winning is everything" right? I mean "what is victory?" am I right but i'll deal with the repercussions of the "winning is everything" mindset oNCE I CAN FUCKiGN SUCCEED GOD DAMNIT. anyways back to kouhai. I mean, he's my kouhai and I love him, but FRICK THIS KID. like why. but it's less that he's stronger than me and I have a problem with him and more that im frustrated at my own issues because I feel like im too far from full potential. im frustrated with myself mostly but really kouhai like I don't need more stress rn when I have like so much issue ok but fuck whatever this helped sort of I guess dumb fucking vent shit over.

This is a refreshing mix between Bakugou and Oikawa and L o L I'm still the same in some ways

1) he doesn't get to have the title of kouhai (he also doesn't deserve to breathe so easy but ay lmao)
2) congrats ur bakugouness continues to get better and worse after this and so do your oikawaisms lmao

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 565876)
I was actually wrong the imaginary senpais are there yay motivational imaginary senpais they are literally the only reason I am ok right now

reminder to self that without iwaoi i would actually be dead and even though i love saruhiko/sarumi and bakugou/katsudeku they can both trigger me super heavily (bnha canon and to a lesser degree k canon has made me shut down/ break down/ get triggered so ay lmao) (NOT THAT THE SECOND SEIJOU MATCH DIDNT MAKE ME CRY A LOT AND GET TRIGGERED AND ALSO WANT TO DIE A LITTLE LMAO bc it did but like.... there's a certain degree of comfort in iwaoi that I don't find in the other pairings important to me except maybe akafuri

ha

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 571268)
Dear class,

weLL OK FUCK YOU ITS NOT MY FAULT I HAD A PANIC ATTACK IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING TEST BECAUSE I HAVE ISSUES YOU CANT FUCKING JUDGE ME SO FUCK YOU

Dear class,

lol who cares all you neurotypical cishet losers can fucking fuck off and die, you don't understand what it's like to have a thirst for greatness ya useless fucking extras

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meerkat (Post 574369)
i want to correct people who call me a girl but at the same time im not a boy
also i don't want friends in my classes at all but i know people in my classes and i just want to be the quiet perfect genderfluid valedictorian and first chair flute who doesn't need friends to be perfect at everything and friends just drag me down i want to be perfect ok im better than literally everyone even you probably

lol sorry I'm scrolling through old posts but what the fuck this is actually me

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 576902)
lmao I'm like 99% worthless 1% "idk I get good grades and can play bass ok"

PSYCH you can't play bass anymore and grades are worthless even though you still feel the need to get a 100 on everything

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:40 PM

I think tooru and seijuurou came into my being through emulation and admiration and intensifying traits that lay beneath the surface + changes in environment

but I've been 100% katsuki and saruhiko 100% the entire time

SilverMoon 08-14-2017 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 577289)
I honestly think I need therapy or some shit, probably, but honestly I don't have the kind of time or energy to bother going to a psychiatrist rn or ever so I guess I'll just... spiral off and go down the slippery slope until it becomes dire...

And Then That's Exactly What She Did

Zelda 08-14-2017 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 597755)
no no please steal it

probably tumblr?? although i like to imagine it as the embodiment of my son and favorite bakugou katsuki TBH

uh lol idk what better is, what are emotions, however fluffy kittens are always welcome

Mcfucking mcfucking mcfucking TuT

Hm hm, 'bakugou' makes me think of bakugon. Ah, right in the childhood.

Lel fluffy kittens coming right up

Swallowtail 08-15-2017 12:55 PM

great I have to go spend 3 days at the shore in a shitty motel w/ my mom, brother, two family friends who are awful and racist/sexist/homophobic/anti Semitic and I want to die. last year they got so angry at me for taking a video of them I had to lock myself in the bathroom after my brother scratched me up and shit and then my mom was angry that I used so many bandaids. also last year their mom brought her friend from Germany and her son and they were really nice but my brother and his friend kept yelling at them when they spoke german and kept calling them Nazis (um you're Austrian how is that any better than german fucking hitler was Austrian) even though they are the ones who make holocaust jokes and then yell at me when I explain why they can't do that and that its fucked up

Swallowtail 08-15-2017 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zelda (Post 597752)
hi this is your daily reminder that it is completely okay to not want to be touched and your parents are jerks (if you don't mind me saying so) if they expect you to commit wordlessly to being deeply uncomfortable for their sakes.

also HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! (late?) I hope your bday doesn't suck super bad, but in case it does is there anything I could do to make it suck less?

thanks so much :) and tbh I really don't mind you saying that haha
it wasn't great but not awful and my aunts girlfriend put my brothers friend in handcuffs briefly and that was great

Zelda 08-15-2017 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 597829)
thanks so much :) and tbh I really don't mind you saying that haha
it wasn't great but not awful and my aunts girlfriend put my brothers friend in handcuffs briefly and that was great

handcuffs sounds like a good idea for him TuT

oh and for your trip to the shore maybe you could get your therapist's number so you can call him/her if things get really uncomfortable? Also if you have internet there you know you can always come and vent on here which won't help much but it might make you feel better

^^^sorry that's the best I can offer ono

Swallowtail 08-15-2017 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zelda (Post 597832)
handcuffs sounds like a good idea for him TuT

oh and for your trip to the shore maybe you could get your therapist's number so you can call him/her if things get really uncomfortable? Also if you have internet there you know you can always come and vent on here which won't help much but it might make you feel better

^^^sorry that's the best I can offer ono

I don't think ill have internet and last week was my last appointment with that therapist
thanks for your help though!

Swallowtail 08-19-2017 02:11 PM

fuck so my brother is having a sleepover with all his asshole friends here and my phone is dead and I lost the charger (probably at my friend's house) and theres no other charger for it here and my parents wont buy another one and so theres no way for me to get out of here before they come and I'm going to have to sleep in my parents room but id literally rather wander around this sketchy af city alone (but of course I'm not allowed to do that) than be anywhere near any of the people that are going to be in this house tonight.

SilverMoon 09-01-2017 04:07 PM

just got blood on my white shorts. what's more. my white rakuzan shorts. I hate myself.

FrostBittenKitten 09-01-2017 10:27 PM

I feel like everyone is getting asked to homecoming except me. Scratch that. Everyone higher on the social hierarchy is getting asked, which feels almost worse. It is not hard to be higher up on the social hierarchy than me. What am I doing wrong?


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