thanks so much babe it's just so aggravating 'cause a lot of it is my mom and she grew up extremely conservative and although she is much less conservative than all of her family, she still has these ideals and this idea of what young women should be. she doesn't call me a slut, but she does say that sitting with your legs comfortably spread is skanky (as i'm sitting that way) and i shouldn't wear a crop top because it's immodest and she just makes these comments about other women around us who are doing nothing wrong. and then like random comments from guy friends and crap.

@graystorm: i don't know anything about cutting but we're all here for you and i'm here for you. please listen to madie and esther and jesse, because they've been through this and they know how to get you through this. i'm here if you need any support.

Oh my god the mom thing. Modesty is kind of a big deal on my house which is dumb as fuck tbh. And yeah my guy friends are actually kind of ignorant in a lot of ways so I think they've got some slut shaming issues. Like I am a big push up bra fan bc why tf not and they're always pointing out how much cleavage I show like oh my god Esther when really it's my body lol

(responding to this on my phone cause I can't sleep thinking of all of the embarrassing things I've done and I'm too stubborn to open my computer or put my glasses back on so)

ugh that sucks though I guess good to know someone feels my pain? lol. so i did a school project on dress codes and a lot of boys gave me crap cause one of my cons of dress codes was that they're freaking sexist, which I backed up with credible sources. so then I'm taking to this really nice guy who I go to church with and hang out with a bit and we're arguing about this and I say that it's stupid to assume that girls don't get 'distracted' by clothes that boys wear like if a shirt is overly tight or whatever. then the boy says: well it's not like we're wearing SPAGHETTI STRAPS or anything! and I just. like he said it like it was such a skanky (like the negative connotation, for lack of a better word) thing. I was actually wearing spaghetti straps during this conversation though I had a kimono on cause of the dress code. anyway I just like stared at him like 'you really think my shoulders are distracting' and I just shook me head and walked away and loudly declared "ok I am definitely not having this conversation with you"

sjnsjxnsnxb and I mean my friends kinda slut shame this girl behind her back and I quietly defend her but like it's not blatant and I don't want to pick a fight??? and the other day I said that I actually like flirting a lot and they were like "OH like nina???" and again like I could see what they were all thinking. idk. I love my mom and I love my friends but this just makes me really angry

I totally get it. Dress codes are ridiculous. I actually kind of understand uniforms becAIDS GENERALLU SPEAKIN they tend to be enforced both ways( at my school anyway. ) but dress codes are just stupid tbh

hey so the first two times my parents found out i was self harming they brushed it off. i had an attempt at therapy and i hated my therapist.

the last and final time, i was admitted into the youth ward at a psychiatric hospital. and honestly? that helped me a lot. meds also helped me a lot. so did my second attempt at therapy. frostblaze is right. keep trying until you find the right therapist

and if youre worried about the psych hospital: in my experience at least, the psychiatric hospital was honestly nothing but watching cartoon network from the dayroom from wakeup to bedtime. and boys cropdusting each other. i cried the first night because it kind of came crashing down on me like "holy shit" but it was nothing like i saw in the movies. everybody there has issues so most people are just respectful and bored outta their mind.

as for my second attempt at therapy, i was so goddamn stubborn and i didnt really tell my therapist everything. i just let her in enough to give me the tools i needed to succed in recovery, and that was good enough. i would not be alive without my therapist's help.

and medications have helped me a lot. not as much as therapy, but enough for me to think more clearly. theres nothing wrong with having to take meds. and AA is right, it doesnt really create a fake happy. at least for me. it just helps me clear my mind and i can just function and do what i need to do without constantly worrying or feeling sad. and because i can actually do things, i feel happier and can enjoy doing stuff.

once again, this is just in my experience and may not be the same for you.

i dont mean this in a way that suggests that what you are feeling isnt important, but anxiety and depression are probably the most common mental disorders in teenagers. meaning 1) you are most definitely not alone and 2) your average shrink will know what they are doing. i used to have a psychologist and a psychiatrist and the only thing they managed to solve for me was my anxiety, but mental health is very individual as you may know already. shrinks are also individual, so if one doesn't work out for you, dont think that they will all be as bad.
another thing i wanted to tell you is that getting over bad mental health is not a fast process. you probably know this and are sick of hearing 'it gets better', but i used to be in a pretty similar situation to you. i was very pessimistic and also harming myself. i was sick of anticipating a better future and wanted an instant cure. that was a year ago now, maybe more. im definitely not cured, im far from it, but by living with something that so deeply makes you aware of how your mind is working, you learn about yourself so much faster. all you have to do is accept support, try kinds of help that are available to you, tell people that are worried about you the lowdown, and continue getting up in the morning. dont surround yourself with your mental health but accept it nonetheless (depression blogs are a no no) and appreciate the world you live in. your life isn't truly crappy. mental illness is both a blessing and a curse, because by the end of it you have learnt so much about yourself and your surroundings. also, VERY IMPORTANT, please dont go on the internet most of the time. i dont know if you do, but i miss my pre internet brain. the internet is partially wonderful and enlightening but too much electronic usage, especially at night, is just really bad for you. i have majorly fucked up my brain by shortening my hours of sleep. lying in your bed in the dark is rest. sitting online for hours is not. also, dont give up exercise, i did and i regret it endlessly. exercise is vital for helping to lessen your anxiety and keeping you healthy.
ok that was long as shit but i mean every word. i hope you read it. as for self harm, i cant force you to do anything, but it will be there forever if you go too deep which you mentioned you didnt. in the long run it causes guilt which is not a fun thing to give yourself. perhaps find alternatives such as drawing on yourself, ice (although be careful with ice burns) or just keeping yourself busy some other way.

Okay I need some advice.

So I had a crush last year in school and we actually got to be close friends (not boyfriend-girlfriend tho!!) and I've missed her all summer and now I realized she's not doing school but is doing some virtual computer school thing, and I don't want our friendship to end

WHAT SHOULD I DO??

I mean, this is under free advice!

Get her number or email and talk to her!! Even something like facebook messenger can keep you in contact, and set up times to hang out and stuff. Just keep talking to her regularly so she doesnt feel like you forgot about her or something

lol I have a bit of experience w this kind of situation. do you think she likes u too? also is ur aim to continue being friends with her or to ask her out?
TBH I'm kind of interested in this