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I'm now pondering whether I'm too hard/harsh on people :P Lots of people seem to be annoyed by me.
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Depressed-ish
Ugh. D:
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frusturation
URGH. I am so lazy about this... anyway, I want to publish Immortal Island book one this summer so I neeeed to edit it... but I'm SO lazy. And it's so frusturating, because I need to change basically everything because now I've developed their characters more... and they do things totally random and against their inborn characters in the first book! So I have to change those! URGH! I hate hate hate hate hate editing. Grrr.
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Excluded, Jealous, Angry
For so many reasons...
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Dramatic
Le My Chem...
Anyway... I feel oddly freaked out and angry at the world and I really have no idea. I need to stop thinking. Maybe listen to some happy music... *le Ghost of You trance* Nope, not gonna happen. |
Upset..?
I'm probably an aspie. I'm too emotional, I can't look people in the eye, and I'm way too shy around strangers.
I can't make small talk either, and when I say something I think is funny no one gets it. :( Also I hate my dad. He's a jerk without a hobby, unless you count criticizing everyone and being a hypocrite as a hobby. |
I feel as if I don't belong. Like I need to leave. I hardly do anything, but I can't bring myself to leave forever. I'm hanging on to something that's on it's last thread............and I'm confused.
And nervous. And not sure who to believe anymore. |
Sometimes I feel like I want there to be a hole to open up in front of me and swallow me. And I'll be safely tucked into my own little pit of darkness.
But it never happens. Whenever I get nervous or slightly stressed over something, my limbs feel like jello and considerably weaker and tired even before I start to run. And sometimes I feel like the world is small, empty, and horrid and I want to claw my eyes out somehow. I love it when it happens because that's the exact mood I need for writing. |
I don't get it.. I really don't get it... Paca is an animal agency in our state
Friend: Hey we should volunteer at a animal shelter just not paca and we should do it together im soo bored mom signed me up to do 2 hrs at the library Me: The animal shelter wont let us do it until we're 18 either Friend: NO **** REALLY??? Me: uh.. u were the one that said we should volunteer at the animal shelter.. I'd be willing to do the library Friend: Mom says she'll take us to food bank Me: Okay when? Friend: i don't know Me: Uh can you find out Did she really have to cuss?? We already knew animal shelter wouldn't let us volunteer! |
Frustrated, isolated, ALONE D:
DO I NOT EXIST!? CAN YOU NOT SEE OR HEAR ME!?
I NEED YOU. LISTEN TO ME. Don't make me cry... D: |
Desperate
Someone help me. I need a hand to hold. I keep checking the window... waiting for you. I NEED YOU TO SAVE ME BEFORE I HURT MYSELF.
Please. |
*gives Bluemi two hands*
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*passes out everyone plastic gloves and a teddy bear*
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I'm annoyed by the patheticness of people. WHY DO THEY ALL USE DOUBLE, OR EVEN TRIPLE NEGATIVES? WHY DO THEY SAY 'were' WHEN SOMETHING ISN'T/WASN'T EVEN PLURAL? WHY CAN'T PEOPLE TALK FOR A MINUTE WITHOUT SAYING 'lol' OR SOME OTHER SLANG? Why can't people use grammar?
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But at least my dad, though he's got a strange sense of humour, at least he's nice. And slightly scary if you don't know him. |
Scared
The world looks different since I've been fighting with an eating disorder and an anxiety disorder. They're undiagnosed because I haven't been to a M.D. since I was six, but really, it's hard to be blind to them. I've been crying and fighting against food, not really sure why, and now my parents have noticed and they're doing all that they can to make my relationship with food healthy... After hearing me hit my fists against the wall of my room and walking in and seeing the lamp ripped out of its place and the books scattered across the floor, my mom has forbidden me to stay home and threatened to get me with a doctor, the third time she's threatened and not done it... my dad has offered antidepressants to me twice, but she's always stepped in and said no. I personally don't want them, but my anger management is not what it used to be and is quickly going down the toilet.
But what really troubled me was when I laid down again... I could have sworn that my dad's hand was pressing against my ribs, even though he was CLEARLY not in the room and would never do that anyways... but it was like the hand was trying to force me into the bed, so I tried to shake it off... and then I heard little girls, about four years old, LAUGHING in my head. And... I was confused at first, not really alarmed as much as I was annoyed because they were laughing at ME... They laughed for a couple of seconds, and then they said some things to me, and a man came in their little trio and said some things to me too, but now I can't remember what they are, apart from how one girl said quite clearly "dangerous times." Now the troubling part is that these were NOT MY THOUGHTS, and made absolutely no sense out of context... but they were clear, like I was hearing them with my ears, but it came from inside MY HEAD. I don't know how I should interpret these... dismiss them? I don't want medication, but if those are really the cure... I don't know. I never liked the idea of taking medication that would make you slow down and get fat and feel numb, but... :^I Right after I thought I saw a huge brown hell-dog watching me in the neighbour's yard, but I went back and I couldn't find it... there was just a railing and it didn't seem like something I could have mistaken for a dog... This wouldn't be the first time that I've heard voices... I remember when my dog escaped from our backyard (little silly that she is... -___-) and this voice, totally separate from my scattered thoughts as I stood outside, swooped in and said in a very calm, air-like tone, "Don't panic. She's right there." And then my mom found her in a yard down the laneway... <_< |
I do believe its delusions or alter-egos... I did a lot of research on that for one of my stories, but I'm really not sure. It could be because of stress that you're hearing those voices, though it's kind of unlikely. As for the eating problem.. try to get better, please? ;)
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Wow... why haven't you been to see a doctor? |
Hurt
Well, my aunt moved all the way from Maine (where I live) to Florida last year. Now I know it probably seems like I'm making a bigger deal of this than I should, but... *sigh* arghh. It's kinda hard to explain; Angie (my aunt - no wait, scratch that - I call her my sister sometimes. ) got a divorce with her old husband and married pretty much the first person she could. Well that person lives in Florida. Which means, unfortunately, that Angie had to move to Florida with him. It just all happened so fast and so suddenly... The day she left was the worst day of my life. I remember her hanging out with us for a while, and then when it was time to leave, she hugged us all, said goodbye, and just left. She never cried a tear. She never said anything like "I'll miss you guys so much" or "I still love you even though I'm moving." After she left, I remember going to my room and sobbing. I felt like there was no one to turn to, no one who would understand my problems or feel the hurt and the pain that I had. Sometimes I felt like e-mailing her to tell her all the mean things I'd thought (and still think) about her new husband. I wanted to tell her that I was tired. Tired of being 'strong'. Tired of crying myself to sleep at night. Tired of feeling all the emotions that came over me. I just wanted her to come home. :(
Well I spared you the... details... of what happened, but that's basically my story. :) It's been a year and I'm still not completely over that; but I know I'll never be. Anyways... does anyone else have anything to talk about besides how depressed I feel? ^_^ |
Hmmm... do you cook? ^__________^
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Dang, I see what you mean... :( That sucks...
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Help. My intelligence is showing. I saw someone roughly the same age as me doing much simpler mathematics than what I manage easily in school and they were struggling.
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Today our pastor told us that she was being reappointed to another church. she's only been here for two years and we expected her to stay for a long time. I don't want to see another pastor that fits our church and youth group go. I don't want this to change. Again.
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Yeah... our priest retired a year ago, I was so upset, but at least he visits sometimes.
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Okay, Cass. I'm going to be straight with you. You. Need. Help. I know, it'll be hard at first. But you're going to have to pick the lesser of the three evils here. Go untreated? Risk future problems and the current issues worsening. Get some anti-depressants? Get a little better but risk the side effects. Seeing a therapist seems to be the least difficult. They can't write prescriptions, and you can say whatever you want about whoever you want and vent 'til your heart explodes and they legally can't tell anyone about it. Look...I know it might be hard at first. But you can't keep going on like this, Sandy. :( You're my friend, and I'm getting worried. You need to get help. [quote=Sandy;258865]Yeah, you're right, I have been under a massive amount of stress lately... And yeah, the eating problem is definitely getting better since my parents stepped in and I've been able to take some time to get my stress level down to a somewhat healthy level./QUOTE] <:^J At least that's good. Quote:
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^^@Ash and Sandy: Writers actually are more likely to suffer from depression than a normal person. True story.
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I think the reality is more along the lines of that depressed people are more likely to be writers. :D
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Or people who stick out like sore thumbs in a crowd.
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I am confused. My crush acts like he doesn't like me, but just today he was talking to me and teasing me a little...??????????
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Ahem... anyways... I don't think it would ever be possible for me to be put on drugs: Please, doctors, keep your Zyprexa away from me! Being an adolescent girl, there's no way I'm giving up my already-fragile weight balance just for some peace in the head. >_< And there's this mental guy we see on the street sometimes... he has this look in his eyes, and he makes eye contact with me until I give up, run away, and grab my little brother before the guy goes all Kony on him. His face is pudgy and swollen from the drugs he's on. I have a friend who has some... instabilities... (I don't know if she's like/as bad as me, though) and when her parents found her cutting, HOOOOOOO. They shipped her right off to the Doc and she's on about eleven different meds now; she doesn't take them anymore and sells them all to this druggie in our class. http://cs951.vkontakte.ru/u67529725/...m_fc0a66d8.jpg And therapists... ehhh... the whole concept of VENTING... I'm not really the type of person who feels very comfortable with that in the flesh and blood... And plus... I'm sure I can get by! If anything, this has a way higher chance of being schizotypy than anything else, or it could be nothing at all... even though this is like the second time, and schizophrenia runs through two generations of my family... Don't worry about me... I'm doing a lot better than I was a couple days ago. I think that creepy voice experience scared the crap out of me so now I'm acting rather normal. XP Quote:
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I've been so hopped on Nyqil, ginger root tea, and zinc tablets since then that I haven't really been able to do anything but sleep on the couch and half-watch half-ignore episodes of Futurama. -_____- End boring useless ramble about me. e_o :^| That sounds...really unpleasant. x_x Poor mental guy. And friend of yours. *chucks Reese's Pieces at druggie children* TAKE UR SPECIAL MEDICINE. e_e *weird Simpsons Cat Lady reference* o_o Sorry. *COUGH http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArXIki2OR6E COUGH sorryitscrappyCOUGH* Okay, okay, I'll be serious again. -_- *blames the cinnamon rolls* I know what you mean. I hate venting when the person's right in front of me. I was only ever really able to vent with my friend from 6th grade....and it was freakishly hard for me to vent with the psychiatrist I saw in 4th grade. x_x BUT...I'm sure, if you tried hard enough, you could do it. <:^J You're strong like that. I'm not. Maybe......maybe it was just some disturbing dream? o_o I don't know. I've had some pretty freakish moments when I'm half-awake-half-dreaming. Maybe that's all it was. I don't know. I still think you should see someone about it. Or at least try to open up with SOMEONE every once in a while to help relieve the stress. :^\ WELL...at least you're doing better. <:^J *hugs* Tell me if I can help in any way, okay? |
I saw a random psychiatrist persony thing (not sure what she actually was) two years ago. After three appointments and a rant with a specialist I got diagnosed with mild Asperger's. Which explains my lack of social skills and mild OCD.
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:confused: Confusion
I'm confused why no one's reading my stories, and/or commenting. |
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