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Benavides, You are going to be immolated. |
idiot . |
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... CHINESE EXAM TODAY WHY OH WHY WISH ME GOOD LUCK PEOPLE. |
i can't do this.
so i didn't. mad? you have every right. please, it would be so much easier if you could just hate me. why do you think i do it? fuck off. |
ok ok god i'm scared
so my friend wrote me a letter to open for when i was a senior but i read it today and it was pretty obvious he's becoming suicidal i mean he said "if i'm dead please come to my grave and visit me" and man i'm scared like what if i can't help him? it's the end of the school year and i need to tell someone but what if they can't help him over the summer because who am i supposed to tell that'll be able to see him then? how am i supposed to do this i mean i couldn't bare to lose him or any of my friends like that i just and my other friend has panic attacks and she'll text me at like 11:30 when she's up and panicking and i calm her down and i'm afraid to fall asleep some nights like what if she has an attack and she cuts again? and i'm sorry i'm on here but god i'm scared for my friends what if i can't help them and i hate that i can't just make it go away i hate when they hate themselves i hate that they have these issues i can't fix i hate that i'm so privileged while they're not i just hate them sometimes and then i hate myself and i just hate everything and i'm so sorry i'm on here and venting i don't feel like i have a right but i'm scared for them and i'm scared because i'm being dragged down into it and i'm scared because i hate myself so much when these things come along i'm just scared and angry and i don't know how i'm supposed to handle this and please don't tell me it shouldn't be my responsibility it has to become my responsibility i need to be able to do something otherwise i'm terrible and hate myself and hate myself for hating myself and i just feel guilty when i can't help and i feel guilty when i don't i just hate everything about this |
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you're reminding me so much of my irl friend right now she literally just takes on everyone's problems and she's the nicest person ever but she also has her days like this and i can't really know how you or her are feeling because i'm more of a venting-to-my-friend person not a nice-let-me-listen-and-help person but i can tell you this: NEVER feel bad about venting, ever. you have a right to vent; it's what this thread was made for--literally. you are allowed to have problems, you are allowed to hate things, you are allowed to post on here. no one is going to tell you otherwise, and if they do, they can go fuck themselves since they clearly have no brains to begin with. ok so yes i kind of have no idea how to help you with this but if you ever need a person to vent to about this kind of stuff (not help with this kind of stuff but more of a listening ear i guess, since i don't think i'll be much help anyways) I AM HERE my tumblr askbox is always open you have my email and it is OKAY to vent to me and anyone, really, that you trust to vent to. *hugs you tightly* |
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my god, i'm giving the worst advice- none. This is how i've felt so many fucking times, so damn much, the omigod they're going to kill themselves and i thought i was supposed to be their friend and i'm a freaking bitch and i can't pull them out dammit get out. venting isn't supposed to hurt it's supposed to let the pain leak away i never know i'll never know so poets are supposed to understand human emotions? ha no my god, it's times like this when i want to reach through this stupid piece of crap and hug you and hold you and stroke your hair and say "it will be okay, i promise" and then i want to solve all your problems and never leave you ever or anyone else. i'm so useless. goddammit. and remember when you pulled me out of that stupid mindset i was in? i'm gonna return the fcking favor if it takes me my lifetime, 'cause there is no way in hell that i would ever leave my friends. |
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what about his parents? or his siblings? you don't have to tell him he's suicidal, just, like… ask them to tell you if he seems down/sad? I know how you feel… But don't hate yourself, you are fucking amazing, you're a great person for doing this. *hugs* |
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I guess it's just my luck that my friends' lives are so fluffy and happy. |
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