Gah my life is being all depressing and lonely and confusing on account of a few different things:

All health teachers at my school plus my parents all know that I self-harm. Which sucks. From what people have said, I thought that telling people (not like I told them, they found out by themselves, more on that later) would be like taking a shower after a month in the wilderness. Um, no. It basically means that the nurse calls you down to her office once a week to discuss your deepest secrets while the health teachers treat you like you have some mental deformity. I don't want your fucking sympathy, that doesn't help. And stop romanticizing my problems, you don't know me.

What else? Oh, my parents won't let me be by myself for more than a half hour. Really? It's not like you guys don't check my arms every day, how am I supposed to cut myself?

Anyways, right, the story. So a couple weeks ago in French, I got called down to the principal's office and Mrs. Mike (she's like the nurse/guidance counsellor) asked me if I knew why I was there. So my head was like oh my god what did I do, even though I hadn't done anything wrong. I said, no, I don't.

She told me she knew I cut and she wanted to see my arms. So in the end I had to, and she started holding back tears (at this point I was confused about how she became a guidance counsellor if she was the one who cried). Then it was a ton of personal questions and nods until she called my parents.

I asked her how she knew. She said I wasn't allowed to know. WHAT THE FUCK.

So that's the story, pretty much...

So I'm kinda like not straight... Not going to delve into this one, but basically I like guys. Yay for confusion and another another reason for a shitload of self-hate.

Social anxiety is no fun. If you do not understand how social anxiety works, here's a snippet of my thoughts from lunch: oh god oh god where are my two semifriends oh fuckfuckfuck no no they're buying lunch they haven't sat down oh god where do I sit if I sit at an empty table then they might not sit by me and if I sit by myself it draws attention if I sit where they usually sit when they come over they might wonder why I'm there okay okay I'll go to the water fountain to pass time okay okay is lunch over yet no no

This is how I think most of the time at school, all scared and terrified and awkward. So yeah. Not fun.

-

Um, okay, well that's my life right now. Awesome.

I'm basically going through all the things you're going through, Jesse. I'm really crap at advice so the best thing I can say to you is I hope you feel better soon.

I wish everyone's lives were happy for atleast a day. :)

Ok. So I was at a camp last year, and it was really fun. It was like three nights.. something like that. Anywho one night my cabin mates kept complaining that they didn';t feel good. I told them to stop complaining or else I would start thinking about it and get sick... you know how that is? Well, they didn't so I thought about it and... got sick. I was so embaressed and the helper peoples weren't being very nice about it, and niether were my cabin mates. So I am going to the same camp this year except it is like 5 or 6 nights and I am so worried the same thing is going to happen! Does anyone have tips on how to not think about throwing up?
So far I think I am going to bring a reading light and a good book and read, or stay up really late the night before I go to camp and then I will fall asleep right away... I don't know. No electronic games or stuff like that is allowed... HELP!

I'm so sorry. I guess that's the only thing I can say right now. :) And I hope you feel better.

*hugs* I'm glad you aren't cutting anymore, at least :/
It's completely fine if you're not straight. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's no reason to hate yourself. and you shouldn't hate yourself 'cause you're awesome.
I think I know how that feels, sometimes… I wish you didn't have to deal with that :/
If you ever need to vent, you can always email me.

There's nothing wrong with not being straight. No, don't hate yourself, you have no reason to. Ever.
We will support you no matter what. I'm glad you stopped cutting. *huggles for support*