(*curls up in the corner*)
I really effing hate myself right now.

Aw don't-
I don't know you well. More admired from the sidelines than talked to you.
But you do not deserve to hate yourself because you're amazing. I've been reading WOT in my spare time, and it's amazing too.
Hating yourself is no no, do you understand?

I just realized
That this will be my first and last serious year on KP. And I'm only one! *cries*
I forsee the years afterwards. After this year, I will not be on KP everyday. Pressure and stress will press around me, and before I know it, I will be going off to high school. By the time I have orientation sorted out, I will be 16.
16 is rather old.
Most of you are 15, tops.
I don't want to leave.
I don't I don't I don't.

Second star to the right
I wanna go to Neverland. ;~;

When are you sixteen?
Because I'm going to be sixteen in July so...yeah.

i literally cannot focus on anything at all
i'm falling apart

i've started having really vivid nightmares and it took me two days to realize that they were only dreams and my mom and one of my best friends both are legitimately concerned i have depression or something but i really don't think i do? i'm not broken and i don't need to be fixed
even if i am, i'm going to keep telling myself that
i'm not sick and i dont want to be treated like i can't think for myself
even though it's true

i just want to be human?? that's all
isn't that what everybody wants?

i want to talk about it and other people want to talk about it but i don't know what to say or how to describe it other than i feel like my head is separated from my body and i can't tell if i'm dreaming or if i'm actually alive
i can't put anything into words
i dont feel real?? i feel like i'm existing on all these different planes, like i'm semi-opaque, like i'm glitching, time doesn't flow around me anymore?? i'm losing track of everything
days and hours and minutes are passing and i know what the numbers mean but i still don't understand???
i have to go back to school tomorrow (i'm taking today off) and i don't know what i'm going to do

am i even a person??? do i even think? am i existing

i feel terrible i keep trying to pick myself up but i always fall through my fingers like sand

edit: the only thing that keeps me hopeful and optimistic about myself and my mind is that maybe, someday, i'll get better, and i'll be able to hold onto reality like the other kids do, and that i'll become a real person instead of the poorly strung-together abstract thought that i am now

sure but can i email you first just because the email i use isn't linked to this account?

shhh don't hate awesome people *hugs*
ok honestly i really don't know what to say to help you
keep pushing therapy with your parents. like you don't have to go on medication, but they'd have a lot more experience and be more helpful than your friends, you know?
*hugs u gently* *passes u a chocolate bar* ily daddy

(*bear hug*) You're NOT broken. But you're clearly having some issues that are beginning to get out of control. <:^/ You ARE human. You think, you feel, you want, you need, you love, you hate, you exist, you're human. You're real, Cassandra; believe it. I don't know exactly what's causing all this, but, I'm positive things will get better. <:^) You CAN and DO think for yourself...but, there's absolutely NO SHAME WHATSOEVER in admitting you're having some trouble. It doesn't mean you're broken or sick or defective. You're simply having an issue. And I KNOW you're strong enough to get past it, especially if you have a little assistance.

You're right. You WILL be better at all this eventually. ^_^ Please don't lose hope in that, okay?

I think you should seriously go to your parents and ask them to get you a therapist. I know you don't want to take drugs, and that's fine. You don't have to. Just talking with and being helped by a professional will allow you to progress SO MUCH MORE than just talking to friends and family. I think a therapist could really help you with this, or at least help you reduce your stress level and help you cope.

I'm really glad you're taking a day off. <:^3 You deserve it, Dansy. You really do. (*hugs again*)

(*whispers*) Can I just say something though...? You're still super creative and beautiful and descriptive, even when you're not doing so well. You just...I think you're MADE of talent. o__o Just, the way you word everything and describe how you feel and compare everything to...(*shakes head*) You're truly unique, Cass. o.o You really are. <:^D

I'm sixteen!!! Yay another person almost as old as me :D



In other news my brother just ransacked my room. And by that i mean flipped over my table and threw all my stuff on the floor and broke stuff. I seriously don't know how much more of his attitude I can take. I hate him.

Dude but

Your bio says you're 13

What

And don't leave okay

Please