Thanks! I'm happy that I did it. :)

oh god milo and venika and everyone who's having a shit time just hang on and milo don't listen to the dumb shit other people say to you

on another note
my academics are failing help my avg dropped by 10 marks was only raised by 6 marks or so by english but it's gonna be bad when i get my chinese history back!! and ict and i hope i did good in chem UNLIKE in bio and i s2g if i don't get an a a in history i will...be very sad.

i really hate swimming now.
even if im good (which im not).

fUCcking prodigious kouhais and fucking impudent ass sons of bitches (which are not said prodigious kouhais) who insinuate that said fucking prodigious kouhai can beat me NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN. I won't fucking allow it I've been failing enough lately and my issues are getting worse and worse and fuck this I'm so fucking tired of losing im so tired of being this way and im just so fucking tired of everything okay I know im fucking weak and shit and NO I don't need anyone to be all like "you're not weak" dON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME fucking school people god damnit first of all if im so strong why do I keep fucking failing why do some people consider me strong yet why do others never recognize me when I do succeed. idc about your fucking normal-ass standards ok nobody fucking tell me that I'm not allowed to get upset and rant and say I failed so bad just because my failure was better than your success. fucking people, I don't actually give a damn about you. I just want to succeed and no im not fucking belittling you god damnit I just dONT FUCKING CARE OK like you deal with your fucking shit I deal with mine is it really so fucking wrong to care about myself more than anyone else like fuck that. "winning is everything" right? I mean "what is victory?" am I right but i'll deal with the repercussions of the "winning is everything" mindset oNCE I CAN FUCKiGN SUCCEED GOD DAMNIT. anyways back to kouhai. I mean, he's my kouhai and I love him, but FRICK THIS KID. like why. but it's less that he's stronger than me and I have a problem with him and more that im frustrated at my own issues because I feel like im too far from full potential. im frustrated with myself mostly but really kouhai like I don't need more stress rn when I have like so much issue ok but fuck whatever this helped sort of I guess dumb fucking vent shit over.

A very annoying girl!!
 

This one girl that I know is really confusing at times. Sometimes, she's really nice to me, and other times, she's bratty and acts like she's better than me!! And I'm like, wth is wrong with you?! I don't even know how to act around her anymore, and it's really annoying!!:mad::mad::mad:

Good for you! That was a brave decision and I'm glad it made you feel better. :] I hope you can be friends again.

As for people talking about you behind your back, they are jerks. There is nothing wrong with your clothes. Screw them. You should be able to wear what you want.

YOUR DAD IS A JERK AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Is there anyone you can call to get you out of this? If your dad is doing that you should not be living with him. Do you have any relatives you could talk to?

Did you just have finals? I'm sorry about your grades. :[ I hope you get an A++ in history

Why?
(unrelated) Aren't you on swim team?

I'm so sorry about that!! If you don't like hanging out with her, maybe the brattiness outweighs the niceness. But if you really want to hang out with her, maybe just tell her that you don't really like her attitude (in a nice way of course) and ask if she might be nicer?

Don't quote me please.
 

same venika

So thanks for your kind words and support guys, it really does mean a lot to me, but I don't have anyone to turn to at this point except for my half sister - my dad and an ex wife - we are pretty close but she wouldn't believe me because my dad likes to pass it off as play fighting, which it really isn't.

I was going to say I've decided something, but I really haven't. It's 8pm on a Saturday night - I should be doing something that isnt staring off a balcony's edge and typing out in proper grammar & capitals. I shouldn't be staring into a seemingly endless abyss of bushes and wondering where my previous hope has gone; and whether it will return. I certainly shouldn't be crying about things that don't matter.

I'm not going to lie, I don't know where this is going, but maybe I'll think of a point in the end.

I can't go to school like this. I've been on and off crying for the past few days, and every waking moment is spent thinking of ways to kill myself and why I should do it. Especially not in a new school. At this place, I can't be the day dreaming idiot that I am everywhere else. It's not that that is a bad thing even - it's just I'm under so much pressure from third parties at the moment that if I slip up once, who knows what will happen.

If it weren't for the fact that there are people in our living room right now, I would probably attempt, but I can't risk anything right now. Another day.

Everything is just getting worse. That sounds really emo, as mum would say, but oh god is it. I don't know who I am. I am burned out at 13! Washed up! I've peaked, without doing anything.

I would probably be posting this on tumblr if it weren't for the fact that staff of a website follow me and then they'd be sending me shit on skype, and that freaks me out so I really don't wanna do that.

One thing that has made me feel better was an increase in anons, lately. Nice anons too, concerned ones, and non-anons (lol). It's cool to think that someone cares enough to send me a few words, like you guys do. It's so kind and I couldn't thank them enough.

I think I'm probably too short to climb this railing. I'm not very flexible. Damn.

Sorry for cluttering up your thread with my BS. Thanks guys. c:

This is going to be intended for both Milo and Venika and I don't know if this helps but I want to help and I'm trying and I'm really really sorry if this doesn't help-
This isn't something that doesn't matter. Your feelings matter. YOU matter. You are NOT the problem - anyone who is making you feel like crap is the problem.
The only thing I can think is please, please, try to get through this. I'm not saying try to deny that things suck - your situation sucks. Your dad sucks. Your dad (and anyone else) SHOULD NOT BE BEATING YOU UP AND TRYING TO KILL YOU. But think about college. Think about moving out and getting away from your family. Think about when you won't have to put up with the crap that they throw at you. Think about a future without your dad and your family that will be better. Please just try to think about that and devote your thoughts to getting ready for that or possibly thinking of ways out of your situation that involve you still living so you can reach that future.

Please, guys, please try to hold on. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. YOU ARE PERFECT AND THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU WHO WON'T TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP.

Venika! People who do that aren't brave. Killing yourself doesn't make one brave at all! So many people have so much to live for, and so many things they haven't yet experienced. Life is a rollercoaster with ups and downs-- while some have more drops than others. Things may seem like they are going downhill and will never stop spiraling into oblivion, but there isn't a set path for you (or anybody, I'm talking about people in generalXD). Everybody has a will to change things in life, and certain dips that may be an external conflict doesn't mean your worthless or that you shouldn't continue living! You all are beautiful creatures and deserve to live life to the fulles. As much as it hurts, you should not even consider killing your precious lives! All of you are loved by somebody and will live such a successful life, but it's definitely hard to do that when you're dead. You shouldnt even consider suicide when you're feeling so depressed, because you all are worth so much-- don't think anything otherwise-- and ending your life would hurt others more than it would make you feel better, except it won't make you feel better because you're dead. I have a lot of friends right now who feel like giving up and ending their life, but whenever you're feeling depressed and feel so worthless, know that you aren't in any shape or form! Life can be cruel at points, but just hang in there everybody because you develop as a stronger person and deserve as much happiness as you want. Everybody deserves happiness and joy. Life will get better. I promise you all.