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i WANT TO BE A GIRL ALL THE TIME
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I'm not as talkative as I used to be. I just want to stay in my room all day and not talk to anyone. Not because I don't want to be social, but because its too hard.
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"love who you are"
well maybe if i was more conventionally acceptable, i'd be able to have that privilege but instead im just brown and ugly and bad at everything |
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@meera obviously i cant help you because im not a poc but, i definitely want to see you love yourself at any point. you deserve it so much, and being brown does not make you less or worse of a person. you are beautiful and you're super intelligent, creatively AMAZING, and even good at music. you're an all rounded meera! <3 i hope you feel better soon. |
okay so schools starts in three days
pros: reason to get up in mornings reason to function for a few hours i get to write essays and shit i get to learn stuff i can be at the top of my class i can be valedictorian of the senior class and get a scholarship to ut austin (even tho i'm a freshman now but i've got a head start) cons: i have to get up in the mornings i have to not be completely dysfunctional. shit. i have to do essays and shit i have to pay attention in class when I want to die half the time i have to be reminded every single fuckin day that i'm utterly alone as i watch all the people with all their friends talk and laugh around me on the bright side i got some new pens so that's nice |
WOAH GUYS
U KNOW HOW MY LIFE PLAN IS TO GET INTO UT AUSTIN WELL APPARENTLY THERE'S A LGBT FRIENDLY CHURCH THERE THAT HAS AMAZING SERVICES AND IS LIKE A HUGE BADASS THlNG AND I JUST WANT TO MOVE THERE RIGHT NOW |
i said goodbye to my best friend today for at least the foreseeable future. she moved a while ago and was back in town to pack up the rest of her things so she came over and i invited our squad over for a last adventure sort of thing.
the thing is, i'm not very good at making lasting, healthy friendships. i have a lot of friends now but she was the only one i knew was guaranteed to stick by my side at least through high school and probably through college too. we've been friends for three years, and i watched her turn from an awkward shy child with long hair to hide behind to an outspoken badass liberal with a fantastic a-line and a perfect sense of humor. in this time, i also overcame my depression and social anxiety and i truly believe she was a huge factor in my ability to do so. we've changed each other in the best of ways. and i love my other friends, i do, but i've never had a friendship quite like the one i have with her. i know we'll still keep in touch and talk every day and we're even starting to plan yearly road-trips since she's only about an eight hour drive away, but it just. sucks. i'm so used to having her constantly by my side, constantly whispering, "get that ass" whenever we see a hot guy, constantly reminding me that i am not alone. and now it'll be so much harder to do that. it feels like she was the glue of my friend group and now she's gone. and it just fucking sucks. i know we can remain good friends and i know that we're not going to let distance break us apart, but i've been going to school without her for three days now and it's exhausting and it hurts not seeing her where she's supposed to be and i wince every time a teacher calls out her name while taking attendance because she was supposed to be in that class but she's not. i didn't cry when i said goodbye today but i'm crying now. it sorta feels like everything is falling apart when i was just getting used to it getting together and i hate that. |
@lena
*hugs forever* i can relate to that feeling all too well cept i was the one who moved, and i visited my childhood friends in india two months ago and leaving again was torture oh my god the feeling sucks and i wish you didn't feel that way ;~; just know that it will get better, the pain will fade eventually. just try to focus on the good memories, it'll work out <3 im there if you want to talk, and i hope you feel better |
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