also oh boy so I've been home for three weeks and I've had close to zero control over what/when/how much I eat and I've gained weight and I really hate my body lmao. but if i try and eat less/what I want to my parents get annoyed and angry and they literally pay attention to everything i eat and do and always have. like to the point where after my mom came to visit me at school my friend told me how weird it was that she went on and on about how I only ate a little rice and tofu and like?? I remember that it was a normal amount. and my dad will email/text me incessantly about what I've eaten when I'm home alone and the moment my mother comes home she grills me on what ive eaten and like?? ive only ever eaten healthy and normal amounts in front of you and ive barely ever restricted food at home and so this is how they are when they have no clue about me having problems with food? great. but then I get home and they make remarks on how I've gained weight when i know for a fact ive actually lost it, and my mom complains how I eat unhealthy food but I cant eat healthy food at home without them getting angry about how weird I am about it? I have to eat a lot and be happy eating unhealthy food and not want to exercise or they'll be angry and threaten to send me to therapy again, but I have to never gain weight or look like ive gained weight and I have to eat healthy and exercise or I'm lazy? what? i literally can't win!

and like school is better because I actually have control over what I eat and when, and how much/when I exercise, but every table has a faculty and they always point it out to the whole table when I'm not eating much and that makes me want to eat less? and then I also know that they fucking keep tabs on what I eat and how much and then discuss it in faculty meeting, and while sure yeah keep your students healthy, this makes it so I really just want to wait in the studs for meals to be over (theyre mandatory so I have to go) but then if I just don't show up they'll notice that too, and I have no idea how "bad" things have to be before they let my parents know and then ill really be fucked.

The main thing that keeps me from jumping in front of a train is the possibility that one day, that train is gonna come for someone I care about, and I'll be damned if I'm not alive on that day to jump in front of it then and save them.

First of all that's literally so amazing and beautiful
second of all don't try to take the train for them, jump off the tracks with them

we'll be buried together lol

WHEN OUR LIVES ARE OVER

AND ALL THAT REMAINS

ARE OUR SKULLS AND BONES,

LET'S

TAKE IT TO THE GRAVE

-hold me in your arms!
-hold me in your arms!

I'll be buried here with you!

And I'll hold in THESE HANDS

ALL THAT REMAINS.

#i love bastille, thanks Madie for showing me them
#she lives on on kp thru me

yOOOOOO I love that song



I guess you could say we'll go down with this ship lol

oh yikes, ("which was fine he was kind of annoying" lol mood) but I'm glad it's not the worst it could b

hi guys. I'm back? and this isn't an emotional vent, but where I talked most, so hey?

oh shit my dude hello!! how are you???