*sigh* My nine minute endurance run was BAAAAAAAD. Though everyone said I did very good, it was awful. I originally could run 2000 m in 8 minutes and 40 seconds but I could only run 1920 m in 9 minutes )': Probably because i have no one to run after, since *coughmyclassiscrapperthancrapinlongdistancerunnin gcough*.

It's a BIG WORLD.
Like no one cares
NO ONE LOVES ME
I feel like everyone's closing me out
DISCONNECTED.

No! The only things that are right are insecure and self-doubting.
The world doesn't hate you. Because you. Are. Freaking. Amazing. *Hugs*

If they really do act as you say, then show them your frickin' amazing writing. I think that'll change their view on you.

I'm flabbergasted, and furious.

Read Mistborn's stand on bullying.
http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-c...age-2044123072

Pokey, there are millions of people who are going to say that no one likes you. I don't care about any of them. But don't. You. Dare. EVER. Say that of yourself. Got that? I want you to go to school and wear the weirdest outfit you have and put your hair in random braids and just watch people's faces. Be who you are, because you're awesome. Never hate yourself. Ever.



Oh wow...

Why are you doing all of this to your self? All of that stuff is bad, wrong, hurtful physically and mentally. You have an almost perfect life! An awesome family, a home, a dog, a LIFE, and you choose to waste it! There's lots of people who have it worse than you. Divorced parents, abusive parents, no home, surrounded by crime. But of all that, its some friends over the internet who you've never even met. Don't let them get to you! They live on the other side of the world! And yet you still call them your best friends even since we've been bff's for ten years. That hurts me too. But that's not what matters. Don't choose the wrong road. I want to tell you all of this, but I can't. I wish I could.

Imma try to condense this rant. :D
Lately, I’ve been sort of paranoid, convincing myself that no one really cares about me… Thinking of ways things people have said/done could be interpreted to mean that. And sometimes I avoid people because I feel like too big of a failure to be around them. I’m terrified that everyone will think I’m a failure, which adds to that.
I know mood swings are a regular part of being a teenager, but… I’m wondering if I’m bipolar or something. A couple of times in the past few days, I’ve felt like grinning and laughing for no reason, with no relation to what was happening in real life. I was sort of happyish, and I had some confidence in myself. Other times, I get depressed, and sometimes that doesn’t have anything to do with what’s happening either.
Though I’ve stopped trusting myself about stuff like that; I’ve thought I was bipolar, depressed, gay, thought I had a few personality disorders (not at the same time :P), and tone deaf (a bit). About the gay thing… It happened twice, and I think I was, like, sure of it both times. Not really sure why I thought that… But it was accompanied by the wanting to grin and laugh, a bit.
I think I might have a pretty good, or at least decent, chance of being clinically depressed or something along those lines... Two close relatives have had something/s like that (though I’m not sure what).

(The following would probably sound less insane if I didn’t name the feelings…)
Sometimes, I feel sort like… there are two different… worlds, for lack of a better word. Not like you can find a portal to Narnia in your wardrobe; they’re more… spiritually/emotionally different, rather than physical. And I named them. Asphodel and Elysium, and they fit well. Elysium feels small, but almost perfect and beautiful and worth living in. Asphodel is the opposite, huge and grey and empty and pointless, no matter what. Nothing effing matters in it, nothing is worth anything. It’s hard to get away from the feeling of Asphodel/depression, unless I distract myself and try to forget, which sometimes doesn’t work. But for Elysium… Thoughts of Asphodel, of emptiness and how, maybe, no matter what I do it’ll still amount to absolutely nothing in the end, that can make me depressed/take me back to Asphodel. And when I’m like that, Elysium and happiness feel like total lies, but not vice versa; Elysium just makes it easier to hide from Asphodel.
The thought of growing up, getting a job and whatever, (almost) always leads to Asphodel; I can’t imagine friends or love or anything worthwhile in adult life. I can’t. Just trying to survive, money, trying not to go bankrupt.
Also, half the time I hold conversations in my head. I don’t expect replies and I don’t get them, but it’s kind of subconscious and I talk to myself like I do. Like, I’ll imagine what I’d say to someone in some situation, or what I’d do in another situations—often ridiculous—or I’ll start mentally saying something in my mind, like this rant. I’ve probably thought out half of this, absentmindedly, over the past week or so. Most of the time, it’s utterly disconnected from whatever I’m doing in real life. And other times, my mind is blank and not a single word is in it and I don’t think or really feel anything. These words feel a bit disconnected, too… like I’m typing for someone else, like they’re not really mine.
The other thing is, I think I used to pray to die in my sleep sometimes, years ago. That’s not the part that scares me, it’s my response to it. I don’t feel any sympathy for my younger self, just a bit of embarrassment. I even mentally laughed a few times, about it. My thoughts toward myself border on psychopathic sometimes… Last month, I had a bad breakdown. I was up until like two in the morning, I even had a bit of insomnia, and the world felt so empty. I hated myself so much, and I was muttering, “I hate you, I f*ing hate you, die in a f*ing hole.” The animosity I felt toward myself scared me, and I’ve still been muttering that sometimes.
(That was the night when I really started (mentally) cursing. :p)
And, much of the time, I can’t feel any pride; and if I do, then part of me thinks it’s arrogant, any pride disappears, and I start thinking, “I f*ing hate you” again.
For some reason, sometimes when I look up the symptoms of depression and bipolar disorder or whatever and see that I have some of them, I feel like laughing…
Not sure if those should make me feel concerned for my sanity or what. :^I

I’m afraid I’ll be Forever Alone, that no one will really care for me, that my life will never be worth having lived. Terrified that the song of my life will be A Most Peculiar Man by Simon & Garfunkel. (My mom even said it described me, except for the part where he kills himself…) Or the chorus of Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance: “You’re just a sad song / With nothing to say / About a lifelong / Wait for a hospital stay.”

Yeahhhhh… Attempt to condense failed. ^_^ I’ve been wanting to rant for a while, so… meh…
*le feels slightly better* Actually… just neutral. Not depressed or happy. Just mehish. :^I
ohgodwthamipostingthisnooneffingcares…

Edit: I would like to state I feel like laughing and crying at this post, a bit. Mainly laughing. http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/f/a/facepokerplz.png?1

LST, I barely know you. I've only talked to you a few times, and only through this. But I don't like anyone in this kind of pain.

I don't know exactly how to help you. I think you just need to establish your sense of self. Maybe you seem bipolar because you're not sure who you are.

I don't know how to… And, yeah, I don't really have a strong sense of self; I just know I'm a dreamer.

LST...

Me too. At school I can practically be crying and by the next period madly dance through the halls. I can't stop laughing sometimes and other times I hate everyone and everything and hate myself BECAUSE I hate everyone. And I have to stay strong for my friends and I hate myself for BEING so depressed those times, because really, WHAT is so screwed up about my life? People have so much worse.

My point is, you're not alone and I can assure you that with you being such a great author, you are NOT going to be like the Peculiar Man or The Patient. You're going to be yourself.