...
I feel so unhelpful right now. *flails*

I was actually on the swings yesterday. Today too, but mostly yesterday. In Marzi's backyard, with Ruby. I was swinging as high as could on their cheap little play structure, and it's just these two rusty, metal screws holding two thing ropes and a thin piece of yellow plastic. What if it broke? What if it couldn't hold my fat butt? Ruby's like, a stick figure. She doesn't have to worry about anything? But what if I broke it? I was pumping high, and I got worried, so I jumped off. Have you ever had that feeling where you jump off of something and your ankles absorb the shock and then your ankles are all ASGSDJGSADFSFJLDSF WHAT WAS THAT F--- OOWWWWWW. Yeah, I felt that. But then I looked at the swing, and I thought of what you'd wrote. I started tearing up, but I stopped because Ruby was staring at me.
Today, on their plastic rings between the swings. I flipped over backwards, skinned the cat. Then I tried to do I front flip back around to untwist the rings. While in mid-flip, I almost let go of the rings. I was THIS close to letting go of the rings. Then what? What would happen?
I thought of you again.
I feel so unhelpful.
I want to help.
But I can't.
I don't know anything.

Don't. It's taking awhile to write alla dis shit. I'm about halfway done emailing.
Oh, honey. Don't feel like that... because of me.
great
now i'm burdening people even more
fantastic
this is why i don't like posting my fucked-up life

Nooo, I'm unhelpful because I can't help. Because I don't know what to do.

I don't feel like that because of you. I think I know the feeling. I don't think it was exactly the same, but mid-flip? There were so many things running through my head, should I let go WILL I LET GO and bam, my feet were on the ground again. I had done it, I hadn't died. But there's still something deep inside me. WHAT IF.

...that's the problem.

And that's why you HAVE to post about your effed-up life. We can help you, and you can help us. There are so many people who would gladly die for you Heather, and same for me. I'm not trying to be conceited, but I think I know a few people who would give up their lives for me, because I know I'd do the same for them.

Don't feel/think like that. Friends burden each other, yeah, but they also lift each other up and make things so much brighter. That's the point of friendship: sharing things. Helping pick your friends up off the ground, and letting them help you up.

Okay. Okay. But I can't help it.

Heather R------ N-- B-----.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT2weztY3EY
There.

Thanks, hon. :3 (heehee kitteh face lollll)

I'm going to curl up in a little ball now and try to pretend that what others call reality and what I call hell doesn't exist.
My life is messed up. I am messed up. I sometimes hate everything about myself. Like now.