| HeatherB |
12-08-2012 07:24 PM |
Mom, I don't understand why you're PO'd. But please, please do not take it out on the rest of us. By which I mean, me and Dad. ._. If you want me to turn off my music, just say so. If you want me to write down a list of the things I have to do for homework, just say so. If if if... just SAY so. Goddammit. (Oh it's about CLEANING?...wtf...god please don't be so angry. It scares me. You and Dad had your first argument today that was NOT about me and it relieved and frightened me at the same time. It means that I'm not the source of all your hatred, so if I killed myself it wouldn't necessarily make you stop fighting, but then I'm frightened because it means you can fight WITHOUT me and I don't want you two to fight, ever, because it's really freaking scary when you do and it makes me want to cry.)
Today when you and Dad were asking me what I had on my hand it was the butterfly from cutting, I named him C, but I can't tell you that and I'm scared what you'll think if you find out I have eight more butterflies on my body plus a tree (though how you would see five of the butterflies and that one tree I have no idea). I had to hide it from you guys like five times and every time I was so scared that you would grab my hand and look closer. The most conspicuous butterfly is, unnervingly, right on the palm of my hand over where I (tried) to stab the most and it terrifies me that you'll see past the butterfly and to the wound and ask where it came from. God. You absolutely canNOT find out that I've been cutting, thank you very much. You both have much more shit to deal with in your life that DOESN'T come from me. I know you're upset right now and that makes me upset but you don't have to be so fucking noisy, it drives me inSANE.
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