Angry, Frustrated
 

Argued and threw a few punches with my older sister earlier.

I was in my younger sister's way of the TV earlier, and she was being a little loud about it, so I told her to settle down. My older sister looked at me and grinned, then started to laugh; she does this a lot, because she knows I despise it.

I kept trying to say it didn't matter, and she could laugh all she wanted, but I was already furious. Then she paused the TV so she could watch my reaction as she laughed more. My younger sister, the peacemaker, tried to take the remote away. My older sister hid it behind her back and kept it from us, which started the punching and kicking. My little sister kept my off of my older sister, restraining me, as my older sister stood, chuckling.

I left to cool down. She still laughed in the other room. I went to clean, like my father told me. I kept trying saying things to try and make her feel remorse. My younger sister went upstairs, on the verge of tears.

My mother came down, making my sister help me clean up. Then my father, giving her a lecture, but I couldn't tell what he was saying. Before he went back to bed, he came and hugged me.

I don't post on this thread much. I just feel horrible.

"You look as dead as a corpse"
"You look so old for your age, you're not even a kid anymore"
"You're the dead flower in a group of blooming ones"
"You're the black spot in a white paper"
"You're the fly that spoils the soup"
"They try to build something up, and you knock it down"
"Your face is like the dead, you don't even look alive"
"You look horrible"
"You should be as good as they are"
"You should laugh and smile and sing and dance like they do"
"I'm so disappointed in you"
"I'm so ashamed of you"
"You don't deserve to be around music"
"You can't dance, sing, smile, or laugh"
"How could you be so horrible?"

The choir show was awful. My parents don't understand that I. Hate. Performing. I can't smile or dance or sing or anything, and all that helpful encouragement they tell me before just evaporates on stage. I just can't do it. I can't smile or look like I'm smiling.. it just refuses to work. They say I look boring and horrible and so adult-like and unworthy of being their child, since they're musicians and music lovers and all that blah. I just want to disappear. Crawl into a hole somewhere and hide.

They.....they called you horrible? I'm sorry. XX, you don't need to walk in their footsteps. You are a unique individual, and I know you'll be a trailblazer in the world of writing.

To feel better, listen to some MCR. :p You'll feel better.

@Mary Elizabeth: Your sister sounds like a total jerk. :/ If you can, don't let her get to you. What she thinks of you doesn't matter.

@nngo: DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS. You're freaking epik, whether you can sing or dance or act or not.

Thanks guys. MaryElizabeth, your advice certainly worked. And LST, even so, I think I need to try to improve at least, because I really don't want it to happen again.. another concert tomorrow..

Yeah, she can be....difficult. I try to remember that I don't need approval from her, but it still hurts. I feel better now, after cooling off and listening to "I'm Not Okay". :^] Thanks for the advice.

Please, I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't try and help. Really, though, if they actually say things like that, you need to make them realize what those words do to you psychologically.

I really really want to do a story on the Epik Clog Cops...

I hate performing too. Unlucky XX. You should sing 'Blood' at the top of your voice instead.

Another concert?!
Oh God. Just write what exactly what you want to do tomorrow. Like sing MCR at the top of your voice, stand in a funeral dress...etc.