The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

The Writer's Block (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/index.php)

- Free advice (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/forumdisplay.php?f=8)

- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 449514)

I wish you the best of luck.

It didn't go too well. Three in the space of half an hour.

Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing so far, I've stayed calm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheezemziez (Post 449518)

I can't deal with all of these things bothering me at once. I can't just let it go like I used to, because I have to sort it out to make it pass. I know I could easily sort almost all of them out in a couple of days, but just I can't bring myself to do it. It's just so daunting, so I retreat into my safe bubble of reading and music, and I can get away from all that for as long as I can. But I'm pretty sure that's just me being lazy and unmotivated and ungrateful. Everything's just building up more and more, and the problems are getting harder to face. I think I can do it right up until I actually have to, and then I don't know how I ever thought I could. I have moments of absolute panic that I can only seem to calm by getting everything done at once, immersing my self in distractions, or by being completely destructive and staying up late enough to make me physically ill and hurting myself and eating as little as I'm allowed. The first option is just getting more and more difficult, the second isn't enough any more, and the third one is not going to last long before something happens. I can't do this. I get so tired, and I'm just a generally shitty person all the time. I can't pretend to be happy, and people are noticing and backing off from me. At this rate, I'm going to end up dead or disowned (it's been threatened) and kicked out of school within three years.

You're not a shitty person at all. I've always seen you as a strong person, and please stay strong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 449577)

I was reminded of some of the intolerance that people deal with and I was reminded that that's what I live with every day and the only minority about me is that I'm half-black but because I don't give a fuck whether or not you are transgender or asexual people come up with the solution that i must be a lesbian or nothing at all because I'm the only one who's wants to make a fucking difference but no matter what I do nothing changes and it's not going to until I have piles of money laying around and somehow make it in the limelight of books or TV and that will never happen because I can never afford something like that.

Ugh. Some people are just like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 449582)

The best friend of C's crush is convinced she and I are dating.

by the way she's at my house right now

halp me

That seems bad, from what we've heard about C.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 449588)

I scored eight out of ten

c scored seven

and now she's giving herself shit

and I want to help her

i contributed to making our school get gold

she didn't

oh well

and i'm glad of it

Get gold?

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 449652)

So I'm not at all optimistic about going to therapy tomorrow.
I mean, I wouldn't have been excited for it no matter what but, ugh
I live in the middle of bumblefug nowhere
My mom picked the therapist, I think
I can't find anything about her (him?) on the internet

also, I'm pretty much feeling like shit now and just ugh

on the bright side, since therapy tomorrow, I'm going to wear red pants and listen to Therapy by All Time Low as I walk in.

Yes, do that :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebecca (Post 449694)

It didn't go too well. Three in the space of half an hour.

Oh well. What's triggering your asps?

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebecca (Post 449703)

Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing so far, I've stayed calm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 449656)

My mo said they're only going to be there for the first appointment, so like we can all explain our side of the story? idk.
thanks

good luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 449596)

Thank you. Unfortunately not even that helps. Thank you, though, really. And that's the same with me. I don't meet many good people.

F*** it, I forgot and I'm gonna continue to listen to Therapy on repeat.

Oh, and here's my tumblr if you don't see the other thread: http://just-mary-elizabeth.tumblr.com/

glee was kind of really terrifying ;-;

ah yes, i followed you :D

In the car yesterday, one was caused by the satnav confusing me, and the other two because I was not permitted to pick which songs to skip. These were only small, and I suppressed them, mostly. They are caused by things that clash with my idiosyncasies the majority of the time, or just things that make me uncomfortable. It is different to being normally stressed. It is a dufferent kind of panic.

i wish my life didn't have so much drama, i wish it was normal, and it's all my fault that it's full of drama.
xdfkbdsflkbjsdfbi'm so stupid1!!xljdfsdfbkjnk

I'm annoyed because my sister won't do anything with me. I can only ask her so many times (so 2 or 3) before she gets mad, which makes me even more annoyed. What's wrong with asking a question again when you don't answer? Nothing, as far as I'm concerned. Siblings... so annoying! :mad:

I'm bored because there's nothing to do. Well, actually, there are lots of things I could do, but some are only fun with two people and no one will do them with me. I don't feel like reading (totally unlike me) and I have WB so I can't write, something I really want to do. No one person activities sound like fun and I can't go outside alone, so... One more day of boredom! :(

But I don't want to socialize right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 449704)

You're not a shitty person at all. I've always seen you as a strong person, and please stay strong.

Ugh. Some people are just like that.

That seems bad, from what we've heard about C.

Get gold?

Yes, do that :D

Oh well. What's triggering your asps?

our school is trying to get a gold level status with the math competitions. if twelve or more students get 80% or more on a certain test, we get it. It was ten questions.

this has been a fucking terrible week for me emotionally. i keep questioning whether i even have depression or not and whether my parents are just wasting their money on the stupid therapist who doesn't actually understand anything at all and i just don't think it's worth it. i get upset easily with my parents and then they blame themselves and i wish i could tell them, it's not you, it's me--hello, who's the fuckup in the house?? and i just get terrified because sometimes i'm not actually ME, like, i don't just not LOOK like me but i don't ACT like me and i think that i literally have different personalities and there are names and it's not, not multiple-personality disorder exactly but it's something less extreme but it still really fucking scares the SHIT out of me. and i wish i wasn't so fucking fucked up and i don't deserve the life i have and i can't SAY what i want to SAY and that's, that's why i write because i can't fucking TALK because all that comes out of my mouth is SHIT and if it's not in a story, if it doesn't have SOME distance from the reality that i hate, then i can't deal with it. i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate me i hate me i hate me i'm so fucking insensitive and cold and mean and i get these feelings like no one actually likes me and they're all just tolerating me, barely, and i'm so fucking ANNOYING like how does anyone actually legitimately like me? and i think i'm going crazy and i don't want to go crazy because i used to joke about it all the time back when things were worse but better back when things were consistent at the least and my mom is complaining about my music again because i don't like listening to her ranting about how she's such a bad mother--SHE IS NOT A BAD MOTHER. SHE IS NOT A BAD MOTHER. I AM A BAD DAUGHTER. I AM A BAD PERSON. i can't deal with people and i'm so fucking awkward i could cry and i get so frustrated because i don't think I can have happiness or fun anymore it's not me it's Hedge and Hedge is bubbly and happy and bright and all false cheerfulness but also like a little sister and she's annoying as fuck and she's a mosquito just buzzing around aggravating the piss out of everyone and everything and biting biting biting when she doesn't understand things. and i can't get sad anymore because that's Becca and Becca is the depressed one not me and she does everything i want to do, like cut and bruise and hurt and lash out at people and herself and she cries herself to sleep every night. and then there's Monica Elm and i don't know who she is but the name came to me a month or so ago and it feels like my name but not my name because i'm not a monica i'm a heather but i don't know what the fuck a heather IS. or who. whatever. it doesn't matter, does it? i'm going insane and i can feel it and i hate it, i hate it, i hate it, i'm scared and i can't DO anything, that's the worse part. heather is helpless. she's a bystander. she doesn't do anything and she does her best to not care about it. and heather is anne frank, too, not because she survived the holocaust but because she is "a little bundle of contradictions" and she's both hedge and becca and monica all together even if i don't know who monica is because she's everyone in me and everything in me and she is me but i don't know who she is.