The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

The Writer's Block (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/index.php)

- Free advice (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/forumdisplay.php?f=8)

- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

My ice is making me freeze. You can try and try; you can't beat me.

Lyrics which make for how I feel: Like nobody can defeat being me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BearWithAStrawberry (Post 452143)

i wish i could hold you here

until forever ends

but i know i can't keep you

not for long

because you have a life

and i don't

because you have a best friend

and i don't

i wish you would stay right next to me

and hold my hand

i wish you would smile at me

and hold out a tissue

for me

is this too much to ask?

a companion?

i wish you could be here right now

as i relentlessly type up words on my keyboard

because right now the screen is blurring

and i think it would be a good time for you to come

but you can't;

how can i forget about your party?

i'm sorry i wasn't invited.

yah, a friend is too much to ask for.
see ya

I knew it. I knew it right from the start, when that shit came back. I snapped. I had a breakdown. I was able to wait until I wasn't in public, but I still broke down right in front of my mom and my sister. I said my sister was selfish for thinking that she was the only one who had hard times to go through. My mom got worried when she saw that I started to cry, but her asking what was wrong was the last thing I needed. My dad is the same. I just told him that I just want to fix things myself and I don't want pity, and he just thinks that it's only one thing. It's so many things that's tearing me down: being unnoticed and unremarkable; feeling repulsive to everyone; thinking--knowing that there's something wrong with me; knowing that I won't ever do anything memorable--being a fucking mother is my best chance; trying to fix anything I can, but all of it being futile; watching the rest of my family fall apart; feeling so utterly alone; feeling like I'm a freak; and then having all of these things thrown back at me.

And my sister wasn't phased by any of it. She just kept asking questions, arguing with me. It was better than pity, I guess, but I've learned that I shouldn't make assumptions about why she hides and feels terrible some days--she's gone through some shit. But why does she get that but not me?

It's just all gone to shit.

And I just know that they're going to tread carefully around me now and my classmates will ask questions and wonder what's really wrong with me. I just want the summer to come. I just had to quit, though. If I had a breakdown in the car just after the rehearsal, I just know that if I stayed longer that it would have happened in that room in front of forty people. That can't happen again.

I don't know if I'm okay. But I still love my parents. I know now that they're not just full of pity and smirks. I'm so glad for that. They aren't that way all the time, but I think they're getting better at that. I'm not okay, but I'm working on it, and I think I'm getting there soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 452166)

And don't ever. You're a great person and a great writer.

Thanks. You too.

Mary. Elizabeth.

You don't deserve any of the shit you're getting. I know I can't say don't let it get to you, because I know that that the shit in my life is getting to me too. It's okay to hate it obsessively and passionately, but eventually you will pound it to the ground.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 452171)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 452173)

You are an amazing, amazing person, and I would never be able to hold up like you did. You are one of the most inspirational people I have ever talked to, and even if the world goes to shit, there will always be people to hold up the sky while it falls. You can count on my attendance.

okay. okay. just breathe and drown yourself in the riot. it will be okay. just. don't. fucking. think. about. it.
oh god. okay. i can--i can't--
but what if it's real?
what if what she was saying...
i can't do this.
i can't.
i'm just--
no.
no.
no.
okay. go back to tumblr. go back to your happy place. don't think about it. don't you fucking dare to think about it.
there are bigger things in the world than your own stupid fucking issues, okay?
just. don't.
heather, come back.
come back.
heather?
where are you?
YOU KNOW WHERE YOU FUCKING ARE DON'T DO THIS
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
you're not crazy you're not crazy you're not crazy she's wrong she's wrong she's wrong she's wrong you just need to sUFFOCATE
NO
MAKE IT STOP
i
i can't
NO
HEATHER
WHERE
THE
FUCK
DID
YOU
GO

it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine
you will be okay
you will
be
okay
you wILL
YOU HAVE TO
it's your fucking duty
you can't not be okay because that's not fucking allowed
do you hear me you fucking little bITCH
BE OKAY
YOU
WILL
BE
OKAY
just
shut
up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 452188)

*hugs* I love you. and you will be okay, someday.