stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

stop lying to me

you should know better than to lie to me.

out of all the people
you want to lie to me?

you think i can't see through you like f*cking cold champagne?
at least make an attempt to lie well
at least then i'll have a challenge

hahaha what is mutual monogamy



nothing ive ever heard of or seen around here


like what is it


is it a vegetable?

My reaction to myself
 

http://i392.photobucket.com/albums/p...ThereThere.gif

confused
and angry
and sad
and guilty
and upset
and i still blame myself
even though this happened two years ago
and if i had to pinpoint where my depression really began, it's probably this event that started it all

I know that this is hard on you, whatever's happening, but that post is bitter and totally awesome.

I'm having a hard time accepting that the... former drama teacher at my school and my director is not a very good guy.

I honestly do daydream of the day we sit outside on the sidewalk, sweating from the concert we just went to. Our friends have left us and we'll laugh a bit. Drunk from the moshing, the adrenaline, the energy, the music. But through the laughter and the energy, there's one thing on my mind. There'll be a heavy silence and I'll start out with the phrase, "You know, summer of 2011 is where it all started." You'll say, "What started?" And maybe I'll inhale and exhale and try to compose my thoughts and think how the fuck do I say this. And I'll start with the night it began, and you'll be the first to know. By the time the story's finished, I'll be crying and feeling more fucked up than ever but relieved that a bit of that weight is off of me. After that, we'll laugh a bit more, and then you'll give me some advice like you always have.
And honestly, you are the only person I can imagine sharing my story with.
But I haven't met you yet and I can't tell you yet because it's too risky.
But I also know things will never go like that, and I have no idea if this will destroy me before I will be old enough to meet you and tell you.

O_O *can't tell if it was your phone and someone else had it, or vice versa* *decides not to pry*

:( I'm sorry, Cass...

...I find it incredible that, even in a bout of intense emotions, you can manage to think up a perfect simile like "see through you like cold champagne". o___o*applauds*

Anyway. >_>

You don't deserve to be lied to. D: I don't know why this person is lying, but you don't deserve to be treated like this, Cass. I'm so sorry you're going through that kind of betrayal. *hugs* *gives coffee and a blueberry muffin*

You can always vent with me if you need to, or even if you just want to. Don't ever forget that, Cass. I won't judge, I won't get tired of hearing what you have to say. <:^J And I'm really really really sorry you're going through all this. x__x I hope it won't impact you as much as it did the last time...

That is my new favorite GIF. Please excuse me while I go laugh at it for a while. :| *walks off*

I feel sorry for everyone who feels bad...



...But I really need to get off this thread. Sorry. I mean, I need to get off forever. :^| I care about all of you but...

I know EXACTLY what you mean. x_____x I feel the exact same way, but I just can't resist checking on this thread if I'm feeling halfway decent...

I might come every now and then but—when I saw Sandy's posts and Lily's posts and Charlotte's posts—I know that I need a break from all this.

Yes, I wasn't listening as carefully as I was before. So I am going to get off now. (: Thanks, Lily.

Yep, we all need our breaks. We all have our levels of tolerance, and it's fine.

It is not you. I will still skype and stuff you are epic but- Yeah i just need to get onto more school. XD do you want to skype in ten mins? 8D you are epic. Can you please forgive me?

But back to this because more thoughts...
This is how it'd go in my mind. I can't imagine any other way.
But in reality, I know it'd be nothing like that. If I were to even tell you, you'd probably never look at me the same way again. You'd probably hate me. Not because you're an awful person, no, you're the most amazing person I've talked to, it's just that I'm too awful.
Or I'd never get to meet you at all.
We'd lose connection in these few years.
That's the worst part, knowing I might lose you before we meet. Before I get to tell you what has shaped me to be who I am today, who I will be, who I always will be.
I can't imagine any other person finding out, and I'm terrified that I'm trusting you too much. I'm terrified that I need you too much.

What? Thanks, I think?

It's 2:30 am and I probs dunno what I'm saying but woah I have to admit that there is something I really, really, really like about myself. It's the one thing I don't hate about myself.

I am growing up in a family, where I am taught that the only way to fix depression is by yelling at them, being beaten is okay, gays are disgusting, men are more worthy than women, rape is asked for by what you wear, and that I should stay silent and not defend my beliefs.
And I believed all those things for years.
But still, I have gone against those things that I've been taught by my parents and learned from the outside to open my eyes and be more accepting.
I grew up in this family and I am still growing up in this family, yet I'm so much different from my brother, I've learned a lot more. He views everything the same way my parents do, yet I've learned:
Depression is not going to be cured by yelling.
Being beaten is abuse and is not okay.
Gays, bisexuals, transgenders, etc. are normal.
Everyone is equal.
Rape is never asked for.
My body is mine to decorate however I like.
And I must speak up for what I believe in.
My parents call me idiotic for defending my beliefs, yet I do it anyway because someone has to stand up. I'm glad that I learned so much more, I'm glad I learned these things early enough.


idk why I'm feeling so good about this I just am.

This feeling has now faded.

Be stubborn and DON'T. If you don't have the will to live, live on to spite her.

You haven't met him/her yet?

Define yourself by that. You are awesome to have your own beliefs and not being deterred by your family.
Aww...are you okay, Lily?

One of the many reasons why you are f*cking amazing.
I hope it comes back soon. And stays. *hugs*

huh.
i didn't even know i could feel happy anymore.
that's a relief.

*hugs*


ugh mom i didn't want a sleepover with her i didn't need that nO THANKS
but then diet coke
((you gotta take the good with the bad))

Some Advice needed...
 

Okay, so I have a friend, let's call him Travis. Travis and I both liked each other a year ago, and then I kinda stopped liking him... Then he moved far away (other side of the planet). We still talk every now and then, and are Facebook friends. But I think he's changed and he, as far as I know, still has a crush on me. I really am getting tired of what I feel is neediness, and whenever he tries to talk to me, I start talking to him, and then I say I have to go, and turn off chat. And it's not helping that he's getting bullied, and I'm one of his only friends.
How should I advance forward in my friendship with him?

Oooh.. that's a toughy. What is he doing that is bothering you? Maybe you talk to him about it?? I don't know. Hmm.. let me ponder...

He's really sensitive, but he's also really needy.

okay so good news, i guess, for you guys anyways
I had a largeish lunch today. yayyyyy. i guess
and i felt something toward myself other than total self haaate

*hugs*
*kind of smiled in my mind about the first part, because that would be completely and totally awesome except you feeling bad*
Whether you're fucked up or not, that doesn't change the fact that you are a good person and you are really, really epik and we love you.
It won't destroy you. I won't let it.

I wouldn't hate you. I swear. No matter what it was, I'd still want to be your friend and I'd still love you. No matter what. You shouldn't say you're awful, because that's not true.
I know I can't guarantee anything, but believe me, I really really want to stay friends with you… you're one of my best friends. (and you're really awesome, too, obvs)
I'm sure it has helped to shape who you are, but it alone hasn't completely shaped you. And it doesn't have to shape you forever—no matter what it was, you can change.
If it's really troubling you and you need to tell someone… you can tell me. I swear I won't judge you or hate you. *hugs*

*can sort of relate* *generally thinks, for me, it doesn't matter that much, taking into account the rest of me*
YOU SHOULD LIKE THAT PART OF YOU
and the rest because you're awesome.

listen to our opinions yours is wrong:
you aRE AWESOME

Thanks, Isaac. (: I'd tell you now, I really would, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I'm just sort of wishing I was ready.
OKAY I LIKE THAT PART OF ME
*doesn't have the energy to argue because SLEEP*
*insert moar sentences that a non-sleep-deprived person would write*
thaaanks. ily. *hugs*

I'm glad to hear that about the lunch. I have to keep forcing my friend to eat too.

i'm so confused. but that doesn't stop me from regretting everything and hating myself
That's fine. (: I'll be here when you are ready.
GOOD
Told you you should've gone to sleep early. :P
*hugs back*

NINJA MOSQUITO

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN HOURS

GOSH DARN IT NOW I'LL NEVER FALL ASLEEP

x_x

Yay for eating, Lazty! And for non-self-hate.

Ughhh. I was diagnosed with Osgood Schlatter and Severs Disease.
Anyone else have either?
Both my conditions are rather severe...

You will be okay, Owen. You just have to stick it out until you can get away from those assholes. Your life isn't a mess. Maybe the bits you're forced to spend with them, but the rest of it is awesome, like you.

Are you okay? I hope it doesn't hurt too much. Do they know roughly when the symptoms are going to disappear?

Dontttt self hate.
Oh and concerning your self hating, hey Isaac?
listen to our opinions yours is wrong:
you aRE AWESOME

I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU but I didn't die of sleep deprivation so yey!

it's a really selfish thing to say, i guess, but i have no friends.
not in the sense that you're bad friends, but i just--
i can't explain this, shit.
i just feel like i have no friends even though i know that i have you guys and a few people at school and my family (but my family does NOT count) and i have more people than i deserve but i also feel like i have no friends.
and i don't really know why that is, i mean, you can talk to me and say nice things to me and everything, but i feel like everything's against me and no one really likes me and i'm such an awkward little shit, anyways, so how COULD anyone like me?
basically i just, i just, i don't know.
it must be really nice to be charismatic and charming and kind to everyone you know and everyone's like that back but it must also be lonely and shitty and annoying so i don't WANT to be charismatic and charming and kind but i don't know what, what i want to BE--
i just know i don't want to be myself.

You do have friends. ANd you do deserve to have us, all of us, and more.
Nooo, we're not against you. Not at all. And we don't just like you, we love you. *hugs* I don't think you're awkward.
You are awesome.

no, i know that i have friends, i just don't feel like i do. and this is not because you suck at being friends, it's because i'm selfish and whiny and i suck at being me. henceforth why i do not deserve to have any of you.
i know. i just get paranoid and it's really fucking stupid, like, i shouldn't feel so damn WORRIED all the time but i do.
thank you. but i know that i am. and i, honestly, am better at talking to adults than talking to kids my age. i'm better at bullshitting the ignorant, i guess you could say. kids my age can sense fear and paranoia and that's why there are bullies and that's why i'm awkward and socially shitty and an easy target.
sure.

*disagrees about you being selfish and whiny and such* You do deserve to have awesome friends. :/
I know how that feels…
You're not awkward on KidPub, at least.
*hugs again*