Originally Posted by Sandy
(Post 479115)
Like a year and a half later, I still think I may be schizophrenic... partly because I'm self-diagnosing with the internet again (sigh... -_- "People with schizophrenia may seem completely normal until they talk about what they are really thinking" really does apply to me) but mostly because I'm still hallucinating, and I feel like I bottle them up until I talk about them--whether on here or to someone else. (haha, "someone else"... as if I'm going to tell anyone in real life that this happens to me, pfft...)
My hallucinations seem to be getting more malevolent, though...?
I remember it used to be just people talking, and just some mildly creepy stuff (ie, the eyeless triplet girls were creepy, but still benevolent, as was Coraline's dad and stuff) but a couple months ago I was texting my friend and looked up and saw this girl hovering above my bed (oh god I get scared just thinking about it... *shudders*) in a hospital gown, also without eyes, and for a moment I was totally paralyzed--I remember she touched my foot. I looked around the rest of my room and I saw two other people, also in hospital gowns but... nailed to my wall? I remember after a couple of moments of me laying there, terrified, the whole thing passed and I went to bed as fast as I possibly could. But about a week ago I was trying to go to sleep, but I was feeling really anxious... and I heard all these animal growls and scratching and stuff? Like, it was obviously not something that would happen in reality (I live like smack-dab in the middle of the city and our dogs do NOT sound like that) and it was in that weird stage, like not-quite-in-real-life but also not completely in my head as a thought kind of sound, and whispering and snippets of words basically telling me to be afraid and that I wasn't good enough--it was mostly animal growling and scratching, though. I remember a small part of me being scared, but for the most part I was like, "Oh no, HERE we go again... " and I just kind of sat there and waited it out for a couple minutes...
...???????
wat???
Every so often I'll hear one voice I've heard during the day at night, too, talking endlessly about random gibberish without ending. This is the most common one I get, where I'll usually hear my mom or one of my best friends yammering on and on and ON without even stopping for air about random stuff, and I won't get scared but I'll just being laying there, cramming my face into my pillow and pleading with them to shut up so I can go to sleep. They usually don't stop talking until I get up and make some sort of noise to pull me back into the "real world", so I'll start tapping on the shelves in my room or scratching at the blankets to pull myself out of it, and even then it takes a couple of tries to get the person talking to be quiet.
And like, this has to be some sort of weird brain quirk or a hallucination. There is NO way that my friends are talking to themselves in my room at 1AM when I'm trying to sleep. There's no way that this could have just been something I was hearing in real life.
HhhhhHH... whatever. =_= I just keep ignoring them.
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