The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

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- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Quote:

Originally Posted by meerkat (Post 565557)

hi hello i am very cold and broken because even though i convince myself i am normal i will never experience the awesomeness of a crush or whatever and that apparently makes me less of a person

ur not broken, your just programmed differently. it's like when your given two ways to install something; one for mac and one for pc. you can't run the pc version if you're on a mac, and vice versa. but does that mean the program is broken? no, it just means that that program only applies to a different kind of computer.

just because you don't feel romance doesn't mean your broken. It just means that you feel platonic love in place of it, and trust me, that love can be just as strong as people make out romantic love to be. I guess it just so happens that a lot of the people around you ignore platonic love because they do feel romantic love, so their perception of platonic love isn't as strong. but you still need love and you will get love, it will just come from a close friend relationship and your family's love as opposed to the love of a spouse who pleases you romantically.

hang in there, boo! good people will come your way! but you're not broken. no one is. and the sooner everyone realizes that "normal" means "majority" and not "default", then they will stop enforcing ideas like this onto people like you and me (i'm a demi-romantic, so i don't really experience the whole crush thing either. i thought i did, but actually that's just a really strong platonic love and it takes a while for me to view someone romantically)

Quote:

Originally Posted by venika (Post 565560)

heyyyy :D
my parents get rly mad at me for getting distracted hahaha
rn coffee is helping me as i conquer this lame assignment i've been putting off
(probably will fall asleep halfway through sküle tomorrow)
(oh well)

how does one manage to not get distracted XD

oh man THAT i cant help with living with it for going on seven years :') unmedicated and whatevers so im still. totally useless but! i find that doing smth with my hands is very good like scribbling or drawing or whatever while trying to listen helps even though it seems like thats worse, for me it helps me pay attention!

i also find planners are really helpful and tht sounds stupid but., theyre so good and if theyre like cute w washi and stickers n stuff theyre easy to get into the habit of and you can set deadlines for assignments before the assignment n stuff! sometimes this backfires on me when i cant read my writing but, yeah, if u have neat handwiring and arent bad at spelling/mixing up letters its fine :')

homestly though good luck with your parents and stuff! my parents still think adhd is made up n stuff but. good luck my friend!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmoCat (Post 565563)

ahhhh absolutely this! we love you Meera in a super cute platonic way! haha

Quote:

Originally Posted by venika (Post 565545)

fml she just confronted me abt it again and she's like "i don't think u have it bc many 'gifted and talented' kids get distracted and dont have any problems" and "u don't have any problems focusing!!!111 hahaha"

fuck this
'no problems focusing' oh right yes no problems!! with focusing! no, the last seven+ years have completely been erased from her memory? yes bc i /don't tell her i'm getting distracted every ten mins when she comes to see whether im doing my homework

gurufduhivruruhuhr my mom just doesn't want a kid with 'problems' she wants me to be perfect but im not oops lmao

i have problems focusing too but i don't know if they're srs relative to other people but anyway they're bad enough to have an impact on my grades
some advice i can give you is you can try and study elsewhere? i personally can't study at home (just end up blogging until 10 pm at least) so i go out to a starbucks/the library/a studying room...it's not the same for different ppl but you might consider relocating where you study/do your stuff (if you haven't already)
@ milo: yes you CAN CONVINCE THEM!!

2015 has fuCKED me up so much already:
1. shitty birthday
2. hospitalization
3. panic attack in biology
4. panic attack in english
5. terrible first kiss
6. the looming feeling of wanting to die

also im absolutely SURE that everyone is annoyed with me and that my existence is a burden on others

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 565584)

noo i'm so sorry :c i really hope things get better soon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 565584)

i hope things get better soon! your existence isn't a burden on others.

unhappy things i guess

so I don't think my mom is taking the depression thing seriously and the more I've been looking into it, the more I realize that i need to get help somewhere else. I'm going to try and ask a lady from my church (we chat and have dinner and her kids are in college, so it wouldn't be too much to ask for her to meet up with me or take me to the doctor sometime). i'm seriously worried about how quiet i can keep this and about the legality of going to the doctor on my own, but it people can do it because of physical health problems or pregnancy, i can do it for mental health problems. right?

and i'm so worried about my causal suicidal thoughts because everything i read says IF U FEEL LIKE UR GONNA KILL URSELF CALL THE POLICE AND THE FIRE DEPARTMENT AND GET TO THE NEAREST EMERGENCY ROOM. I just think "haha, no it's not that serious" and five minutes later i'm curled up in a ball on the floor whispering that i want to die. but i'll really just sit there for a second and think "yeah, i wish i was dead" sometimes. and the littlest things are beginning to set these thoughts off and if they're so bad, then is it hard for me to accept that i need help? dammit, i've given people on her advice on how to pull through a moment of suicidal thoughts and i still want to die.

I think the thing that's scaring me most is that I have been telling myself "nah, you can't have depression" for a long time now. I guess it kind of started a year or two ago, and heaven knows i've been emotionally compromised and crying myself to sleep for years. but if I really do have it, how long have i been living like this? And how long can I keep living like this? I guess i'm too good at hiding this stuff sometimes because Mom was like "I had no idea!" and "I haven't noticed any of the extreme things from you". Like the time I was 9 years old and the camp counselor forced me to make a call home because I admitted to her that i tried to kill myself near my birthday? That wasn't enough? I don't even know how she reacted, but, gosh, she'd probably hate me if she knew how often I wanted to die these days. Mom thinks it's a physical problem or something related to her family's health history, but I'm going to find if something's wrong with me even if I have to do it alone. or i will literally die trying and I don't want to end up dead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmoCat (Post 565592)

oblivious moms can be so annoying sometimes, but maybe she's not aware about the severity of depression and doesn't really understand the whole ordeal of wanting to die. so maybe you sit down and talk to her about how you're feeling (idk your mom so it depends how understanding she is as a person - she definitely cares about you though) or if you're too uncomfortable/awkward to do that, write her a letter? i got a shrink via my panic attacks and the school kept calling my mom but i guess if i told her about it she would've got me one anyway. maybe it's just a matter of getting her to understand a little bit better because maybe she thought that the whole wanting to die thing when you were nine was just stubbornness when it actually wasn't

So I told my mom that I believe that I have anxiety... I was looking up effects of it, and I had like 9 out of 12. I am just in a constant state of worry, faint or vomit when things get to be too much, shake uncontrollably when I'm nervous or just thinking about stuff in general, nervous stomach, have to physically calm myself when I think about deep water (I kind of have a fear of drowning), make up scenarios in my head, etc. I think she wants to talk to my dad and see if he wants to take me to a doctor. I don't really know how to feel.

I don't know sometimes I feel like I've found myself and then things just change and I don't know how but I think I'm finding myself again? And this time feels more right than the others and I think I finally know what I want to do and what my priorities are and it's great.
Also for awhile I hadn't been reading very much and I'm falling in love with reading all over again and it's actually a really magical experience and yeah I don't know I just reaaally missed reading.