The Writer's Block

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Sandy 01-28-2014 11:53 PM

fijriifijcififiifiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 517437)
oh man that sounds shit as fuck!!
as for being confused ok ur hair will grow back and as long as u dont jump onto HRT immediately all will b ok if u do turn out to be cis!!

well my face is p androgynous too. if thinking ur a male makes u healthier and happier than ya!!! yay!!!
but man its ok its ok like u dont have to like one specific gender like nah its kskskksksktkstk youll figure it out eventually just try ur best not to limit yourself bc that helps 0000000000000000000000000
dood me 2 me 2 my brother calls me lily and i just die my classmates call me lily and i just die my dad calls me "my daughter" and i just die ugh!!!!! it sucks i know *pats ur back* do u want me 2 call u alec and use masculine pronouns?? or do u still want to go with sandy and feminine pronouns. or nongendered pronouns???

ughh but man if ur mom is really supportive of u and loves u she will be accepting and what are u gon do anyway? spend the rest of the time u live with her pretending to be someone ur not?? be unhappy so she can be happy?? nah thats not gonna help anything.

u fell and u cant get up??
help ive fallen and i cant get up i need LIFE ALERT jkjkjkjkkjkkkkkkkkkkkjackbarakat
pour hot sauce into my asshole

yknow what, ya man. lets fuckin do this
i was gonna ask u guys a while ago if u could use male pronouns with me and that name but like i felt weird because im still super unsure and i guess i want to jus ttry it out????? if that makes sense idk
i feel like it's the only thing i can really "try out" cuz like yooo if u go on hormones i'm p sure there aint no going back like holy hsit that would be hellish if u transitioned and then realized u were cis all along holy shit nope nope nope nope nop enop noooooooooooooooope
and lmao my skype name is already male and i refer to myself as "him" "himself" and "daddy" so ffffffpppfpfpfpfp maybe i should change it to alec for swags and yolos anyways like i already changed my gender to male on dA for swags and yolos so what the hell

me rn
https://31.media.tumblr.com/5e6f7aae...OeZ1s7ltih.gif

yeah i think i need to stop limiting myself cuz like idk i'm not the kind of guy that wants to go and frick every girl that i see and i think that's why i'm chasing myself back into identifying as cis like i'm literally beating myself up over this so hard fukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

*slowly drips hot sauce into your asshole* yum

LaurenM 01-29-2014 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 517436)
uh god i just want to like slowly stab myself because like this is what it feels like?????? like every time i look into the mirror or try to find clothes i want to wear for the day it's like i have like multiple knives in my chest and i have to go to school and talk to people and know that people see me as a girl and like the only way i can describe it is having multiple mental breakdowns slowly throughout the day and they never end but at the same time i'm never sure if what i'm feeling is real, and that's like the worst part of it because then i can't do anything about how i feel?? like is this just a phase?? am i going to cut my hair and then regret it after? am i going to wish i never said this stuff two or three months from now? like the whole thing makes me kinda wanna
*drags face slowly across a cheese grater*

but at the same time i WANT to be confused about this now so i don't put it off for thirty years and then suddenly realize i don't fit with the gender i was assigned with when i'm married to someone with three kids or something and then have to change my life with them in it, like idk that seems really selfish to me idk idk

like i know there's no harm in me wearing guy clothes, like i p much already do, and like no one will care but i dunno
as usual
all my problems and insecurities are stemming from myself
fuck
i just realized as i was typing this out holy shit
i'm the one trapping myself and putting limits on myself hoyl shit what htehehll why am i so shitty holy shit why whyw am i so cruel to myself jesus christ
like i'm so angry and literally brimming with hatred at myself, in any gender, so what ehhell fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk fckckkkkckckckkckck

i'm really dysphoric about how i look, like my features don't really completely fit into male or female??????? but i know that when i'm ok thinking of myself as male a lot of weird body insecurities go away and i feel better with food, idk what that means but it's the main thing i've noticed because most days i barely get over 500 or 600 calories when my requirement is like 2200 or somethign indikd kddidk
and like since this my gender identity has come up it's uprooted literally everything else like i don't know if i fit into pansexual anymore and i keep trying to cram myself into either liking only girls or liking only guys and then this voice in the back of my head is like "ooo shit if you like guys then there's no way you can identify as a guy!!! shit das gay!!!" and like now i'm not sure of anything but lmao i guess that's normal for a lot of teenagers i guess so overall i'm not worried about my life in the grand scheme, but on the small scale i'm panicking and like i just want to curl up and sink into the ground or transform into a snake so i can slither the fuck away from everything
like in my head i call myself a boy and use he and i've always always seen myself as masculine and like my mind picture of myself is with short hair but on the outside people are still calling me "little girl" and like my uncle said "good girl" to me today and like i just kind of died, and i'm trying to get used to the name alec too in case i need to start using it irl

and then so like i'll start trying to convince myself i'm cishet but then there's this shitty part of me that'll always pipe up and be like "ooo well shite, if ur so cis, why the hell do you keep crossdressing??? why dont u just leave ur hair down instead of putting it up and tryna make it look like it's short???? why do you do all the things u do??? why hywh yhw y wh" and i'm just like stop p pp p

and then like i feel bad about bombarding everyone with this too and i keep it away from my fam because the last thing i want is for my mom to think i'm taking away her daughter
and like literally as soon as 2014 started this whole dysphoria thing got triggered, like i knew i never really fit into either gender at any given point in my life but i guess learning more about what gender actually is just kind of hit me and now all my shit is in the air
and i think that's why i can't stand to see genderbent elsa
it's like
i get compared to elsa a lot irl bc i'm blond or swedish or whatever the fuck reason people use idegaf
and seeing her get genderbent is like
no
genderbend me instead




and like ya i feel u with identifying urself as genderqueer/male
like guh im just sooo lost like i feel like i fell and i cant get up and like u kno how i started like a word document where i would keep track of this gender bullshit?? the last entry was basically me ending it with "fuck my ass" repeatedly and if that doesn't sum up my feelings towards this whole thing then i dont know what does

elsa's danish
If you have to force yourself into being a girl you should probably go with the boy thing
That is very shitty advice because I can only tell that to people but if it happened to me I'll just be like no

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 517442)
yknow what, ya man. lets fuckin do this
i was gonna ask u guys a while ago if u could use male pronouns with me and that name but like i felt weird because im still super unsure and i guess i want to jus ttry it out????? if that makes sense idk
i feel like it's the only thing i can really "try out" cuz like yooo if u go on hormones i'm p sure there aint no going back like holy hsit that would be hellish if u transitioned and then realized u were cis all along holy shit nope nope nope nope nop enop noooooooooooooooope
and lmao my skype name is already male and i refer to myself as "him" "himself" and "daddy" so ffffffpppfpfpfpfp maybe i should change it to alec for swags and yolos anyways like i already changed my gender to male on dA for swags and yolos so what the hell

me rn
https://31.media.tumblr.com/5e6f7aae...OeZ1s7ltih.gif

yeah i think i need to stop limiting myself cuz like idk i'm not the kind of guy that wants to go and frick every girl that i see and i think that's why i'm chasing myself back into identifying as cis like i'm literally beating myself up over this so hard fukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

*slowly drips hot sauce into your asshole* yum

IS THAT A SBAHJ GIF
Yes but not all het guys do that

Lily09 01-29-2014 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 517442)
yknow what, ya man. lets fuckin do this
i was gonna ask u guys a while ago if u could use male pronouns with me and that name but like i felt weird because im still super unsure and i guess i want to jus ttry it out????? if that makes sense idk
i feel like it's the only thing i can really "try out" cuz like yooo if u go on hormones i'm p sure there aint no going back like holy hsit that would be hellish if u transitioned and then realized u were cis all along holy shit nope nope nope nope nop enop noooooooooooooooope
and lmao my skype name is already male and i refer to myself as "him" "himself" and "daddy" so ffffffpppfpfpfpfp maybe i should change it to alec for swags and yolos anyways like i already changed my gender to male on dA for swags and yolos so what the hell

me rn
https://31.media.tumblr.com/5e6f7aae...OeZ1s7ltih.gif

yeah i think i need to stop limiting myself cuz like idk i'm not the kind of guy that wants to go and frick every girl that i see and i think that's why i'm chasing myself back into identifying as cis like i'm literally beating myself up over this so hard fukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

*slowly drips hot sauce into your asshole* yum

ok i call u alec and he if u want me 2 try it out??
me dat gif 2 pats ur back a lot agen
its ok childldl soothes u

ow dont pls stop

pluzzle 01-29-2014 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 517449)
ok i call u alec and he if u want me 2 try it out??
me dat gif 2 pats ur back a lot agen
its ok childldl soothes u

ow dont pls stop



what the fuck why are you putting hot sauce in his ass wtfwtfwtf

i shall use male pronoun

i did a thing yesterday
because its the start of a school year i got a new english teacher and she gave us a sheet of paper, that we had to answer the q's about ourselves etc and the end is said anything else i need to know about you and i say they pronouns plz and i just idek im a little proud for some reason like now i don't have to be called she by one more person. i also said dont ambush me i freak out lol

and in mbs (mind body spirit) we're doing sexuality
so
that should be interesting
me: *chatting to mum* btw we had mbs on sexuality today
mum: oh yeah, what's ur conclusion?~?!?!?!??!@??#>#>#>?#@?
me: im not straight
mum: ohk lol

that didn't happen but i wish it could go that way

pluzzle 01-29-2014 01:44 AM

idek anymore tbh
 
no father not she stop plz u make me UNCOMFORTABLE

ooh why aren't i editing and adding to the last post idek

i just kind of get this feeling like i'm gonna cry when i see my chest not flattened
i just
its awful
i just feel like dyindhgkjdfhjkg

LaurenM 01-29-2014 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 517457)
what the fuck why are you putting hot sauce in his ass wtfwtfwtf

i shall use male pronoun

i did a thing yesterday
because its the start of a school year i got a new english teacher and she gave us a sheet of paper, that we had to answer the q's about ourselves etc and the end is said anything else i need to know about you and i say they pronouns plz and i just idek im a little proud for some reason like now i don't have to be called she by one more person. i also said dont ambush me i freak out lol

and in mbs (mind body spirit) we're doing sexuality
so
that should be interesting
me: *chatting to mum* btw we had mbs on sexuality today
mum: oh yeah, what's ur conclusion?~?!?!?!??!@??#>#>#>?#@?
me: im not straight
mum: ohk lol

that didn't happen but i wish it could go that way

YES GOOD JOB ON THE PRONOUNS YAY

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 517458)
no father not she stop plz u make me UNCOMFORTABLE

ooh why aren't i editing and adding to the last post idek

i just kind of get this feeling like i'm gonna cry when i see my chest not flattened
i just
its awful
i just feel like dyindhgkjdfhjkg

Physical appearance is not equal to gender
And I guess you can wear larger clothes or non-padded bras or binders??

HeatherB 01-29-2014 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 517421)

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 517458)
no father not she stop plz u make me UNCOMFORTABLE

ooh why aren't i editing and adding to the last post idek

i just kind of get this feeling like i'm gonna cry when i see my chest not flattened
i just
its awful
i just feel like dyindhgkjdfhjkg

see the above link

Lily09 01-29-2014 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 517457)
what the fuck why are you putting hot sauce in his ass wtfwtfwtf

i shall use male pronoun

i did a thing yesterday
because its the start of a school year i got a new english teacher and she gave us a sheet of paper, that we had to answer the q's about ourselves etc and the end is said anything else i need to know about you and i say they pronouns plz and i just idek im a little proud for some reason like now i don't have to be called she by one more person. i also said dont ambush me i freak out lol

and in mbs (mind body spirit) we're doing sexuality
so
that should be interesting
me: *chatting to mum* btw we had mbs on sexuality today
mum: oh yeah, what's ur conclusion?~?!?!?!??!@??#>#>#>?#@?
me: im not straight
mum: ohk lol

that didn't happen but i wish it could go that way

aaa that's great!! (:

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 517458)
no father not she stop plz u make me UNCOMFORTABLE

ooh why aren't i editing and adding to the last post idek

i just kind of get this feeling like i'm gonna cry when i see my chest not flattened
i just
its awful
i just feel like dyindhgkjdfhjkg

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 517476)
see the above link

same same same tho i hate looking at my chest so i just find ways to bind it down and then im ok but that link ya

AlgebraAddict 01-29-2014 10:28 PM

So I came out as bi yesterday and now it's spreading through the grade like wildfire and I don't give a flying fuck :D

The main reason I didn't do it before was because there was this other openly bi girl in our grade and she was batshit crazy (to quote Ash) and would constantly touch people and make them uncomfortable and was generally psycho and stuff o_o


but then she left so


and I told people and they were like "but I thought all bi's were insane and weird and crushed on every girl they saw"

and I was like "do you have a crush on every guy you see just because you're capable of falling in love with guys"

pluzzle 01-30-2014 12:51 AM

i gave that binding thing a go and my god it was good (but i still have to wear a dress for school so)

OMG ESTHER
YAY
YAY
YAY
how did you do iT??!?!?!?
i also told the rest of my friends and they didn't really mind at all - one of them is gay anyway so we're all good haha. k said at lunch omg we have a gay a bi and a straight we need a nonbinary and im like dhjkghkjdfhlgjkfhlkidek
im so tired too
tired of peoples shit that they're giving a.p (we already have an a so there, initials) for being gay .-.


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