You can't loathe yourself. You're flipping amazing. So by default, you're too awesome to be loathed.

That's the theory in my world so no one can argue. :D

more dumb vents im sry
 

i've decided that i'm not going to be the first one to let go of my friendships anymore
i have to stop pushing people away
i need to stop isolating myself
i need to stop i need to stop
i know i'm worth something to people
i know that i'm worth something
i need to stop letting people go

*is such a third wheel in everything that its not even funny* literally. My music is my best friend right now. It's the only friend I need.

YOUR VENTS ARE NEVER DUMB BBY DON'T BE SORRY (*aggressively hugs*)

<:^) You're right, you ARE worth something to people. You're worth a lot to a lot of people. (*gives coffee and chocolate*) I'm very glad you've realized this. I'm sorry you're having trouble, though...it's hard not to isolate yourself, especially when you're struggling. People mean well and they care, but, it's hard not to push them away sometimes. I really do hope you learn how to not do that. (*hugs again*) Please don't be too hard on yourself, okay?

im like the 15th wheel in my group.

That could sum up my entire life up to this point.

im just kind of there, lmao not a wheel a bug on windscreen lmao

how r u tho

I stayed off school today.
I couldn't face going in.
And I finally found my excuse to stay home.

I had a meltdown last night, for no reason. Everything, since about December-ish had been leading up to this. I've felt sadder, seen things as more pointless, shut myself off and I haven't written a decent piece in months.

I talked to my parents and they agreed I should stay off for today, and just today. I was in tears though. I've been more anxious, more afraid, less like myself. And I've struggled to get to that stage - my sarcastic, obnoxious awesome stage. I've acted so well I fooled myself. I've distracted myself with TV, I've stopped reading because I can't focus.

I worry, though, that this is a slippery slope, and one day off school because of anxiety will surely lead to more. It's funny. No matter how desperate and upset I get, no matter how much I panic, there is one little voice, a little part of my talking slowly, ironically, analysing things rationally. It asks 'are you doing this just to stay off school?'. 'If I were doing all this just to stay off school, and I don't think I am, there is something wrong with me and I do indeed need a break'.

Has anyone got any input for how I should handle the deep, pointless sadness that is swallowing me up for no reason whatsoever?

same

im ok wbu

*makes plans with someone*
*gets really happy and excited to hang out with them*
*that someone has to cancel*

oh
okay