i need to be alone. completely alone. a deserted island. no human contact for thousands of miles. no wifi, no entertainment, just basic necessities. i don't wanna see anyone.

but honestly. i just want to die sometimes
like does anyone relly care?? and if they do:
do i care?

Oh, wow. Okay yeah there's definitely a line that's being crossed here. There's not a lot that can be done about it though, except maybe you could try and just change the subject so that she doesn't get the chance to complain? idk, maybe this is something she'll stop doing as she matures, but for now there's not really a solution. :/

Yeah and today I asked her why she hated this school so much in person, and she told me there are reasons but when I asked her to tell me the reasons she told me she didn't want to talk about it with kids who haven't been here a long time.

First of all, I would say that a majority of KidPub users, if not all, cares a lot about you and wants you to please stay alive. Plus your parents definitely care, and your friends. As for the second question...well, that's up to you I guess, but I sincerely hope that you do ;-;

Oh well, that's her choice. It's sounds rather frustrating, but you can't exactly force her to tell you. \(>-<)/. At least you asked her though, respect mate. :)

Yeah it's just that the reason it's annoying is because all the kids who've been there longer really dislike all the newer kids? Like there was this thing at the end of the year where every class member had a piece of paper on their wall with their name and everyone was supposed to write one nice memory or nice thing about them on their piece of paper and I went and wrote things on everyone's, they all wrote things on each other and I got five things on mine (ten kids in the class) and one of them was from the teacher. The other new kid got six. Also the teachers much prefer the kids who've been there longer, when I got into my new school so did one of my friends there, and all the teachers were giving her gifts and posting Congratulations (her name)!!! On all the official social media and once even she asked if they knew I was going as well and the co-director just said she knew and I got absolutely no congradulations? The only one to even recognize I got in was the teacher they're shitting on, too. And once aforementioned teacher sat one of them down and told them to stop being negative about this school because it was bringing down class morale, then tried to get her to talk about why it was bothering her so much and how the school could change to make it more enjoyable. My friend told her that it was just a terrible school and the teachers sucked and that it used to be much better. When my teacher told her that it was still much better than most public schools, she groaned about how she didn't understand, got up, knocked her chair over, and stormed out of the room. She and my other friend then went to the park without permission and came back late, breaking three rules at once. No punishment. And the newer kids get punished for everything, mostly by the kids who've been there longer. Just the whole newer kid/older kid thing is really messed up and aggravating

I'm sick of settling for mediocrity and bad puns and this gripping dismay that I try to ignore it's consuming me whole and I want the sky but settle for a pit I'm finding myself slipping away and enjoying the letting go sensation. I'm turning into oblivion and suburban home-cooked-meal home-by-five living and I should be happy but I'm not anything anymore I am a conglomeration of the people around me until I don't even recognize my own face help.
I need to be alone why is there always someone there leave me alone leave me alone I don't want contact leave me please let me be let me be
Time just stop and let me breathe

positivty ?!
 

im beginning to be happy for a lot of the time. smiling and laughing are normal now. i talk to my friends more. my grades are slowly gettin better. i have a view of the future that doesnt include dying.

i do think things are finally starting to look up - i might be able to wear the boy's uniform at school, i might be able to change my name. im going out with my friend group tomorrow and the drama has died down. i applied for a bunch of jobs and i really hope i get one.

life isn't as bad as i thought it was - i think medication is helping to lift that cloud most of the time. so if anyone is on the fence about meds or therapy - please let yourself get help. i know you may see yourself as weak or needy or anything but please, you deserve it more than you know. <3

aww ember I'm so sorry
just remember we love you okay and I'm always here for you <3 if you need someone to talk to (or even if you don't and you're just bored xD) don't hesistate to email me 'kay? (thelydster13@gmail.com dont judge i was like 10 lol)

yayayay I'm so happy for you! :D this post just made my day. I'm so glad your life has been going great, you really deserve it <33
ooh and good luck getting a job! :D