science tho
 

my conflicted feelings about this knowledge are actually just a series of electrical signals being tossed between neurons in my brain. and my brain doesn't know what to make of that :I

^^ why i love science

@cosmocat really thank you. It was beautiful what you said and it made my day a lot better so really thank you.

I just need to sleep. I need like a year off of school. My heart hurts. I don't know why. I just... I had a plan and now it's falling apart and I don't like any of my other options but what else can I do? I'm not the right kind of person whatever person that is and I'm not sure who I even want to be but idk I just idkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidk
I need a friend. Like a real friend who I can actually talk to and who will respect me and who will always make me feel comfortable instead of insecure like how I usually feel. I realize now that I've never really had a real friend and I've barely confided in anyone truly and I just need someone to lean on a little and who can lean on me and idk I just need a real relationship bc everything feels fake and I'm sick of feeling like I need to fight to stay in someone's life or like I need to act a certain way bc I think I at least deserve to be with people who will make me feel good about myself.
Yeah well idk if relationships like that are even real and if they are its my fault that I don't have one bc I'm too scared to ever open up to anyone.
Just give me like three years to sleep I'll figure it out.

oh my gosh same I totally feel you

why do i have to have a crush on a suicidal girl with suicidal friends that make her feel like shit
why is this going to drag me down again

shit I can't handle this bringing me down again I can't handle anything else please I'm sorry

apologies for the terrible "advice" TT-TT
 

hang in there, sweetheart! don't feel bad if you have to distance yourself from something or someone, okay? do what you think you can, but try to stop yourself before you reach your limit and end up hurt (physically, emotionally, whatever) just keep yourself safe and know that it's perfectly okay to take a break if you need to.

alright, keep up the good work and give yourself a pat on the back for making it this far and learning this much from life! XOXOXO

one of my best friends is not okay and I just want to make everything better but i can't and i feel so fucking helpless

i can't even believe he's not alright he's like the most well put together person ever and it kills me that he could put up a mask like that and fool even me

i should have freaking known

and i want to somehow make it my fault because I can take my anger out on myself but if it's just the shit life hands out I don't know what to do with that anger

it's not fucking fair that the best people get this kind of shit

and i kind of want to curl up into a ball and die right now because I am so useless and i just want him to be okay because i love him more than anything and don't want him to have to go through this

I hate it when my friends decide to get real pissy for no specific reason. I have every reason to go to school and be in a mood and yell at everyone but I don't. And I don't spread my problems, either. I am having so many problems right now, and they know that, and I don't go and cry about it to them or get angry at them. I go to school and I'm happy. Fucking happy.

I had to go to school the day after my grandfather's funeral, and the day after he died. and I was totally fine. And my friend thinks she can just "be in a bad mood" and yell at me without even explaining herself? It sound inconsiderate on my part, I know, but it hurts when they do that.
And there's more too it but I don't want to wallow in my own self pity anymore I just want to listen to awesome music and do my shit ton of homework so bye now.

*huggles* yeah well you deserve sooo much better okay don't let the haters get you down