Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 335677)

Is that a show...?
I'll try.

Oh, and the troll face in your signature seems really different and I'm not sure why.

Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 335676)

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 335554)

...
...I wonder... if I'm completely alone in this feeling.
Like, completely.
Someone else has to feel like this, I can't be the only one. Not just on KP but at school...

like they're not good enough
I don't want to be alone in this.

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 335684)

Well, THAT was polite. XD

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 335527)

I feel so...superficial. Obsessed with my image.
I wear makeup, I do my hair, I buy pretty clothes. I always try to look my best. I feel good when I feel pretty but sometimes it's like it's not enough... there's always someone prettier than me.
It might all be because Purple (code name) goes out with all those girls and they're beautiful, they are absolutely freaking beautiful and it's like, why would anybody choose me over them? No one would. No one would.
It's not like I'm ugly, I know I'm not ugly. I'm okay looking. On some days I feel really pretty. My family and friends call me beautiful.

But it's never ENOUGH. And then I hate myself for wearing makeup and doing my hair and stuff...

A while ago, I was at someone's house. And I'd just gone swimming, so my hair was all thick and curly, and my bangs were all over, and I wasn't wearing makeup and I was just wearing basketball shorts and a tank top and I knew I didn't look good but I felt so accepted. So...good. At ease in my own body and how I looked... like I knew that these people weren't judging me.
I've been trying to create that feeling ever since but I don't know HOW, and it sickens me that I have to rely on other people to feel good about my looks.

Jesus... I feel like a little teenaged b**** but there you go.

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 335554)

...I wonder... if I'm completely alone in this feeling.
Like, completely.
Someone else has to feel like this, I can't be the only one. Not just on KP but at school...

like they're not good enough
I don't want to be alone in this.

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 335779)

I wish I were like you... I rely on a number to feel good about my looks.
But let me tell you some stuff I've learned--there is always someone prettier than you. There is always someone skinnier than you. There is always someone luckier in looks than you. And it's your job to learn to accept this; and it's a crushing weight.

You're not the only person who feels like this. I feel pathetic--since I became hyperaware of my weight, I've lost... (*counts*) a total of twenty pounds, and I was a LOT shorter then. Although, sure, I look better, I still wish that I had been strong enough to not want to claw myself out of my body or hack all the fat away from my face, to continue loving food and myself at the same time. But I could only choose one, and to this day I still struggle to make myself eat, even as I'm recovering from an unhealthy mindset--I "forget" meals, I'm "not hungry" in the evening... all of that. I rarely get to 1,000 calories a day and I've returned to the weight I was in early grade six.
For me, the only--ONLY--thing that pulled me out of it was truth. No one would actually TELL me that I was ugly. Even if I wasn't (I'm not one to judge), it was still the one thing I need to hear to set me free from my demented, all-or-nothing perfectionist world. And no one would say it, how could I expect them to?

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/vi...2107858512399/

That was the song that was key to me getting better. Even if I still forget to eat, I no longer hate this body that I'm trapped in with every last bleeding inch of my soul. I think... maybe you should read the lyrics? I don't want to give you the link because it's a metal song and it's actually in German (I gave you the English lyrics, though) and no one on her likes metal... ^_^' (*is used to that in real life too*)

In reality, no one feels good about their appearance all the time. If they do, they need to come down from their cloud because, as humans, we certainly don't look spankin' good all the time and I like to think that there are an equal amount of flaws in every person, just distributed differently.

Why would he choose you? Well, that's why we were given souls. If I were a boy, I would start to realize that all the "prettiest" girls look the same, but on the inside we're all different, and seeing with your heart is the only, ONLY way to truly know a person. Looking at a pretty face, as my mom would say, don't do jack s#!t for ya. And when push comes to shove and you're growing old and frail and ugly with your husband/partner... that will be what keeps you together.




Okay... imagine the most perfect girl in the school. Not appearance wise, not popularity wise, just an all around person. She gets perfect grades, she's nice, you've never seen her angry, her friends are great and her home life is wonderful.
Believe it or not, I am that girl in my school. That no one would ever, ever expect to have gone through some really, really weird crap because her mind just kept pushing her further and further, telling her that nothing was ever good enough and driving her to fix it, to go deeper, to MAKE it good enough.
And if you've read some of the stuff that I put on here, you probably know where that got me. ._.
I feel not good enough in every way, but slowly, I've come to terms with it. I have problems. I'm not good enough. I will never be perfect.
But that's okay.

Not good enough is okay.
<:^J

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 335811)

:^)
Thank you Sandy... I think my weight is the ONE thing about my appearance that I have never hated so I can't relate too much on that count.
I thank you so much for your words, they've really made me feel better, but I have to argue with you on one count... you will never be perfect, nobody ever will... but I think that we're both good enough. We just need to try to accept it.

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 335816)

Ahhh... I suppose you have been spared there. You're lucky... I'd have to say that, out of all the things to become obsessed about, weight is the most physically dangerous... but I'm so, so glad to know that you can't relate. <:^j
Yeah... I guess so. <:^J It's funny how we can accept criticism, accept insults... yet we can't accept the fact that we are good enough. Maybe these things are related? x_x It's so complicated.

It's no problem. When I see someone who is going through something that I could possibly lend some advice for... it's really my pleasure to know that I've helped you, even if only a little bit.

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 335819)

Yeah... I'd actually really like to be a psychiatrist or a therapist when I grow up... It half-fascinates me and half of it just makes me really want to help... y'know?