Originally Posted by Sandy
(Post 370062)
......... o/////_/////o I know exactly how you guys feel. There was this point about a year ago when I thought I was gay. It lasted about a week and then I was like, "Whoa, calm down there..." but before that and even now, I feel like everyone I know thinks I'm gay. It's really the only explanation for my personality, the way I carry myself, the way I talk, the way I think, everything. Sometimes I feel like everything would have been easier for me if I had been born male, even though I don't identify myself as transsexual. I have every single "stereotypical" boy personality trait, including a weird urge to seem emotionally masculine/indifferent. o_O I've always wanted to try cross dressing too, just for fun. I'd love to cut my hair and romp around in a suit, and there is not a day where I don't look in the mirror and imagine what kind of guy I would make.
My mom sees a part of this side of me and describes it as "me being male in my past lives." ...? Okay... I guess that works... o_o
I mean, the only reason my brother is such a macho-guy around his buddies and at home is because he's seen how I behave... ._. (*has no idea*)
I can relate about the apathy, too. Everything has changed after I got into pre-IB, seeing as it is an enrichment program and finally gave my brain something to do. I had no idea that all these problems were being caused by me being kept in an intellectual chicken coop and pecking away at myself in frustration--summer break is the worst for me, and I dread it, but at least I know it's a while away. But since IB, I've been a completely different person. I'm channeling my energy into my schoolwork, maintaining athletics, with VM and art on the side and everything is great. I go to school in the morning feeling like I'm finally going to get somewhere, that I'm not just another worthless nothing, that there is a future for me that I will have earned, me alone. It doesn't even matter to me whether I meet someone to share my life with, in fact I feel like it would hold me down. My one true love is academics and my career, and right now my career is school... since grade nine started I have never been so happy with my life as I am now.
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has changed from being in an extremely dark place to being somewhere less awful. :)
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