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  #19921  
Old 10-29-2019, 06:38 AM
HannahChen2009 HannahChen2009 is offline
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Originally Posted by Swallowtail View Post
me: ha ha ha I am fine yes I still miss owen but im definitely not grieving or (dare I say it) traumatized anymore bc the definition of trauma is only reserved for Other People and I am A-Okay

also me: *sees an ambulance on campus and immediately starts shaking and panicking*
dw everyone is ok!!! a kid just hurt his ankle during soccer practice and for some reason two ambulances were called and a bunch of faculty went running up and I saw it out my window and it reminded me so intensely of last year I started losing it for a moment but we are all good
it's ok to still feel traumatised, I can't even begin to imagine what you go through everyday. The weight of my words may not be enough to ease the pain in your heart for your friend, but I hope it eases soon. I really do.
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  #19922  
Old 11-08-2019, 12:22 AM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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Originally Posted by HannahChen2009 View Post
it's ok to still feel traumatised, I can't even begin to imagine what you go through everyday. The weight of my words may not be enough to ease the pain in your heart for your friend, but I hope it eases soon. I really do.
thanks man. it has gotten a lot easier which is also something ive struggled w/ in a fucked up way (does the fact that things are getting easier mean im moving on? does it mean im forgetting or being a bad friend?) but really its nice to be able to think of him in a way that isn't heart-crushing, you know? like I can laugh at stories and memories and think back fondly on things and its all bittersweet but its not miserable which is nice. I feel like grief kind of robbed me of my true memories of his life and its nice to get those back slowly.
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  #19923  
Old 11-10-2019, 04:36 AM
HannahChen2009 HannahChen2009 is offline
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Originally Posted by Swallowtail View Post
thanks man. it has gotten a lot easier which is also something ive struggled w/ in a fucked up way (does the fact that things are getting easier mean im moving on? does it mean im forgetting or being a bad friend?) but really its nice to be able to think of him in a way that isn't heart-crushing, you know? like I can laugh at stories and memories and think back fondly on things and its all bittersweet but its not miserable which is nice. I feel like grief kind of robbed me of my true memories of his life and its nice to get those back slowly.
I can definitely understand how the "getting easier" part might get twisted, but that's just your brain playing tricks on you. I didn't know him, but I'm sure if he loved you as much as you loved him, he would be happy to see you heal from your grief.
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  #19924  
Old 12-08-2019, 06:03 PM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Dude I don’t need big dreams. Forget traveling the world and being a free spirit. Literally all I want is to graduate college and get married and have some kids. This is not how I expected to feel at 18, but I’ve also never been happier.
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  #19925  
Old 12-08-2019, 08:53 PM
Gracithe1andonly Gracithe1andonly is offline
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Dude I don’t need big dreams. Forget traveling the world and being a free spirit. Literally all I want is to graduate college and get married and have some kids. This is not how I expected to feel at 18, but I’ve also never been happier.
dude. . . about to be 18 and I feel this, don't have anyone in my life atm but if I wanna get married I think I wanna do it young

on travelling the world: I don't wanna go away to college, I already have a good life where I am, just let me stay in my city and learn stuff
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  #19926  
Old 12-09-2019, 07:02 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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I absolutely don’t understand where either of you are coming from but I support you.

Me and my boyfriend BOTH have big dreams that we’re going to fulfill together.
However, having him also means that I have experienced the character development of being ok with residing in the United States and not constantly moving. Still going to have a chateau in the Alps and travel a lot tho
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  #19927  
Old 12-09-2019, 10:00 PM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Originally Posted by Gracithe1andonly View Post
dude. . . about to be 18 and I feel this, don't have anyone in my life atm but if I wanna get married I think I wanna do it young

on travelling the world: I don't wanna go away to college, I already have a good life where I am, just let me stay in my city and learn stuff
Oh HECK yeah. Thereís a lot of judgement towards marrying young because 18-20year olds are hella immature, but honestly I donít find that an inherently worrying thing. Of course youíre both young and immature, but youíre both going to mature as time goes on, together.

Honestly thatís so reasonable too. Travel is good and fine, but thereís something pretty great about planting roots and making your city your home on your own terms.

@ena you are also valid, n character development is bomb.
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  #19928  
Old 01-11-2020, 09:22 PM
Steampunk Steampunk is offline
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Man.... donít you hate when you get emotional about something... and try to shut down the conversation or close off because you have shitty social skills and youíre emotionally a baby but the other person just sees it as being rude and disrespectful and keeps trying to finish the conversation and you keep accidentally getting snappier and curter as you desperately try to cut off the conversation before you cross a threshold and they just keep getting angrier and angrier about it and you can tell theyíre getting angrier but youíre in such a precarious position, teetering over sobbing that you canít figure out how to alter the course so Just keep trying to cut off the conversation the same way like a dumbass??

Or donít you just hate when youíre absolutely awful at in the moment conversations or arguments of debates so you can understand everything that you want to say and you know exactly what you mean and what your side of the story is but then actually discussing it out loud happens and it all disappears and all that comes out is weak whisps of what you actually want to say and now youíre crying and you canít stop and you donít even know why you started crying so easily but you canít communicate what youíre thinking and the other person Just gets angrier and angrier again because it seems like youíre not listening to what theyíre saying or youíre just spouting out weak excuse but really you just canít say it.

Also just... hate how you feel after a big cry. Like... shivery and frail and empty and like you should still be crying but thereís something eating the tears up instead.
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  #19929  
Old 01-12-2020, 03:53 AM
Zelda Zelda is offline
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Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
Man.... donít you hate when you get emotional about something... and try to shut down the conversation or close off because you have shitty social skills and youíre emotionally a baby but the other person just sees it as being rude and disrespectful and keeps trying to finish the conversation and you keep accidentally getting snappier and curter as you desperately try to cut off the conversation before you cross a threshold and they just keep getting angrier and angrier about it and you can tell theyíre getting angrier but youíre in such a precarious position, teetering over sobbing that you canít figure out how to alter the course so Just keep trying to cut off the conversation the same way like a dumbass??
If it helps at all, it gets easier to ride out conversations as you get older. You also get better at transitioning out of conversations.If someone is trying to have a conversation with you and the topic is making you emotional in a negative way, it is perfectly okay to tell them 'hey, I'm not comfortable talking about this, let's change the subject.'

You're not a dumbass and you're not emotionally baby, you're just growing and learning like everyone else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
Or donít you just hate when youíre absolutely awful at in the moment conversations or arguments of debates so you can understand everything that you want to say and you know exactly what you mean and what your side of the story is but then actually discussing it out loud happens and it all disappears and all that comes out is weak whisps of what you actually want to say and now youíre crying and you canít stop and you donít even know why you started crying so easily but you canít communicate what youíre thinking and the other person Just gets angrier and angrier again because it seems like youíre not listening to what theyíre saying or youíre just spouting out weak excuse but really you just canít say it.
This happens to me all the time, man, it sucks! I hope you feel happier soon and in the mean time, here are some tips for arguments (take them with a pinch of salt though, I'm a gremlin):
- If you are polite and reasonable and communicate things like 'I'm sorry, I need a little more time to answer', then the other person is more likely to be polite and reasonable in return.
- If you have the option of controlling it, pick a medium that you are most comfortable with. I do arguments over text because the physical distance and the ability to put down my phone and walk away from the argument helps me keep myself from getting overwhelmed.
- Along the lines of control, remember that you cannot control the other person, but you can, and you should, control yourself. Controlling yourself doesn't always mean choking back the tears before they can escape, sometimes it just means wiping them away so that you're vision is clear and taking a few deep breaths.
- If you have time to prepare, writing down your argument helps a lot. It gives you an opportunity to experience all the emotions you may have about the topic in your own safe environment, and once it's out you can adjust the wording to fit the person you'll be arguing with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
Also just... hate how you feel after a big cry. Like... shivery and frail and empty and like you should still be crying but thereís something eating the tears up instead.
Big hugs to you, have a good rest and hopefully you'll feel better after.
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I've been lost and wandering
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I can't hear you anymore)
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  #19930  
Old 01-15-2020, 11:43 AM
Werty Werty is offline
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I'm afraid my friend is going to kill herself
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