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  #19641  
Old 11-23-2017, 11:14 PM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Default Yikes I got on an religious soapbox so forgive me buddy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
I don't really even know what's up with my emotions anymore? Somedays I'm completely fine and I love where I am, the people around me, what I'm doing... I can even tolerate myself. But then other days it's just this hot, oozing mess of anger and resentment and this need to hurt people and I know the way I act when I feel that way is wrong, and so are the things I want to do, but I just can't stop. I know I'm being a (*ahem* if you are smol cover your ears (or I guess in this case eyes)) fucking bitch, I know I'll regret it later, hell I regret it in the moment but I just can't stop, I hate the way I act, I hate the people around me and myself and every single thing that comes out of their mouths is infuriating and Makes me want to hurt them, I want to hurt everyone, even myself. I want to wreck everything I want to ruin my relationships, I want to hurt the people around me, mentally and physically, and it makes me feel sick and I hate it and even though I despise it I just keep going and I don't know why it just doesn't stop even though I know when it ends all I'll have done for myself is create a big mess and make myself miserable and just ugh. All I want to do is destroy things, break them beyond repair, make people realize that I can and will hurt them. I just feel so angry and gross and I don't know.
And then when it's over, it's just... over. The anger always comes suddenly, with little warning, and it goes the same way. Within minutes I feel either normal or hollow but either way I never really feel bad about it until later, its hard to explain I guess? I don't know.
And then other days I just feel so sad and it happens just like the rage but instead of wanting to stab people all I want to do is curl up and cry about anything and everything. I try to think about happy things but all I can think about are my mistakes and everything I hate about myself and how much other people must hate me and I try to grasp onto any positive thought but it's just a slippery slope of negitivity and tears. And it it lasts for so long, feeling like it's dragging me down forever and when it's gone I feel so exhausted.
And both things always happen so quickly over practically nothing and I just don't really know what to do with myself anymore.
Maybe I'm just emotional, idk. Anyway, sorry for bothering you and wasting your time.
Oh hon I know what those bursts of anger can be like. First of all, there is nothing inherently more romantic about wanting to hurt ones self as opposed to the desire to harm others, which I think is a little piece that tumblr and Pinterest inevitably get wrong. I remember feeling a lot of shame for my urges to hurt others, and turning it on myself because thatís more socially acceptable. You can pity someone who hurts them self, but not so with those who physically or emotionally cause damage to others. Itís all about assigning blame, even though urges to hurt yourself or others are just flip sides of the same coin.. You can of course take this knowledge and say, ďoh well if self-harmers are as fucked up as people who hurt others, they all belong in prison or an asylum.Ē I would, however, argue that this reality means that anyone who wants to hurt others needs just as much compassion, understanding, and love, as someone who wishes harm on themselves. Iím sure you donít truly intend to hurt someone else, especially since these appear to just be independent bursts of emotion rather than plots of cold-blooded malice, but I just wanted to get that out of the way. No human life is worth more than any other, and as a Christian myself (Iíll get off the soap box in one second here) I think that your soul is as precious as any other, regardless of your urges, emotions, or even actions. Anyway, preaching aside, you DO NOT NEED TO FEEL BAD about this. A lot of people want to hurt thenselves and feel no remorse whatsoever. If you did or do end up causing harm, of course youíd need to reconcile that and repair whatever damage you could, but There is no point to feeling guilt at all emotionally or, if you will, spiritually. I know itís really hard, like incredibly hard, to stop hating yourself and pummeling yourself for everything you do or feel. Your emotions donít control you, and furthermore, they donít define you. In my uneducated Christian opinion, There is literally nothing wrong or sinful about violent feelings or urges or ideation, as long as you recognize them for what they are and donít dwell on them as best you can help it.

If thereís one thing Iíve learned, itís that despair and self-loathing is a much greater sin (or just less productive in all reality) than, say, feeling angry and wanting to hurt either yourself or others. In the end it all comes down to forgiving others, and at least trying to forgive yourself. You are Godís kiddo, and you are precious to Him and to me and this isnít you being a bitch or a bad person or whatever. This is you being human and dealing with illness and it rly sucks but Iím here for you in any way you need and my contact tab is ALWAYS open and Iíll give you my phone in an instant if you just need to rant.

Love you, my friend.

-esther
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w a r n i n g
s i g n
that if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind



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  #19642  
Old 11-24-2017, 09:14 AM
Syafai Syafai is offline
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I feel like I'm dying with kidpub oops
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  #19643  
Old 12-01-2017, 09:00 PM
Steampunk Steampunk is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict View Post
Oh hon I know what those bursts of anger can be like. First of all, there is nothing inherently more romantic about wanting to hurt ones self as opposed to the desire to harm others, which I think is a little piece that tumblr and Pinterest inevitably get wrong. I remember feeling a lot of shame for my urges to hurt others, and turning it on myself because thatís more socially acceptable. You can pity someone who hurts them self, but not so with those who physically or emotionally cause damage to others. Itís all about assigning blame, even though urges to hurt yourself or others are just flip sides of the same coin.. You can of course take this knowledge and say, ďoh well if self-harmers are as fucked up as people who hurt others, they all belong in prison or an asylum.Ē I would, however, argue that this reality means that anyone who wants to hurt others needs just as much compassion, understanding, and love, as someone who wishes harm on themselves. Iím sure you donít truly intend to hurt someone else, especially since these appear to just be independent bursts of emotion rather than plots of cold-blooded malice, but I just wanted to get that out of the way. No human life is worth more than any other, and as a Christian myself (Iíll get off the soap box in one second here) I think that your soul is as precious as any other, regardless of your urges, emotions, or even actions. Anyway, preaching aside, you DO NOT NEED TO FEEL BAD about this. A lot of people want to hurt thenselves and feel no remorse whatsoever. If you did or do end up causing harm, of course youíd need to reconcile that and repair whatever damage you could, but There is no point to feeling guilt at all emotionally or, if you will, spiritually. I know itís really hard, like incredibly hard, to stop hating yourself and pummeling yourself for everything you do or feel. Your emotions donít control you, and furthermore, they donít define you. In my uneducated Christian opinion, There is literally nothing wrong or sinful about violent feelings or urges or ideation, as long as you recognize them for what they are and donít dwell on them as best you can help it.

If thereís one thing Iíve learned, itís that despair and self-loathing is a much greater sin (or just less productive in all reality) than, say, feeling angry and wanting to hurt either yourself or others. In the end it all comes down to forgiving others, and at least trying to forgive yourself. You are Godís kiddo, and you are precious to Him and to me and this isnít you being a bitch or a bad person or whatever. This is you being human and dealing with illness and it rly sucks but Iím here for you in any way you need and my contact tab is ALWAYS open and Iíll give you my phone in an instant if you just need to rant.

Love you, my friend.

-esther
Okay so I meant to respond to this a lot sooner but stuff came up.

Just, thank you so much. I really needed that, so really, thank you.
It's just so frustrating to have everything pent up and explode like that, and it's difficult to describe it and I won't go into another little complaint post right now but what you said was very helpful and I want to thank you but I'm bad at talking apparently sorry.
Ah sorry if this sounds informal or goofy or not genuine and whatnot but I really did appreciate it.
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  #19644  
Old 12-06-2017, 05:32 AM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
Okay so I meant to respond to this a lot sooner but stuff came up.

Just, thank you so much. I really needed that, so really, thank you.
It's just so frustrating to have everything pent up and explode like that, and it's difficult to describe it and I won't go into another little complaint post right now but what you said was very helpful and I want to thank you but I'm bad at talking apparently sorry.
Ah sorry if this sounds informal or goofy or not genuine and whatnot but I really did appreciate it.
you're v welcome and its ok i'm also bad at the talking thing
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and I'll use you as a
w a r n i n g
s i g n
that if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind



- I Found, by Amber Run
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  #19645  
Old 12-07-2017, 04:27 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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Just had a breakdown at school lmao disassociated for a solid hour my entire body is numb especially my legs unexpected movements and noises still bother me and I'm barely used to having a body again wow. Still mildly dissociating , legit feel invisible like a fuckin ghost disconnected from everything rn

I remember flashes of dialogue from when I was out of it but...

Lol so useless. Everything doesn't make sense. Error

Talked to senpai in my head. Helped but can't

No work done. Disconnect
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  #19646  
Old 12-07-2017, 06:15 PM
Gracithe1andonly Gracithe1andonly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverMoon View Post
Just had a breakdown at school lmao disassociated for a solid hour my entire body is numb especially my legs unexpected movements and noises still bother me and I'm barely used to having a body again wow. Still mildly dissociating , legit feel invisible like a fuckin ghost disconnected from everything rn

I remember flashes of dialogue from when I was out of it but...

Lol so useless. Everything doesn't make sense. Error

Talked to senpai in my head. Helped but can't

No work done. Disconnect
It'll be alright in the end, won't it, old almost-friend?
Will the ringing in your head go away if you attend
To the things both strange and wonderful going on around you?
I pray for serenity to take you and surround you,
For lasting peace to come into your heart and head and soul,
For you to love your every journey to your every goal.

umm idk if that'll help at all, hahaha, but I admit I don't understand what's going on with you, quite, and I want to do SOMETHING to help.

if you want to, maybe, tell me what set it off?
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right in front of me.
talk some sense to me...


-i found, amber run
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  #19647  
Old 12-08-2017, 02:23 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: the feds will never find me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gracithe1andonly View Post
It'll be alright in the end, won't it, old almost-friend?
Will the ringing in your head go away if you attend
To the things both strange and wonderful going on around you?
I pray for serenity to take you and surround you,
For lasting peace to come into your heart and head and soul,
For you to love your every journey to your every goal.

umm idk if that'll help at all, hahaha, but I admit I don't understand what's going on with you, quite, and I want to do SOMETHING to help.

if you want to, maybe, tell me what set it off?
meh it was just schoolwork
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trails of f i r e
you always knew
they would carry me home
they'd lead me to y o u
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  #19648  
Old 12-13-2017, 10:33 AM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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haha oh man
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  #19649  
Old 12-13-2017, 02:15 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meerkat View Post
haha oh man
yo sup meera
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trails of f i r e
you always knew
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they'd lead me to y o u
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  #19650  
Old 12-13-2017, 02:50 PM
smartgal00 smartgal00 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: college because I'm too old
Posts: 1,453
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No Advice Needed: I just wanna vent

Crushes suck man. Like, I have a crush on this one guy (a good friend), but he has a crush on my best friend. Last night he asked her out, and now the friend group is sorta awkward and we are all leaving to go home for winter break (I'm in college). And like, now I have to deal with both sides of this story, and everythings fine and all, but inside i'm freaking out because I really like this guy, and he likes my best friend, and Ive wanted to talk to her about how I like him but now its gonna be really awkward and stuff and just ughhhhhh.
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