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  #19921  
Old 11-10-2019, 03:36 AM
HannahChen2009 HannahChen2009 is offline
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Originally Posted by Swallowtail View Post
thanks man. it has gotten a lot easier which is also something ive struggled w/ in a fucked up way (does the fact that things are getting easier mean im moving on? does it mean im forgetting or being a bad friend?) but really its nice to be able to think of him in a way that isn't heart-crushing, you know? like I can laugh at stories and memories and think back fondly on things and its all bittersweet but its not miserable which is nice. I feel like grief kind of robbed me of my true memories of his life and its nice to get those back slowly.
I can definitely understand how the "getting easier" part might get twisted, but that's just your brain playing tricks on you. I didn't know him, but I'm sure if he loved you as much as you loved him, he would be happy to see you heal from your grief.
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  #19922  
Old 12-08-2019, 05:03 PM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Dude I don’t need big dreams. Forget traveling the world and being a free spirit. Literally all I want is to graduate college and get married and have some kids. This is not how I expected to feel at 18, but I’ve also never been happier.
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  #19923  
Old 12-08-2019, 07:53 PM
Gracithe1andonly Gracithe1andonly is offline
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Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict View Post
Dude I don’t need big dreams. Forget traveling the world and being a free spirit. Literally all I want is to graduate college and get married and have some kids. This is not how I expected to feel at 18, but I’ve also never been happier.
dude. . . about to be 18 and I feel this, don't have anyone in my life atm but if I wanna get married I think I wanna do it young

on travelling the world: I don't wanna go away to college, I already have a good life where I am, just let me stay in my city and learn stuff
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right in front of me.
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  #19924  
Old 12-09-2019, 06:02 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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I absolutely don’t understand where either of you are coming from but I support you.

Me and my boyfriend BOTH have big dreams that we’re going to fulfill together.
However, having him also means that I have experienced the character development of being ok with residing in the United States and not constantly moving. Still going to have a chateau in the Alps and travel a lot tho
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  #19925  
Old 12-09-2019, 09:00 PM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Originally Posted by Gracithe1andonly View Post
dude. . . about to be 18 and I feel this, don't have anyone in my life atm but if I wanna get married I think I wanna do it young

on travelling the world: I don't wanna go away to college, I already have a good life where I am, just let me stay in my city and learn stuff
Oh HECK yeah. Thereís a lot of judgement towards marrying young because 18-20year olds are hella immature, but honestly I donít find that an inherently worrying thing. Of course youíre both young and immature, but youíre both going to mature as time goes on, together.

Honestly thatís so reasonable too. Travel is good and fine, but thereís something pretty great about planting roots and making your city your home on your own terms.

@ena you are also valid, n character development is bomb.
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  #19926  
Old 01-11-2020, 08:22 PM
Steampunk Steampunk is offline
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Man.... donít you hate when you get emotional about something... and try to shut down the conversation or close off because you have shitty social skills and youíre emotionally a baby but the other person just sees it as being rude and disrespectful and keeps trying to finish the conversation and you keep accidentally getting snappier and curter as you desperately try to cut off the conversation before you cross a threshold and they just keep getting angrier and angrier about it and you can tell theyíre getting angrier but youíre in such a precarious position, teetering over sobbing that you canít figure out how to alter the course so Just keep trying to cut off the conversation the same way like a dumbass??

Or donít you just hate when youíre absolutely awful at in the moment conversations or arguments of debates so you can understand everything that you want to say and you know exactly what you mean and what your side of the story is but then actually discussing it out loud happens and it all disappears and all that comes out is weak whisps of what you actually want to say and now youíre crying and you canít stop and you donít even know why you started crying so easily but you canít communicate what youíre thinking and the other person Just gets angrier and angrier again because it seems like youíre not listening to what theyíre saying or youíre just spouting out weak excuse but really you just canít say it.

Also just... hate how you feel after a big cry. Like... shivery and frail and empty and like you should still be crying but thereís something eating the tears up instead.
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  #19927  
Old 01-12-2020, 02:53 AM
Zelda Zelda is offline
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Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
Man.... donít you hate when you get emotional about something... and try to shut down the conversation or close off because you have shitty social skills and youíre emotionally a baby but the other person just sees it as being rude and disrespectful and keeps trying to finish the conversation and you keep accidentally getting snappier and curter as you desperately try to cut off the conversation before you cross a threshold and they just keep getting angrier and angrier about it and you can tell theyíre getting angrier but youíre in such a precarious position, teetering over sobbing that you canít figure out how to alter the course so Just keep trying to cut off the conversation the same way like a dumbass??
If it helps at all, it gets easier to ride out conversations as you get older. You also get better at transitioning out of conversations.If someone is trying to have a conversation with you and the topic is making you emotional in a negative way, it is perfectly okay to tell them 'hey, I'm not comfortable talking about this, let's change the subject.'

You're not a dumbass and you're not emotionally baby, you're just growing and learning like everyone else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
Or donít you just hate when youíre absolutely awful at in the moment conversations or arguments of debates so you can understand everything that you want to say and you know exactly what you mean and what your side of the story is but then actually discussing it out loud happens and it all disappears and all that comes out is weak whisps of what you actually want to say and now youíre crying and you canít stop and you donít even know why you started crying so easily but you canít communicate what youíre thinking and the other person Just gets angrier and angrier again because it seems like youíre not listening to what theyíre saying or youíre just spouting out weak excuse but really you just canít say it.
This happens to me all the time, man, it sucks! I hope you feel happier soon and in the mean time, here are some tips for arguments (take them with a pinch of salt though, I'm a gremlin):
- If you are polite and reasonable and communicate things like 'I'm sorry, I need a little more time to answer', then the other person is more likely to be polite and reasonable in return.
- If you have the option of controlling it, pick a medium that you are most comfortable with. I do arguments over text because the physical distance and the ability to put down my phone and walk away from the argument helps me keep myself from getting overwhelmed.
- Along the lines of control, remember that you cannot control the other person, but you can, and you should, control yourself. Controlling yourself doesn't always mean choking back the tears before they can escape, sometimes it just means wiping them away so that you're vision is clear and taking a few deep breaths.
- If you have time to prepare, writing down your argument helps a lot. It gives you an opportunity to experience all the emotions you may have about the topic in your own safe environment, and once it's out you can adjust the wording to fit the person you'll be arguing with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
Also just... hate how you feel after a big cry. Like... shivery and frail and empty and like you should still be crying but thereís something eating the tears up instead.
Big hugs to you, have a good rest and hopefully you'll feel better after.
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Little boy inside my chest
Breathe some life into my bones
I've been lost and wandering
Down and out and missing home


(So beat a little louder now
I can't hear you anymore)
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  #19928  
Old 01-15-2020, 10:43 AM
Werty Werty is offline
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I'm afraid my friend is going to kill herself
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please, ignore my screaming.
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  #19929  
Old 01-15-2020, 03:57 PM
Zelda Zelda is offline
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Originally Posted by Werty View Post
I'm afraid my friend is going to kill herself
Do you want to talk about it?
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Little boy inside my chest
Breathe some life into my bones
I've been lost and wandering
Down and out and missing home


(So beat a little louder now
I can't hear you anymore)
-Barns Courntey
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  #19930  
Old 01-16-2020, 10:53 AM
Werty Werty is offline
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Originally Posted by Zelda View Post
Do you want to talk about it?

I don't know. I'm just-- stressed. I have a shit ton of stuff going on. My mental health has been down the drain. My friend (who's only 12, going to be 13 soon) cuts herself and is suicidal. I'm always fighting with my mom. My dad is transphobic and right-wing and although I'm cis it saddens me. I'm constantly-- well, not dissasociating, but just going- "who am I? why did I do that? Am I really myself? do I really have control over my own actions? Is something else controlling me?" I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I'm hungry. I don't ever drink enough water. I was being bullied by a girl in my chorus class. (That should be over). I'm constantly worrying that I'm embarrassing myself or if I'm being awkward or annoying or if the people I'm hanging out with don't like me. I still feel like I'm losing certain friendships that I rested a lot of my self-respect on how they treated me. People are always asking me for help and advice and I want to help and advise them but with everything I have to think I... I want to talk about a lot of things.

The only good news is I put something on tumblr about every note being another day people want her to stay alive and that I would show it to her if it reached a lot and it's nearly at 2000, I'm on school wifi so I can't check but I'm sure it's there by now. I'm waiting for when her current happy streak she's on fades away to show her. I wish it wouldn't go away, but I know better.

I also feel like I don't have a valid reason to be sad or angry when I am. I feel like my coping mechanism, which is distraction and acting online like I normally do, or laughing during an argument, isn't valid, even though it helps. It helps me, and that's all I should care about, right?

people would hate me if they knew everything. I'm a bad person sometimes. I think I have ADHD. I'm paranoid and jump to conclusions about people because of an experience a while back. I feel like people hate me. But I also feel bad for feeling bad, because people aare going through so much worse.

I don't know who I am. I don't know why i'm here. But I sometimes wish I was literally anyone else. Someone with a valid reason to be sad, or angry, or loud, or Not Okay.

I'm just not mentally stable. Add that with midterms, a play and a concert for the choir i perform in outside of school all being over this week and the next two, I'm just not okay.

...
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