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Old 02-12-2010, 02:08 AM
Serenity Serenity is offline
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Question Cruel Friend Complications

I'm having a huge problem with my friends that's only getting worse. I'm usually able to figure out my social life and normally don't talk about my personal life on the net, but this is way beyond me. If you guys have any advice at all, I'll really appreciate it if you can share it with me.

I sit with about an average of five friends at lunch, with only two that are particularly close to me.


One of them, who I'll call Friend A, is incredibly prideful though gets along with most of our freshmen class. To most, she's funny and laughs with people; there isn't much to dislike. But with me, she can get different. She judges me all the time; she never misses an opportunity to put me down and emphasize how much better she is. She's mainly the ringleader of all the bullying that is aimed at me.


Example 1: Sometimes she just picks up my agenda and says "Why didn't you write down the test that's next week?" I'd respond sheepishly that I forgot. "You idiot... I wrote it in my agenda. Why can't you be more organized?" This happens everyday.

Example 2: At lunch, I eat a lot though I'm skinny, thanks to my fast metabolism. Since I don't have time to prepare all the food I eat, I'd usually pack a frozen dinner and an instant noodles, as well as a few bags of various chips. So what happens is Friend A would snatch my lunch bag before I even start eating and calculate the calories. "You eat over 500 calories per lunch?!" She would say, "You're going to get so fat. Go throw one of those away or something." And she says it in front of everyone, so it doesn't take very much for others to join in. This happens everyday as well.



Friend B is a little easier to handle, but can get very unpredictable and moody. She also very prideful, but unlike Friend A, she's less social, and isn't popular with the entire class. What I've recently observed is that she's very competitive. She finds it unbearable when she finds out someone close to her is "better than her", in her sense.We're both very artistic, so when we first met, we got along nicely. Then it got complicated. Friend B started to get jealous of my artwork somehow, and started to be hostile toward me. She'd join in with Friend A at lunch and talk about how stupid and irresponsible I was.

Example 1: Friend B and I would be sitting next to each other during English. I draw a picture and show her it. "Oh, the proportions on this leg is off. You might want to redraw it." I nod, and get on to it. Then, when she finishes her drawing and I see a flaw, I'd point and say, "I think the arm is a little short here." She would reply cooly, "Oh, that's because your foot is supposed to be as big as your forearm." I'd say in return, my senses still unsure, "It still doesn't look right..." She would say lightly, "Don't worry, it's right."

Example 2: There was a time when I told Friend B something online that was semi-personal. I IMed her, "Oh no, I forgot to include Friend A into the buddies picture I was drawing!" Naturally it was sort of a joke, even though I did actually mess up the picture. Friend B seemed to get it and laughed with me. Next day, she says, "Guess what Friend A? Ashley was drawing--" I hit her shoulder, "Friend B!! No!!" She goes anyway, "--a picture of everyone, and she forgot to include you!" Friend A didn't make a big fuss about it, but I felt a little betrayed and embarrassed. So I went up to Friend B after lunch and said, "You know, there are some things that you don't talk about... I mean seriously, how am I supposed to talk to you when I know you're just going to repeat it to the world?" She'd say, "Well, you said it on the internet, so technically it's for the world to see anyway!" She left swiftly. And I told her on a privite IM.





Most of all of this happens daily, and it's normally not a huge impact per day; I'm not extremely sensitive or the kind of person who lets a couple bad things ruin my day. But all the stress builds up after more than half a school year and I'm at the point where I want to give up. It's hard to write about uplifting things nowadays with all of this unwanted stress constantly irritating me everyday. My parents say to ignore it and look forward to collage friends, but I'm in freshman year, and it's obviously not as simple as ignoring it.

The worst part about it all is that I like them so much. They're great to hang out with when they're in a good mood, and when they were always in a good mood the first month or so, it became impossible to turn back and find another group of friends. And even if I were to find another group of friends, it would not solve my problems with Friend A and B without them hating me for the rest of my high school career.

Also, they hate to listen to me when I point out that they're wrong, as I said with Friend B. With all I've observed, they live in a world of self-righteousness, and don't mind putting other people down, though I'm not sure if it intentionally or unintentionally. It's very hypocritical, and I don't know how to deal with that side of them.

I've been going to a school councilor, and I'm feeling a little better thanks to her kind comforting words, but I still haven't found a solution.

Like I said, I'm really stuck, and if I don't do something about this soon, it'll become only worse. Any advice or thoughts?

Last edited by Serenity; 02-12-2010 at 10:00 AM.
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2010, 12:12 PM
Katie Katie is offline
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Oh, gosh. Friend A sounds alot like on of my friends. Everything I do is wrong with her. She isnt one of my good friends, though. But, what I do with her when she says something mean to me is I just brush it off. I know she only does it becuase she's jealous or self-concious or whatever. I don't let it get to me. For example just the other day, this happened:

Friend: Woah, kate, your Uggs are the old kind. The shade of brown on mine is much newer. Too bad yours won't last that long. Are they even real? They look fake. I could tell that from, like, down the street. If you were smart, you wouldn't wear those. *Makes a face*

Me: Yeah their real. And I like my boots, so I really don't care about the shade of brown. No offense, but I honestly don't care what you think. I like my boots and thats all that matters.

Friend: Oh. *Backs off*

So good luck with this. I've been there before. The way I would do it is either make a good comeback (Yeah, i know. Don't fight fire with fire unless you want to get burned.) Or just brush it off and say "Watever. I like my ____. Thats all that matters."

Good luck! Hope I helped at least a little bt!
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Random Person: So Tom, what is it that you do?

Tom: I uh, I write greeting cards.

Summer: Tom could be a really great architect if he wanted to be.

Partygoer: That's unusual, I mean, what made you go from one to the other?

Tom: I guess I just figured, why make something disposable like a building when you can make something that last forever, like a greeting card?
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Old 02-13-2010, 03:04 PM
Serenity Serenity is offline
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Okay, thanks, your advice was helpful. ^^
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