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  #1261  
Old 04-17-2015, 09:08 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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Originally Posted by meerkat View Post
well i have to just accept i'm a failure
im also in a relationship with sucking at life tbh but
me, I might be irrevocably a failure but im not the kind of person who can accept that so

ena x actual determination 2k15
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  #1262  
Old 04-17-2015, 09:17 PM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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im also in a relationship with sucking at life tbh but
me, I might be irrevocably a failure but im not the kind of person who can accept that so

ena x actual determination 2k15
i'm just so hopelessly bad at everything!~!!!!!!!!!!LA KEWs;nfk djw;KSDJNFLa;l;ALKDFJNAS;LDKJNVAS;DLFKJNAS;JKL

meera x her complete doom and eradication
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  #1263  
Old 04-17-2015, 09:20 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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i'm just so hopelessly bad at everything!~!!!!!!!!!!LA KEWs;nfk djw;KSDJNFLa;l;ALKDFJNAS;LDKJNVAS;DLFKJNAS;JKL

meera x her complete doom and eradication
dude same. I die this year w/o first chair
I hate you kouhai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and all the other players too


where is the lie
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  #1264  
Old 04-17-2015, 09:23 PM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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Originally Posted by SilverMoon View Post
dude same. I die this year w/o first chair
I hate you kouhai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and all the other players too


where is the lie
exactly where's the lie i'm too awful for anything
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  #1265  
Old 04-17-2015, 10:24 PM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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guys
meera x first chair might be canon
*first chair horn
GUESS WHO MIGHT BE GETTING HORN LESSONS SUCKERSSSSSSS

also can we talk about meera x rite of spring because i'm not okay now i'm in stravinsky hell

@ena: ok i'm literally a flute stereotype in so many ways but first chair isn't everything. especially first chair bass. there aren't that many solos or anything, and plus you'll have the responsibility of leading a whole section. i've been first chair flute before and i hated sectionals because i never knew what to do. first chair isn't as glamorous as everyone makes it sound, honestly, and now that i'm back in logic mode i'm remembering my time in that placement and how it didn't exactly work well. so, yeah. also our current first chair is just a little perpetually-stressed child with too much responsibility on her hands and she'd actually rather not be first. she personally told me. so think about that.

Last edited by meerkat; 04-17-2015 at 10:32 PM. Reason: i've been first chair once and i feel qualified
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  #1266  
Old 04-17-2015, 11:50 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meerkat View Post
guys
meera x first chair might be canon
*first chair horn
GUESS WHO MIGHT BE GETTING HORN LESSONS SUCKERSSSSSSS

also can we talk about meera x rite of spring because i'm not okay now i'm in stravinsky hell

@ena: ok i'm literally a flute stereotype in so many ways but first chair isn't everything. especially first chair bass. there aren't that many solos or anything, and plus you'll have the responsibility of leading a whole section. i've been first chair flute before and i hated sectionals because i never knew what to do. first chair isn't as glamorous as everyone makes it sound, honestly, and now that i'm back in logic mode i'm remembering my time in that placement and how it didn't exactly work well. so, yeah. also our current first chair is just a little perpetually-stressed child with too much responsibility on her hands and she'd actually rather not be first. she personally told me. so think about that.
tbh im a failure I failed my playing test today there's no way I'm getting first chair this year. that's fine. (no its not) whatever. (I hate it) I'll abandon this year-- there's nothing to look forward to anyway. I don't get to do full orchestra and therefore don't get to play w my best friend (who's in band) so w/e. wE GET TO PLAY W A HARPIST THO AT LEAST THAT'S COOL I need to focus on my auditions so I can get into the highest group I can next year so I can learn the most I can so I can improve and surpass senpais (though really I want senpais in the first place so I can have goals and someone to look up to I really want some senpais or at least a senpai. I really really want a senpai) and get much better to the point where im so much better than kouhai and improve myself so that a year later when he shows up he wont even fucking recognize me anymore. That's my goal, I'm set on that, that's what's important to me. it's just that even though the year's over for me, nothing to look forward to except six flags (maybe; though this year I may not even have any friends to hang out with which means there's no fun-- considering you're required to have a buddy), my birthday, and-- well it doesn't really count since its after school's out-- an anime con. I just want this year to be over because this year is suffocating me. (only one good thing has happened to me recently in real life which is I got sixth place in 300 hurdles city finals and even though there's a voice whispering in the back of my head not good enough no where near good enough in this instance I refuse to listen to it; oh and also I got an honorable mention at regional science fair-- im pissed I didn't get any recognition for it though-- and also before that at district; both were progress) the problem about the twoish months I have yet to endure is that this school year is suffocating me

first chair is everything because you get placed there for doing the best and I need to be the best I especially need to be better than some kouhai brat who's played a year less than me. so what if there aren't solos. the directors say they don't care they want everyone playing on a first chair level but then they only recognize kouhai not me never me I cant even play can I. pathetic. we don't have sectionals. & im probs a terrible leader but I need to lead and I need to be the one in control and I need to have some semblance of power (not that first chair would get me there but still) being first chair isn't stressful but getting there definitely is. if I could just play well if I could just be actually competent if I could actually be better than kouhai and not be pathetic I wouldn't have these problems. I was always first chair before kouhai but then again back then I wasn't this bad (even if I was first chair I wouldn't feel good about it, I must have gotten there by kouhai's pity or the directors' and the most anyone feels for me is pity bc im too pathetic and I know that more than any of them but I don't even cry most of the time but buildup has caused me to cry a lot recently. and even if somehow I made it purely 100% on my own skill and I knew that I would still feel terrible)

there's no hope for this year and im so done with this year and this school and 99.9% of the people in it (maybe a slight exaggeration, but literally its at LEAST 98% and im not even kidding-- that's just students though I actually like most of the teachers)

(im going to near completely abandon this year I want to itll be better than otherwise)

I just want this bullshit to be over so I can start over and it sucks that auditions have to be at a time like now when I feel so shit and I am so shit but that's why I need to focus on that and focus on it separately than everything else so that I can actually do well on that so I get a good new beginning next year im gonna stress about it I just know it I absolutely have to do very well though ugh and what if everyone else that's in orch and going to the same school-- what if they all make it to a better orchestra than me

and no matter how I do I bet kouhai will end up doing better next year but next year I wont care because ill already be there to meet him and I wont be this weak person anymore and he wont recognize me and I wont recognize him

anyway sorry to vent on you you probably don't care
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  #1267  
Old 02-11-2016, 09:12 PM
FrostBittenKitten FrostBittenKitten is offline
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For the record, I've never been shipped or started any ships on KP. Ever. >
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on the outside always looking in

will i ever be more than i've always been

tap, tap, tapping on the glass

Waving through a window
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  #1268  
Old 02-11-2016, 09:42 PM
Lena Lena is offline
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I just got slapped in the face by nostalgia.
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i wonder what keeps us so high up
could there be love beneath these wings?

((death, white lies))
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  #1269  
Old 02-12-2016, 08:50 AM
HazelHope HazelHope is offline
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Why don't we still do this kind of thing anymore omg
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  #1270  
Old 02-12-2016, 12:46 PM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meerkat View Post
guys
meera x first chair might be canon
*first chair horn
GUESS WHO MIGHT BE GETTING HORN LESSONS SUCKERSSSSSSS

also can we talk about meera x rite of spring because i'm not okay now i'm in stravinsky hell

@ena: ok i'm literally a flute stereotype in so many ways but first chair isn't everything. especially first chair bass. there aren't that many solos or anything, and plus you'll have the responsibility of leading a whole section. i've been first chair flute before and i hated sectionals because i never knew what to do. first chair isn't as glamorous as everyone makes it sound, honestly, and now that i'm back in logic mode i'm remembering my time in that placement and how it didn't exactly work well. so, yeah. also our current first chair is just a little perpetually-stressed child with too much responsibility on her hands and she'd actually rather not be first. she personally told me. so think about that.
guys
meera x first flute is canon
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