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  #41  
Old 01-30-2015, 06:15 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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Idk I don't really write much in the way of romance in my stories. I don't think there will be any (except maybe side pairings) in Natural Forces. Silent Storm Trilogy (if it ever ends up getting written) may have ambiguous ot3 with the main 3 idk. My manga will (eventually) have romance. Sin Game probably won't either. But there will definitely be aratrii (or at least a lot of subtext) in that untitled story. No Escape won't.
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  #42  
Old 02-09-2015, 08:48 PM
graceterry graceterry is offline
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Okay, so here's a romance scene I wrote, and you probably won't get most of it, but I'm basically looking for feedback on the chemistry of the scene, so... yeah.

The fading sunlight slants across Danny’s face as I look at him. He’s looking at me, too, as he says this: “I think you should call, Ella.”

“Really? You do?” I tear my eyes away, forcing myself not to stare into his. His endless, dark eyes. I swear, while Bo and Trav are the parents of the group, and Kelly’s the actual grownup, Danny’s definitely the wisest here.

“Well, they’re like your family, Ella,” he says. “Right?”

“Well… yes.” I tuck a curl behind my ear, and force myself not to get lost in the memories of Sherri and Tim. And my mother. She was always messing with my hair, pinning it back, twisting it into a ponytail or pigtails, magically making barrettes appear out of seemingly nowhere, but I knew she kept them in her pocket. She wouldn’t let me cut it, though. “I love your hair, Ella-Bear,” she would say. “It just needs to calm down a bit. We’ll tame it, you and I!” Like my hair was a lion that we were going to fight.

My dad made me cut it, but Sherri let me grow it out again when I moved it. “You have such pretty, thick hair, Ella,” she said. “Let it run free!” That always made me giggle.

I stare out at the ocean. The first time I ever went to the beach was when I was four. My mother and grandparents drove up together, just us, not my father. The second time I came was with Sherri and Tim. Tim took me deep sea fishing and to a fish fry. That was one of the best times ever.

I try to imagine what my mother would say. Do it, Ella-Bear. They’re the closest thing you’ve got to a family, right now.

That’s not true. I have Kelly and Celia and Trav and Bo and Kimberly and…

My eyes lift to look at Danny. His hand is extended, with the phone in it. “Ella?” he asks.

I snatch the phone without thinking about it, and quickly dial the home phone number. It rings four time. My hands shake, jostling the phone. I try to keep myself from falling apart by drawing squiggly lines in the sand with my big toe. And by not looking at Danny. Anything but that.

In the midst of the fifth ring, Tim picks up. “Hello?”

“Hi,” I say. Is my voice shaking? I can’t tell.

“Ella!” he says in that deep voice I’ve grown to love. “Sherri, er… told me you stopped by, sweetie.”

Sweetie. “That’s right,” I say.

“Where are you now?”

A seagull calls. I can hear the crash of the waves in my ear. “Florida,” I say. “With my friends.”

Danny grabs my free hand and squeezes it.

“Oh,” he says. “Why aren’t you with your... new foster parents?”

“It’s a long story,” I say. I have barely thought about Madeleine and Clark this whole trip, and now…

“Oh.” Tim’s voice is stiff. “Did you run away?”

“They were jerks,” I say, my voice rising, like I’m about to start crying. “I needed to go. It was important.”

“Oh,” Tim says. “Well…”

“Listen, you can’t tell me what to do,” I snap. “You gave me up. That time is over now.”

“Ella…” Tim sighs heavily, and I can picture him, in their living room, rubbing his temples. “We think we’ve made a mistake.”

I freeze.

“Did Sherri tell you that?”

My voice grows even shakier as I say, “Tim, I-I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” Not waiting for his goodbye, I hang up, and frustratedly pitch the phone into the sand by Danny’s feet.

And then I realize what I just did. “Oh, Danny, I’m sorry,” I say.

He doesn’t answer. Instead he kneels, picks up the phone, and stands. His eyes meet mine, and they’re warm with sympathy. “That was really brave, Ella,” he says.

He steps forward-or do I step forward? Maybe we both do, at the same time. We’re nose to nose. I can smell him, the salty smell associated with the ocean, the smell of his deodorant, a faint scent of sunscreen. I can see his eyes, the dark brown with the flecks of gold that I think everyone has in their eyes, but I don’t remember-

And then our lips meet, and it doesn’t matter.

It’s a fairly good first kiss. Not all stiff and formal, but nice. Danny’s good at this, I think. He pulls me closer. It’s the type of thing that feels like it could last forever, with us here, kissing, on the beach… why are we so incredibly cliche…

And then it’s over, and we’re still standing fairly close, and he’s the same old Danny, with the messy hair, who I can goof with and make fun of our friends with, and fall asleep with my head on his shoulder… but he’s different in a way, too. A good way. Definitely. It’s like the same thing, except… different.

And then I’m turning and running into the house, but not because I’m uncomfortable or because I think this isn’t right, or because I’m mad at Danny… I believe I have this goofy smile on my face, and I’m barely holding in my squeals, because, after all, I am a teenage girl.

And not to make this entire scene even more cliche, but…

I can’t wait to tell Kimberly!
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  #43  
Old 02-09-2015, 09:04 PM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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wellll i'm kinda romance repulsed now so i'm really bad at this but when i write some meerflute fluff i'll keep you posted!
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  #44  
Old 02-11-2015, 09:27 PM
Lena Lena is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by graceterry View Post
Okay, so here's a romance scene I wrote, and you probably won't get most of it, but I'm basically looking for feedback on the chemistry of the scene, so... yeah.

The fading sunlight slants across Danny’s face as I look at him. He’s looking at me, too, as he says this: “I think you should call, Ella.”

“Really? You do?” I tear my eyes away, forcing myself not to stare into his. His endless, dark eyes. I swear, while Bo and Trav are the parents of the group, and Kelly’s the actual grownup, Danny’s definitely the wisest here.

“Well, they’re like your family, Ella,” he says. “Right?”

“Well… yes.” I tuck a curl behind my ear, and force myself not to get lost in the memories of Sherri and Tim. And my mother. She was always messing with my hair, pinning it back, twisting it into a ponytail or pigtails, magically making barrettes appear out of seemingly nowhere, but I knew she kept them in her pocket. She wouldn’t let me cut it, though. “I love your hair, Ella-Bear,” she would say. “It just needs to calm down a bit. We’ll tame it, you and I!” Like my hair was a lion that we were going to fight.

My dad made me cut it, but Sherri let me grow it out again when I moved it. “You have such pretty, thick hair, Ella,” she said. “Let it run free!” That always made me giggle.

I stare out at the ocean. The first time I ever went to the beach was when I was four. My mother and grandparents drove up together, just us, not my father. The second time I came was with Sherri and Tim. Tim took me deep sea fishing and to a fish fry. That was one of the best times ever.

I try to imagine what my mother would say. Do it, Ella-Bear. They’re the closest thing you’ve got to a family, right now.

That’s not true. I have Kelly and Celia and Trav and Bo and Kimberly and…

My eyes lift to look at Danny. His hand is extended, with the phone in it. “Ella?” he asks.

I snatch the phone without thinking about it, and quickly dial the home phone number. It rings four time. My hands shake, jostling the phone. I try to keep myself from falling apart by drawing squiggly lines in the sand with my big toe. And by not looking at Danny. Anything but that.

In the midst of the fifth ring, Tim picks up. “Hello?”

“Hi,” I say. Is my voice shaking? I can’t tell.

“Ella!” he says in that deep voice I’ve grown to love. “Sherri, er… told me you stopped by, sweetie.”

Sweetie. “That’s right,” I say.

“Where are you now?”

A seagull calls. I can hear the crash of the waves in my ear. “Florida,” I say. “With my friends.”

Danny grabs my free hand and squeezes it.

“Oh,” he says. “Why aren’t you with your... new foster parents?”

“It’s a long story,” I say. I have barely thought about Madeleine and Clark this whole trip, and now…

“Oh.” Tim’s voice is stiff. “Did you run away?”

“They were jerks,” I say, my voice rising, like I’m about to start crying. “I needed to go. It was important.”

“Oh,” Tim says. “Well…”

“Listen, you can’t tell me what to do,” I snap. “You gave me up. That time is over now.”

“Ella…” Tim sighs heavily, and I can picture him, in their living room, rubbing his temples. “We think we’ve made a mistake.”

I freeze.

“Did Sherri tell you that?”

My voice grows even shakier as I say, “Tim, I-I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” Not waiting for his goodbye, I hang up, and frustratedly pitch the phone into the sand by Danny’s feet.

And then I realize what I just did. “Oh, Danny, I’m sorry,” I say.

He doesn’t answer. Instead he kneels, picks up the phone, and stands. His eyes meet mine, and they’re warm with sympathy. “That was really brave, Ella,” he says.

He steps forward-or do I step forward? Maybe we both do, at the same time. We’re nose to nose. I can smell him, the salty smell associated with the ocean, the smell of his deodorant, a faint scent of sunscreen. I can see his eyes, the dark brown with the flecks of gold that I think everyone has in their eyes, but I don’t remember-

And then our lips meet, and it doesn’t matter.

It’s a fairly good first kiss. Not all stiff and formal, but nice. Danny’s good at this, I think. He pulls me closer. It’s the type of thing that feels like it could last forever, with us here, kissing, on the beach… why are we so incredibly cliche…

And then it’s over, and we’re still standing fairly close, and he’s the same old Danny, with the messy hair, who I can goof with and make fun of our friends with, and fall asleep with my head on his shoulder… but he’s different in a way, too. A good way. Definitely. It’s like the same thing, except… different.

And then I’m turning and running into the house, but not because I’m uncomfortable or because I think this isn’t right, or because I’m mad at Danny… I believe I have this goofy smile on my face, and I’m barely holding in my squeals, because, after all, I am a teenage girl.

And not to make this entire scene even more cliche, but…

I can’t wait to tell Kimberly!
this is very cute; i love it <33
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could there be love beneath these wings?

((death, white lies))
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  #45  
Old 02-12-2015, 10:30 PM
Dr.Awesome Dr.Awesome is offline
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Default Just a scene

My breathing sped up as he leaned in, his eyes closed, my head was hazy and my mind spinning. I forced myself to bring up my hands and place them firmly on his chest, allowing me to feel the strong build underneath his shirt. "There's no going back. After this, we'll be-"
My words were interrupted by his lips on mine and I wanted to simply resist the urge to simply drown in the heaven of our kiss, but everything was going so fast. I couldn't even try to slow down the moment, try to keep time still for a moment and allow me to work out what was happening. My eyes had closed and I kissed him back. By then, his hands had already found their way to my cheek, cupping it with fingers that felt hot against my face.
Suddenly, I knew that I should probably have been moving my hands somewhere, but I was completely and embarrassingly lost. Martin might have noticed, but he didn't make much of a fuss about it. He simply move one of his hands to mine, guiding it to right above his heart.
We pulled apart for a small breath, but went right back in, unwilling to let this moment travel to the next, wanting to continue it forever. His hands had travels from my face down to my waist, where he pulled my body closer to his. I took both of my hands and wrapped them gently, but quickly around his neck, pushing us even closer.
I didn't know how long we'd been kissing, but we eventually separated ourselves from one another with a strange sort of difficulty. His brown eyes gazed into mine, and he finally broke the silence with a few softly spoken words, "I don't want to go back."
Hos fingers worked diligently to move a few loose strands of hair back from my eyes, "I don't know what we're going to do now."
He smiled and leaned against the wall and gestured for me to lie with him, which I happily obliged. I rested my head against his chest and arm, feeling the loud beats of his heart.
"Let's just not do anything, okay?"
"Okay."
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  #46  
Old 03-06-2015, 05:24 PM
saphiremoon saphiremoon is offline
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okay so this isn't about romance scenes but still about romance

I'd like your guys' opinion on something c:

What do you think the timeframe for a romance novel should be? I mean, how long does it take people to fall in love?

The book I'm plotting is a paranormal/sci-fi romance, and idk how long the timespan of it should be. The characters never meet each other until the inciting incident, so how many weeks/months should it take for them to actually start feeling something (other than chemistry bECAUSE THE MAIN GUY IS REALLY REALLY HOT ahem)?
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  #47  
Old 03-06-2015, 09:11 PM
Lena Lena is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saphiremoon View Post
okay so this isn't about romance scenes but still about romance

I'd like your guys' opinion on something c:

What do you think the timeframe for a romance novel should be? I mean, how long does it take people to fall in love?

The book I'm plotting is a paranormal/sci-fi romance, and idk how long the timespan of it should be. The characters never meet each other until the inciting incident, so how many weeks/months should it take for them to actually start feeling something (other than chemistry bECAUSE THE MAIN GUY IS REALLY REALLY HOT ahem)?
scIENTIFICALLY SPEAKING, it takes between one and four weeks to fall for someone, but you can subconsciously tell within like five minutes whether you could be attracted to them, but if both parties are stubborn, it'd probably take several months to admit that they like each other?? I do not know ignore me
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i wonder what keeps us so high up –
could there be love beneath these wings?

((death, white lies))
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  #48  
Old 03-06-2015, 09:12 PM
Lena Lena is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Awesome View Post
My breathing sped up as he leaned in, his eyes closed, my head was hazy and my mind spinning. I forced myself to bring up my hands and place them firmly on his chest, allowing me to feel the strong build underneath his shirt. "There's no going back. After this, we'll be-"
My words were interrupted by his lips on mine and I wanted to simply resist the urge to simply drown in the heaven of our kiss, but everything was going so fast. I couldn't even try to slow down the moment, try to keep time still for a moment and allow me to work out what was happening. My eyes had closed and I kissed him back. By then, his hands had already found their way to my cheek, cupping it with fingers that felt hot against my face.
Suddenly, I knew that I should probably have been moving my hands somewhere, but I was completely and embarrassingly lost. Martin might have noticed, but he didn't make much of a fuss about it. He simply move one of his hands to mine, guiding it to right above his heart.
We pulled apart for a small breath, but went right back in, unwilling to let this moment travel to the next, wanting to continue it forever. His hands had travels from my face down to my waist, where he pulled my body closer to his. I took both of my hands and wrapped them gently, but quickly around his neck, pushing us even closer.
I didn't know how long we'd been kissing, but we eventually separated ourselves from one another with a strange sort of difficulty. His brown eyes gazed into mine, and he finally broke the silence with a few softly spoken words, "I don't want to go back."
Hos fingers worked diligently to move a few loose strands of hair back from my eyes, "I don't know what we're going to do now."
He smiled and leaned against the wall and gestured for me to lie with him, which I happily obliged. I rested my head against his chest and arm, feeling the loud beats of his heart.
"Let's just not do anything, okay?"
"Okay."
dAMN
smoochies are cute
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i wonder what keeps us so high up –
could there be love beneath these wings?

((death, white lies))
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  #49  
Old 03-06-2015, 09:34 PM
saphiremoon saphiremoon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lena View Post
scIENTIFICALLY SPEAKING, it takes between one and four weeks to fall for someone, but you can subconsciously tell within like five minutes whether you could be attracted to them, but if both parties are stubborn, it'd probably take several months to admit that they like each other?? I do not know ignore me
ahh okay thankies girlio that's very helpful c: in my thing the one character doesn't have any conflict loving the other (like there's nothing really stopping him- i.e. different ranks that he's aware of, angry scary fathers, etc.), but the other one does, because she's actually supposed to kill him and not love him ?? they're in their early twenties and I'm trying to make it that they're obviously meant for each other, but I'm just wondering how long it should be before she realizes that she likes him too much to kill him
idk i'm rambling sorry ahh
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  #50  
Old 03-06-2015, 09:36 PM
Lena Lena is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saphiremoon View Post
ahh okay thankies girlio that's very helpful c: in my thing the one character doesn't have any conflict loving the other (like there's nothing really stopping him- i.e. different ranks that he's aware of, angry scary fathers, etc.), but the other one does, because she's actually supposed to kill him and not love him ?? they're in their early twenties and I'm trying to make it that they're obviously meant for each other, but I'm just wondering how long it should be before she realizes that she likes him too much to kill him
idk i'm rambling sorry ahh
mm in that case i'd say probably a month or two, if i were writing it, but yo man i have never felt the love thing so you'd probably know better than me
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could there be love beneath these wings?

((death, white lies))
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