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  #1981  
Old 01-23-2017, 02:39 AM
Zelda Zelda is offline
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Tmw u thought u were ace but discourse on kp has u questioning it.

Everyone seems to have used ace/aro as a stepping stone which is chill but now i'm hella confused abt myself.

This is off the topic of the discourse and i'm probs being a whiny bitch rn, but it's 1:30 am and i've been googling this shit for 3 hours so cut me some slack ok?

I just need to know, a thing about sexual attraction, ok? I want to know if it's completely normal to see a stranger/someone outside your group of friends, who is physically attractive, and want them to touch/kiss/do inappropriate stuff to you?
B/c i feel like that's how most the internet sites are defining it, but then some come along and define it a different way, and my own brain gets involved and convolutes things more,
So now idfk and it's distressing
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  #1982  
Old 01-23-2017, 02:40 AM
venika venika is offline
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mmmm idk if i'm butting in or something but here's my two cents--
(btw im a lesbian, and i spent a good year and a half identifying as ace/demiro, if tht makes any difference)

so i grew up in a variety of countries in asia (we moved a lot), and in all the places ive lived in, gay sex/marriage were criminalized. this is relevant because every time i see the discourse about why cishet aces/aros are actually lgbt i get really confused-- see in a lot of places... the lgbt community is still fighting for basic human rights. which means... het aces and aros are not legally marginalized and they would have no common goal w/ lgbt ppl who are being hurt daily. like if you're protesting for gay sex to be decriminalized, for example, what does a het ace or het aro have to do with it? idk if i'm making sense, but basically for all intents and purposes... they don't share any common goals, they are not marginalized by the same things, so why would they even want to be a part of a community that has nothing in common w/ them except for being not perfectly heteromantic hetersoexual cisgender?? (this goes for everywhere int he world tbh)

also i agree, logically... het aces/aros are straight right? as in, you'd call a biromantic ace bi. you'd call a homoromantic ace gay. why wouldn't you call het aces straight?


anyway not trying to start a fight or be rude or anything! rip
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  #1983  
Old 01-23-2017, 03:03 AM
pluzzle pluzzle is offline
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Originally Posted by Zelda View Post
Tmw u thought u were ace but discourse on kp has u questioning it.

Everyone seems to have used ace/aro as a stepping stone which is chill but now i'm hella confused abt myself.

This is off the topic of the discourse and i'm probs being a whiny bitch rn, but it's 1:30 am and i've been googling this shit for 3 hours so cut me some slack ok?

I just need to know, a thing about sexual attraction, ok? I want to know if it's completely normal to see a stranger/someone outside your group of friends, who is physically attractive, and want them to touch/kiss/do inappropriate stuff to you?
B/c i feel like that's how most the internet sites are defining it, but then some come along and define it a different way, and my own brain gets involved and convolutes things more,
So now idfk and it's distressing
Sexual attraction is wanting to have sex with someone. It doesn't matter if they are a stranger, a friend, an SO - if you want to have sex w them that is considered sexual attraction. However, it is also completely normal to not be sexually attracted to strangers - everyone experiences attraction differently. But I would probably say that if you feel like that, then you aren't asexual? I can't define you, tho
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Originally Posted by venika View Post
mmmm idk if i'm butting in or something but here's my two cents--
(btw im a lesbian, and i spent a good year and a half identifying as ace/demiro, if tht makes any difference)

so i grew up in a variety of countries in asia (we moved a lot), and in all the places ive lived in, gay sex/marriage were criminalized. this is relevant because every time i see the discourse about why cishet aces/aros are actually lgbt i get really confused-- see in a lot of places... the lgbt community is still fighting for basic human rights. which means... het aces and aros are not legally marginalized and they would have no common goal w/ lgbt ppl who are being hurt daily. like if you're protesting for gay sex to be decriminalized, for example, what does a het ace or het aro have to do with it? idk if i'm making sense, but basically for all intents and purposes... they don't share any common goals, they are not marginalized by the same things, so why would they even want to be a part of a community that has nothing in common w/ them except for being not perfectly heteromantic hetersoexual cisgender?? (this goes for everywhere int he world tbh)

also i agree, logically... het aces/aros are straight right? as in, you'd call a biromantic ace bi. you'd call a homoromantic ace gay. why wouldn't you call het aces straight?


anyway not trying to start a fight or be rude or anything! rip
I agree with all of this. I don't believe cishet ace/aros should be in the LGBT community, but rather to start a new community specific to them where they can share experiences - especially because problems ace people face aren't the same as problems gay people face.

I'd also like to say that many people use the word "allosexual", which isn't a great word, it lumps SGA/MGA people with oppressors (aka heterosexual people) and is often used in terms of aggression and homophobia
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  #1984  
Old 01-23-2017, 09:11 AM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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1 is true and 2 is very relatable :/

Definitely agree with this,

I can't find the link, but I read something about this study and it's reasons why it wasn't right. AFAIK it pretty much says asexuals are more oppressed than sga or mga people

As a disclaimer, I don't identify as ace or aro, I have in the past but that was basically bc I was afraid of being gay haha. The main thing I thought of when I posted on the EVT was the split attraction model - so, people say (for example) a homoromantic asexual is gay, but a heteroromantic asexual ISNT straight. I don't agree with this, and I'd like to hear some thoughts on it!

@Sravani: congrats on coming out!
idk I don't think of homoromantic aces as gay like. I guess they're gay aces, and heteroromantic aces are het aces
(straight is a problematic word I only use it to describe The Straights TM)
but the thing is that it's established that gay can be romantic and sexual right? But aren't you not 'straight' unless you're heteroromantic heterosexual?

I've never interacted with het aces before though, so you don't really see a lot of "afraid of being gay" people because a good deal of them are aro-spec and pan, bi, and sometimes gay. As an aroace-spec most of the aces I've interacted with are aroace-spec and typically don't care about gender in relationships but I'm sure that's not representative of the entire ace community.

Sorry but I won't take your word for it.
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  #1985  
Old 01-23-2017, 09:13 AM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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anyways stop saying my orientation is invalid and bad and doesn't belong
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  #1986  
Old 01-23-2017, 09:15 AM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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1: this isn't the goddamn oppression olympics
2: you don't get to decide who has been discriminated against or who you've offended.

If het aces don't act like The Straights and aren't just there bc they're Afraid of the Gay then I'm fine with them
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  #1987  
Old 01-23-2017, 09:19 AM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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ok whatever I get gay people are oppressed hell I've seen discrimination against gays with my own eyes in 21st century America

but like.... i know gays don't like the term allo because it lumps them with their oppressors but like... y'all allosexuals ALL discriminate against the ace community??

The thing about het aces is that the gays are like "YOURE STRAIGHT!!!!! GET OUT OF LGBT!!!!!" but The Straights are like "EW GROSS!!!! DISEASED PEOPLE!!!!! SEX IS WHAT MAKES US HUMAN!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!"
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  #1988  
Old 01-23-2017, 09:39 AM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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anyways why does the LGBT community hate us so much
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  #1989  
Old 01-23-2017, 11:13 AM
Zelda Zelda is offline
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Originally Posted by pluzzle View Post
Sexual attraction is wanting to have sex with someone. It doesn't matter if they are a stranger, a friend, an SO - if you want to have sex w them that is considered sexual attraction. However, it is also completely normal to not be sexually attracted to strangers - everyone experiences attraction differently. But I would probably say that if you feel like that, then you aren't asexual? I can't define you, tho
Thank you, i needed that clarification,
I've never actually wanted to have sex with someone, so.. Then again i've never been in a relationship so maybe that would change things but idk.
Thanks (again)

//

On another note, following a bit of what Ena's been saying; i'mma put up some points of consideration, because i feel like there are some things that could use a little clearing on behalf of the ace/aro spectrum.

- first of all, from what i've seen, you probably would not call a homoromantic ace gay, or a panromantic ace pan, because those terms are used to refer to the sexual orientations of people and by calling an ace person gay or bi or straight, you are in essence naming their sexual orientation as something it is not. ...it's a bit like purposely referring to a trans person by the wrong pronouns...only minus the risk of causing dysphoria (although i could be wrong on that point, depending on the person and their experiences it could be extremely upsetting to be given the wrong sexuality.)

- secondly, forgive me if i'm wrong (and feel free to correct me), but it looks like you feel that aces should be excluded from the LGBT community because they don't experience the same discrimination you do? Pardon me, but when did getting bullied become a membership card to any community? The purpose of the LGBT+ community is to support LGBT+ members, and that can mean rallying against discrimination, but it can extend beyond that. There are quite a few aces who go for a majority of their life thinking that their broken, because literally every other sexuality (including demi and grey-a, to a lesser extent) feels sexual attraction, and they don't. There are sex-repulsed aces who have serious anxiety over having a partner with a normal sex drive, only to be rejected because of their inability to preform. There are aces who are continually told that their sexuality isn't valid.
Who are you, to leave them out to dry because their problems aren't as big as yours? The fact that asexuals experience less discrimination than most other sexualities and genders does not negate their need for support. You should not get to deny them support just because you feel that they don't have it that bad.

FOLLOWING THAT:
I typed that last night after reading Finny's post, and it should be noted that Ena's idea for an ace/aro spec community separate (or possibly as a branch of) the LGBT community would be a good idea imo.
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  #1990  
Old 01-23-2017, 11:29 AM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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Originally Posted by SilverMoon View Post
ok whatever I get gay people are oppressed hell I've seen discrimination against gays with my own eyes in 21st century America

but like.... i know gays don't like the term allo because it lumps them with their oppressors but like... y'all allosexuals ALL discriminate against the ace community??

The thing about het aces is that the gays are like "YOURE STRAIGHT!!!!! GET OUT OF LGBT!!!!!" but The Straights are like "EW GROSS!!!! DISEASED PEOPLE!!!!! SEX IS WHAT MAKES US HUMAN!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!"
Okay but this is super us/europe centric
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