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  #1  
Old 09-30-2014, 11:19 AM
Frostblaze Frostblaze is offline
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Default Critique the Synopsis Above You

Hi, so this is pretty simple: Just type a basic synopsis of a book you're planning on writing, and then the next person will put in the title of their post: Critiquing Such-and-Such Plot
RULES:
No, repeat NO skipping someone; it's mean and rude and will probably make them feel like dirt, and then your synopsis will be skipped
Be kind and constructive. CC is also great.
Pasting the synopsis to make corrections is allowed, and encouraged!

All right, good luck!
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  #2  
Old 09-30-2014, 08:24 PM
MandM MandM is offline
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I'll start a quick one, if that's okay! ^_^'

Title: Vanilla Cake

"Vanilla Cake" is the story of a teen girl named Vanilla, who lives in a fantastical world of dragons, trains, and magical royalty. Vanilla's daily life becomes involved, unbeknownst to her, with a secret organization that is trying to uncover some hidden horror in the land. Through Vanilla's bakery, this group works to find the evil that wants to plague their land; Vanilla will later need the help of this group, and her friends Milly and Ice, to learn the secrets and stop the forces that would destroy her peaceful world. Yummy pastries and dragon fire collide in this (soon-to-be-written) novel about friends, secrets, and the most coveted recipe in all of the land.

How's it sound? I'd like to come back and help critique others' works, too! ^_^
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  #3  
Old 09-30-2014, 09:02 PM
Frostblaze Frostblaze is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MandM View Post
I'll start a quick one, if that's okay! ^_^'

Title: Vanilla Cake

"Vanilla Cake" is the story of a teen girl named Vanilla, who lives in a fantastical world of dragons, trains, and magical royalty. Vanilla's daily life becomes involved, unbeknownst to her, with a secret organization that is trying to uncover some hidden horror in the land. Through Vanilla's bakery, this group works to find the evil that wants to plague their land; Vanilla will later need the help of this group, and her friends Milly and Ice, to learn the secrets and stop the forces that would destroy her peaceful world. Yummy pastries and dragon fire collide in this (soon-to-be-written) novel about friends, secrets, and the most coveted recipe in all of the land.

How's it sound? I'd like to come back and help critique others' works, too! ^_^
it's interesting! BUt you could stand to flesh out this unique world, and the life of Vanilla, and her personality. Give us a bit of info on this horror, or something like that. Make your readers truly interested by intriguing thingies like that xD Okay, good luck!
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  #4  
Old 10-06-2014, 10:12 PM
MandM MandM is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostblaze View Post
it's interesting! BUt you could stand to flesh out this unique world, and the life of Vanilla, and her personality. Give us a bit of info on this horror, or something like that. Make your readers truly interested by intriguing thingies like that xD Okay, good luck!
Great, thanks! I love developing characters, so it should be a cinch! \^o^/ Thanks a bunch!
__________________
To: You-Who-Is-Reading-This; I think you're brilliant. From, Mina.
<"/ c"|
^
C'mon, Ferb!
We all ought to invite our friends to enjoy the beauty we dizcover in Life... Oops, I spelled discover with a Z ^_^'
GENERATION 8~ When you first see this, add one to the Generation and paste it on your sig as a sign of epicness. Social experiment!~
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  #5  
Old 10-07-2014, 08:53 PM
AnnaMator AnnaMator is offline
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I love this thread idea! Hmm… I will write a quick synopsis of a story idea I had a dream about and seriously love.

Title: Untitled Futuristic Story

This novel is set in the year 2137, and highlights society's pressure to be "beautiful". Basically, once a year they take all the kids who turned sixteen in the past 12 months, and put them before a panel of judges and they decide their fate based on how pretty they think you are. The Beauties are the top 15% or so of the kids, who are given most of the things they need to live an easy life in luxury. The "Norms" are two thirds of the population who are just average, comparable to the middle class of today in wealth and lifestyle. And then there are the Uglies, the bottom 15% or so of the 16 year olds, who are given the dirty jobs and live in crowded, dirty areas with little given to them. And then, the top thirty kids- 15 boys and 15 girls- in the Beauties category are known simply as the 'Top', and they are sent to an academy where they are trained in everything having to d with etiquette, politics, and basically how to have life handed to you on a silver tray. Kids dream of being part of the Top. When you are given the test, you are sent off to live with whatever group you are assigned to just several weeks later.

The novel follows a girl by the name of Jessa Radford, a stunning girl just days from her Panel Day. She is reserved and avoids emotional attachment because of past experiences (which I haven't quite figured out yet), and people perceive her as stuck up. She is clever and very good at thinking logically, often deducing things others would never figure out. She comes form a family of Norms. Her older sister, Halle, is 19 and was decided to be an Ugly at her Panel Day, and has been working as a maid at the Top Academy since. Her younger sister Mackenzie, who's 11 year old, is fearful for her panel day because she looks just like Halle. Everyone is confident, however, that Jessa will be part of the Top.

When her Panel Day comes, everyone's predictions come true. Jessa becomes part of the top and bids her family farewell as she heads off to the Top Academy to study. She is not excited about this because she doesn't want to hold the celebrity status of a Top Beauty. Nevertheless she goes along with the program (as if she has a choice) and quickly discovers that her sister Halle is assigned to be waiting on the girl a few rooms over form Jessa. Halle and jesse reconnect and Halle tells Jessa about the dark secrets of Top Academy and the society who runs the nation. Halle has been gathering enough information to find out that the society has been brainwashing the people into submission of the system for years. Jessa is shocked at the revelation and decides to do anything in her power to stop this.

(idk how to end it I kinds woke up around now and it gets a little hazy.)
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  #6  
Old 10-11-2014, 01:30 AM
Elizabeth Elizabeth is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaMator View Post
I love this thread idea! Hmm… I will write a quick synopsis of a story idea I had a dream about and seriously love.

Title: Untitled Futuristic Story

This novel is set in the year 2137, and highlights society's pressure to be "beautiful". Basically, once a year they take all the kids who turned sixteen in the past 12 months, and put them before a panel of judges and they decide their fate based on how pretty they think you are. The Beauties are the top 15% or so of the kids, who are given most of the things they need to live an easy life in luxury. The "Norms" are two thirds of the population who are just average, comparable to the middle class of today in wealth and lifestyle. And then there are the Uglies, the bottom 15% or so of the 16 year olds, who are given the dirty jobs and live in crowded, dirty areas with little given to them. And then, the top thirty kids- 15 boys and 15 girls- in the Beauties category are known simply as the 'Top', and they are sent to an academy where they are trained in everything having to d with etiquette, politics, and basically how to have life handed to you on a silver tray. Kids dream of being part of the Top. When you are given the test, you are sent off to live with whatever group you are assigned to just several weeks later.

The novel follows a girl by the name of Jessa Radford, a stunning girl just days from her Panel Day. She is reserved and avoids emotional attachment because of past experiences (which I haven't quite figured out yet), and people perceive her as stuck up. She is clever and very good at thinking logically, often deducing things others would never figure out. She comes form a family of Norms. Her older sister, Halle, is 19 and was decided to be an Ugly at her Panel Day, and has been working as a maid at the Top Academy since. Her younger sister Mackenzie, who's 11 year old, is fearful for her panel day because she looks just like Halle. Everyone is confident, however, that Jessa will be part of the Top.

When her Panel Day comes, everyone's predictions come true. Jessa becomes part of the top and bids her family farewell as she heads off to the Top Academy to study. She is not excited about this because she doesn't want to hold the celebrity status of a Top Beauty. Nevertheless she goes along with the program (as if she has a choice) and quickly discovers that her sister Halle is assigned to be waiting on the girl a few rooms over form Jessa. Halle and jesse reconnect and Halle tells Jessa about the dark secrets of Top Academy and the society who runs the nation. Halle has been gathering enough information to find out that the society has been brainwashing the people into submission of the system for years. Jessa is shocked at the revelation and decides to do anything in her power to stop this.

(idk how to end it I kinds woke up around now and it gets a little hazy.)
Ooooh, that sounds good! I'd like to read that. I might be able to give you some critique, but it's late. However, you need to write it so I can read it.
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  #7  
Old 10-11-2014, 02:49 PM
AnnaMator AnnaMator is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth View Post
Ooooh, that sounds good! I'd like to read that. I might be able to give you some critique, but it's late. However, you need to write it so I can read it.
Aww thanks I rewrote the synopsis and I like it a lot better now… however I'm not gonna post it cause it has my ending and I am gonna write this as soon as I find my laptop charger

Recently I have been writing a lot of what I call "story blurbs"- not quite an excerpt or a synopsis- about a lot of ideas I've had about novels with societies similar to this. My new favorite brainstorming technique for a novel with a futuristic setting is to think of something that goes on in society or that we take advantage of and write about a place where it's either emphasized or taken away. Some examples of my most recent ones are this (which exaggerates societies pressure to be "beautiful"), a society where there are no families (kids are born and then raised in an academy type thing until they are mature), and one where I took the push for absolute equality in society (ex. gay marriage and racial equality) and exaggerated it to create a world where there is no real difference between people (they all speak one language, have the same ideas drilled into their minds, and physical features are completely ignored). It's really fun to do this, if you ever have the I highly suggest it!

Last edited by AnnaMator; 10-11-2014 at 02:56 PM.
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  #8  
Old 10-11-2014, 04:46 PM
Elizabeth Elizabeth is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnaMator View Post
Aww thanks I rewrote the synopsis and I like it a lot better now… however I'm not gonna post it cause it has my ending and I am gonna write this as soon as I find my laptop charger

Recently I have been writing a lot of what I call "story blurbs"- not quite an excerpt or a synopsis- about a lot of ideas I've had about novels with societies similar to this. My new favorite brainstorming technique for a novel with a futuristic setting is to think of something that goes on in society or that we take advantage of and write about a place where it's either emphasized or taken away. Some examples of my most recent ones are this (which exaggerates societies pressure to be "beautiful"), a society where there are no families (kids are born and then raised in an academy type thing until they are mature), and one where I took the push for absolute equality in society (ex. gay marriage and racial equality) and exaggerated it to create a world where there is no real difference between people (they all speak one language, have the same ideas drilled into their minds, and physical features are completely ignored). It's really fun to do this, if you ever have the I highly suggest it!
You'er welcome! Oh, well, you should post the story sometime, because it sounds like something I'd read.

Those all sound interesting and it's a good idea, because you can see some of those things maybe going to that extent someday, like the one where everyone is just alike. I have the idea for something kind of like that, where something is emphasized or taken away. One is where all academic learning is only for the rich and important, but even for them it's looked down upon, especially writing. Barely anyone writes or reads, and for the poor it's one of the worst crimes to write or read or own a book. And then the other comes after that one where learning, especially writing and reading, are liked to the excess, like anyone who can write (they figure it out through some test) is taken to a special school, barely see their family, and their writing is helped and taught. And they have to stay there and write and write and write. Those ideas aren't worked out too well, but they're sort of like what you're doing.
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  #9  
Old 10-13-2014, 05:08 PM
saphiremoon saphiremoon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaMator View Post
I love this thread idea! Hmm… I will write a quick synopsis of a story idea I had a dream about and seriously love.

Title: Untitled Futuristic Story

This novel is set in the year 2137, and highlights society's pressure to be "beautiful". Basically, once a year they take all the kids who turned sixteen in the past 12 months, and put them before a panel of judges and they decide their fate based on how pretty they think you are. The Beauties are the top 15% or so of the kids, who are given most of the things they need to live an easy life in luxury. The "Norms" are two thirds of the population who are just average, comparable to the middle class of today in wealth and lifestyle. And then there are the Uglies, the bottom 15% or so of the 16 year olds, who are given the dirty jobs and live in crowded, dirty areas with little given to them. And then, the top thirty kids- 15 boys and 15 girls- in the Beauties category are known simply as the 'Top', and they are sent to an academy where they are trained in everything having to d with etiquette, politics, and basically how to have life handed to you on a silver tray. Kids dream of being part of the Top. When you are given the test, you are sent off to live with whatever group you are assigned to just several weeks later.

The novel follows a girl by the name of Jessa Radford, a stunning girl just days from her Panel Day. She is reserved and avoids emotional attachment because of past experiences (which I haven't quite figured out yet), and people perceive her as stuck up. She is clever and very good at thinking logically, often deducing things others would never figure out. She comes form a family of Norms. Her older sister, Halle, is 19 and was decided to be an Ugly at her Panel Day, and has been working as a maid at the Top Academy since. Her younger sister Mackenzie, who's 11 year old, is fearful for her panel day because she looks just like Halle. Everyone is confident, however, that Jessa will be part of the Top.

When her Panel Day comes, everyone's predictions come true. Jessa becomes part of the top and bids her family farewell as she heads off to the Top Academy to study. She is not excited about this because she doesn't want to hold the celebrity status of a Top Beauty. Nevertheless she goes along with the program (as if she has a choice) and quickly discovers that her sister Halle is assigned to be waiting on the girl a few rooms over form Jessa. Halle and jesse reconnect and Halle tells Jessa about the dark secrets of Top Academy and the society who runs the nation. Halle has been gathering enough information to find out that the society has been brainwashing the people into submission of the system for years. Jessa is shocked at the revelation and decides to do anything in her power to stop this.

(idk how to end it I kinds woke up around now and it gets a little hazy.)
(A/N: I don't know if I'm supposed to comment on this before I post my blurb or...? But I shall attempt to anyways c: ).

I like the idea, although there's been a lot of teen dystopian around lately (don't let that stop you, though). It's an interesting premise– the only thing I don't really like is Jessa's character, from what I can see so far (which isn't very much XP). I think that her being part of the Top is fine, although a little... "Mary-Sueish", perhaps? But it's part of the plot, so it should be all good. However, I don't really like the idea that she's not excited about it because she doesn't like the celebrity status– I know a lot of people would be like that, but it's become a bit clichéd, because so many books have had the female protagonist not want to be at the top because of that. Maybe– and this could even make a strong character arc– have her want to be part of the Top, but feel guilty because the rest of her family are Norms (and her sister's an Ugly), and become conflicted because of it (which would then increase when she hears about the corruption). Also, the corruption's good, but maybe make it something other than brainwashing– that and mind-controlling have become a lil' overused.

Just my two cents c: Feel free to ignore it– just my opinion (and remember that anything that's clichéd can still be pulled off if it's written right).
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  #10  
Old 10-13-2014, 05:12 PM
saphiremoon saphiremoon is offline
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Heere's my blurb c: 'Tis for a book I'm planning. I've already posted this on KP, but I'd like to see what people think.

Title: The Timekeeper

Genre: Steampunk romance (hell yea)

Synopsis:

Raven Crescent is a Timekeeper– posing as a commonplace clockmaker, he keeps all of time in synchronization with the Master Clock, ensuring that no rifts split the fabric of the world. He lives a quiet life dedicated to his task– and to the love of his life and fiancé, Tempest.

But when the dreaded witch-hunts seize the London streets again, Raven’s tranquility is shattered. An old grudge from an old enemy finds the Chancellery determined to frame Raven for witchcraft and reveal the secrets he’s been fighting to keep hidden. Tensions between him and Tempest rise as the hunts continue, and the things he’d concealed from even her to keep her safe are backfiring.

To clear his name– and the names of all the other falsely accused citizens–, he has to find the corruption behind the Chancellery and reveal it to the world. But to find the truth, he has to risk all of time, his life, and Tempest– and ask himself how far he’s willing to go to protect her.
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