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  #17261  
Old 06-10-2015, 09:17 AM
HannahChen2009 HannahChen2009 is offline
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lots of things going on in life rn, i'm lost.

1
my english teacher is bae and i love her a lot but a couple of weeks ago one of my friends cheated on a test. i was terrified that if he found out i was the one who told on him he would hate me forever, so instead i told my teacher that another person cheated so it would be traced back to him.
she was very disappointed in me for doing so, although she acknowledged the courage for even bringing it up at all. she assured me that i'm still her favorite student, but she said i needed some time to chill. (we have special assistants for each teacher, and i was the one with that job at the time) so she was going to find someone else to finish the semester for me. i was very upset about this tho i knew it was my own fault more than anyone else's, so i just said it was fine, i understood, and i even told her who i thought was very good for the job. (she ended up using those two people)
um anyway although the matter was solved and behind me, i still get really upset about it and it has been the cause of many mood swings and the funk i was in from then on.
and most of the sadness wasn't the loss of the job itself, but the disappointment in myself and knowing that i couldn't change anything that already happened like im literally so infuriated with myself

2
i am struggling with monophobia, basically whenever i have attacks i need to find two specific people (it's two for me, maybe more or less for other people with monophobia) in order to calm down. the symptoms of the attacks are often nausea, panic, anxiety, stress, increase of heart rate and others, (so basically a mini panic attack) and it won't calm down until i've found the two specific people or until the attacks pass by themselves (the longest attack i've had lasted for three hours and i was terrified, the shortest a couple of moments). so that's kind of hard for me, being away from them, and also knowing that i could have these attacks at any given time. (i've just arranged to talk to one of my school's counselors who i really like but not as much as my english teacher, so i hope it'll be over soon)

3
it has to do with the two people i mentioned in 2- they're my best friends and for matters of convenience i'll call them 4 and 14. (i'm 24, we call ourselves the 4 family) so anyway, 4 is this idiot and jerk but he has a cute personality most of the time, he just doesn't know when to stop sometimes. 14 is more quiet and reserved, and i'm in the middle- peppy, but knowing when i'm overstepping my boundaries. (i'm not an exile in my class like i was in 6th grade, so my personality has changed a lot from when i first joined or so)
all of us have a careful eye- from the most observative to least- 24, 4, 14
in terms of carefree-ness, most-least would be 4 24 14
and in terms of jerk- to non-jerk, it would be 4 14 24 (14 can be a jerk by ignoring people and making people *coughcoughme* worry about him)
and in terms of insecurity, the three of us are all very insecure, and all three of us care too much. but we look out for each other, and we balance each others' traits out, holding the others back when necessary and succumbing to having fun also when necessary. we also give each other a sense of security even though we're insecure ourselves, because the 'care too much' trait that we share induces us to watch out for each other at all times, therefore granting the sense of security. they're my best friends and honestly i couldn't be more grateful for their position in my life and i couldn't imagine senior high looming before me without them. (which, of course, will inevitably happen.)
but anyway 14 has been a little too insecure about 4 being too close to another guy we'll call A that 14 dislikes because of complicated affiliations in the past. A really likes 4, and will often go to 4's side and chat with him. 14 seemed to think that A was moving in on 4, and when i saw A and 4 talking together in class today, 14's face was terrifying and he wouldn't talk to 4 or me for the rest of the day even though i did nothing. and although by the end of the day they'd made up without saying anything, i'm still afraid that they're on the brink of fighting and i'd loose my only anchor to happiness.

so if you read this far, thank you.
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  #17262  
Old 06-10-2015, 04:59 PM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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http://www.kidpub.com/story/odium-no...t-their-action


dere. emotion. yay.



also @Hannah it gets better hon I promise. I kind of suck at advice, but just try to make it through. :))
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  #17263  
Old 06-10-2015, 07:46 PM
Ember Ember is offline
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i was angry earlier but now i just feel soft and tired.
i'm sick of school busywork i just want to sleep.
i'm just dreaming of plain white sheets and heavy comforters and thunderstorms and i don't want to be angry anymore i just want to fall asleep for a long long time and i want everything to be soft.
i'm just tired. of being angry. of feeling bitter. of being resentful. i don't feel angry anymore. i don't hate anyone anymore. i'm not bitter or mean, just tired.
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  #17264  
Old 06-10-2015, 08:52 PM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember View Post
i was angry earlier but now i just feel soft and tired.
i'm sick of school busywork i just want to sleep.
i'm just dreaming of plain white sheets and heavy comforters and thunderstorms and i don't want to be angry anymore i just want to fall asleep for a long long time and i want everything to be soft.
i'm just tired. of being angry. of feeling bitter. of being resentful. i don't feel angry anymore. i don't hate anyone anymore. i'm not bitter or mean, just tired.
how the fuck is school still going for you this is june this is not acceptable /sets school on fire/
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  #17265  
Old 06-10-2015, 10:48 PM
Ember Ember is offline
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Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict View Post
how the fuck is school still going for you this is june this is not acceptable /sets school on fire/
YESSS I'm so done with school right now i still have like two weeks left and i'm so done my mind is already on summer mode.
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  #17266  
Old 06-10-2015, 10:55 PM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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Originally Posted by Ember View Post
YESSS I'm so done with school right now i still have like two weeks left and i'm so done my mind is already on summer mode.
can i please school instead of you so you can waste your time and sleep all day and do whatever it is that non-overcompetitive kids in non-high-pressure neighborhoods who don't work on neuroscience internships over the summer do?
(jk i love it here bc i'm gonna research the correlation between music and anxiety/depression and i also have friends and a super cute squish)
(but still i want to just go to school again bc the hours here are sooooooo long and it's annoying and i just want to school)
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  #17267  
Old 06-11-2015, 01:29 AM
pluzzle pluzzle is offline
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Originally Posted by meerkat View Post
can i please school instead of you so you can waste your time and sleep all day and do whatever it is that non-overcompetitive kids in non-high-pressure neighborhoods who don't work on neuroscience internships over the summer do?
(jk i love it here bc i'm gonna research the correlation between music and anxiety/depression and i also have friends and a super cute squish)
(but still i want to just go to school again bc the hours here are sooooooo long and it's annoying and i just want to school)
who said that ember lives in a non competitive area tho???

music and anxiety + depression are correlated in two ways a) if u play a musical instrument, idk abt u, but it fucked me up and b) its great for your mental health if ur not the one playing it #Tbh..
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  #17268  
Old 06-11-2015, 06:26 AM
HannahChen2009 HannahChen2009 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember View Post
YESSS I'm so done with school right now i still have like two weeks left and i'm so done my mind is already on summer mode.
Aww poor you *huggles* (hello this I I missed you cember <3) ((I bet no one else calls you cember))

I feel you I have 3 weeks left too and summer school after that come my child we'll get through it together <333
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  #17269  
Old 06-11-2015, 10:44 AM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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Originally Posted by pluzzle View Post
who said that ember lives in a non competitive area tho???

music and anxiety + depression are correlated in two ways a) if u play a musical instrument, idk abt u, but it fucked me up and b) its great for your mental health if ur not the one playing it #Tbh..
i feel u so hard >.< it screws me over on a daily basis

and tbh i wouldn't mind doing school rn like i really don't care what i do anymore, im so indifferent it's scary
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  #17270  
Old 06-12-2015, 07:42 AM
BlueMi BlueMi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict View Post
how the fuck is school still going for you this is june this is not acceptable /sets school on fire/
IM STILL IN SCHOOL TOO
I had a bunch of snow days that were added back on so every other county in my area is out / has been out for a couple weeks and I still have all of next week and a couple days into the week after that im so
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