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  #19821  
Old 12-05-2018, 06:00 PM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: ny/ma
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I've had people I cared about who've died before, but this is so different? like I saw him every day. every day. he was at meals, at evening activities, hanging around campus. now every day I sit next to the empty seat on the couch that no one fills, theres only one person who sits on that side of the room for English, theres an empty stool in chem. every math team meeting, in our competitions, at the end of the roster it says "empty student" because we started with five? and next term we're going to be switching dorms (boys live in the girls dorm, girls in the boys, gender neutral dorm stays the same) and don't get me wrong, I think it'll be fun and im so excited for the switch, but it also means that im going to have to walk by the place he died every day? everythings so close here and so woven together and now theres been a huge chunk ripped out.
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  #19822  
Old 12-06-2018, 09:21 PM
moeuhane moeuhane is offline
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Im barely on here ever but I'm gonna rant anyway cause I need the anonymity. I have a bad habit of acting really stupid and out of character and then ruminating on that one moment for hours until I get so frustrated that I cuss out loud in public places or even inflict harm on myself (nothing drastic, just like wall punching and like scratching? I can't even). Like I'll get like REALLY loud for no reason whatsoever just cause I crave some kind of attention or I'll be really quiet and weird because I have a really bad daydreaming habit and it makes me look socially stunted. I just...crazy sometimes. I'm in no way trying to appropriate a mental illness, I know that what I'm going through is mostly just my own self-hatred and insecurity. I'm just feeling so manic now?
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  #19823  
Old 12-08-2018, 10:02 PM
Werty Werty is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: I house jump, see. Much more safe than hoping the humans don't come back. Potato disagrees, though.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moeuhane View Post
Im barely on here ever but I'm gonna rant anyway cause I need the anonymity. I have a bad habit of acting really stupid and out of character and then ruminating on that one moment for hours until I get so frustrated that I cuss out loud in public places or even inflict harm on myself (nothing drastic, just like wall punching and like scratching? I can't even). Like I'll get like REALLY loud for no reason whatsoever just cause I crave some kind of attention or I'll be really quiet and weird because I have a really bad daydreaming habit and it makes me look socially stunted. I just...crazy sometimes. I'm in no way trying to appropriate a mental illness, I know that what I'm going through is mostly just my own self-hatred and insecurity. I'm just feeling so manic now?
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