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  #19881  
Old 01-29-2019, 08:22 PM
SilverMoon SilverMoon is offline
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Location: palmetto state
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HannahChen2009 View Post
I see you venting swallow and emotionally I want to help, but tbh mentally perhaps I don't have the capacity to help you deal with your negative experiences without damaging my own (recovering but fragile) mental health.
However I still want to reach out and say that you're not alone, this always will be your safe place, and you will find peace, hopefully soon. As Ena said (which is my Sig, which I absolutely love,) it gets easier, even if it never stops being hard.
Hang in there friend <33
hey I said it to u but a lovely fellow writer actually deserves the credit for this,
https://www.wattpad.com/user/mikkisamak
Although I actually got it from a fanfic of theirs from their fandom blog
https://umisabaku.tumblr.com/
JSYK i'd feel bad taking credit for it u^u
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  #19882  
Old 01-29-2019, 09:13 PM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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faculty for the past four months: hey don’t talk about graphic/upsetting details about owens death
students for the past four months: hey don’t talk about graphic/upsetting details about owens death
mental health professionals for the past four months: hey don’t talk about graphic/upsetting details about owens death
some DS who thinks she’s hot shit: i just wanna say how fucked up it is that benji brought his bedsheets out onto the fire escape pretending like he was gonna do the same thing owen did

and like that was upsetting enough for me, but you wanna know who else was there in that DS meeting? owens ex. two of his best friends. a boy who held owen in his lap and had to watch him die. and now she’s annoyed that people got up and left after hearing that like no duh
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  #19883  
Old 01-30-2019, 07:43 AM
HannahChen2009 HannahChen2009 is offline
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Location: Stalker >:(
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Swallowtail View Post
itís so fine! would you rather i whited out my posts? i want to make sure youíre ok and that you feel comfortable on here as well. thanks for the support <3
its alright, reading about it is fine but talking/back and forth/emotional support is still slightly draining for me
I appreciate the concern and like I said, I really do hope you find peace soon <3
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And it gets easier,
Even if it never stops being hard.
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  #19884  
Old 01-30-2019, 07:44 AM
HannahChen2009 HannahChen2009 is offline
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Location: Stalker >:(
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverMoon View Post
hey I said it to u but a lovely fellow writer actually deserves the credit for this,
https://www.wattpad.com/user/mikkisamak
Although I actually got it from a fanfic of theirs from their fandom blog
https://umisabaku.tumblr.com/
JSYK i'd feel bad taking credit for it u^u
ooo thanks for telling me!!
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And it gets easier,
Even if it never stops being hard.
-Ena, 2017
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  #19885  
Old 02-03-2019, 12:15 AM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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friend: hey i noticed your wrist and it made me sad so i talked to david about it
AAAAAAAA nope!!! i am NOT excited to have a most supremely awkward conversation with faculty about this! just please please please let it be with like david or someone else or like literally anyone but my official advisor bc while i love her i am terrified of disappointing her or making her sad so please oh my god don’t make me have to have this conversation with her. (also oh my god if they make me call my fucking parents)
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  #19886  
Old 02-06-2019, 12:11 PM
smartgal00 smartgal00 is offline
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Location: college because I'm too old
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So I applied to be an RA and I didn't make it pass the first round. I think, but Idk if they send out an email with a decline as well, or if I somehow lost an email, so I might check, but I might not...
I think the biggest thing with this is just that I was totally fine if I didn't receive an offer to be an RA, but I always imagined at least getting to the individual interviews. Idk... but now I just feel nauseous which is super great seeing as though its the second week of classes and things are starting to kick up.
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  #19887  
Old 02-07-2019, 11:09 AM
Werty Werty is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: somebody prevent me from changing this
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I'm sad

THe forums are a ghost town

THis thread stays alive?

I tried
I failed

I can't any longer

I don't have the strength

To bring you all back

Why do I still come

To the ghost town

that used to be my second home?




You know what''s ironic?

This thread is supposed to cheer people up
but being here in general
Makes me feel SO sad

I lost a part of myself
When the forums died









I am the ghost of the ghost town
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When you want to let go
Hold on

tighter
When you want to give up
Be a

fighter
And when your flame dies down
I've got a

lighter


'cause I would do anything to help you shine brighter
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  #19888  
Old 02-10-2019, 06:14 PM
Zelda Zelda is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: spaceship
Posts: 964
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Werty View Post
I'm sad

THe forums are a ghost town

THis thread stays alive?

I tried
I failed

I can't any longer

I don't have the strength

To bring you all back

Why do I still come

To the ghost town

that used to be my second home?




You know what''s ironic?

This thread is supposed to cheer people up
but being here in general
Makes me feel SO sad

I lost a part of myself
When the forums died

I am the ghost of the ghost town
you good fam? If reading through this thread upsets you, you don't have to read it.

this thread is here to let people get the things that are upsetting them off their chest and it's actually super helpful in that aspect because having an outlet like this is healthy and gives people the opportunity to express and examine their feelings and even receive advice and support from outside sources. I am not at all surprised that this thread is one of the most popular on the W/B
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Little boy inside my chest
Breathe some life into my bones
I've been lost and wandering
Down and out and missing home


(So beat a little louder now
I can't hear you anymore)
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  #19889  
Old 02-14-2019, 05:16 PM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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my parents really do love me and are good parents and I am grateful for them and really I should be more grateful to them bc they do care about me a lot and a lot of the time I feel like me feeling unsupported/unsafe really is all in my head and I need to get over it and that its all bullshit and then I come home and I realize that ive packed only very feminine clothes and feel uncomfortable wearing some of the clothes I like (and I do like skirts and makeup and being feminine! I just also like baggy shirts and big pants and boots) around them. and that ive packed all the makeup I own and am careful to remind myself that I have to wear it and that I can't cry it off at any point because I shouldn't let them see me without makeup and hair. and then im talking to my brother and he goes "yeah they don't like your hair bc they think it makes you look like a dyke" and! I just! and then I have to remind myself over and over that they aren't homophobic bc my dads sisters both have wives and they still like them and let us hang out with them all the time even if theyre more critical of their looks and their relationships than they are with other people. and that they have told me before that its ok if I like girls, but then are "glad that youre not a lesbian" and when im picking out clothes for my aunts wedding my mom tells me " well, at least its a lesbian wedding bc all those lesbians are either ugly or fat or dress weird, so at least you wont stand out" and i know i could come out to them and nothing explicitly bad would happen but..... i think it would probably strain our relationship. i shaved my head because i thought itd be fun and also? i am gay, i do like girls, and there is something kinda nice in that being a bit more visually recognizable, but i don't want to then come home and have my family criticize me for "looking like a dyke" as if that's a bad thing to look like and as if that's not what i am.
but like i feel terrible for ever complaining about my parents bc some people have it much worse (and they ARE good parents! i love them a lot!) and like i am physically safe and if i came out they would at least pretend to accept it and that's something and i should be happy for that.
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  #19890  
Old 03-09-2019, 08:38 PM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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Location: ny/ma
Posts: 858
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god I forgot how uncomfortable I feel at home. I honestly cant remember the last time I heard either of my parents say something nice about the other. ive only been home for a day and they've been arguing with my brother and with each other the whole day. I hate how I can hear everything anyone ever says in this house even if they don't raise their voice. I don't want to be here for another three weeks I want to go back to school lol. but also I feel so guilty for just like leaving my brother here? bc I know he doesn't feel comfortable at home either and I just kinda fucked off to boarding school but he has to stay and deal with it.


also on thursday faculty finally confronted me about self harm (not well but I mean) and they wont tell my parents as long as I have regular meetings with our new school counselor (we finally got one so yay although its been five months) except? I hate therapy so much? i was trying to tell myself it'd be fine and chill and I like forgot how bad it is for me until friday when I had to go for the first time and spent the whole time shaking and wanting to hurl myself out of the window. I think she's a perfectly nice person but if I have to make time in my already v busy schedule to go talk to her about my problems my mental health will go down the drain so quickly.

also I started crying walking back to my room from it bc it freaked me out so much and my roommate tried to comfort me except then my chem teacher came in to talk to her about her self-harm and then just talked to both of us. hes really nice and i like him a lot and he understands this very well but i just felt so bad bc he made us both give him all our blades so he could throw them out and he just looked so sad about it. like i know hes so tired of taking her razors and giving students bandages and i don't want to be another kid he has to keep an eye on bc hes also mentally ill and traumatized from this fall and struggled with this himself when he was a student here. i hate that im like burdening my friends and my faculty with this fucking bullshit thing.
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