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  #8851  
Old 12-16-2018, 02:20 AM
Steampunk Steampunk is offline
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Ah okay so a few days ago it was homecoming and I had been nervous about going since I had been starting to connect the dots on what triggers my panic attacks and loud noise and flashing lights are two big ticks. I still decided to go, since I really didnít want to miss out on my freshman homecoming, even if it was just with a small group of friends (who didnít even include the friend Iím crushing on, she was with a different group). This proved to be a bad idea, as the first hour was spent battling off steadily growing panic and anxiety until I finally cracked and had to escape to the bathrooms to recover From my panic attack.
So apparently my crush went to go say hi to my group of friends after I had escaped to the bathroom, noticed I wasnít there, and texted me to ask what was wrong. When I told her I had had a panic attack she came out to come see me and then invited me to hang out with her and she spent the second half of the dance dragging me around and holding my hand and getting me to dance (something I would never do otherwise) and being so inclusive to me even though she had all her other friends there and just ah sheís so sweet and amazing and I just?? Didnít feel anxious or panicked at all? She has this incredible talent of somehow being this beacon of calm for me, even in the middle of a claustrophobic crowd, music blasting so loudly we could barely hear, lights flashing and swiveling without warning. Sheís incredible.
I had thought that maybe my lack of anxiety was just because I had had an attack so recently- I do usually get really exhausted afterwards, and Iím kind of drained of the ability to get worked up all over again.
But today I started getting super anxious while at home, to the verge of panic, when she texted me. It wasnít a long text, or a thoughtful one, it was just a silly little reply to a text I sent her earlier. And yet for the next few minutes as we were texting that anxiety got pushed down. It was still there, waiting, but the giddy bubbles I felt overrode it and I just donít understand the effect she has in me, itís magic. Nothing Iíve tried has been so incredibly effective as just texting with her or seeing her face and Iím so confused because I didnít even know somebody could do that to me.
So yeah long story short sheís incredible and oddly great at making me no longer anxious and Iím head over heels.
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  #8852  
Old 12-16-2018, 04:33 PM
Werty Werty is offline
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Originally Posted by Syafai View Post
No But It Was Like His Friends Were Joking Around W/ Him Like???

---
and i honestly wish i could stay on this website but i feel like i'm not viewed as a very nice person ever since 2 years ago because sometimes it might be hard for people to understand how much a person can change in such a long time
i don't know i just feel awkward talking to the people on this website it's not like anything else
and as much as i wish i had a DA account i don't have one and my "homepage" is not actually mine it's just something funny i found while surfing the internet ehehe
I think we all view you as a nice person! Whatever happened two year ago I don't remember it. But it's your choice, and if you don't feel comfortable here, then that's okay. Keep writing and stay throng, and we're always here if you need us! And I'm sure that can be backed up by all the crazies in KidPub!
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  #8853  
Old 12-17-2018, 03:27 PM
pluzzle pluzzle is offline
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Originally Posted by Syafai View Post
waoh non onononono not what i meant
i meant like
since it sounds so like
i don't know how to explain it
maybe it's just me i feel like it's so awkward but disgusting/???
not what i meant
no
Gotcha, just the word you don't like. Unfortunately many younger boys tend to be that way - especially around their friends (doesn't make it ok, of course) :/
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  #8854  
Old 12-17-2018, 08:14 PM
Syafai Syafai is offline
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Originally Posted by Steampunk View Post
Ah okay so a few days ago it was homecoming and I had been nervous about going since I had been starting to connect the dots on what triggers my panic attacks and loud noise and flashing lights are two big ticks. I still decided to go, since I really didnít want to miss out on my freshman homecoming, even if it was just with a small group of friends (who didnít even include the friend Iím crushing on, she was with a different group). This proved to be a bad idea, as the first hour was spent battling off steadily growing panic and anxiety until I finally cracked and had to escape to the bathrooms to recover From my panic attack.
So apparently my crush went to go say hi to my group of friends after I had escaped to the bathroom, noticed I wasnít there, and texted me to ask what was wrong. When I told her I had had a panic attack she came out to come see me and then invited me to hang out with her and she spent the second half of the dance dragging me around and holding my hand and getting me to dance (something I would never do otherwise) and being so inclusive to me even though she had all her other friends there and just ah sheís so sweet and amazing and I just?? Didnít feel anxious or panicked at all? She has this incredible talent of somehow being this beacon of calm for me, even in the middle of a claustrophobic crowd, music blasting so loudly we could barely hear, lights flashing and swiveling without warning. Sheís incredible.
I had thought that maybe my lack of anxiety was just because I had had an attack so recently- I do usually get really exhausted afterwards, and Iím kind of drained of the ability to get worked up all over again.
But today I started getting super anxious while at home, to the verge of panic, when she texted me. It wasnít a long text, or a thoughtful one, it was just a silly little reply to a text I sent her earlier. And yet for the next few minutes as we were texting that anxiety got pushed down. It was still there, waiting, but the giddy bubbles I felt overrode it and I just donít understand the effect she has in me, itís magic. Nothing Iíve tried has been so incredibly effective as just texting with her or seeing her face and Iím so confused because I didnít even know somebody could do that to me.
So yeah long story short sheís incredible and oddly great at making me no longer anxious and Iím head over heels.


aAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAaAH SO ADORABLE
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  #8855  
Old 12-18-2018, 06:55 PM
mabes mabes is offline
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alrightttt so does anyone have any experience ever having a crush on their friend lol
and like what came of it

like was there ever a Conversation or did it just kind of slowly happen? a sudden kiss? was it awkward after? did they feel the same way? what happened? i am interested to hear
tell me all y'all's stories
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  #8856  
Old 12-18-2018, 07:49 PM
Syafai Syafai is offline
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Originally Posted by mabes View Post
alrightttt so does anyone have any experience ever having a crush on their friend lol
and like what came of it

like was there ever a Conversation or did it just kind of slowly happen? a sudden kiss? was it awkward after? did they feel the same way? what happened? i am interested to hear
tell me all y'all's stories
edit: I'm ashamed of this and it wouldn't delete so :)
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  #8857  
Old 12-18-2018, 10:06 PM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Originally Posted by mabes View Post
alrightttt so does anyone have any experience ever having a crush on their friend lol
and like what came of it

like was there ever a Conversation or did it just kind of slowly happen? a sudden kiss? was it awkward after? did they feel the same way? what happened? i am interested to hear
tell me all y'all's stories

(I’ve told this story in parts before but anyway)

Buckle in: so this time last year I had a crush on a good friend of mine and the only other openly wlw at school. At that time she had a ginormous crush on our (straight) mutual friend and would often gush about it to me. It was pretty clear there was, like, no hope. However she planned to leave the school the next year so I was like okay, it’s now or never. I sat on my feelings over winter break and even had a fling with someone else to make her jealous (it didn’t work) and all the weird gross flirt stuff. anyway school resumes and it was absolutely unbearable to be “just friends” any longer. So one Thursday night towards the end of January I poured our my feelings in a 3-page handwritten letter confessing my hopeless and undying love. This was the real deal, no ambiguity. I told her everything I loved about her and how she made me feel and I described her eyes and her hands and her smile and just said at the end that I didn’t expect her to drop all her own feelings and be my gf or whatever, but I wanted to tell her how I felt before the year ended. The next day I put the note in her locker and regretted it for one entire awful day when I thought she had read it but had decided to ignore me. Turns out she just didn’t get a chance to read it until towards the end of the school day. She told me that when she did get time to read it, she hid in the girls bathroom and it made her burst into tears so it was good she did it then. Anyway she approached me last period and told me that she got my letter and she needed time to think. I was like oh okay cool.

A week and a half later she wrote a short note in return, saying that by the way she liked me back. So for another week or so we just liked each other. People were starting oncafch on. But finally, Valentine’s Day rolled around and we both put huge displays of affection (candy, flowers, sappy garbage) in each other’s lockers. She also included a note, asking me to officially be her girlfriend. And then we were dating for 2 weeks of Absolute Heaven. We didn’t see each other much outside of school, but we had our first date- dinner, Mario Kart, and a sleepover- planned for the last Friday in February. We didn’t end up going on the date, but that Friday WAS significant. That’s when, technically speaking, shit hit the fan. Here’s an abridged version of the rest.
  • The headmistress got wind
  • Told us to break up
  • Called our parents
  • Outed my gf to homophobic family w/out my gf’s consent
  • I kissed my gf on the head in front of the headmistress
  • And then fled the school on foot
  • a Teacher had to chase me down in her car
  • Accused of holding hands a month later
  • Then every class was required to have assigned seats
  • So we couldn’t sit next to each other
  • Got threatened with suspension
  • I wrote like 50 songs
  • We cried a lot
  • She broke up with me this summer and I wrote 50,000 more songs
  • I regret nothing it was epic
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w a r n i n g
s i g n
that if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind



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Last edited by AlgebraAddict; 12-18-2018 at 10:14 PM.
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  #8858  
Old 12-18-2018, 11:26 PM
mabes mabes is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict View Post
(Iíve told this story in parts before but anyway)

Buckle in: so this time last year I had a crush on a good friend of mine and the only other openly wlw at school. At that time she had a ginormous crush on our (straight) mutual friend and would often gush about it to me. It was pretty clear there was, like, no hope. However she planned to leave the school the next year so I was like okay, itís now or never. I sat on my feelings over winter break and even had a fling with someone else to make her jealous (it didnít work) and all the weird gross flirt stuff. anyway school resumes and it was absolutely unbearable to be ďjust friendsĒ any longer. So one Thursday night towards the end of January I poured our my feelings in a 3-page handwritten letter confessing my hopeless and undying love. This was the real deal, no ambiguity. I told her everything I loved about her and how she made me feel and I described her eyes and her hands and her smile and just said at the end that I didnít expect her to drop all her own feelings and be my gf or whatever, but I wanted to tell her how I felt before the year ended. The next day I put the note in her locker and regretted it for one entire awful day when I thought she had read it but had decided to ignore me. Turns out she just didnít get a chance to read it until towards the end of the school day. She told me that when she did get time to read it, she hid in the girls bathroom and it made her burst into tears so it was good she did it then. Anyway she approached me last period and told me that she got my letter and she needed time to think. I was like oh okay cool.

A week and a half later she wrote a short note in return, saying that by the way she liked me back. So for another week or so we just liked each other. People were starting oncafch on. But finally, Valentineís Day rolled around and we both put huge displays of affection (candy, flowers, sappy garbage) in each otherís lockers. She also included a note, asking me to officially be her girlfriend. And then we were dating for 2 weeks of Absolute Heaven. We didnít see each other much outside of school, but we had our first date- dinner, Mario Kart, and a sleepover- planned for the last Friday in February. We didnít end up going on the date, but that Friday WAS significant. Thatís when, technically speaking, shit hit the fan. Hereís an abridged version of the rest.
  • The headmistress got wind
  • Told us to break up
  • Called our parents
  • Outed my gf to homophobic family w/out my gfís consent
  • I kissed my gf on the head in front of the headmistress
  • And then fled the school on foot
  • a Teacher had to chase me down in her car
  • Accused of holding hands a month later
  • Then every class was required to have assigned seats
  • So we couldnít sit next to each other
  • Got threatened with suspension
  • I wrote like 50 songs
  • We cried a lot
  • She broke up with me this summer and I wrote 50,000 more songs
  • I regret nothing it was epic
aw dude thanks for sharing
first of all you are so frickin brave wow
and second of all idk i find it so cool that you got to experience that kind of love!! a lot of people go their whole lives without finding something like that so that's pretty dang awesome
but oh my goodness all that school stuff is too horrible for words. idk what to say besides i'm really sorry bro and people are the worst

but aha idkkk and i'm probably just gonna keep venting about it on here bc it's weird to talk to my friends about it (if he ever found out and things got weird i would have a stroke)
i think that just as a person who doesn't experience a lot of (or any) romantic attention, i am completely incapable of telling the difference between being nice and flirting
all i know is that i like to make eye contact with him and everytime i'm around him i get the urge to like lean on his shoulder and ish like that (literally the most innocent things ahahaha but i also wouldn't mind if he like randomly kissed me or something idk)
i thoroughly enjoy texting him and i like to be around him
and sometimes he says things that sound flirty and i'm maybe flirty back? but is it even flirting? and if it is are we just doing it bc it's fun? idk bros
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  #8859  
Old 12-19-2018, 12:56 AM
AlgebraAddict AlgebraAddict is offline
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Originally Posted by mabes View Post
aw dude thanks for sharing
first of all you are so frickin brave wow
and second of all idk i find it so cool that you got to experience that kind of love!! a lot of people go their whole lives without finding something like that so that's pretty dang awesome
but oh my goodness all that school stuff is too horrible for words. idk what to say besides i'm really sorry bro and people are the worst

but aha idkkk and i'm probably just gonna keep venting about it on here bc it's weird to talk to my friends about it (if he ever found out and things got weird i would have a stroke)
i think that just as a person who doesn't experience a lot of (or any) romantic attention, i am completely incapable of telling the difference between being nice and flirting
all i know is that i like to make eye contact with him and everytime i'm around him i get the urge to like lean on his shoulder and ish like that (literally the most innocent things ahahaha but i also wouldn't mind if he like randomly kissed me or something idk)
i thoroughly enjoy texting him and i like to be around him
and sometimes he says things that sound flirty and i'm maybe flirty back? but is it even flirting? and if it is are we just doing it bc it's fun? idk bros
Haha I’m not brave I’m just nihilistic (fuck it) and impulsive (guess I’ll do it). And thank u it was my first real love and there was a lot of crying it was pretty gr8.

OKAY BUT AS FOR U

life tip: If he says flirty stuff to all girls, that’s him being either universally flirty or universally oblivious. If it seems like it’s just with you, then he’s probably flirting.

Also maybe you should lay ur head on his shoulder sometime. Like just doze off on a bus ride or something. Start making more innocent physical contact because it’s a good kind of flirting and if he likes u he will start doing it back. 10/10
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and I'll use you as a
w a r n i n g
s i g n
that if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind



- I Found, by Amber Run

Last edited by AlgebraAddict; 12-19-2018 at 12:58 AM.
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  #8860  
Old 12-19-2018, 07:50 AM
Werty Werty is offline
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The older members that don't post much come on this thread so I live here now.

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