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  #111  
Old 01-03-2015, 07:32 PM
saphiremoon saphiremoon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf View Post
Okay, I'm not really sure who's going to be looking at this, but I have some questions about a character name. I planned on having one of my characters be named Gypsy (or "Gyp" for short). I just like the look and sound of the name, and feel it really fits the character. I understand that saying that someone's been "gypped" is offensive and everything, but I didn't consider the fact that the word gypsy itself might be offensive to Roma people and everything. Do you guys think it's alright to keep the name, or should I change it? (And if so, what would you guys suggest for a replacement?)
I think it's fine. What genre of story is it? I really don't think that it would be offensive in any way, though– I mean, is it offensive to name your child Christian or Muslim or Jesus or Mohammed? I know it isn't a religion thing, but still– I think it's fine. c: ((plus that's an epictastic name and I personally love names like that so c: ))
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  #112  
Old 01-03-2015, 08:40 PM
TheMoonWakedWolf TheMoonWakedWolf is offline
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Originally Posted by saphiremoon View Post
I think it's fine. What genre of story is it? I really don't think that it would be offensive in any way, though– I mean, is it offensive to name your child Christian or Muslim or Jesus or Mohammed? I know it isn't a religion thing, but still– I think it's fine. c: ((plus that's an epictastic name and I personally love names like that so c: ))
Yeah, it's just a modern sci-fi/fantasy kinda novel. I just didn't know because calling someone a gypsy can be taken as offensive, while calling someone a Christian or Muslim isn't exactly offensive. :/ But yeah, if any problems arise with it, I'll change it up. c:
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  #113  
Old 01-03-2015, 09:33 PM
maxi maxi is offline
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How do I write a kiss? I'm being serious here, I'm not joking or anything. Seriously, how do I write it?
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What a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Raindrops on roses and
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Sleeping with roaches and
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At the shade of the sheets and
Before all the stains
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  #114  
Old 01-10-2015, 10:02 PM
saphiremoon saphiremoon is offline
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Does anyone have any tips on developing POV voices for different characters? It's one of the things I'm really proud of in my main novel, but I'm starting another one, and I'm having some troubles finding the MC's voice. Any ideas?
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  #115  
Old 01-10-2015, 10:03 PM
saphiremoon saphiremoon is offline
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How do I write a kiss? I'm being serious here, I'm not joking or anything. Seriously, how do I write it?
(*is wondering the same thing*)

(*also is wondering why I chose to write a romance novel*)
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  #116  
Old 02-21-2015, 02:28 PM
saphiremoon saphiremoon is offline
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Heyy guys, I was wondering– does anyone have any tips on writing extreme emotions? All of my characters are extremely emotional and confused in one scene, especially the POV characters (which makes writing it hella hard). It's an informative scene, and there's a lot of dramatic irony in it, because none of the characters know as much as the reader knows. The POV character for the scene is especially emotional (guilty-angry-scared-surprised-frustrated-depressed), so I'm really having some trouble just writing his thoughts. Any tips?
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  #117  
Old 02-21-2015, 03:08 PM
venika venika is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saphiremoon View Post
Heyy guys, I was wondering– does anyone have any tips on writing extreme emotions? All of my characters are extremely emotional and confused in one scene, especially the POV characters (which makes writing it hella hard). It's an informative scene, and there's a lot of dramatic irony in it, because none of the characters know as much as the reader knows. The POV character for the scene is especially emotional (guilty-angry-scared-surprised-frustrated-depressed), so I'm really having some trouble just writing his thoughts. Any tips?
what i do to convey extreme confusion, etc is to pretty much have my mc think on the page-- and if something intense is happening, i use a whole load of em dashes and try to make it sound like she's figuring things out as the reader goes along... even if that means choppy sentences and incomplete thoughts and the like xD
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  #118  
Old 02-21-2015, 03:25 PM
venika venika is offline
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Originally Posted by venika View Post
ok i need help?
do you guys think like a kind of choppy writing style with the protagonist thinking on the page is ok?

this is an excerpt:
Her eyes flew open. That...would that implicate Jay? Did Jay turn into a werewolf too? But even as she frantically searched the page-long account, she knew she was the only one affected. Jay... Jay hadn't taken a blue pill, had he? She flicked back to the afternoon of the day before. She could see it clearly now: his fingers steady as he held a light purple tablet, the bag full of a rainbow of hues: she'd noticed red, orange, green, pink and a mottled grey, to name a few, but of course she was unlucky enough to choose the one color that'd turn her into a werewolf...

"Would Jay really inform the authorities?" she whispered, her entire body trembling now/

For the first time since she'd woken up, she felt thoroughly defeated, all of the explosive energy and vitality from the full moon drained from her veins.

But she couldn't count on Jay, Jay who was high all the time and didn't remember half the things he said--Jay... Jay wouldn't be an ally in this game.

Which meant...

She abruptly stood, ignoring the sharp looks cast her way by the surrounding people who had previously been pretending not to be heckling her. My family is in danger. Or they would be, if Jay had told on me. They could be under questioning; they could be walking to their deaths right now She nearly took off in a run, but something stopped her, and for once she was mindful of the slow, steady voice in the back of her head.


soooo? it's really choppy and i overuse em dashes so idk? advice, comments, anything?
reposting here bc i guess it's the more appropriate thread lol
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  #119  
Old 02-23-2015, 06:54 PM
CarabellaGrace CarabellaGrace is offline
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umm have no idea how to write a kiss, but somehow this just happened . . .

He said my name again, so quiet that I almost couldn’t hear it over the soft rushing of the river. It shocked me. Jack was never quiet. He was loud, all the time, always moving and always talking and never as still and quiet as he was right now. I exploded over the silence, the words spilling out of me without my permission.

“What if we don’t want to do this? It’s our fault all those people were killed! All of them, kids and moms and dads and people our age, people exactly like us. Jack, I don’t think I can do this anymore! Everyone knows we’re failing. We’re only kids. We can’t do this.” My voice shook. A tear—the first I’d cried in years and years—slipped down my cheek. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. We all can,” Jack finally spoke. He reached out, and his thumb wiped away the single tear. “Sophie, we’re not alone. We have each other.”
“It’s not enough.” I put my face in my hands, swiping away his fingers. “It is absolutely not enough.”

“You always say absolutely,” Jack said. There was a smile in his voice, a catch, a laugh. I took my hands away and looked up at him. He was grinning—his telltale, cocky, crooked grin that I found myself loving for just a second. And for that one second, I desperately wanted to kiss him. I clenched my hands into fists and jerked my head away, looking out at the river. “Sophie,” Jack said gently. “Sophie, look at me.”

I did. I don’t know why. Maybe it was because my lips still tingled to meet his, or because his hair was mussed out of its usual spikes, or because his lips were still tugged up in that wild grin. He reached out to me, and for once I didn’t flinch away as he hesitantly tucked a stray curl behind my ear. His fingers lingered on my cheek. I blinked, and my throat went dry.

“Sophie,” Jack said seriously, smiling. “Sophie, I absolutely think I like you.” His hand moved to cup my cheek. I bit my lip. A thousand electric feelings were running through me: shock and fear and happiness and a hundred other things, all mixed up in one feverish mess until I could feel my blood boiling, crackling, spinning, more alive than I’d felt in ages—

Jack smiled, and then he kissed me. And all of a sudden I was kissing him back, lips upon lips, his cheek brushing mine, my hands running through his spiky hair and his hands circling my shoulder blades like they were the most delicate thing he’d ever encountered. My fingertips met the back of his neck, brushed over a thin layer of fine hair that was layered there. He said it again, mouth moving against mine, “Sophie, I absolutely like you.”

I smiled against his lips and whispered, “Ditto.”
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