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Old 12-28-2011, 12:20 AM
Owen-L Owen-L is offline
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Default Can anyone tell me what they thing of this piece of writing by me?

Can anyone give me advice on this? And tell me what I should edit. .-.

Oh yeah, some of you may recognize this. Can anyone guess which one of my stories its from?


The woman strolled along in the gloomy and shadowed street which was quite narrow with many houses squashed together surrounding the street.
Every two or so houses with an alleyway at the side of them, some of them even leading into the more elderly and more cryptic parts of the city.
Old blemished and a few quivering lights remained on the street and were scheduled to be replaced by the council by more advanced lights in the new year which was coming up in the next month.
She smiled blissfully and smoothly to herself as she had just fulfiled another rewarding day of selling meat at the local market in the town square.
She had done overtime today and the day had already progressed late into the night.
The cold but fresh night air made her shiver, forcing her to button up her long trenchcoat and pull a ping scarf with white patterns around her neck.
The woman folded her arms tightly around her chest, ensuring that she would keep the december wind from hitting her chest, later making her have a cold.
Her coat was old and poorly made, making air go through it as if it were more than paper thin.
She kept on continuing her night journey as she pulled out a shiny but rusty item from her left coat pocket.
It was an old pocket watch.
She checked the time and her eyes widened a little, none the less she kept smiling as she spoke, "Eleven-fourty all ready?" she scoffed. "I'd had besy hurry up, I don't want this cold air to be freezing me up like a popsicle." (Fun fact: The made up city in this story, Soul City, is in Phoenix And the decade is set in the 1990's)
She giggled silently to herself as she slipped the pocket watch into her pocket and fastened her arms tightly once again.
As she continued her close-to-midnight journey, she heard something that anyone out there by themselves would find quite scary to hear.
A sudden clang of two tin items crashing together made close by neighbours switch their bedroom lights on like a domino affect.
She spun around, her heart beating immensely as if it were a murderer, but it wasn't someone out to killer, it was a simply black fured cat.
"Silly kitty, you had me scared for my life." the woman breathed hard. Closing her eyes in relief again that it wasn't a killer.
The cat's perky ears must've picked up something nearby as it silently hissed, jumping of the bin and running away.
She grumbled a little and turned her head to the left, she could see her small poor looking house in the distance.
She knew in less than twenty minutes, she'd be in her nice warm bed trying to finish of a book she had been reading.
She upped her speed and was almost jogging.
From the corner of her eye, she saw a slender tall figure behind her, she payed no attention to it until the figure moved quite fastly.
The woman spun around, frightened once more and shouted toughly, "Who's there?"
There was no response except for the hooting of a nearby owl and the frozen winter air passing by.
"It's like this street is trying to play mind games with me." she sighed in relief once more, but that relief suddenly disappeared with the sound of a demonic laugh.
As the heart-stopping frightening seconds pass the laughing got more louder and more demonic.
Suddenly, something dropped from the building to the left of her.
The woman jumped to see a monsterous and tall figure make the street tiles fly up into the air.
She was now looking into the black hole eyes and the white face of a fearsome creature.
"Looks like it's time for a midnight snack." the creature licked his lips, his long tongue flicking salavia on the womans face.
She let out a loud scream as the creature raised his sharp claws into the air.
Her screaming was no more as the long claws ripped through her body, making blood splatter onto the wall.
Her murder... was a demon!
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