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  #2041  
Old 01-24-2017, 01:56 PM
rebecca rebecca is offline
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Originally Posted by Jesse View Post
as the gay person in this debate I think I know what I'm saying
I'm not "sexualizing gay people", sexuality is literally what determines your sexuality
p sure Meera identifies as gay too???
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  #2042  
Old 01-24-2017, 01:58 PM
Lily09 Lily09 is offline
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Originally Posted by rebecca View Post
p sure Meera identifies as gay too???
also im a Homosexual
im Arospec tho
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  #2043  
Old 01-24-2017, 02:02 PM
rebecca rebecca is offline
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also im a Homosexual
im Arospec tho
yepper
proving a Point (tm)
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  #2044  
Old 01-24-2017, 02:02 PM
Lily09 Lily09 is offline
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also im a Homosexual
im Arospec tho
i think im arospec... not 100% sure lately
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  #2045  
Old 01-24-2017, 02:03 PM
rebecca rebecca is offline
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Originally Posted by Lily09 View Post
i think im arospec... not 100% sure lately
I have no bloody clue these days why r things like...not clearly spelt out why dont we just have...words
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  #2046  
Old 01-24-2017, 02:04 PM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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Originally Posted by Jesse View Post
If you're an asexual person who dates members of the same sex, then yeah, you'll face discrimination from the people around you--just like a gay person would.

But asexuals don't experience internalized hatred for their sexuality on the same level as a gay person would. It's not even close.

The shittiest part about being gay isn't that people hate you--it's that you hate yourself, and you can't do anything to change it. Asexuals don't deal with that. To call an asexual "LGBT" is to equate their struggles to those of a gay/bi/trans person. That's my reasoning.
hey wonderful I get shit for not being gay and for trying to be part of the community that's wonderful. I guess I just can't belong anywhere then?? lol great let me just vanish into thin air like I should since I don't exist. Also not to be rude but no ones going to assume I'm straight and no one should know I'm ace is i haven't told them so??? And how does it hurt other LGBT people if I want to call myself gay? So I can't belong to a community that's supposed to be welcoming now? Ok lmao.
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  #2047  
Old 01-24-2017, 02:04 PM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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whoops just hope that my brother and my friend don't go on this thread ever
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  #2048  
Old 01-24-2017, 02:05 PM
strawberry strawberry is offline
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Originally Posted by Lily09 View Post
hatred of your identity shouldnt be a requirement to be part of a community

thats so fucked up
^
while it's true that those who experience both romantic and sexual attraction to those of the same sex may feel more internalized hatred, ace people have a different type of hatred to their identity (like what rebecca said). even if those feelings are completely unrelated to the gay aspect, the struggles don't have to be equated for homo aces to be a part of the community
(these are just my thoughts im not calling this fact or anything skdhjfkf)
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  #2049  
Old 01-24-2017, 02:13 PM
Jesse Jesse is offline
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Originally Posted by Lily09 View Post
my bad if im misunderstanding this and correct me if im wrong but

"But asexuals don't experience internalized hatred for their sexuality on the same level as a gay person would. It's not even close.

The shittiest part about being gay isn't that people hate you--it's that you hate yourself, and you can't do anything to change it. Asexuals don't deal with that. To call an asexual "LGBT" is to equate their struggles to those of a gay/bi/trans person. That's my reasoning."
Since asexuals have different problems than gay people, and don't even feel sexual attraction, you can't call them gay. Simple. Just call them "homoromantic asexuals" or something else?

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Originally Posted by rebecca View Post
okay wow im here what am I even doing.
RIGHTO MY DUDE

I identified as asexual for a goodly chunk of time. In fact, I'm not 100% sure I still don't. My sexuality and romantic orientations are an ever-evolving mystery, I don't know what feelings I'm even capable of as an autistic person (I don't know if I can have intense romantic connection, and I struggle forming relationships). I've dated a grando total of one person who was pretty terrible tbh. But that aside.

As an asexual, I definitely experienced internalised hatred of myself for it. It's a feeling of being broken or perceived as such. To a degree, I'm still sex-repulsed and this terrifies me because I feel like I'm failing at SOMETHING. That I'm an immature child who'll never grow up and this is just another reminder of things I can't do. Like feeling attraction in terms I can understand. But I definitely felt like crap over being ace, partly because of how my ex treated it. She was very much 'oh, you're not really ace you're gonna come out as bi eventually' (I did, but I question that, whether I was pressured into that label). She was also 'you're just saying that because you've read it online' and 'haha autistic girls always say they're ace' and im like yah thanks ur a wonderful person so glad I dated u.

(some of this is retrospective)

As some others have pointed out, it's not an oppression olympics. We don't want to measure and quantify how much an acespec person experiences self-hate over this.

I've also gone through a lot of self-hatred over my confused attraction (? ish) to women, which is again a fun time. So I've been there too, hating myself over two aspects of my orientations. I'm unsure if I'm ace or aro, if I'm bisexual or biromantic.

So I mean, I'm not sure I'd ever be comfortable in a sexual relationship. I'm 18 now, and still as certain of this fact as I was when I joined KP at like, 13. A tiny little bean back then was I, and much has changed. But to say 'asexuals don't have that' is pretty unempathetic. Like, my relationship devolved because of this, because my ex couldn't accept my lack of sex drive (in part anyway) so I definitely experienced hatred toward that side of myself. And I know a good many other aces who question themselves and go through that self-hatred you argue is a Gay Exclusive Thing (tm)

I also have a lot of very good ace and acespec friends who have their reasons for considering themselves lgbt. At least one is biromantic, and another has a gf. Even if I did fall back on being ace, and identify as that again, I think I'd still refer to myself as bi to my family because it's easier for them to understand than 'oh hey I uh rly dont want sex at all' because that just gets the 'you've not tried it' argument. And I hate that argument. Have I heard that a lot. Yes. yes i have.

As I said, I'm very much uncertain about where I fall. My relationship w my ex ended over my lack of sex drive and the fact she wanted more from it than I did, emotionally and physically. Also she liked edgy racist memes too much. She's not a good person at all these days.

But would I consider myself LGBT? In some respect, probably. I don't know how yet. Still working on that stuff. Regardless, I think romantic orientations do qualify because - well, they're who you date, and people view dating as an inherently sexual thing, and are unlikely to make the distinction between homoromantic and homosexual. Like, if there's a same-sex couple out for a walk holding hands, people will assume and treat a nonsexual couple the same as they would a sexual couple there, because from their frame of reference they assume they are viewing a sexual relationship. Therefore homoromantic aces in same-sex relationships will still experience oppression.

The debate always will be about cishet aces/aros though, people always bring it back to that. And that's a complex one I'm not willing to get into here. But prior rambling aside, these are my thoughts on your above argument.

Sorry about lack of sense made here, I'm trying. And uh...dont expect a reply for like a year bc I never check this site anymore lmao oh yeah hey guys
Hi welcome back (even if it's just to prove me wrong), also sorry if I'm not up-to-speed with everything as I haven't been to tumblr in a few months, anyways-

But I did say homoromantic aces face judgement from other people, here's the quote:
"If you're an asexual person who dates members of the same sex, then yeah, you'll face discrimination from the people around you--just like a gay person would."

But calling asexuals "gay" is just wrong. You're equating two things which are not equal. And no, it's not the oppression olympics, but we don't call straight ppl lesbians, do we?
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  #2050  
Old 01-24-2017, 02:16 PM
strawberry strawberry is offline
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Originally Posted by Jesse View Post
but we don't call straight ppl lesbians, do we?
that's a completely unrelated concept though?
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